Can we all appreciate my lazy cat.

Twitter has a 140 character limit, yet I still found a way to tell one of the longest and most obnoxious knock-knock jokes of all time within a single tweet.

- emissary from a planet of genderless librarians

- ascetic cult initiate 

- an alternate universe dune remake where the bene gesserit are all lesbians

- athena, but goth

How about instead of making kids terrified to ever fuck up

You teach them how to cope with the aftermath of fucking up and fix it as best they can

1.   that thing you did that was kind of embarrassing and weird, everyone else forgot about that already

2.   you look fine today, if you can’t notice something on your face standing 6 feet from a mirror then nobody else will either.

3.   social lives can go through cycles sometimes, if you feel like your friends are all ignoring you for no reason they’re probably just busy with other things.

4.   if you can’t stop thinking about someone or something, read a book, paint your nails or watch a movie. it won’t solve any serious problems but you will feel better.

5.   listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.

6.   if you want something, go get it. 

7.   drink lots of water, eat lots of fruit, exercise more, go outside, get enough sleep and think positive thoughts.

8.   if you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.

9.   throw away the idea of a perfect tomorrow and live in the moment.

10.  stop comparing yourself to others.

11.  a beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. It’s a privilege to simply be alive and healthy. Start acting like life is a blessing.

12.  act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.

13.  you will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. you’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.

14.  you don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.