Bug Lord

the TSA's dick detector is the epitome of security theater. how many times have you ACTUALLY caught a woman trying to smuggle a small bomb in her panties

i mean average sized bomb

the new fantasy genre, popehunk, encompasses all books in which historical figures responsible for real atrocities are presented as sexy and potentially suffering from a cute lil' anxiety disorder

i have decided that you have feelings for me #empath

you will struggle to say the unsayable thing for five years straight. and then it will suddenly become easy on a Wednesday morning

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

Why are people out there complaining about the whaling industry info in Moby Dick like it's not the most rivetting shit in the book. In the latest chapter, Ishmael says, "yeah btw when we're in the whaling boats we lash multiple harpoons to the same line to get a more secure hold on the whale, unless it goes wrong like it usually does, then the loose harpoon is flung around hitting people. Sometimes there are like 8 or 10 of them all flying around hitting people. This kills people frequently, it's still industry standard, and it will be relevant to us later :)"

imagine begging and pleading to bomb Iran for decades, finally getting the war you've spent your whole career creaming your pants over, losing immediately, and then dying out of nowhere

Bloopers are movie aftercare and it’s fucked up that we got rid of them

fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d

I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty

I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.