do Bee and Screamer talk? Or does Starscream keep ignoring Bee
Just as Bumblebee starts to get used to Starscream ignoring him he gets hit with a direct question haha. Yeah they talk now, Starscream cant help it, he likes to talk.

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@lilacoaks
do Bee and Screamer talk? Or does Starscream keep ignoring Bee
Just as Bumblebee starts to get used to Starscream ignoring him he gets hit with a direct question haha. Yeah they talk now, Starscream cant help it, he likes to talk.

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I wondered what other versions of Bumblebee would think about idw Bee having a not-so-bad relationship with Starscream
Dead Tired - Magical "Girl" Danny
Danny is flying through the Ghost Zone, minding his own business, when he's tackled from above. Usually he would have better reflexes than that, but his ghost sense hadn't gone off in time. Which means he is helpless against the small arms wrapping around his waist as they plummet toward the floating island below.
His echoing scream is nearly drowned out by the blowing wind, and when he lands stomach first on the ground, the boom is only heard by the person holding him. Danny's breath is knocked out of him so badly that his ghost form is dissolved around him. The bright rings of light do nothing to help the dizziness that fills his head as blood oozes out of his nose.
š³ļøāā§ļø Happy Pride Month btw
For Tuna
Summary:Grim does some interviews to find the perfect sugar dad for him you gn!reader x all boys in one way or another.
A/N:I haven't unpacked my tag list yet, so hopefully this is everyone!
"Grim, we can't afford the bougie tuna. Put it back."
You'd missed it before when you were loading your basket at Sam's shop, but Grim had snuck in the expensive tuna. Now you were at the counter, trying to hide your embarrassment as you told Grim to put it back. Sam gave you a sympathetic smile, but still. You didn't need to add his pity to your plate of worries.
"Prefect, don't worry about it. I can take care of it."
You jumped. You hadn't realized Ruggie had lined up behind you with his own basket full of stuff.
"Yeah! Let Ruggie-"
"I couldn't do that, Ruggie, but thanks for the offer."
Ruggie grinned, "oh please, it's on Leona. He said I could get whatever I want as long as I come back with his energy drinks."
You made an unconvinced face, and Ruggie gave a playful wink.
"Trust me, your tuna won't even make a dent in his wallet. I could pay for your entire load, and still be able to pay off my student loans. In fact," he slapped down Leona's wallet, "Sam, add Y/N's groceries to mine, I'll take care of it."
Before you could protest further, Sam was ringing you both up.
And then Grim got an idea. A terribly, wonderful, awful idea.
"There, all settled. Plus now you can afford to fix your windows this month, orā¦." He looked at the cash in your hand, "well you can fix one window at least. And don't feel too bad for Leona. Eat the rich and what not," Ruggie patted your back comfortingly then left with his groceries.
"C'mon Grimmy, let's go," you said with a heavy sigh.
"Actually, I have something to do, Henchhuman. You go on home, I'll see ya later."
"Okay, but if you need meā¦."
"I'll be okay! Geeze you get so anxious without the great Grim. It's embarrassing."
You rolled your eyes and left. You would be so proud of him once he had finished though. He was excited already.
Heartslaybul Dormā¦.
"Mr. Rosehearts. Thank you for meeting with me."
Grim primly took out his pen and began to scribble on a clipboard.
"I didn't meet with you. You barged into my office," Riddle said, his arms crossed along his chest.
"I think you will find this meeting beneficial. It pertains to Y/N L/N."
Riddle relaxed a little, and raised a single curious eyebrow.
"You see, It has come to my attention, that Y/N and I do not have the funds to live comfortably. In fact, Y/N is practically starving to death! It has also come to my attention that you harbor some feelings for the prefect, and are in possession of a great deal of funds. Now," Grim dramatically looked up at Riddle, who's face was a shade of dark red. "How do you intend to provide for Y/N?"
Riddle opened his mouth, and Grim prepared himself for the worst, butā¦
"Wait, Y/N's on the market?!?!!"
Grim turned over his shoulder just in time to see Cater run in, tea tray in hand.
"He's only taking applications from rich people."
"Not a concern, housewarden!" Cater cleared his throat. "Hi, I'm Cater Diamond, and my dad is a banker."
"Oh!" Grim made a note on his paper. Riddle stood up abruptly.
"You only talk to your family on holidays, I wouldn't call that a solid source of income-"
"Yes but I'm a people pleaser, so I'll probably follow in his footsteps. So I will also have a banker's salary."
Riddle turned to Grim in a panic.
"I'm going to be a doctor!"
"Oh!" Scribble scribble.
"Oh please!" Cater rolled his eyes before conspiratorially leaning into Grim. "We both know Riddle. He'll work long shifts, day in and day out, and he'll never come home. Meaning poor Y/N will be trapped in a lonely loveless marriage. Meanwhile, I'll work my nine to five, and be home in time to gift you tuna, and keep Y/N warm at night."
"You think Grim cares about that?" Riddle shoved Cater out of the way. "I'll make time for Y/N. Plus my salary will provide double the tuna for you."
"What's all the yelling about?" Trey entered the room, followed by Ace and Deuce.
"Don't look at them, those three are poor as fuck. I mean a baker? Blech, disgusting," Cater apologetically smiled at Trey. "No offense."
"What?" Trey said, feeling more confused than he ever had been.
Grim clicked his pen closed.
"Thank you for your time. I have more interviews to conduct, but I will be in contact if you get through to the second round."
He scampered out of the room as Riddle and Cater nodded after him.
Savannaclaw Dormā¦.
Grim sat at the foot of Leona's bed as he tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"How can I provide for Y/N, huh? You mean the little demonstration Ruggie gave this morning wasn't enough?"
Grim tapped the pen impatiently against the clipboard.
"Mr. Kingscholar, it is important that you participate fully, or I will remove you from the list entirely."
Leona groaned.
"I receive aā¦.certain amount of, shall we say, an allowance."
"And how much can I expect from that? I have a lot of people to interview. Please don't waste my time."
Leona looked over at Ruggie, who was folding laundry, then gestured Grim closer, before whispering a number into his ear.
Grim gasped, then hastily scribbled something onto his clipboard.
"We will be in contact with you when the second round of interviews begins." Grim stood up and hopped off the bed.
"Ruggie," Leona snapped, "Ensure my future relative makes it out of here safely. Let no one stop you."
Ruggie nodded in understanding as he escorted a proud looking Grim out.
Once they were halfway through the dorm, Ruggie began to speak.
"Leona has promised me a job with an excellent salary once I graduate. Just sayin."
"Won't he just take back the job if he finds out you're competing with him?"
Ruggie rolled his eyes, "Nevermind."
Jack left his room, and noticed the two of them, and began to walk towards them.
"Jack will make you get a job if you pick him," Ruggie whispered hastily. Grim hissed and sprinted the rest of the way out of the dorm.
"What's wrong with Grim?" Jack asked.
"Shi hi hi who knows?"
As Grim made his way to his second location, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck.
"Hey! What's the big idea?!?!?"
"Aw little sealie you're so cute!"
Grim stiffened.
"Fu fu fu," Jade laughed next to him. "our boss would like to have a word with you."
Grim gulped.
Octavinelle Dormā¦.
"Thank you for agreeing to see me," Azul said smugly.
"I didn't. Your scary twins picked me up and dragged me here."
"You see," Azul pushed his glasses up his nose, expertly ignoring Grim, "We got word that you were interviewing potential candidates for Y/N's future husband. I prepared some charts for you."
Azul pulled out several charts. Grim understood exactly zero of them. But he nodded thoughtfully and pretended to make a note on his clipboard.
"As you can see, my income is projected to continually go up until retirement. Plus my assets will continue to be of value, and my investments will be bringing in money for many years to come. I can safely say, money is no object. Plus, I am an excellent cook. You will never have to eat poor person's tuna ever again."
Grim made a real note this time just as the twins roughly turned his chair around.
"Now that Azul has had his turn, we would like to give our pitch," Jade said with an eerie grin.Ā
"You see, our parents run a certainā¦. organization," Floyd and Jade shared a grin before turning to Grim again. "Jade and I are the sole inheritors of this empire when they pass. Just keep that in mind."
"Also, people who oppose this organization have a tendency to, shall we say, disappear."
Grim shivered as he made a skull and crossbones picture on his clipboard.
"Awesome. Great. I'll be taking Grim nowā¦."
"Sea Snake!" Floyd shouted, wrapping his arms around Jamil, who had silently snuck into the room.Ā
"Let go," Jamil hissed, wriggling away from Floyd. "Give me the cat."
"Aw, but we were playing with himā¦."
"It's alright Floyd. I think the three of us have made our point quite clear," Jade hummed, before the octotrio shared a laugh.
Jamil rolled his eyes before carefully picking up Grim.
Scarabia Dormā¦.
"Look, Kalim isn't going to brag for himself so I thought I'd bring you here and remind you that this entire dorm was funded by his family. And he will be inheriting said funds."
Grim nodded and made a note.
"What about you? I mean, I already know you aren't getting picked cause, well, " Grim pointedly looked him up and down. "But the other broke losers have tried to participate."
Jamil leaned down and gave a dark smile.
"I don't need money to win over Y/N," eyes flashing red as he spoke.
"Monsieur Fuzzball!"Ā
Grim and Jamil both groaned. It only took two seconds for him to be scooped up by the hunter.
"Non, non, do not struggle. I only wish to prove myself as a proper caretaker!"
Pomefiore Dormā¦
Grim had never been so pampered, well fed, and relaxed in his entire life. Rook had provided snacks galore, given Grim the full on spa treatment, brushed out his fur, and was now massaging his sore kitty back.
"Monsieur Fuzzball, doesn't this feel wonderful?"
Grim nodded as Rook continued his massage.
"Just think, you could have this everyday!"
Grim groaned happily as Rook hit a tough knot.
Suddenly, Rook's voice was directly in his ear.
"All you have to do is give me the Trickster."
In that moment, Grim knew he would sell you for this life without a second thought.
But before he could do thatā¦
"For heaven's sake I told you to find Epel, not this rodent!"
Rook immediately stopped the massage, to turn to his Queen.
"Roi du poison! I was simply-"
"Spare me," Vil snapped, before handing a struggling Epel over to Rook. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small card, gracefully handing it to Grim between two fingers.Ā
"I believe you are aware of my financial situation, but should you have questions, you can reach my manager on that card."
Then he left the room with a flourish, and the lingering scent of apple blossoms.
"You know I am willing to share the trickster with you," Rook whispered to Vil in the hallway.
"Ew," Epel groaned.
"As if I'd ever share," Vil smirked.
Outside the Ignihyde Dormā¦
Ortho stood next to the tablet, holding Grin up so he could see what it said.
"So asĀ you can see from my bank account," Idia's voice said from the tablet, "Money is not and never will be an issue."
"It all looks good," Grim muttered as he made a note, "but I have to say it's a red flag that you couldn't come here in personā¦"
"Hey! Big brother is just busy with his experiment!"
"Yeah, exactly, thank you Ortho, for being the only one who appreciates genius. In fact this conversation is over. If he doesn't get it, then that's his loss. Ditch the noob, Ortho!" And the tablet floated back into the dorm.
Ortho gently set Grim down. "Look, big brother gets nervous around the prefect, that's all. But I think they'd make a great couple."
He gently patted Grim's head, then floated back in. Grim sighed, made a note about how Idia was a package deal, then continued to the final dorm.
Diasomnia Dormā¦
"Small kitten, I am to be king of a country. Not only that, but I have spent centuries curating my hoard. Our nest will be always warm, and my perfect child of man will want for nothing," Malleus finished with a smug grin, as he leaned back in his throne. Then he sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Now you three can make your offers, or whatever."
"Me next! Me next!" Lilia said, cradling Grim like a baby. "I'm not as young as I look, and am on the best of terms with the queen and future king. I also have a great fortune built up! Kay, who's next?"
Silver timidly raised his hand.
"I just want to say, what about what Y/N wants? What if Y/N doesn't like any of us? What if Y/N doesn't even want to get married in the end? Or maybe they'll be just as happy with or without money?"
There was a long pause. Thenā¦
"Silver's father is loaded and will do anything to see his children married and happy!"
"Fa-Lilia!" Silver hid his face in his hands in embarrassment.
"Same with Sebek. And his dad's a dentist!"
For once Sebek had nothing to say.
"Excellent, this looks very promising for you four," Grim nodded scribbling his final notes, "Now to-"
"GRIM!"Ā
Uh oh. He turned around and saw you storming in.
"Child of man!"
"Save it Mal Mal! I'm here for my rat," You scooped up Grim, placing him under your arm as you left the room.
"When will we hear about the second round of interviews?" Lilia giggled.
You answered by flipping them the middle finger without looking back.
The Hallwayā¦.
"What the hell, Grim? I'm not for sale!"
"I'm not selling you! I'm just trying to get you provided for!"
"Please! This is about tuna and you know it!"
"Who even told you?"
"Jack called me about an-"
"Ah! Prefect!"Ā
You and Grim groaned as you heard Crowley call to you both.
"Yes, headmage?" You asked through gritted teeth. You turned and saw Crewel was with himā¦.wearing a bigger coat than normal.
"That coat looks so soft," Grim muttered.
"Yeah," you whispered back. "Wait, headmage, what do you need?"
"I heard your current allowance is no longer sufficient," he gently traced your jawline, settling below your chin, tapping up against it thoughtfully. "How does a little extra sound?"
You nodded dumbly.
"Good good, I'm too generous, I know," he hummed and walked off.
Before Crewel followed him, he smirked and patted the top of your head.Ā Ā
"Good pup."
He stalked off. You stood frozen for a moment. Grim smirked up at you.
"You know, they look like theyā¦."
"You keep that thought to yourself, Grim."
....
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic
āDonāt look at them, those three are poor as fuckā - when i tell you i lost my SHIT and died omfg the delivery was so blunt

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Grim being Grimā¢ļø
cw: grim being a menace and a cockblocker
charas: everyone damn nobody is safe
NGL Grim would be such a cockblocker sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally. Pretty sure there was an instance where Malleus wanted to sit next to you but Grim was like "NO, that's MY henchman!!! STAY AWAY!!!"
It would be so fucking funny if Grim was both the Immovable Object and the Unstoppable Force that cockblocks the entire student population. Grim grows fond of the prefect over time and, thus, more overprotective. Sometimes it's on purpose, most times it's just Grim being Grimā¢ļø It doesn't help that you and Grim are a Buy 1 Take 1 package. You're supposed to be with him 24/7, lest the whole school suffer from an unsupervised Grim.
Oh, Ace and Deuce want to sleep over at ramshackle? Too bad, Grim's still pissed at them for something that happened literal months ago, and now he won't let either of them in Ramshackle for it!!! Not even the highest quality tuna will erase their transgressions against him. Grim even starts blackmailing Ace and Deuce to keep their crushes on the prefect secret. 10 cans of tuna per week. Minimum.
I'd still imagine the first years have an easier time getting past Grim compared to everyone else, though. They share the same classes and they're friends, so there's just more wiggle room, y'know? Even if it takes some bribery from Jack and Epel. That still doesn't mean Grim won't interrupt their private study sessions with you with his nonsense. It's always stupid shit too like "prefeeect, the cafeteria has discounted buns! Grab them for me!!!"
Cater just wanted a selfie with you without anyone else butting in. Guess who's getting in between the two of you and ruining the pic to make himself the star of the show? Exactly, that motherfucker Grim. Trey spends hours on a multilayered cake for valentines? Grim topples it over within two minutes tops because he's the incarnation of gluttony in a furball. Riddle just gets ragebaited within record time, as much as he tries not to let that raccoon get to him.
Nothing grates on Leona's ears more than Grim's voice. That furball just keeps yapping and yapping, and he wasn't even invited in the first place. Now, Leona has to pay for Grim's meal too, and it costs twice as much as yours. What was supposed to be a peaceful and slow evening with the prefect just derails into an argument. Leona would have thrown the raccoon out already if you didn't care so much about the furball. Ruggie has to use his unique magic to remove Grim from the scene entirely.
Azul earnestly attempts to make Grim sign a contract to help him court the prefect. A lifetime of free food and cheat sheets as long as he doesn't interrupt their dates and helps Azul gather information about the prefect. Does it work? Hell no, because Grim would never sell his beloved henchman's dignity for so cheap. Plus, the great Grim's help is worth more than that. The moment Grim starts whining and demanding for 'fairer terms', both Jade and Floyd become increasingly convinced that brute force is that only realistic solution.
Thankfully, Grim seems to like Kalim enough not to get in his way. To Grim, the benefits outweigh the negatives. Kalim spares no expense pleasing Grim, much to Jamil's dismay. However, that doesn't mean that Jamil isn't plotting. He's just waiting for the exact moment Grim inevitably plunges Scarabia into chaos so that he can steal you away amidst the confusion. Does it last long enough for the two of you to have a romantic evening alone? Fuck no, this is Grim (and Kalim) we're talking about.
Vil can't even have a spa day with you without Grim rummaging through his make-up and potions. The furball's mixing foundation and liquid blush like it's alchemy class. A few broken bottles later later and a suspicious green stain on Grim's mouth, Vil's already at his wits ends. Rook might be of some help against Grim, considering his prowess as a hunter, but this is Grim.
Ortho and Idia work as a team against Grim's bullshit. Ortho wants Idia to succeed, and he does everything he can to eliminate distract Grim momentarily so that his brother can finally make a move. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if it's even much help considering Idia would likely take 90% of communication and bonding online. Unless Grim manages to destroy Ramshackle's wifi router again.
Sebek and Grim don't get along, and Sebek's already having a rough time trying to court the prefect in the first place because of all of Lilia's misinformation. Also, imagine waking up to Grim's complaining when you're supposed to be comfortably huddled up with Silver. And Grim's not even afraid of Malleus, so not even he stands a chance against Grim's bullshit. Malleus could be leaning down for a kiss, but you'll suddenly hear screeching in the distance. Yeah, that's Grim again. He's burning part of ramshackle down.
TLDR: Grim cockblocks the entire student population. Courting or dating the beloved prefect means appeasing Grim first and bypassing his bullshit.
Ā© angelwilds, 2025
Hii can you do part 2 of "back off I have a girlfriend" pleaseeš
Thank you beforehand <33
BACK OFF! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!
By an unfortunate twist of fateāand your boyfriendās carelessnessāhe ended up mixing ingredients that definitely shouldnāt have been used together. The result? A slightly over-the-top explosion, a very angry Professor Crewel, and of course, your boyfriend affected by the smoke, which, to add to his suffering, left him unable to recognize you.
# CHARACTERS: Riddle Rosehearts, Floyd Leech, Jade Leech, Malleus Draconia.
# A/N: Some people asked for more characters so here they are!! :) Sorry for taking so long, work is devouring me pls send help
RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS
Riddleās eyes slowly opened, his vision still somewhat blurry. The colors were bright, but the faces were indistinct, and he could feel his head pounding.
He allowed himself to close his eyes again to rest for a little longer, but the moment he felt someone adjusting his blanket, he immediately sat upright.
āRiddle? Thank goodness youāre awake!ā you exclaimed, smiling as you tilted your head to the side. āBut donāt move so suddenly, you might get dizzy againāā
You thought the redness climbing from your boyfriendās neck to his face was because he was embarrassed about being bedridden, or because he had messed up a relatively simple potion. Apparently not.
You lifted your hand to check his temperature, but in the blink of an eye, you had been shoved away from himāand a collar was now around your neck.
āRule 807 of the Queen of Hearts states, in very clear terms, that physical contact this intimate is strictly prohibited with someone whom you do not share a mutual emotional bond with!ā
The two of you stared at each other in silence for the longest sixty seconds of your life.
He's the father that stepped up!...Or he's trying too-
Child*Holding his hand, guiding him through the kindergarten hallway to find their class*This. It's this one!
Bot/Con/Mcb*Is rather nervous, doesn't wanna screw you trusting him taking your child to school*Okay. All right-Well, have a good day, okay?
Child*Goes to their table,ready to draw and waves him off* Okay!
Bot/Con/Mcb*Nods and waves your child off* I'll see you soon, I guess.
Teacher*Seeing a shrunken alien bot bring your kid to class and gets suspicious*Can-can I help you?
Bot/Con/Mcb: Oh, hi! I'm-I'm Y/n's friend. I was just here to bring them here.
Teacher: You-you know Y/n?
Bot/Con/Mcb: I know Y/n a little bit.
Bot/Con/Mcb:Im... kind aof, like, trying court them~...ah-ahah-
Teacher*Weirded out his obvious nervousness*...
Bot/Con/Mcb: So, yeah, I'm just, you know, just dropping them off...
Teacher: Did you sign in at the office?
Bot/Con/Mcb:No. I didn't even know you had an office
Teacher: Okay, um...
Teacher: K/n? You okay?
Child: Yeah!
Teacher: You sure?
Child: Yeah.
Teacher: You know you can tell me~
Child: I'm okay.
Teacher: Do you know him?
Child: Yeah, kind of. He's a new friend!~
Teacher: Okay....
Bot/Con/Mcb: Oh, I trained them in my Vehicle mode. They're not gonna break-I'm just kidding...It's, uh...I'm not gonna hurt them or Y/n...just...BYE
-------------------------------------------------------
@revelboo you can take this as my contribution to Reverse soft au...on how some bots find out single parents are usually single given alot of humans dont like courting those with kids
Oh they gonna try to hit that...but they dont know single parents are like asian level courting,To a human their child happiness,safety is their priority,they will not tolerate anything less...
Alien robot*Seeing you go on him for bending to YOUR child whims*"Holy...i never been this turned on in my life..."
@aurox031
@witherlove
@transformers-spike
@berracids
@tinyfroglove
@bird-in-the-space
@random-fandom1984
@harveybwabbit92
au where auror harry potter ends up in the marauders time period, right by the beginning of voldemortās rise.
harry potter who avoids hogwarts by all means (the memories are too painful) and instead tries to take down voldemort and his death eaters by himself.
harry who drops his last name in favor of the common muggle last name āevansā to completely separate any ties to the potters (for their sakes.)
harry evans who keeps his distance from his mom, the marauders, and snape because he knows if he sees them heās going to ruin something.
instead, harry evans catches the attention of the potter family (who is convinced he is a long lost heir), the blacks (who start to suspect he is a new up and coming dark lord), dumbledore (who believes the same), and the dark lord himself (who is intrigued by this mysteriously strong man thwarting his every move.)
i timetravelled to when my parents were still kids to destroy the dark lord but i became his lover instead!?
Car Enthusiast!Reader: is thatābiTCH GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CAR?!?!
Car Enthusiast!Reader: [Shooting wildly at a carjacker] NO ONE TOUCHES MY BABY
Carjacker: (ā ā¬ā āā Š“ā āā )ā ā°ā ā¹ąøŗ
Car Enthusiast!Reader: DIE š„š„ š«
This is all witnessed by [cybertronian of choice] who's hidden in vehicle mode, and who also takes it as carrier behavior and promptly decides that they need to have a litter of sparklings with this human IMMEDIATELY

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Mtmte Lost light - human pet au
Another expansion to the au where humans are a new species introduced to the pet market under the belief theyāre a non sentient race. They become the trendy exotic pets in cybertronian culture.
Warnings: some valveplug š
Rodimus
- paid way too much for you when off ship. Like way way too much. None of it was technically his own money though. Iāll give you one guess where he got the funds.
- dresses you up as a mini him, in a full commissioned cosplay which is the equivalent of lingerie with a helmet and decorative armour. What? (Your soft skin is just too precious to actually hide under a full armour set. Thatās the only reason) Calls you miniRod. Did it initially as a joke because he thought it would be adorable but immediately started jerking it the first time he saw you in it.
- The crew is constantly asking where the supply funds for the month went and Rod just sends back photos of you with whatever new (insanely expensive) thing heās gotten you this time.
- Has absolutely tried to pop you down at meetings to āstand inā for him when heās ābusyā. The other bots sigh, looking down at the tiny human smiling and waving at them, dumb and clueless as to whatās going on.
- Makes up a little theme song for you he sings whenever he pops you in front of someone. You sway along happily. Itās good you donāt know how condescending and explicit the lyrics are.
- Whenever heās on a call, heās playing with you in his palm, thumb stroking over your body or grinding you against the tip of his spike. Iād love to say he keeps you off camera but he probably doesnāt, not like they canāt hear the whimpers and wet noises. If someone complains he calls discrimination and files paperwork to have you officially recognised as a a concentration and productivity aid.
- Youāre the LL mascot, whether the crew likes it or not. You have found the ship tannoy system and you like to babble down it and hear your voice echoing through every room, day or night. Heās never been so proud. He thinks itās improving moral.
- Absolutely human valve/spike pilled. Doesnāt even care about the whole sentience debate. His decision making went as far as āwow this feels fucking great so it must be rightā
- Puts you down and gets distracted, leaving you there alone, all the time. Youāve been left on his desk, in the meeting room, on the bar, and just about everywhere else at some point. Thankfully one of the other bots usually finds you just staring up at them like this
and most of them take pity enough to babysit until Rod remembers heās missing something, even if they sigh and grumble about it. Heāll try casual about it. (Just know theyāre only doing it for your benefit, not his.) Of course he knew where you were, duh. He didnāt and he has been running around looking for you for the last hour.
- One time he canāt find you and itās been days now. brainstorm manages to find your heat signature behind inside one of the ship walls. He activates a ship wide emergency (it absolutely was not authorised to be used for this scenario) and it becomes a whole mission to cut you out.
- Thereās so many stupid ways you would die. A) You fall and heās mid catching you when he notices a bit of energon on his lip. He stops to wipe it off. B) He reads that you need UV light like a plant and puts you in a glass under an industrial lamp and comes back to you shrivelled to a crisp. C) The ships under lockdown with an active battle taking place and youāre wandering through the corridors with a spoon and half a ration bar, trying to find him because to because youāve ran out of peanut butter and as usual heās nowhere to be found. The list is endless
Whirl
- probably found you skittering around. Who knows how you got there. Literally the equivalent on finding a rat in the basement and keeping it as your shiny new (feral) pet.
- You bite him when he tries picking you up, probably growling and hissing. Tried spitting on that big yellow peeper. He has heart eye(s) and decides in that moment that heās keeping you.
- Chases other bots around with you in his hand, while you yell and squirm, threatening that when he catches them, his little human is going to burrow into their plating and chew through their wires.
- Has no idea about humans in general but makes up lies to others just to horrify them about how you bite the heads off of your own babies if left alone with them, you detonate like a grenade is scared enough, and you live on a diet of mesh and metal alone. Riptide is terrified and has so many nightmares. Starts seeing Rung because of it.
- Initially would be just terrible. Likes to pin you down just to watch you squirm. Likes to hold you high while slowly loosening his grip to see the fear in your eyes as you scrabble to grip to him. Youāre cute and friend shaped and it makes him hate you. Is it hate? He doesnāt know because he canāt bring himself to ever actually kill or seriously maim you.
- Over time heās treatment would soften somewhat. The resentment sparked from your softness and dependence would slowly morph into a more protective tenderness. That doesnāt mean you will register it as such though
- suffers from unbearable cuteness aggression. Uses you like a squeaky toy in his pincers and likes to rotates his wrist while cooing āweeeā at you as youāre subjected to near G-Force speeds. If it looks like youāre going to puke holds you over someone elseās helm to do it.
- For enrichment he puts you in a glass of water with another on top and shakes you like a margarita. Itās surprisingly fun tbh.
- it goes without saying that heāll also use you as an excuse to commit chaos. āHey, meat, i think youāre telling me to unpin this grenade and throw it into that storage closet.ā Youāre blinking up at him, eyes flicking to the grenade in his hand with terror. āWelp that settles it, you always have the best ideas.ā
- I actually donāt see you dying with Whirl. I think youād be the cockroach in the situation. You shouldnāt be alive (countless times over) but here you are sitting, munching on some crackers, and swinging your legs from your perch on his tiddies.
- He gets depressive bouts and it means youāre left to your own devices while he lies there, unmoving enough to convince you heās offline. Will make himself get up to tend to your needs eventually but terrorises you (āplayfullyā) for it just to get the bust of whatever their equivalent of dopamine is it gives him.
- Loves fisting his spike with you in his hand or placing you on top of it to see if he can slide you down onto just the tip. You make out sloppy with the fluid outlet on top and itās a game to you to ride that thing like a firemanās pole while he giggles and puts you back on top to go again. Just shoves you right into his spike to feel you squirm around in there (certified freak). Pulls you out covered in his sticky fluids and probably dunks you in a cup of water to clean you off and tucks you into your nest with a little ākissā goodnight (he bumps his head into and it always hurts)
- Has no qualms about fucking his pet especially since you clearly donāt possess the capacity to understand how disgusting and unfuckable he is. Who else would ever let him do this to them? Heās experienced the cruel hand of so called sentient and intelligent beings as they stripped him of his body and his worth and has decides he much prefers yours.
Megatron
- Iāve already covered Megās in another post but to reiterate: Probably took you to spite Rod, it definitely wasnāt out of pity or interestā¦nope. Sees you blinking up at him on the empty bar youāve been left on for god knows how longā¦again, and finders keepers was enacted. Thatās his human now.
- Trauma dumps, speaks through ideas, and tells you about his day. You obviously donāt understand a word but you curl up against his arm or hand, staring up at his mouth as it moves, sometimes falling asleep. Pretends any noises you make are very sound advice or philosophical interjections.
- Big guard dog energy. Wonāt stand to have anyone mess with you or make crude remarks about you.
- Lets you wrestle his finger while he works, often ended with you pinned to the desk by it until you tap out.
- Sleeps with you on him, listening to your heartbeats and breathing. You become a certified emotional support pet and youāre going everywhere with him now.
- Another cuteness aggression victim. Where whirls is more to just have you squeak and squirm, megatrons leans more into the āI need to squeeze you until you explode or chew you to pasteā side of things and it scares him because he would never actually hurt you.
- Writes (bad?) poetry about you and how he assumes you must see the world.
- All of your puppy dog eyes, and whining, and desperation would slowly break down his resolve. Youāll break it eventually. One day he just pops you down next to his spike and just lets you do whatever you want to him. Loves every second of it and the line is long crossed and far behind him. The guilt eats him alive but he just cant stop.
- If you die this dramatic mf is probably ending it right there and then (jk. Kind of)
Swerve
- saved up just to get his own human. It was the best day of his life.
- spams the chat with so many pictures of you. One of those pet owners who is taking pictures and fawning every time you do anything at all. āLook how my human was sleeping todayš„ŗā āswerve it looks the exact same as every other time youāve sent this.ā āNo. Look. Their toes are all curled up in this one.ā āHereās one of it now. Look at them gulping that water, getting all hydrated.ā
- The bar is plastered in photos of you and selfies of you guys together.
- Mimics the noises you make back at you. Fully convinced he has learned to speak human. He hasnāt.
- Always hated being smaller than the others but now heās thanking primus above because he. Can. Fit. Inside. Of. You. The universe has a plan for him all along.
- Often cums before he can even get it inside of you but donāt worry that just means you can sit on his face for as long as you want. Sentience isnāt something he can even bring himself to consider. Heās too busy drowning in that sticky human lubricant.
- Youāre safe with this one and your only true threat is the copious amounts of energon and engex around. someone (whirl) probably plops you into a glass of energon and you are brought to ratchet who sends a reminder to everyone he is NOT a vet and did not go through extensive training and battlefield experience to treat peoples exotic pets.
Nautica
- buys a full terrarium for you and one of the only bots who wouldnāt just carry you around everywhere off the bat. Wants to see you in something close to your natural habitat which she has tried to research extensively.
- Likes to sit at her desk and watch you go about your business and grows concerned when you seem unsure what to do and stare back through the glass at her, instead of sharpening sticks and climbing trees. She thought humans came from a forested dirt planet. Whatās wrong with it? She read there was a lot of water so maybe youāre aquatic?
- Notices you seem to be lonely and feels guilty because she doesnāt know what to do to help. Sheās lonely too, so decides you can help each other and will regularly brings you out to play together and socialise.
- Her exploration of your body starts as just clinical curiosity. Youāre so similar to her from your build to your face and expressions, and you have a valve/spike too just like cybertronians? Sparks a deep curiosity in her about if there is come kind of common ancestor or something.
- Knows humans have natural sexual needs and supplies you with lots of toys to account for that. Doesnāt know why you look horrified when your giant robot owner starts handing you dildos and vibrators. Maybe you just prefer using your hands like you do when you think she isnāt watching? Will assume youāre maybe just not the brightest and will start helping you along and showing you how to use them. (Nautica ily)
Riptide
- probably doesnāt even question why youāre standing in his room (someone definitely found you and didnāt want to take responsibility caring for you and his room was the closest). Shrugs and guesses he owns a human now. The universe truly works in mysterious ways.
- regularly posts questions about you to the LL group chat like itās google. Only receives (deliberately) wrong answers. At least nautica is trying to help (even if sheās also wildly often wrong)
- begins asking nautica for information on humans and immediately jumps on the fact the your planet has so much water. Youāre aquatic and nobody is telling him any different.
- If you donāt know how to swim your life expectancy has dramatically decreased. Made the mistake one time of thinking it was a stroke of genius to leave you overnight to recharge in a container of water and was traumatised finding you the next morning.
- following this, buys a tiny inflated life jacket and makes you wear it all the time, even when youāre nowhere near any water which is most of the time. You stopped trying to take it off because he panics when you do and hey, you can fall asleep with your head resting on it. Itās comfy.
- Likes to cruise around in the water with you on him when he gets the chance. Ahh, just like home, huh little buddy? You usually have no idea whatās going on or why youāre now inside a speedboat but itās ok.
- It doesnāt matter how many people try to explain to him you donāt speak cybertronian, he absolutely believes theyāre just shy. Crouches down and stares at you waiting for the day you finally talk back to him. āItās ok little guy. You can talk to me. Take all the time you need.ā
- When he finally catches you touching yourself he will apologise profusely and is so flustered. āSets the moodā by dimming the lights and turning on some music for you. Proceeds to just stand there with his hands over his eyes. He definitely isnāt peeking through the comically big gaps heās left over both optics.
Brainstorm
- Gets you for dirt cheap. He takes one look at you and thinks āthat little thing is a fleshy juice box full of scientific discoveryā
- Gets attached when after watching him grow increasingly agitated, rewiring and fiddling with his latest invention to get it to turn on again, you realise you know exactly what to do. This is your time to shine. As any intelligent homosapien would, you walk up to it and kick it as hard as you can. It turns on immediately. He instantly imprints.
- Now when anything breaks, he summons you to do your thing (to varying success) documents as a point of significant interest that humans appear to have an instinctual inclination to attempt to fight metal objects. Fascinating.
- Publishes his findings on your behaviours but not to the result you would hope for. Anyone responding to said research claiming that this is clear evidence of sentience is shut down by him immediately. Complex problem solving and tool use? Learned behaviours to gain nutritional based rewards. Being given the middle finger and yelled at when he took something from you? Simple mimicry from observation. The time they tried to get him to touch their valve/spike? Attention seeking and bond building behaviour to secure protection and trust. Mocks sentience truthers by stating theyāre simply anthropomorphising their pets like idiots.
- In a similar vein, his idea of enrichment is akin to psychological torture. Builds you complex puzzles and smugly states your inability to solve them is further proof of your inferior cognitive functioning. No other bot on the ship could solve these puzzles even held at gun point.
- Builds you a 3 story fully operational mini habsuite filled with automated gadgets and operation systems that probably break several intergalactic laws. Exhausted by the fact you prefer to sit in a box filled with packing peanuts to watch him work.
- Will you survive brainstorm? Probably not. Will this freak no doubt have found a way to clone you or your brain to find a way to keep bringing you back? Unfortunately for you probably.
- Let alone risk to yourself under his ownership, letās not forget the list of intergalactic crimes youāve unknowingly amassed. You pushed one of his stupid things off the table because he said no to more treats. It was a quantum destabiliser and youāve just imploded countless other dimensions. The electronics you helped him wire? That caused the genocide of a sentient bird race.
- Would not lower himself to frag a mere animal. All your attempts to stimulate yourself or try to have him aid you are met with morbid fascination though and it has his evil science brain lit up like a Christmas tree.
Perceptor
- you were given to him by brainstorm as a white elephant gift. He thought it would be funny but lo and behold, now perceptor has gotten insanely attached.
- Researches everything extensively before allowing you to interact with it. Has read 17 different articles before handing you a blanket. Scanning the ph of your water 3 times (just to be sure) before you can drink it. Before any other bot is allowed to handle you, they have to fully decontaminate their servos under his supervision.
- Rewards every single thing you ever do with sugary treats. Itās definitely promoting bad habits (and weight gain). You yawn? āLook at my little human showing their denta to ward off predators. Good job!ā you begin stealing little objects you can carry? āAh youāre showing off your catching and hoarding instincts. Very good!ā You bite a mech? āWhat a fearsome predator. Wonderful defensive display!ā Will defend anything you ever do as youāre ācompletely innocent and just following your instincts.ā
- Watches you problem solve. Recognises the complex patterns in your vocalisation. Fascinated by your testing of boundaries and pattern recognition. Although he never once thought you were stupid, the level of intelligence emerging before him leaves him deeply troubled. Sits on this information for now because he doesnāt even want to consider the implications.
- Tries to always offer you choice and autonomy when he can. Lets you pick what you want to wear, eat, do with your day. It at least suppresses the growing guilt gnawing at him. Regularly reminds himself that if he doesnāt keep you, youād just become a pet to someone else. Someone who doesnāt see in you what he does.
- A bot of morals. Would never act on his own desires or impulses but would let you rub and grind on his body and servos to see to your needs. Itās simply your biological requirements to seek a mate. Gives you a treat when you finish.
Skids
- never intended to end up with a human. He probably saw you being kept in terrible conditions at a market off the ship. The shopkeeper saw him looking and warned him you bite, refuse food, and urinate maliciously. They try to entice him with better specimens but heās always had a soft spot for damaged, overlooked things.
- At first he feels awkward having you around. Doesnāt really know what to do with you or himself. You recognise the familiar dissociative and despondent episodes he has. You begin trying to tug on his servo and call out to him redirect him. You know how it feels to be alone worthless and when he sees the recognition there in your eyes - just two truly beings seeing each other, you have stolen his spark.
- Whoās the pet in this relationship? Itās unclear to the crew.
- You have to become a little demanding. You learn to (loudly) let him know youāre hungry, thirsty, tired, bored and so on. heās learned quickly to interpret these demands and will meet all of them without delay. Heās trying his best but he gets forgetful about how many needs you have. He initially had reminders set to ping him regularly but heās delighted that you seem more than able to keep him on task.
- He responds well to pointing. You point at something? Heās on it. You point at a door? Doesnāt matter where it leads heās carrying you in to look. You point at a bot? Heās holding you up to their face to get a better look (no matter how uncomfortable they look at the surprise human almost nose to nose with them.) you point at a sign? Heās immediately reading it out to you slowly pointing to each word as he says it.
- Expects everyone else to comply with the pecking order. If you fall asleep at the bar heās loudly shushing anyone making a sound while glaring. If you want something someone has he expects them to hand it over to you. If you try to interact with another bot heās expecting them to give you attention back and dote on you.
- If you want to play with his spike or valve who is he to say no? Want him to touch you and make you feel good? Heās at your beck and call.
- Would sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory before he ever let anything even moderately uncomfortable happen to you. Youāll live forever. Heāll just not let you die. Itās not allowed. Manifests your immortality through sheer willpower alone.
- Itās truly your world and everyone else is living in it. Skids wouldnāt have it any other way.
Cyclonus/tailgate
- you were purchased as an emotional support animal for tailgate after much begging.
- This guy carries you around under your arms like a cat and pats your head to calm down. Cyclonus grunts at you and acts like he wants nothing to do with you. Makes tailgate promise to not say a word when he walked in on him scratching your chin and hand feeding you while cooing that youāre such a well behaved little fleshling.
- Throws a blanket over your head when they want alone time. Originally, cyclonus would open the door and just dump you outside while pointing down telling you to āsit. Stay.ā But tailgate vetoed that when youād shrugged and gone wandering instead, leading to a full panic attack from the small bot.
- As a present, cyclonus buys him the equivalent to one of those front facing baby carriers to carry you in which delights him to no end because now his hands are free for more petting at all times.
- Tailgate approaches cyclonus with a 15 slide PowerPoint presentation around the health and psychological benefits of using his pet for stress relief through interfacing. Cyclonus canāt say no to him. heās occupying in the cuck chair long before he decides to join. Bonus if you try throwing the same blanket he uses for you at him one time. Youāre immediately shut in drawer for mandated time out.
Rung
- Got you because he was curious to study first hand the psychology and mental capacity of these trendy new companions everyone wants. You immediately cause a catastrophic existential crisis in the poor guy.
- He begins flooding the web with extensive research and hypothesis. His conclusion? Adamant and immediate sentience truther. Argues tirelessly on forums with other good faith researchers and ragebaters alike. Screaming internally that nobody, not even his some of his own crew, is taking him seriously when he has the proof. Itās right in front of him staring at him on his desk
- Plies you with enrichment activities and treats you like a roommate rather than a pet. Sounds out cybertronian words, desperately trying to teach you to speak. when you eventually manage to say his name back to him, he cries. When he reads a comment of someone calling it simple mimicry behaviour (probably brainstorm on an anon account lmao) he wants to puke.
- Rung recruits Perceptor, Swerve, Dift, Skids, and Riptide (megs would attend but he just canāt bring himself to endure the constant human fragger allegations. Heās wallowing in enough shame as it is. Background supporter) to create the ships human sentience movement. They bring their pets together to socialise and discuss new interesting things theyāve noticed about their behaviour. Theyāve dubbed it āOCOā. It stands for opposable thumbs. Complex emotions. Obviously sentient.
- Lets you help him build his model planes. His spark melts at your giggles when he lets out sit inside them and āfliesā you through the air in his hand.
- Canāt sleep at night, thinking about the scenario that his people will never accept the truth, and equally the scenario of what will happen if they do
- Takes you to therapy sessions with him. Lets you doodle on his datapad throughout and canāt help but make eye contact with you when the bots arenāt looking. Youāre grimacing and pointing a thumb at the sobbing mech. You canāt even understand them and you still seem to pick up on the fact that everyone here is insane and/or deeply traumatised. Yeesh. He nods back solemnly.
- Will absolutely not let you engage inappropriately with him. Heās just too aware of the psychological impact and power imbalance at play. It will make him feel so guilty when you try, a reminder that you have been stripped from your natural habitat and ability to find an appropriate mate. Sources you human porn to meet your needs. Absolutely has not watched it, while fisting his spike or teasing his valve, imagining you in their place.
Drift
- Sees you in someone elseās poor care and initiates a covert surprise adoption.
- Frankly disgusted by the people arguing against human sentience. Believes all living beings are deeply spiritual and sentient in their own unique way. No being is lesser than another in his eyes.
- On this note, if someone refers to you as an āitā in front of him, heās fighting the urge to throw down. Will take the moral high road, pick you up, and take his leave. Apologises to you profusely for their lack of enlightenment
- Treats you like a little oracle. You sneeze? Itās a sign for him to stop and reconsider his current course. You fall over or become unsettled? Itās an omen and he becomes hyper vigilant for the rest of the day. Youāre at peace napping on or nearby him, looking content? Its a reminder he needs to act as you do, and take time to pause and reflect.
- Similarly he sees you as a deeply spiritual and emotionally intuitive creature. If you take a disliking to a bot you meet he takes your lead. You must be recognising something dark within them. If you take to a bot, similarly sees this as confirmation they have a pure spark and good intentions. Life is the a changeable sea and heās using you to navigate it like a magic 8 ball.
- Melts when you join him, crossed legged when he meditates. Would give up a limb to know what you think about during this time. When you eventually get bored and start prodding and pestering him, accepts this is simply the time to stop. Youāre so wise, little one.
- Tries teaching you mantras. Chuckles while petting you enthusiastically when you try babbling them back at him badly.
- Sees his impure thoughts and urges about you as a divine given test of character and virtue. It terrifies him that he feels like itās one heās losing. When he eventually gives in, changes his mind and decides you were given to him with this purpose included, as nothing has ever felt as holy and sacred as having you writhing under his touch.
Ultra Magnus
- Confiscated paperwork from another bot and that apparently contained the rights to your ownership. As per legal protocol, assumes responsibility and ownership of you. Itās the right thing to do.
- ever served in the military? Now you have.
- Your life runs to the minute now. Itās your 6 hourly mandated nutritional intake time, my pet. open wide. Itās your hourly mandated hydration time, human. Drink it all now. Out of your nest right now, human, for have reached your allocated 8 hours of recharge for this day. Youāre not moving out of your litterbox until you go, little one. The manuals state you should experience the urge to urinate every 4 hours and youāre an hour late now.
- It truly comes from a good place. Heās read so many manuals on human care that he simply must follow them to a T, lest you succumb to a myriad of ailments.
- Creates a rota for the crew of allocated babysitting times. Refers to this as your mandated socialisation and enrichment periods. Everyone has to sign an extensive documentation stating they take full legal responsibility for your wellbeing and safety while under their care and failure to comply with the above terms will be punishable by law. (Whirl is not included in the rotations.)
- To his horror he has to update this document to state that any form of sexual stimulation of human companions is a serious, punishable offence, no matter how much the human tries to initiate.
- Sometimes, though, he pretends not to notice when you rub on and grind against his servos. Itās the only rule heās set that he will turn a blind eye to himself because heād rather it be him than someone else with less integrity
- Sneaks you extra treats and lets you nap without waking you up when nobody is looking. Itās his little secret and he knows youāll not tell on him (even if you could). Wow youāre turning this guy into a true rebel (/s)
Chromedome/rewind
- rewind begged and begged to get you. Chromedome is worried itās all going to be too much time and effort
- He quickly becomes inseparable from you much to rewinds amusement
- Rewind, much like swerve, has entire databanks dedicated to you. Doesnāt post you to the group as often as swerve because he loves having them all to himself (and chrome of course)
- Rewind ends up being the one to tend to your needs the most. Itās therapeutic for him to see you thriving and doing well and knowing itās because of them. Chromedome gets insecure and competitive when it comes to whoās your āfavouriteā
- They let you watch/ read through archives and amuse yourself on their console. They obviously donāt think you understand anything youāre seeing and just enjoy the sounds and colours from the footage. Your intense interest in the cybertronian logs is perceived as simple curiously in the shapes of the words. When you begin to make a habit of copying down the words youāre reading onto the datapad. Rewind has to give regular reassurance to chrome that this is just simple mimicry and he shouldnāt read too much into it.
- let you chill on the berth when they frag, neither that put off by your presence. If you ever try to join them, they begrudgingly let you lie on whoever is on the bottom, in the middle of the metal sandwich. Youāre soaking in the distracted petting when theyāre not too lost in the moment. Thereās absolutely been āaccidentalā slips into the wrong (tight, wet human) hole.
Ratchet
- didnāt want a human. Has no need for a human. Doesnāt like humans. Too busy to care for a human
- Acquires a human. No doubt you were found injured and brought to him like roadkill after being half smooshed under a ped.
- Decides immediately he liked you better comatose and held dead. Now youāre better and causing too much stress for what youāre worth.
- You try keeping him company during his long nights, always eventually falling asleep leaning on his arm or servo. It makes his spark ache. Stopped trying to put you somewhere more comfortable because how upset it makes you. Figures youāre lonely and he could use the company anyway, as long as you behave.
- You start passing him tools and things on his desk to be helpful. He doesnāt even bother to look down as he takes them and mumbles āthanksā while giving you a single pat on the head. It encourages you to keep doing it thinking youāre being helpful. Youāre not. He grows frond of it anyway.
- Talks you through what heās doing because it helps him think. You look like youāre enjoying listening to him speak anyway.
- Doesnāt let anyone hold you or babysit you. Heās seen first hand how irresponsible the bots round here can be. Youāre much safer with him.
- Letās you explore round the medbay and do your own thing, grumbling that your wellbeing is your own responsibility. Heās always watching you out the side of his eye though, ready to intervene.
- Begins reading studies on the anatomy and physiology of humans and other carbon based life forms similar to you for fun. Heās absolutely horrified how complex but inefficient our systems are.
- Sprays you with a bottle with like a cat any time you try to āmateā with him or rub on him. Threatens to castrate you (he wonāt though dw)
So many of these are stupid Iām sorry. This is what nightshift does to the brain. Iāll proof read this when itās not 10am and Iāve slept
Thinking of bots domesticating humans mess me up psychologically (in a good horror way). Pet Humans besides looking freaky to 'wild' humans being dependant on bots care to thrive
It's like. I get it I also enjoy the fantasy of being the Cute Beloved Pet without focusing on how fucked up it would be realistically, but it's so much fun to dig into the horror too! Humans do not deal well with captivity, and like yeah there's president for humans keeping pets that dont do well in captivity and really shouldnt be pets (parrots for one), but realistically with how short humans live compared to bots and their advanced tech it makes more sense for them to just... make humans better pets. Especially if we're going to say pet humans are decently popular.
Consider this- At some point pretty early in human history, some bot stumbles across earth and grabs a few humans for whatever reason. something something something, humans end up being domesticated. Over thousands of years while life on Earth is progressing as normal, on Cybertron humans are being twisted into strange shapes. Literally having their humanity bred out of them. The vast majority of Cybertron has never even considered that these weird little organics could be sentient in the same way you've never wondered if your hamster could secretly play the piano.
Then, somehow, the voyager I golden record finds its way to Cybertron. It takes a while to decipher, they don't have tech like this, but when they finally do its... upsetting to say the least. Because it's undeniably human in origin. This desperate greeting to the universe- here, here is how to find us, here is our dna, our planet, our music, our children. Here is an incredibly simple explanation of our math so you can understand us. We have skyscrapers, planes, cars, rockets, and we are sending this probe and record of us into the depths of space in the desperate hope you'll be able to understand it.
....The bot looks over at their beloved human, curled up on its little nest. It doesn't really look like the humans in the images, and is generally uninterested in much besides eating and sleeping and cuddling up in the bots servo. They really can't imagine it figuring out rocket science but the proof is undeniable. They want to purge as the reality of what they've done to humanity sets in.
Ķ”ĶĶā checkmate!
ONE āļø what if theyāre sexy?
masterlist | next
warnings: none afaik?
authors note: hi yeah sorry the first part is very very short and literally nothing happened but they will typically be longer than this i #swear⦠alsoooo yeah i still havenāt opened a taglist but if there ends up being enough people asking iāll think about it!! thank you for all the support so far hehehe i havenāt done an smau in so long and i loveeee markā¦
Tim: I've fake a injury for a year to keep my secert identity.
Jason: You only did that because you have a thing for the physical therapist.
Tim: AND?! Danny is cute!
Dick: That's a concern. I'm calling the company and replacing him for Danny's own safety.
Tim: Do you not want my imaginary leg injury to heal!? We paid so much real money for it!
Damian: I would rather pay for someone to heal your mind, but I know not to throw money into an unrealistic endeavor.
Jason: Yeah, like buying wedding gifts for him. Tim is never getting someone to agree to tie the knot.
Damian: Says the man who can't get a second date.
Dick: Damian! Stop it! Bruce cannot afford all the therapy these two need. Dont make it worse.
Danny: ....So our session ends in 40 minutes, do you want to go for a walk or maybe a swim???
Tim: Hold on dear, I'm defending my honor.
Damian: Can't defend what you don't have.
Tim: Listen HERE-
Danny: I'm going to set up the pool. I think we need to cool off
Danny leaves the room and runs into Bruce: Oh, hello, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce: Please call me Bruce! It's always odd when my son's boyfriend is so formal.
Danny: About that... turns out I was wrong. Tim and I are not dating. That was my bad.
Bruce heartbroken: No. You guys were my favorite couple.
Danny nodded sadly: Me too. I guess we can't do those in-law fishing trips anymore.
Bruce: But who will help me put the worm on the hook!
Danny: Maybe Jason?
Bruce: Jason? He hates fishing. He always gets distracted by reading. Oh Danny, is there any way you could get back together with Tim?
Danny: I mean, I can try, but apparently incorrectly assuming we were dating is going to make it difficult. I thought his pretending to get hurt to see me was just a joke; I didn't realize he was being serious. Hell, he never actually did physical therapy; we just worked out together, each doing thier own set and routine. We even cuddled afterward. How would that have been a regular PT?
Bruce: I'm sorry, my son's an idiot. He didn't get that from me. He's adopted.
Batman: Do you trust me?
Jazz: I-
Danny: Don't do it, Jazz! He's a liar. A pretty lair, but a lair nonetheless!
Jazz: You can tell his pretty? With everything covering his face?
Danny: He gives the vibe of a man who has gone through life flying on pretty privilege.
Jazz studying Batman: Yeah, I see what you mean.
Batman: ....Do you want to be rescued or not?
Danny: Not!
Batman: I apologize, I made that sound like you had a choice. I'm saving your lives.
Danny: The the HELL you are!
Jazz: Actually, I would like to get out of the cage the weird clown threw us in.
Danny through clentch teeth: Fine. Save us. But only because Jazz vouched for you.
Batman: Why are you so angry child?
Jazz: He doesn't trust pretty people. They bullied him through middle school and high school.
Red Robin: Wow, he must not trust himself then. After all, he's the prettiest boy I've ever seen~ā”
Danny: *Barks and growls at him*
Jazz: Danny!
Danny: That one reeks of pretty privilege. He can not be trusted.
Red Robin: Jokes on you, I'm into this.
Batman: Children. There is a bomb strapped to the top of the cell. We must stay focus.

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Maāam⦠my husband⦠heā¦
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HIM
(anyway I love your writing and I was wondering if I could request some fluff with Swerve where he gets some love? Thank you so much, lots of love and care! Stay cool)
Oh, thatās⦠thatās an extra cursed Swerve š¤£
Reverse Soft AU-alternate take
Swerve x Reader
⢠Washing out a shot glass, you glance over at your entertainment for the evening. Hadnāt expected a Cybertronian to walk into your bar. Hadnāt thought any of the aliens were even in your small town so youād been glad youād ordered some engex even though youād been sure youād never use any of the stuff. Though the bot is still nursing his first glass as the latest person heād tried to chat up pointedly moves a stool over in a snub. And youāve got to hand it to the mech, because his hopeful smile doesnāt even waver after getting shot down, what is it now, four times?
So, Plot Idea.
For one reason or another. Captain Marvel (Aka; non-feral Billy Batson) has to with the JL fight against someone or whatnot. Yet, somehow, he accidentally gets de-aged.
But the twist.
He does not just go back to little sweet mortal Billy Batson; no Captain Marvel form becomes younger. And he not the same age as Billy, it more between the ages of 6-8, instead of Billys actual 10-12 year of age. For the cherry on top is that he is dressed in traditional clothing, as it makes him seem older than he actually is. But since Soloman was like letās give you something as cool as Eldrich Memory, he remembers everything.
But because he knows what happened doesnāt mean he would not stir shit up.
He looks around confused (playing his role), then the villain starts their monolog. And Billy is like ok, time for some fun, and curb stomps the villain all why laughing. The rest of the JL are just watching in horror as a 6-8 year old is beating the life out of the emery with such ease. When they try to calm the child, only to have a hiss and Billy acting like the true feral cat he is, because he has āno idea who they areā. Ā He even goes as far as speaking a very old and dead language that they donāt understand.
All why this is happening his gods are laughing and egging him on.