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@localdollface
Just went to a Renaissance fair and there was this REALLY cute guy that came up to me and trinket traded with me. He said something I couldn't quite hear and then blew some bubbles at me before walking away - later he waved at me and I'm so upset I didnt ask for his number 😭💔
One of my friends called me delusional, my other friend said maybe he thought I was hot lmao. Anyways, still so upset I didnt even get his name or age
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hate it.
Words can't explain how much I hate my eyes. It genuinely drives me crazy how much they change in lighting from either looking green, grey, or some weird green-blue that is just overlooked.
“you’re so quiet” thanks! i actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Fuck I think I'm relapsing into my ED, I just realized how much weight I've gained over the past 36 days and I feel like tearing my skin off. God my thighs and stomach look HUGE. I can't take it. I just wanna lose a few pounds again...
Update: nevermind, I just got my period and maybe that's why I was feeling huge
𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓾𝓶𝓫𝓵𝓻
I feel like tearing my skin off, why am I suddenly CONSTANTLY thinking about the guy I rejected almost over a year ago cause I was scared and he asked me out the DAY we met
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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As of right now, May 14th, it has officially been 32 days of ACTUALLY trying to recover from my ED(ana). It's been so hard but I havent noticed much changes to my body, though the first few weeks really felt like I did cause I was hyper focusing on it - and maybe I'm just not noticing changes cause I'm trying not to let myself focus on it as much. Also, one of the reasons I am posting this to 'girl blogging' is because I have blocked all a4a/ana tags and refuse to see any more of that. And honestly I'm REALLY glad my family hasn't said anything, cause if they did/do then I 100% think that even a small 'Good job' will cause me to relapse hard. Personally, now I just wanna do pilaties so I can safely keep my body in shape, even though I know you're 'technically' not supposed to do that in recovery, but there's just some things I still want to have control over. And I will say, one change I HAVE noticed is my cheeks do seem bigger, HOWEVER apparently it's normal for them to swell up a little due to fluid retention from your body actually getting food after restricting, and it'll go down eventually.
My biggest reasons for wanting to recover was cause I knew I couldn't live my whole life like that - cause truthfully no - you can not actually live a life of happiness when you're constantly scared of going out, being with your friends/family, or even leaving your room, cause you think you'll be "tempted" to eat. And my other big reason was I've always been SO insecure about my chubby "baby fat" cheeks, despite being skinny, and my ED always tried promising me that if I just lost more weight, it would go away. However no matter what weight I was at, it never did. And sure, it could be genetics, but one thing that my therapist said really stuck out to me - that it could be cause, especially as a teen,I wasn't getting my period for SO LONG so my face just COULDNT mature no matter what weight I was at, and honestly it makes sense to me. As well as if you look in the comments of my other posts, a few other people said their face also never matured cause they had an ED in their teens. I'm 14 and have had an ED since I was about 12, though almost 13. So I REALLY REALLY hope it's not too late to fix the damage. And finally, the last reason, which kinda goes with the first one - I couldn't keep crying every night craving food but not letting myself get any because I convinced myself that 3 days of ⭐️ing, "wasn't enough". I would wake up in severe pain from not eating. I couldn't focus, and when I could? I would get UPSET, thinking that it was because I wasn't trying hard enough. But also because my ED held me back on SO MANY things. Like dying my hair - I wouldn't let myself dye my hair until I was at a certain weight, but of course it never felt like enough. Hell, I would skip hangouts with my friends and family cause I either thought being around them would make me eat, or that I wasn't skinny enough to enjoy being around the people I love.
If you've made it to the end, thank you so much for reading. And if you're questioning recovery? Please please please take this as your sign to go forth with it - trust me you will be SO MUCH happier. And maybe it's cause I'm actually ALLOWING myself to do the things I love like dying my hair, doing makeup, hanging with friends - I truly feel more like myself, even a little bit. It is so worth it, even though it has been INCREDIBLY hard, and I know it still will be for a while, but I'm fighting for my life back.
finally a right term to describe the way i percieve my romantic interests
I just wanna be pretty enough that my friends will like me.
I just wanna be pretty enough that people care about me.
I just wanna be pretty enough that boys like me.
I just wanna be pretty enough that I dont feel like never leaving my house
I just wanna be pretty enough that I didnt feel like I have to fight for it
I just wanna be fucking pretty.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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quarterly reminder that if i reblog something ai-generated it is 110% and always an accident and for the love of god please tell me so i can delete it from my blog
Guys, I cant tell if i do or dont want to recover cause I'm still really young and throughout my whole ED, I've wanted a thin face but no matter what weight I've been at, my face has always been puffy. And I think that's because undereating hasnt allowed my face to mature, and maybe if I can start eating more and get my period back then both my face and body could actually mature. Then again, I'm scared of the weight gain, however since right now I dont look SICKLY thin, I wont have to gain as much and just focus on getting my period back. But I'm not sure cause now that I'm actually thinking of recovery, I want that feeling of hunger more than ever now. I dont have anyone to talk to about this right now and I feel so lost 😭
