You need to stop holding yourself responsible for things that absolutely are not your fault. Don't blame yourself for things that were out of your control. Don't beat yourself up over these things. You couldn't have done anything. It wasn't in your control. It wasn't your fault.

there’s a misconception that grief only happens when we lose people. this is not true. we can grieve circumstances, relationships, missed opportunities. in fact, sometimes when you find yourself plagued with waves of emotion from sadness to melancholy you may be grieving yourself. the version of yourself that you might have been if things had been different, or if only you had said something, or if someone had stood up for you.

I'm just really sad all the time, even if good things are happening. If good things are happening I just get anxiety about them going wrong or I mess it up by getting overly attached to whoever things are going well with, or I go into a depressed phase and ruin it. I feel like this is all I'm ever going to know.

No one ever gives a genuine fuck about me. I’m so sick and tired of being so alone and it honestly physically hurts at night when I lay there thinking about what a worthless push over I am.