Always Expect Trains

God forbid Chippy do anything

The longer I live the more I realize I just wanna be well fed and bottom nude all the time

you can literally feel your brain become fully developed at age 25 btw. i was dumb as shit before then. i still am but in different ways

#there’s a little beep like on a microwave to announce your brain is done and ready to be a subtly different kind of stupid forever

you ever have “cry and scream yourself awake” level nightmares that are immediately the stupidest premises imaginable the moment you actually wake up

The last time I wailed "help, please, help me, heeelp" loud enough to have the whole house come running, it was because I was having a nightmare that I was in my laundry room, and out of the corner of my eye I witnessed a Snoopy stuffed animal slowly rise up on two legs, as if being manipulated by a ghost or perhaps made animate by a possessing spirit, and slowly start to dance the Macarena.

I can’t stop thinking about this

one time my roommate woke us both up by screaming in her sleep and i asked her what she was dreaming and it was just david schwimmer’s face foaming at the mouth.

are you telling me americans have stores that open up SPECIFICALLY for halloween and just. dont exist any other time of the year. you people are insane

Imagine an empty storefront. Some business that closed years ago. The building stands empty, unused for literal months. And then boom. Fall comes around and there's a Spirit Halloween. There's no escape.

what the fuck 😁