In Weakness Or In Strength Change Can Be Amazing

Every day is the same as the last.. ever since she left i’ve been suffering for hours each day.. i can’t just move on.. if I could I would.. it left me broken.. like.. actually broken.. i can’t bounce back.. I can’t get back up... theres a pit in my chest that hurts and feels like emptiness and longing... it’s been there since that day.. and has gotten worse and worse... It was the best thing in my life.. it was the most special thing in my life, probably the most important too... i’ll never have it again.. I miss her.. I miss last year.. i miss being happy and loved and safe... i feel like I don’t even know her anymore.. she’s not the person I fell in love with.. that person is dead. I’m missing something i’ll never come close to having again... I can’t move on.. I want to make it stop.. i want the synesthesia to stop.. I want the associations to stop.. i want the cold and christmas lights to stop I want the night to stop I want the earth to just freeze... it’s too much for me.. it’s too fast and i’m stuck in place.... what bothers me most is.. no matter how hard I try to explain myself and this feeling... nobody knows for sure what I feel.. nobody knows exactly what I feel... it makes me feel more alone... i’ve felt and been lonely since march... inside of me is pitch black.. and im alone... with some christmas lights and snow... I don’t want to live anymore.. I don’t want to be here anymore.. I don’t matter i’m not needed im useless and unloved... goodbye... if you read this far..

Ouch..

@awsten n-no..

I miss you..