TotallyLegitHoneyBusiness

the best thing happened to me today which was that my local library has a box of tiny plastic ducks free for the taking and the other day i took one because one can never have too many ducks, amiright??? anyway today by today i had forgotten about it but i tapped my back pocket instinctively and felt a lump and i was like “what could that be?” and reached in and its was A PLASTIC DUCK and in my shocked delight i accidentally dropped my phone on my foot and it hurt more than anything in the world ever so :)

boobs.

therapist told me that getting in touch with my inner child might improve my mental health but it turns out my inner child is also the voice in my head that wants me to Make Them All Pay

i’m currently in nyc and can i hear three cheers for bad air quality????? :D anyway it’s hard to breathe and the sky is yellow so

i don’t believe in people who drink sparkling water just because. like they enjoy it. they don’t exist. i mean i drink sparkling water all the time but that’s because i’m a masochist and i need to FEEL it so that i can be CERTAIN that i’m actually ALIVE and it BURNS godammit