🌲🏔🐐🏔🌲🌳

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper

in retrospect this kinda reads like a Jojo fight

Here at the Host Club we account for every possible taste in men: blond, evil, tall, babey, two of them, and girls

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

momentos despues de escribir esto vi otro post con el misma chiste pero en frances joder mi estupida baka vida.

the work printer cries out, "no stop, that's too much! youre gonna make me jam!" as i load a full ream into her tray, but it's too late. "see, you can take it. you're doing such a good job for me." i coo into her feeding tray as i begin printing the morning reports. her warning lights turn red as she moans in i assume ecstacy

a customer today looked at me, said “y’know? i think you’ll appreciate this,” and pulled his shirt down to show me his supernatural tattoo. calling me a slur would’ve been easier

last shitmas i poop you my fart lol

it's made of wood because all the bronze was used to make the age, not the ships. obviously

Beautiful~

i sometimes like characters that fucking suck. when a character is a shit head in just the right way it can be so funny and/or compelling. like this is my beloved character, Asshole The Hater. they suck and i love them. someone dropped them into a ditch on the side of the road and i picked them out of the ditch and put them in my pocket

A character can be sympathetic while still being 100% wrong; this is the entire premise of many unreliable narrators.

new DB Cooper theory: he went up

the rapture happened but they only took him