#22plus1

Another Year …

I’ve wondered a lot this past year if what I have to say on this grief journey is worth publishing. Despite being almost two years into this widowhood journey, post suicide loss, I’m still so new in it. I’ve questioned if I even know one thing more than I knew the morning my world collapsed around me and even if I think I do … will that thing still be true in a month? A year? Ten years? If not,…

A little reflection on my first Ruck March last year and a peek ahead at the next ... less than 2 weeks away!

Memorial Day weekend used to be a celebratory weekend to which I looked forward. My brother and my mom both have birthdays that usually fall right on or around Memorial Day. And of course, it is the the unofficial start of summer with activities like get-togethers and cook outs, graduations and parties. But of course, the reason for Memorial Day, though lost on many, is something that we as a…

In A Different Place

A year ago I was sitting indoor poolside at the Gaylord in Nashville watching my girls take an evening swim and enjoy themselves. I was glad that they were able to find joy in the activities we had been doing those past couple days and super thankful that Oma and Opa came with us so I wouldn’t have all the worry of keeping eyeballs on both of them at the same time the entire trip.

I had planned…

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of “In giving we heal ourselves, but in receiving we heal others.” If nothing else, in the months since Keith’s passing, I’ve been given a master class in that quote.

Last year my girls and I received these sweet gifts from some secret elves … I still don’t know who they came from – though I have tried to guess at least a million times. This…

Blessings aren’t things …

Having been a person who used to always look at life through the lens of “there is always something to be thankful for” it has been hard to regain feelings of thankfulness post-loss. Feeling thankful and appreciating the ways in which you are fortunate are two very different things. And last year I really didn’t feel thankful for any thing at all despite knowing we were fortunate in many ways.

A…

And just like that I woke up today older than Keith will ever be. It’s one of those moments that you have to step back from, look at a bit, and breathe through. It’s not necessarily positive or negative. It just is.

I remember times talking about future plans for our life be it a year or five years down the road or even our retirement years and occasionally Keith would look at me and say, I won’t…

In the past month, both my local rural community and a direct sales community that I am still connected to each lost unexpectedly and suddenly well loved, kind, and generous women. These two women were vibrant and bright and no one saw either passing coming. When I heard the news, I had to clap my hand over my mouth to keep my jaw from falling off my face. I was thatshocked. And the complete…

Suicide Prevention & Awareness

Suicide prevention is a topic that is doubled edged to a survivor of suicide loss. On the one hand we want to raise awareness so that from the tragedy of our loss others may live. It literally breaks my heart every time I see a welcome post for another new member in my online SOLOS (survivors of loved ones to suicide) group. But on the other hand we who were closest to our lost loved one have to…