chase the ☼ love the ☽

there's this moment against the mirror where they continue to struggle against each other, but it couldn't be more half-hearted. the mutual stare-off is intense as they size each other up. Kinn is a brick wall of determination, but we all know Porsche could easily get out of his grip & that room if he wanted to. which way is he gonna go? the tension in this moment was palpable (all hail MileApo for acting their damn faces off).

and then, Porsche caves- literally. he curls into himself in a defensive posture against the mirror, clearly pissed about giving into this insufferable man he loves- but he does it anyway, because it's Kinn. one of the hallmarks of their relationship is how mutually weak they are for each other, despite all the reasons they "shouldn't" be.

once Kinn realizes Porsche is staying with him- at least for the moment- this deep, yawning regret paints his expression, tinged with a sort of loneliness (not surprising after the life he's led), replacing the rage. there's a different sort of tension here now- this feeling of walking the edge of a knife, knowing one wrong word or move could end the fragile sort-of peace.

Kinn's terrified in this moment: not just at the possibility of losing Porsche for good, but the past repeating itself. of how the world seems stacked against his happiness- maybe even how he himself (and what he's had to become/endure) stands in the way of it.

Kinn didn't wax poetic here because, in my opinion, he can't: he's in the midst of a total emotion onslaught, holding onto this man who's become so precious to him for dear life. but he has to say something, do something, so he goes for simplicity: I'm sorry.

we linger here for a minute, the camera purposefully moving in Kinn's direction then Porsche's, the mirror giving us a full 180 view. again, the ball is in Porsche's court. the choice is his.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Porsche is a mirror, reflecting back whatever he's given (or not given), which makes the use of mirrors here all the more chef's kiss. Porsche also needs words to go along with actions, so as small as that apology was- it's exactly what he needed to hear.

he didn't want this fight, he didn't want that kiss from Vegas- he wants to stay with Kinn, be with Kinn, in spite of everything they're up against. there are so many layers here, but it's really pretty simple: it's love. stupid, wonderful, intoxicating love.

I love how slowly Porsche turns to Kinn here- it says "I'm not fighting; I'm not fleeing." and Kinn turns with him, again moving with him like he can't help himself.

and then: Porsche fully faces Kinn and my heart stopped. this isn't an expression we've seen him wear in front of anyone: it's soft but feels like a raw nerve. naked, vulnerable- it says, "you did wrong. I'm hurting, but I'm here. now show me how you really feel. heal what you hurt." Kinn strokes his hair with a breathless sort of wonder, not quite believing his luck that he's still there.

and then, the moment that shoots this scene into the stratosphere for me: Porsche doesn't move. this constantly-joking, light-hearted gremlin of a man doesn't do a thing to ease the tension- and he's so right for that.

he lets the silence stretch on, and Kinn takes his cue: this is his moment to demonstrate his deep remorse and affection for Porsche. so- he starts worshipping him. smartly, he doesn't move in for a kiss first- this would put them on too equal footing- not until they both get caught up in the heat together.

when they do kiss, Porsche grabs Kinn's chin and gently pulls him away, and Kinn nods to him in reassurance. I like to think he's saying it's OK to surrender, that he's safe with him- and once again, that was all the reassurance Porsche needed.

damn Tumblr's 10 image limit to hell because Kinn's expressions of pure, utter joy when Porsche is touching him are just incredible. Porsche mirrors (heh) that joy right back, delighted in his ability to make this man weak in the best possible way.

and afterwards, when Porsche grabs Kinn as tightly to him as he can, Kinn in near-tears pressed against his shoulder? Porsche's face tight with his own emotions and empathy for the man in his arms? there's this feeling of inevitability; that they couldn't pull themselves away from each other if they wanted to...come what may.