Smudged Lipstick

kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc

despite what popular opinion may lead you to believe, some rocks actually do have scientifically-proven auras! Unfortunately, those rocks are uranium and the aura is cancer. 

Though rock auras are rare, rock magic is common. The most common form of rock magic is Concussion.

"You're losing blood" no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don't ever underestimate me.

executive dysfunction tips! It gets easier to do a task if you dress appropriately first!! It’s much easier to get started once you’re wearing the right clothes for the headspace. For example if you need to clean your room, try putting on a maid dress! If you need to make dinner, try putting on a maid dress! If you need to accept visitors, try putting on a maid dress! If you need to poison the tea that will be served to your mistress’ esteemed guests in an effort to ensure her suitors never take your mistress’ hand from you, try putting on a-

for those of you who were not here last year: this deer is the most obnoxious, unnatural red-orange color I’ve ever seen, only appears when it’s raining, and once chased me a quarter mile through the woods. her name is Hot Cheeto Hatred and she is my nemesis

dude, i think that’s a fairy

wait wait wait i have literally the best picture ever of my cat, bob

No one has ever warranted a presidential pardon more