Motherhood Miles & Makeup w/ Lisa Mayne

Three full years ... they seem like forever and just yesterday all at once ... here are my thoughts as we cross this milestone.

What can I say about today? And … does any of it matter when it seems as if the whole world is falling down around us? Because it sure seems to me, and sadly so, that the devil must currently be quite pleased with the work he is doing in our world.

I haven’t posted many blogs this last year or even regular daily snippets on my FB page for a number of reasons.

Reason 1: I don’t ever want to…

Today, believe it or not, I and a bunch of other people are waking up early to set out on a 20 mile Ruck March.

I don’t remember the exact day, but just two weeks or so after Keith’s funeral our oldest daughter had a softball game in a town about a 40 minute drive from our home. I remembered making the drive as a family of four for her game just a year before. It felt like a long drive and it was perfectly quiet because we just couldn’t listen to the radio yet. Silence just made more sense.

I couldn’t tell…

Another Year …

I’ve wondered a lot this past year if what I have to say on this grief journey is worth publishing. Despite being almost two years into this widowhood journey, post suicide loss, I’m still so new in it. I’ve questioned if I even know one thing more than I knew the morning my world collapsed around me and even if I think I do … will that thing still be true in a month? A year? Ten years? If not,…

A little reflection on my first Ruck March last year and a peek ahead at the next ... less than 2 weeks away!

Memorial Day weekend used to be a celebratory weekend to which I looked forward. My brother and my mom both have birthdays that usually fall right on or around Memorial Day. And of course, it is the the unofficial start of summer with activities like get-togethers and cook outs, graduations and parties. But of course, the reason for Memorial Day, though lost on many, is something that we as a…

Escaping the Island of Social Media

Were you affected by the FB and Insta outage yesterday?

Did it cause you a bit of panic? Maybe you thought you were hacked. Maybe you wondered what you’d do to stay occupied over your lunch hour or in the pick up line at school or at the doctors office while you waited.

Or did it allow you to relax? Did you stop thinking about and looking at what everyone else was doing and focus on what you…

In A Different Place

A year ago I was sitting indoor poolside at the Gaylord in Nashville watching my girls take an evening swim and enjoy themselves. I was glad that they were able to find joy in the activities we had been doing those past couple days and super thankful that Oma and Opa came with us so I wouldn’t have all the worry of keeping eyeballs on both of them at the same time the entire trip.

I had planned…

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of “In giving we heal ourselves, but in receiving we heal others.” If nothing else, in the months since Keith’s passing, I’ve been given a master class in that quote.

Last year my girls and I received these sweet gifts from some secret elves … I still don’t know who they came from – though I have tried to guess at least a million times. This…

Blessings aren’t things …

Having been a person who used to always look at life through the lens of “there is always something to be thankful for” it has been hard to regain feelings of thankfulness post-loss. Feeling thankful and appreciating the ways in which you are fortunate are two very different things. And last year I really didn’t feel thankful for any thing at all despite knowing we were fortunate in many ways.

A…

Yesterday was the first time I've spoken publicly since Keith's funeral just over 17 months ago. I hope this piece captures at least a glimpse of the complex issues surrounding Veteran & Solider Suicide.

And just like that I woke up today older than Keith will ever be. It’s one of those moments that you have to step back from, look at a bit, and breathe through. It’s not necessarily positive or negative. It just is.

I remember times talking about future plans for our life be it a year or five years down the road or even our retirement years and occasionally Keith would look at me and say, I won’t…

In the past month, both my local rural community and a direct sales community that I am still connected to each lost unexpectedly and suddenly well loved, kind, and generous women. These two women were vibrant and bright and no one saw either passing coming. When I heard the news, I had to clap my hand over my mouth to keep my jaw from falling off my face. I was thatshocked. And the complete…

Suicide Prevention & Awareness

Suicide prevention is a topic that is doubled edged to a survivor of suicide loss. On the one hand we want to raise awareness so that from the tragedy of our loss others may live. It literally breaks my heart every time I see a welcome post for another new member in my online SOLOS (survivors of loved ones to suicide) group. But on the other hand we who were closest to our lost loved one have to…

Timehop … its a love – hate relationship I have with it these days … but today, sandwiched between these two photos I posted 2 and 3 years ago was this little prayer.

As I thought about that prayer this morning, I 100% remembered the day I ran across it and shared it on my business page and on my personal page because I was just so thankful for my life, my family, my home. I’m sure I saw it a…

The Best Marathon I Never Ran

Three weeks ago I woke up in the pre-dawn hours and made my way to the starting line of a marathon … in my street clothes. It wasn’t an easy decision. I had been training for this race since before the beginning of the year. Yep, 6+ months of building my running mileage and a 16 week training plan leading up to the Dyersville to Dubuque 2018 Run 4 Troops marathon and planning to run it with my…

To A Dad Who …

I hope you see this. I hope you know. Though we had no clue while you were alive how and why you were suffering so, I sure as hell hope you know how much we now suffer because you left.

I truly don’t wish you misfortune or any further pain on the side. But there are many many days, especially when I see our little girls hurting, that I wish for your awareness. Because there are two little girls…

One Year and Not Counting

This is a post I’ve written and crumpled up in my mind a million times. But one thing I’ve come to feel more and more as of late is an awareness of walking a line between remembering and honoring versus being a constant reminder of a sad and unfortunate event. It’s a fine line, as well as a crooked one, from what I can tell so far.

Today is not a day I will celebrate – ever. In fact, if I could…