yo

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

if you go looking for doom and gloom all you will see is doom and gloom. if you go looking for reduced items at the grocery store you may find a littol treat

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

Did something happen to him?

no one wants to enter into obsessive codependent friendships with me anymore. everyone just has jobs now

someone needs to check up on the author of diary of a wimpy kid bc what if his publishing company is holding him hostage

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

i hate that social media apps have decided it's their job to scroll for you and autoplay the next video in a desperate attempt to get you to stay. like genuinely nothing you do will make me stay and watch that video after you force it onto the screen in front of me. the minute you auto scroll from what i was watching to your stupid distraction technique, i close the app and you fail. fuck you

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges