Dark Erotica

filled with anxiety, self-doubts, extreme jealousy

a one-way thing

never stepping out of your comfort zone

blantantly forces you to do something you don’t want to do

hostile atmosphere is ever-present

lack of autonomy

uncomfortable, stagnant, undermining, empty

forgetting that you have a life outside of your relationship

make you feel limited, inferior, confined, always exhausted, insufficient

compromise your mental health and growth

what relationships should be:

promotes your welfare

filled with trust, honesty, and a stable communication

freedom to choose and speak

mental health is considered a priority

two-way thing

a safe, supportive space for both of you

empowers and fulfils you

might be filled with both the good stuff and sometimes bad stuff

^ but only because it helps you grow

Of the 1,864 women murdered in 2010, 91% were killed by men. (by contrast, of the 3,872 men murdered, only 9% were killed by women). Of all the women murdered (by either sex), over a third were killed by a husband or boyfriend. women have legitimate reason to fear men, even the ones they know. 

Of the 3,327 white people murdered in 2010, only 13% were killed by black people. 3% were killed by other or unknown races. white people do not have a statistically legitimate reason to fear other races.

Women are constantly and specifically trained out of noticing or responding to their bodily discomfort, particularly if they want to be sexually “viable.” Have you looked at how women are “supposed” to present themselves as sexually attractive? High heels? Trainers? Spanx? These are things designed to wrench bodies. Men can be appealing in comfy clothes. They walk in shoes that don’t shorten their Achilles tendons. They don’t need to get the hair ripped off their genitals or take needles to the face to be perceived as “conventionally” attractive. They can — just as women can — opt out of all this, but the baseline expectations are simply different, and it’s ludicrous to pretend they aren’t.

The old implied social bargain between women and men (which Andrew Sullivan calls “natural”) is that one side will endure a great deal of discomfort and pain for the other’s pleasure and delight. And we’ve all agreed to act like that’s normal, and just how the world works….

Women are supposed to perform comfort and pleasure they do not feel under conditions that make genuine comfort almost impossible. Next time you see a woman breezily laughing in a complicated and revealing gown that requires her not to eat or drink for hours, know a) that you are witnessing the work of a consummate illusionist acting her heart out and b) that you have been trained to see that extraordinary, Oscar-worthy performance as merely routine.Now think about how that training might filter down to sexual contexts….