local

but you did.

and i told you when it hurt,

but then it was

“i didn’t realize it was that serious.”

you never meant to hurt me, but you made the choice to continue doing it even when you knew.

i miss you, the you that i knew originally. where did he go? was he ever real?

its fucked up, to think living in oblivion would be “better” for me, but i can’t help it.

not because i want you to be “mine” forever

nothing like that

i just don’t want someone else to suffer how i did

or even worse

i don’t want to see them get the things i asked for

i hate that you still come up in conversation

i hate that lingering pain because of you

i hate that you did what you did

but i just can’t pull myself to hate you.

a question i asked myself a lot

i thought i was to blame

i wanted to be blamed

i thought it was my fault

i wanted it to be my fault

but it turns out,

my wants could not be fulfilled.

even in the end,

i asked you,

did i do anything wrong?

and you had nothing to say

yet still i wonder

if it was all my fault