Nee-Naw

Snap. Image taken.

A beach, golden sand, clear blue sky.

Look up.

Shadows.

Snap Snap. Image taken.

Palm tree, crisp emerald leaves, leather like bark.

Look up.

Darkness.

Snap Snap Snap. Image taken.

Blurry. Frustration. Opportunity missed.

Look up.

Nothing.

Snap Snap Snap Snap. Image taken

Nothing. Darkness. Blank space..

Look up.

Gone.

hehe just a small thing I've wrote of how sight loss is making me feel

SNAKE

My thoughts are snakes

They weave in and out

Chewing at me.

I am the prey and they are the predator.

I am helpless;

An easy target.

They eat from the outside in

They see me for all my ugliness

They see what no one else sees.

They make it worse.

They chew me up and then spot it out;

I am now just a mess of bones and chewed up flesh.

I am nothing.

I am useless.

I am worthless.

I recently have been diagnosed with a visual impairment and this poem I wrote is a reflection of how I see.

I see like a picture

Only captures what's in front;

Cropped sides.

It feels like part of the world is hidden

Even things in front of me

Unsure.

Every single person

Blurry until close

But that's like life, right?

People are strangers

Until they're close to you in life.

I see like a movie

Only what's in front

But not round the sides.

They keep the sides hidden

You only see what they want you to see.

I only see what my eyes allow me to see.

Never a full perspective

Only a small fraction

Of a full whole.

My eye sight is a reflection of how I feel

In some ways.

I see small parts

And block out others

Just like my blocked peripheral vision.

I only let in those close to me

A safe place?

A place where I can go

In times of need?

A place I should go

When someone needs me?

Is it the place I live?

Where I hide

And isolate myself

Out of fear of being shouted at?

Is it with friends

When I always feel second best?

Is it centre stage

With adrenaline running through my veins?

Is it in a place I've never been

Where I want to go to be a new me?

I feel uncomfortable

With myself.

No matter how hard I try,

I always find something wrong

With the way I look

Or the way I dress.

How can I find comfort somewhere,

When I can't find comfort in myself?

I want to love myself

Like others love me.

I want to find home in a place

That is comfort to me.

But that will come

When I learn to find home

You tricked me and you're mad at me. You led me on to believe you cared for me and tricked me into trusting you and you outed me.. to everyone! I hate you but I love you, my friend. Can I still call you that? Are we still friends? Do you remember who I am?

Cracked; misshaped; disarrayed. Arms were sticking out at angles they shouldn't be; legs looked like they were attached by thread. Head twisted to the side, eyes open in a silent scream. What have I done?

My door is opened and something is placed on my desk before the door closes again. I look at my desk and see a steaming mug of hot chocolate. I shimmy out of my blankets and grab my hot chocolate before setting it down on the table by my window and wrapping myself in my blankets. I take the hot chocolate and slowly sip it, watching the rain hit the window silently and dampening the leaves, making them crumple under people's shoes as they walk by. I blow the hot chocolate and the steam blows onto the window, condensation blocking me from looking out of the window. I draw a smiley face into it and watch the rest drizzle away carelessly.

And then, just when I thought life was pulling me down, she pulled me back up. That's when life really got started.

(only the writing belongs to me. The picture does not. I just got it off of Canva)