Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
my plans for the third chapter was going to be ending it before the first week in the manor begins. i was then going to pass off to an ask game and use those prompts, etc. to build up the chapters.
for example: take all of the ari prompts, work them into one chapter than spans a few weeks and interlock them with the next chapter which would be curtis, and then so on. if that makes sense. it does on notes, i promise.
or, i write a whole chapter of the first week and then move to individual prompts and do a short chapter of lore corresponding to whose day it is.
interlocking chapters would more time to write and ready but would be released every day of one week.
separate prompts would be faster, but shorter and not as immersive.
Which would you prefer?
Interlocking chaptersβ gimme it all!!
Separate promptsβ I prefer a snack rather than a whole meal.
Series Summary:Β A secret relationship with Steve Rogers begins to fracture when he starts pulling away, unable to face what he feels. As the silence between you turns into hurt, humiliation, and reckless self-destruction, the cracks spread through every mission, every glance, and every choice - until everything comes to a head in the worst possible way.
Series Warnings:Β heavy angst, no happy ending, major character death, secret relationship, emotional repression, miscommunication, grief, guilt, jealousy, emotional self-destruction, reckless behavior during missions, injury, blood, graphic wound description, femoral artery injury, panic, near-death scene, death scene, funeral aftermath, complicated Steve/Reader/Bucky dynamic, one-night stand with Bucky, non-romantic rebound/comfort sex, emotional distress, implied poor sleep and loss of appetite.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (no use of Y/N)
Please read the warnings before continuing.
This fic contains heavy angst, emotional self-destruction, a secret relationship falling apart, reckless behavior, jealousy, a one-time sexual encounter used as emotional escape, graphic injury, major character death, and a grief-heavy ending. This is not a fix-it and does not have a happy ending.
Series Summary:Β A secret relationship with Steve Rogers begins to fracture when he starts pulling away, unable to face what he feels. As the silence between you turns into hurt, humiliation, and reckless self-destruction, the cracks spread through every mission, every glance, and every choice - until everything comes to a head in the worst possible way.
Wordcount: 11.1k
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (no use of Y/N)
Series Warnings:Β heavy angst, no happy ending, major character death, secret relationship, emotional repression, miscommunication, grief, guilt, jealousy, emotional self-destruction, reckless behavior during missions, injury, blood, graphic wound description, femoral artery injury, panic, near-death scene, death scene, funeral aftermath, complicated Steve/Reader/Bucky dynamic, one-night stand with Bucky, non-romantic rebound/comfort sex, emotional distress, implied poor sleep and loss of appetite.
A/N: Please read the warnings before continuing. This fic contains heavy angst, emotional self-destruction, a secret relationship falling apart, reckless behavior, jealousy, a one-time sexual encounter used as emotional escape, graphic injury, major character death, and a grief-heavy ending. This is not a fix-it and does not have a happy ending.
Beta read by Cassie.
Masterlist - Series Masterlist - Prev
The argument on the balcony did not settle anything.
If anything, it made everything worse.
Before that night, Steve had still been able to pretend, at least in fragments, that distance was working. That whatever damage had been done between you could be managed through discipline, silence, and the slow violent act of reducing what you had shared into something survivable by daylight. He had looked at your sleeplessness, your sharpness, your carelessness in the field, and kept dragging the whole mess back into the language of protocol because protocol did not ask him to bleed.
After the balcony, the mask no longer fit as cleanly.
You saw it in all the small failures first.
His timing went wrong in conversation. He answered too late when someone spoke to him. He watched you when he thought you were not looking and looked away too slowly when you caught him. His corrections in the field grew tighter, flatter, too quick around the edges, as if control itself had become a muscle he was now overusing to keep the rest of him from slipping.
The whole team felt the shift, even if no one had the shape of it.
Sam noticed Steveβs temper shortening in places where it usually bent.
Natasha noticed everything and said nothing.
Bucky noticed the way Steveβs eyes followed you and the way yours hardened every time they did, and because Bucky possessed more mercy than most people ever gave him credit for, he never once tried to force the thing into the open.
No one asked directly.
No one had the right language.
The result was worse than accusation would have been.
The Tower seemed to hold its breath around you both.
Two days passed like that.
Then three.
The mission came up on a Thursday morning, grey and cold, one of those low-cloud days where the sky over the Tower looked like dull metal and the city below seemed built from rain and exhaust. Friday listed the operation on the schedule in her calm voice before sunrise: weapons intercept, suspected off-book transfer through a private cargo airfield in Jersey, multiple armed contacts, minimal civilian presence, in and out if possible.
By seven, the lower hangar had become the usual controlled chaos of pre-deployment.
The quinjet sat open under the overhead work lights, its dark hull catching pale reflections across the polished floor. Crates had been stacked against the far wall. Equipment cases lay half open on a rolling table. Someone had left a coffee cup near the ramp and forgotten it there. Voices echoed differently in the hangar than they did in the Tower proper β thinner, more metallic, every word sharpened by the size of the space.
Sam argued with Clint over comm frequencies near the rear loading bay.
Natasha checked weapons with the bored efficiency of someone who could probably do it blindfolded.
Bucky stood near one of the supply racks adjusting the strap of a tactical vest, silent as ever, his attention outwardly on the mission and inwardly, if you knew how to read him, on everything else in the room too.
You had almost made it to the gear table without incident.
Almost.
βCan we talk?β
Steveβs voice came from behind you, low enough not to carry.
You froze for a fraction of a second before schooling your face back into stillness.
The hangar floor felt suddenly too open, the sounds around you too clear, the air itself too sharp. You did not turn right away. You picked up the last of your gear from the table, checked the mag count in one motion too precise to be natural, and only then looked over your shoulder.
Steve stood a few feet away, already dressed for the mission, his shield propped against one of the nearby crates. The overhead light drained some of the warmth from him. It caught the fatigue in his face, the strain still living around his eyes, the tension set hard in his shoulders as if he had walked into the conversation already braced for impact.
You knew that look by now.
It meant he had rehearsed something.
It also meant he was already failing at it.
You glanced once around the hangar.
Sam and Clint remained occupied across the way. Natasha was far enough not to hear unless voices rose. Bucky had his back half turned, but you did not trust that posture for a second. He was too observant to miss this entirely.
That made you even less inclined to indulge Steve.
βWeβre about to deploy,β you said.
βI know.β
βThen whatever this is, it can wait.β
Steveβs jaw tightened. βNo, it canβt.β
That got your full attention.
Not because of what he said. Because of how he said it.
Urgency did not sit naturally on him unless the situation warranted it, and this did not warrant it. Not tactically. Not in any sense the team could approve. Which meant the urgency belonged to him.
For one humiliating beat, part of you wondered whether that would be enough to make him finally say something real.
You should have known better.
He took one step closer, lowering his voice further. βI didnβt want it to get like this.β
There it was.
Not truth.
Not even close.
Only another sentence arranged around the real thing rather than through it.
Your expression must have changed, because Steveβs face tightened almost immediately, as if he heard the failure in his own words the moment they left his mouth.
βYou didnβt want what to get like this?β you asked.
His eyes searched your face, maybe for softness, maybe for patience, maybe for some earlier version of you who still made room for his unfinished thoughts and called it understanding.
He did not find her.
βThis,β he said. βUs. The way things are now.β
You laughed once under your breath, short and bloodless. βYou really love nouns without content.β
Steve exhaled through his nose, visibly trying not to lose the thread he had come for. βThatβs not fair.β
βNeither was any of this.β
He looked away briefly toward the jet, then back at you. βIβm trying.β
βThatβs generous of you.β
The sarcasm landed. You saw it in the flicker of hurt that crossed his face before discipline buried it again.
He stepped in closer, not enough to touch, only enough to force the conversation into a tighter space. βI never meant to hurt you.β
The sentence might have once reached you.
Now it only exhausted you.
You folded your arms. βAnd yet.β
Steveβs mouth tightened. βI thought I was doing the right thing.β
βBy who?β
He did not answer quickly enough.
The hangar hummed around you β metal cooling somewhere above, distant footsteps near the far side, Sam muttering something about signal drift and Clint answering with a complaint you could not quite catch. The ordinary life of pre-mission preparation went on while the two of you stood in its middle trying to compress a private wreckage into stolen minutes.
Steve ran a hand once over the back of his neck, then dropped it. A nervous tell on anyone else. On him, nearly catastrophic.
βI thought,β he said slowly, carefully, βthat stopping it before it got worse was the right thing.β
You stared at him.
Stopping it.
As if what had happened between you had been a machine left running too long. A process. A tactical error. Something impersonal enough to shut down before collateral spread.
You felt your anger turn colder.
βWorse for who?β you asked.
Steve flinched at that. Not visibly enough for anyone else. Enough for you.
βThatβs not what I meant.β
βNo,β you said. βThatβs the problem. It never is.β
He stepped closer again, voice low and roughening now at the edges. βI didnβt know how to handle it.β
There.
Closer.
Not enough.
You looked at him and saw how near he stood to saying it. How badly he wanted credit for circling the truth without being made to step fully inside it. Another version of you, earlier and softer and less ruined by him, might have reached the rest of the distance on his behalf.
That version of you was gone.
βHandle what, Steve?β
His gaze locked on yours.
For one suspended second, the whole hangar seemed to narrow to the space between your bodies.
He knew what you were asking.
He knew exactly what the sentence required of him.
Not poetry.
Not absolution.
Only clarity.
He gave you another half-step instead.
βWhat I felt,β he said.
Your pulse kicked once, hard.
It was the closest he had come in daylight. The closest he had come sober and uncornered and before disaster forced honesty out of him like blood from a wound.
And still it was not enough.
Because he said it like he was naming weather.
Like a private symptom.
Like something he had experienced in isolation, detached from the damage it had done to you.
You held his gaze and said, very quietly, βThen say it properly.β
His expression shifted, and for the first time since he had stopped you, something almost unguarded flashed through it. Fear, perhaps. Or the terrible recognition that he had walked himself right up to the edge of the cliff and still could not make the final step.
He looked away first.
That told you everything.
A laugh escaped you, low and exhausted. βOf course.β
Steveβs voice sharpened with frustration. βDonβt do that.β
βDo what?β
βAct like this is easy.β
You blinked at him once, almost not believing what you had heard.
βEasy?β
βThatβs not what Iββ
βNo,β you cut in, the anger coming back all at once. βNo, Iβm done translating you. I am so far past done with that.β
He fell silent.
Good, some bitter part of you thought. Let him.
You dropped your arms to your sides because holding them folded suddenly felt too much like defense, and defense was no longer what this required. He had earned something blunter.
βYou donβt get to come over here before a mission and feed me this vague, guilty nonsense like itβs enough,β you said. βNot after weeks of acting like I was some issue of timing and professionalism. Not after the balcony. Not after all of it.β
Steveβs jaw tightened. βIβm trying to explain.β
βNo,β you said. βYouβre trying to avoid.β
His eyes flashed. βThatβs not fair.β
βThere it is again.β
βBecause it isnβt.β
You looked at him for a long moment, then shook your head once in disbelief.
βItβs like you think if you sound miserable enough, Iβll do the rest for you.β
The words hit.
Hard.
He did not deny that one either.
Of course he did not. It was too accurate.
His voice dropped another degree, and when he spoke again the strain in it had become impossible to miss. βI cared about you.β
Past tense.
Maybe he did not mean it that way.
Maybe he had only chosen the wrong tense under pressure.
It did not matter.
The sentence struck like a blade all the same.
You stared at him in stillness so absolute it almost qualified as composure.
Then you said, βGet out of my way.β
Something in Steveβs face changed instantly. βThatβs not what I meant.β
βThen say what you mean.β
βIββ
He stopped.
Again.
That one broken sound, the aborted start of a sentence he should have been able to finish if he had any right to this conversation at all, nearly made you laugh from sheer fury.
You stepped into him just enough that he had to move or trap you there.
βEither say something true,β you said, each word clean and cold, βor leave me alone.β
The hangar seemed to go quieter around the edges.
Not actually quieter. Sam still talked. Clint still swore at a piece of equipment. Somewhere across the floor, Natasha snapped a case shut. But all of it had grown distant compared to the way Steve looked at you now β as if you had finally forced him into the exact place he had spent months avoiding.
He knew what truth you meant.
Not apology.
Not regret.
Not I never wanted this.
Not I thought I was doing the right thing.
The truth.
The one that required a subject and a verb and enough courage to put his own heart in the sentence instead of hovering around its edges like a man afraid to touch fire.
His mouth parted.
Closed.
The pulse in your throat beat hard enough to hurt.
For one terrible second, hope rose anyway.
Because he looked wrecked.
Because he looked so close.
Because every line of him seemed to have tightened around the effort of making himself say one honest thing before you walked away.
And thenβ¦
Nothing.
Not because he had nothing to say.
Because he still could not say it.
A cold kind of understanding moved through you.
Of course.
Even now.
Even here.
Even with everything already ruined badly enough that the truth could only make it cleaner, not worse.
He still would not do it.
Your voice, when it came, had gone flat with exhaustion. βThatβs what I thought.β
You moved to step around him.
His hand caught your wrist.
Not hard.
Not enough to hurt.
Enough.
You looked down at it, then up at him.
Steve released you immediately, but the contact had already done its damage.
βDonβt go into this mission angry,β he said quietly.
The sentence was so absurd in its timing that you almost smiled.
Not because it was funny.
Because it was hopeless.
βYou think thatβs still the problem?β
His face tightened. βI think youβre not sleeping, not eating, and throwing yourself into live fire like it wonβt matter if you donβt come back.β
The words landed harder than you wanted them to.
Not because he was wrong.
Because he was right, and still choosing the wrong frame.
You looked at him, at the fear he could almost name when it involved your body but not your heart, and felt only tiredness.
βThen maybe you should have said something when it still might have made a difference.β
Steveβs expression cracked by a fraction.
It might have moved you, if you had anything left to spend.
Instead you stepped back fully, putting clean distance between you.
βMission first, right?β you said.
His jaw clenched. βDonβt do that.β
βYou taught me well.β
The answer hurt him. Good.
Across the hangar, Natashaβs voice cut through sharp and clear. βWheels up in two.β
Sam called something back.
Clint swore again.
The jet ramp shifted with a hydraulic whine as final equipment got loaded.
The world resumed its shape around you.
Steve stood in front of you with unfinished truth all over his face and still no courage to name it.
You shouldered past him.
He turned slightly as you did, not blocking you this time, only watching. βWeβll finish this when we get back.β
That almost made you stop.
Not because you believed him.
Because part of you wanted to turn and ask when, exactly, he thought βbackβ ever came for people like you.
Instead you kept walking toward the jet.
Behind you, after one long second, Steve followed.
The team boarded in the usual order. Sam first. Clint still muttering. Natasha with one last scan of the hangar floor. Bucky near the rear ramp, his attention flicking once from you to Steve and back again, reading something in the distance between you without comment.
You took your seat and strapped in.
Across from you, Steve settled into his own without looking directly at you.
Of course he did not.
The engines began to spool.
The interior lights dimmed.
The Tower fell away behind reinforced glass and metal as the quinjet lifted into the low grey morning.
You stared at the floor between your boots and replayed the conversation with a clarity that made your stomach twist.
He had tried.
That was the worst part.
He had tried and failed and expected, somewhere deep down, that effort itself might still count for something.
Maybe once it would have.
Now all it left you with was the old unfinished ache sharpened into resentment.
He cared.
He had felt something.
He had never known how to carry it.
He had thought fear was nobler than honesty.
And when faced, finally, with the chance to speak plainly before you walked into danger again, he had still chosen vagueness over vulnerability.
You closed your eyes briefly and leaned your head back against the metal wall of the jet.
The conversation sat inside you like a splinter driven deeper, not pulled free.
Across the aisle, Steve remained silent.
The mission clock ticked down.
And between you, suspended in the roaring dark belly of the aircraft, the truth remained unfinished.
The mission began wrong before anyone set foot on the ground.
Not in any measurable tactical way. The intel packet still looked clean on paper. The route remained viable. The airfield sat where it was supposed to sit on the edge of a freight corridor in Jersey, half private infrastructure, half decaying industrial sprawl, the sort of place built from chain-link, concrete, corrugated steel, and money quiet enough not to ask questions. Friday fed updates through the comms in her usual calm cadence. The quinjet cut through low cloud without incident. Weapons checked green. Signals stayed stable.
And still, something in the teamβs rhythm was off.
You felt it before you could have explained it.
Sam talked less on approach.
Clint, who usually filled pre-mission tension with sarcasm, kept his voice clipped and practical.
Natasha watched everyone with that still, predatory quiet she wore when she thought a room might detonate before the first shot.
Bucky sat two seats down from you, braced and silent, his eyes on nothing obvious and everything at once.
Steve said almost nothing at all.
That was the worst sign.
Ordinarily, even under pressure, he had a steadiness to him that settled the room. Not warmth, exactly. Something more useful. Clarity. He spoke and people aligned around it. Plans sharpened. Nerves quieted.
Today, the steadiness felt forced.
He gave the final rundown without looking directly at you for longer than necessary, but you still caught it β the drift of his attention, the way his gaze kept returning as if against his will, the split-second delay every time someone else spoke and dragged him back to the mission in front of him.
He was trying to focus on the operation.
He was failing.
That should have satisfied something ugly in you.
Instead it only made the atmosphere inside the jet tighter, thinner, harder to breathe.
You checked your sidearm again even though you had already checked it twice. Straps secure. Knife in place. Vest fitted high enough not to snag when you turned. The small ritual of readiness gave your hands something to do while the unfinished conversation in the hangar burned like acid at the back of your throat.
Either say something true, or leave me alone.
He had done neither.
The quinjet banked low over the outer perimeter.
Fridayβs voice came through your earpiece. βThermal scan confirms movement in three clustered structures. Primary transfer appears to be taking place inside the central hangar. Multiple armed hostiles. No civilian signatures detected in immediate range.β
Steve rose when the jet hit final approach, one hand on the overhead rail, posture sharpening into command by force of habit if not by ease. The red jump light washed his face in warning color and cut his features hard.
βBarnes, east side entry,β he said. βRomanoff, with him. Wilson, roofline. Barton, stay on overwatch until we know where the shipment is moving. Youβre with me through the center.β
The last sentence was for you.
You looked up.
His eyes met yours for one brief, loaded second.
There was too much in them.
Tension.
Fear.
The pressure of ten things still unsaid.
Then the light shifted green, the ramp dropped, and the mission swallowed everything else.
Cold air rushed into the jet.
The airfield spread below in sodium glare and shadows β wet concrete, stacked cargo pallets, dark freight containers, service vehicles parked at wrong angles, the main hangar ahead with one door half open and light spilling through. Rain had passed recently. The ground shone slick in patches.
You hit the tarmac in a crouch and moved.
The first moments went clean.
Too clean.
Sam took the roofline without resistance.
Clint called two sentries on the northwest perimeter and put them down before either spotted the team.
Natasha and Bucky vanished toward the eastern wall.
You and Steve cut through the center route along a line of cargo crates and reached the main hangar door without taking fire.
Inside, the transfer had already begun.
Crates stamped with falsified shipping seals sat half-loaded onto a low transport rig. Half a dozen armed men moved around them in a rush too coordinated to be ordinary contractors and too sloppy to be professionals worth respecting. One man barked orders in Russian. Another checked a manifest under a hanging work light. Weapons leaned against a table in a pile that suggested confidence rather than discipline.
Steve gave the hand signal.
Split. Fast. Quiet as possible.
You moved first.
The initial takedowns landed with brutal efficiency. Steve dropped one man before he finished turning. You drove another face-first into a steel beam hard enough to put him down without a shot. Sam came in from above through a broken upper window and hit the catwalk. Natasha appeared out of shadow with one of her blades already red. Bucky took the rear flank.
For perhaps ten seconds, it looked salvageable.
Then the lights went out.
Not all of them.
Just enough.
Half the hangar plunged into shadow while the remaining fixtures strobed and hummed under a failing line, throwing everyone into alternating bands of dim yellow and white glare. Somewhere to your left, a door slammed open. Then another.
βSecondary team!β Clint snapped over comms. βYouβve got movement from the west annexβ more than expectedββ
Gunfire cut the sentence in half.
The ambush hit hard and close.
Men poured through the side corridor and the overhead maintenance stairs at once, turning what should have been a contained intercept into a crossfire box. The transport rig lurched as someone threw it into reverse. A shot cracked off the steel beside your head, then another from the catwalk above. Sam swore as rounds chewed through the railing near his shoulder. Natasha disappeared toward the west passage without waiting for permission because waiting would have gotten someone killed.
βFall back to cover!β Steve shouted.
The hangar exploded into motion.
Bodies hit the concrete.
Metal screamed under ricochet.
Someone overturned a crate and sent weapon components skidding across the floor.
The strobe-light failure made every movement harder to read, faster, dirtier, each flash giving you a new frozen image of the room before darkness broke it again.
You should have pulled toward Steveβs position.
You knew that.
Instead, when one of the transport drivers cut toward the east exit and two of the armed men broke after him with Bucky already moving to intercept, you pivoted and went that way without thinking long enough to stop yourself.
Or perhaps you did think.
Perhaps the thought was only too ugly to name:
Bucky exposed.
No time.
Move.
You hit the first man low, shoulder into his knees, and drove him sideways into the rigβs steel frame. The impact rattled through your spine. He swung down with the butt of his rifle and caught the top of your shoulder. Pain burst white and fast. You ignored it, tore the weapon sideways, and rammed your elbow into his throat.
βBehind you!β Bucky barked.
You turned just in time to see the second man charging with a blade in one hand and something feral in his face under the stuttering lights. Bucky had one hostile already half on top of him near the loading path, metal arm locked at the manβs wrist while the other tried to bring a sidearm up under his ribs. He could not break free fast enough to cover you.
So you moved.
Too fast.
Too hard.
Too committed.
You stepped into the knife line to keep it from reaching Bucky.
For a second, the world narrowed to impact.
The attacker came in low and vicious. You turned with him, tried to angle the strike off, but the floor was slick and your timing went half a fraction wrong. The blade bit high into your inner thigh instead of glancing away.
It did not feel like much at first.
Just a hard, deep pressure. More shock than pain.
The manβs body slammed into yours with the momentum of the strike still behind it. You drove your own knife up under his ribs on pure reflex and felt him collapse against you before falling away.
Then the room lurched strangely.
You took one step backward.
Another.
The sound around you dulled for a second, then sharpened again all at once β gunfire, shouting, the screech of the transport rig hitting a support post, Sam calling for Steve from somewhere above, Clint swearing over comms, Natashaβs voice cold and fast through the west corridor.
You looked down.
Blood ran dark over your tactical pants in a sheet too wide, too fast, soaking down your leg and splashing the concrete under your boot.
That was wrong.
You remember thinking only that at first.
Wrong.
Not the neat line of a cut.
Not the slow seep of a deep wound.
A rush.
You tightened instinctively, one hand going to your thigh. Warmth hit your palm immediately. More than warmth. Heat and slickness and a pulse under the blood that should not have been there.
Your stomach dropped.
Across the hangar, Steve turned.
You did not know what he had been looking at a second before β an opening, a target, the path toward the transport. It did not matter. The moment his eyes found you and dropped to the red pouring down your leg, the rest of the room vanished from his face.
Every scrap of control went with it.
βDown!β he shouted, not at the team, at you.
You tried to answer.
Maybe you even did.
Your right leg buckled before the thought finished forming. The concrete came up hard under one knee, then both. The blood loss hit all at once after that β dizziness, cold, the sudden impossible lightness in your limbs. The hangar tilted around the edges. Sound receded and crashed back in waves.
Steve was there before the second collapse finished.
One instant across the room.
The next on his knees in front of you, sliding through your blood, hands already at your thigh.
His faceβ¦
That was the first truth.
Not words.
Not confession.
His face.
You had spent weeks trying to drag honesty out of him with arguments and anger and cold demands for sentences he would not say. You had watched him deny and retreat and recast everything into safer shapes. You had begged him for clarity and gotten guilt. Pressed him for truth and gotten discipline. Danced with another man in front of him just to force some reaction visible enough to wound.
None of it looked like this.
He was terrified.
Not the controlled fear of a leader assessing injury.
Not the focused urgency of a soldier working a field wound.
Terrified.
It stripped him bare in a single instant. His eyes went wide and sharp and utterly unguarded, his mouth set not with command but panic already fighting its way through it.
βNo, noββ he said, voice breaking on the second word as his hands clamped harder over the wound. βPressureβ Godβ Natasha, extraction, now!β
Pain arrived then.
Blinding and hot and wrong, tearing up from your thigh into your hip and down through your knee in sick electric waves every time his hands pressed harder to stop the bleeding. You gasped and nearly folded forward. Steve caught your shoulder with one hand, forced you back upright, then returned both hands to the wound as blood tried to force its way between his fingers.
βStay with me,β he snapped, the command shredded raw by fear. βStay with me.β
Over comms, everything turned jagged.
βSouth side clear!β Natasha shouted.
βVehicle incoming!β Sam yelled from the catwalk.
Clint called coordinates too fast to track.
Buckyβs voice came somewhere close, hard and violent and focused on the perimeter. βIβve got the east lane! Move!β
He was securing the room.
Or trying to.
Another burst of fire cracked across the hangar. Steve hunched over you more completely, physically shielding your upper body while still holding the wound closed with both hands. Blood slicked over his gloves, his wrists, the floor beneath his knees.
You tried to help. You think you did. Your own hand closed weakly over one of his forearms, not to move it, only because your body looked for something solid and found him.
βSteve,β you managed.
He looked at your face so fast it almost hurt.
βI know,β he said immediately, as if answering a different sentence. βI know. Stay with me.β
His voice was all wrong.
Too rough.
Too loud.
Too human.
This was no longer Captain America in command of a bad scene. This was Steve with blood on his hands and fear ripping straight through his composure fast enough that everyone in the room could see it if they looked.
Your vision blurred.
The overhead lights strobed again, and for a fraction of a second the hangar froze into a bright still image: Natasha crouched by the west support firing low and controlled toward the annex door; Sam dropping from the catwalk with one wing sparking; Clint somewhere beyond the crates; Bucky near the east lane, brutal and efficient, putting down the last man between your team and the extraction path.
Then the light failed back to dimness.
You felt cold.
Not metaphorically.
Not the poetic cold of shock people wrote about in books when they wanted death to sound beautiful.
A body cold.
Wet cold.
Wrong cold from the inside out.
Steve saw it too.
His eyes flicked once over your face, reading what you could not hide. The pressure of his hands on your thigh increased until pain flashed white again.
You made a sound you did not recognize as your own.
βI know, I know, Iβm sorry,β he said, and the apology fell out of him without thought, without reserve, as if fear had bypassed all his usual defenses and gone straight to the truth of what mattered. βI need you to stay awake. Look at me.β
You looked.
That was the second truth.
He had tried so hard to hide what lived in him that you had almost begun to believe the hiding might kill it. But there, kneeling in blood and concrete and failing light with his hands trying to hold your body together, he looked at you like losing you would destroy him.
No restraint left.
No vagueness.
No safe language.
Only terror and need and something so naked in it that your chest tightened despite the shock hollowing you out.
Somewhere to your right, Bucky dropped to one knee by your shoulder just long enough to fire past Steve into the outer corridor. The shot rang deafeningly close.
βWe need a lane now!β Steve shouted, not looking away from you. βSam!β
βWorking on it!β Sam yelled back.
Buckyβs hand hit your shoulder once β grounding, firm. βStay with him,β he said, voice clipped, then he was up again, moving back into the perimeter before the sentence fully settled.
Stay with him.
As if the choice still belonged to you.
The floor under you had become slick.
Steve shifted his weight to keep from sliding in your blood. His right hand stayed locked over the wound. His left pressed down hard enough that the heel of it trembled. He was breathing too fast. You could feel it in the closeness of him, in the way his chest lifted and dropped like he was trying to outpace panic and losing.
βLook at me,β he said again, quieter this time but no less desperate. βHey. Look at me.β
Your head felt heavy.
You stared at him because it seemed easier than holding onto the rest of the room. Around his face, the hangar had started to blur into light and noise and meaningless motion. But he stayed sharp. Steve with his hair damp at the temples from exertion, jaw tight with fear, eyes burning blue and horrified and so achingly open that you almost laughed at the cruelty of it.
This.
This was what he had been hiding.
Not absence.
Not indifference.
Not even merely guilt.
Love, perhaps.
Or something close enough that, in the face of losing you, the distinction no longer mattered.
It appeared in the panic before it ever reached language.
You saw it in the way his hands shook between one pressure check and the next.
In the way he kept saying your name like the sound itself might anchor you.
In the way command had fallen apart the instant your blood hit the floor.
The truth came to you not as comfort, but as recognition.
You had not imagined it.
You had never imagined it.
And somehow that hurt more.
Steve shouted again for extraction. His voice cracked outright this time.
Natasha answered from somewhere beyond your line of sight. βThirty seconds!β
βToo long!β he shouted back.
His hand slipped once in the blood. He corrected immediately, face draining further when more of it welled hot between his fingers.
Femoral artery, some detached corner of your mind supplied with horrible calm.
Femoral artery.
Too much.
Too fast.
You swayed.
Steveβs blood-slick hand came up from your thigh just long enough to grip the back of your neck and keep you from pitching sideways. The touch was so intimately familiar and so utterly unlike any of the careful, hidden tenderness that had come before that your throat tightened around something half hysterical.
βDonβt,β he said.
Only that.
Donβt leave.
Donβt close your eyes.
Donβt slip away now that he had finally let you see the shape of his fear.
It was the first completely honest thing he had given you in weeks, and he gave it without knowing.
Somewhere in the widening noise, Bucky called that the path was clear.
Boots thundered across concrete.
The transport of the enemy finally died against the far wall with steam hissing from the hood.
The room kept moving because rooms always did, even when one personβs world narrowed to a single pair of hands and the fact of bleeding out under them.
Steve leaned closer over you, almost bent double with the effort of holding pressure. Blood smeared across his chest where your leg had brushed his uniform. His breath shook. His eyes never left your face.
And in them, unmistakable now, with no polished words left to hide behind, you finally saw it: not duty, not leadership, not a captain trying to keep a teammate alive.
Just Steve, terrified, and in love enough for the fear to strip him bare.
The hangar never truly went quiet.
Even after the worst of the ambush broke, even after Bucky and Natasha forced the surviving hostiles back far enough for Sam to clear a path toward extraction, the space remained full of motion and noise and damage. Metal groaned somewhere above. A warning light flashed uselessly in one corner. Boots pounded across concrete slick with rain and blood. Over comms, voices snapped in and out of sense.
But on the floor, with Steve kneeling in your blood and both hands trying to hold your body together, the world narrowed until almost none of it mattered.
You could still hear it all.
The gunfire, farther now.
Sam calling distances.
Clint swearing about the incoming transport.
Natashaβs low, precise voice cutting through the noise like a blade.
But it all came from very far away.
Steve did not.
He filled your entire field of vision.
Him and the pain.
Him and the pressure on your thigh.
Him and the terror he was no longer able to hide.
Your body had begun to feel wrong in pieces.
The first thing to go was warmth.
Cold crept up under your skin in a slow, merciless tide, starting in your hands and feet and moving inward until even your teeth felt loose in the chill of it. Your fingers no longer seemed properly connected to you. Your lips had gone numb. Every breath shivered on the way in, though the room around you was not cold enough to justify it.
The second thing was strength.
Your head had become too heavy for your neck. Your shoulders wanted to fold. Your vision blurred at the edges in pulses, darkening, clearing, then slipping again. Steve kept saying your name, and each time it sounded farther away, as if he were calling to you from the mouth of a tunnel you had somehow already entered.
The third thing was time.
It stopped moving in a straight line.
One moment Steve was shouting for extraction with command shredded raw into panic. The next he was bent over you whispering, βLook at me, look at me, stay with me,β as if the sentence had been going on for hours. The stuttering overhead lights turned the room into bright fragments and shadow, and each flash felt separate from the last, disconnected from the logic of what should have come before or after.
Steve pressed harder against your thigh and the pain flared so violently that black specks burst across your vision.
You gasped.
βI know,β he said instantly, his own voice shaking now in a way you had never heard before. βI know, Iβm sorry, I know.β
Sorry.
The word landed strangely.
Not because it was new. Steve had apologized to you before. Quietly. Inadequately. In rooms where his guilt still mattered more than your wound. But this was different. This apology had no shape around it, no self-protective architecture, no careful distance. It fell out of him like blood from something already opened.
His hands were slick and red to the wrists now. Blood soaked through the knees of his uniform where he knelt. He looked at you like every second you blinked was a threat.
It should have satisfied something.
Some ugly, starving part of you that had wanted him to break open and finally show what he kept burying.
Instead it only made your chest ache with a grief too old and too tired to sharpen into victory.
You swallowed, or tried to.
Your throat felt dry and thick all at once.
βSteve,β you said.
He bent closer immediately, as if the sound of your voice had physically pulled him in. βIβm here.β
The answer almost made you laugh.
Not because it was funny.
Because of course that was what he said now. Here. Kneeling in blood and panic and the aftermath of every sentence he had failed to finish while there had still been time to build a future out of them.
You stared at him.
His face had gone pale under the grime and sweat of the fight. There was blood on his jaw now β not from a blow, just yours, transferred in smears by his own frantic hands. His eyes looked too bright, too wide, too human.
This, you thought dimly, was Steve stripped of every place he usually hid.
No Captain America.
No leadership.
No noble distance.
No language about doing the right thing.
Only Steve.
Only a man terrified enough to forget how to lie.
The thought gave you enough focus for one last, desperate need.
It had lived in you for months by then.
Under the grief.
Under the humiliation.
Under the anger, the recklessness, the sleeplessness, the ugly beautiful mistake of Bucky, the way every wound had deepened because one question remained unanswered.
Not Why did you leave?
Not Why wasnβt I enough?
Not even Why did you say mistake when you knew it was more than that?
Only this.
You gathered what little strength remained and lifted your hand.
It barely reached him. Your fingers brushed his wrist where it trembled over the wound, and even that small movement seemed to frighten him.
βHey,β he said quickly, too quickly, catching your hand for a second before pressing it back weakly against his sleeve. βDonβt move. Stay still.β
You looked into his face and said, voice thin and breaking under the cold, βTell me...β
He leaned closer. βWhat?β
You swallowed against the confusion pressing at the edges of your mind. The sentence felt far away, as if you had to cross water to reach it. But the need remained intact even while everything else blurred.
βTell me,β you whispered, βthat I wasnβt the only one.β
Steve stopped breathing.
Not completely. Not for long. But long enough that you felt the pause run through him like a shock.
Around you, the hangar kept moving. Someone shouted that the route was secure. Another voice yelled for the med kit. Metal rang under bootsteps. The room remained brutal and immediate and full of survival.
None of it entered the space between you.
Steve looked at you as if the question had gone through skin and bone and straight into the center of him.
His mouth opened.
Closed.
For one terrible instant, you thought he was going to fail again.
That even here, with your blood on his hands and death standing so close you could feel its breath in the cold under your ribs, he still would not say it properly.
Then his face broke.
There was no other word for it.
The control you had spent months fighting against, the restraint that had kept him circling every truth instead of stepping into it, shattered visibly. Not beautifully. Not nobly. It came apart the way men came apart when terror finally reached the place where pride had been standing guard.
His head dropped once, hard, almost like a flinch. When he looked back up, his eyes had gone wet.
βYou werenβt,β he said.
The words came rough and wrecked and immediate.
βYou werenβt,β he said again, more desperately now, as if repetition might make you hold onto them. βGod, no. No, you werenβt.β
Something inside you went very still.
Months of doubt, of humiliation, of watching him erase and evade and retreat, collapsed inward around those four words.
You had not imagined it.
Not once.
Not alone.
Not ever.
Steve pressed harder against the wound and the pain flashed through you bright and nauseating. You made a sound, and his face twisted.
βIβm sorry,β he said again, but now the apology was changing shape as it left him, becoming something larger and more terrible. βIβm so sorry.β
Your body shook once with cold. Or pain. Or relief too late to be called mercy.
Steve bent nearer still, so close now that his forehead almost brushed yours. His voice dropped, but it did not steady. If anything, it worsened β more raw, more broken with each sentence.
βI loved you,β he said.
The words hit harder than the pain.
His face blurred for a second, then sharpened again through the dizziness.
Steveβs eyes searched yours with frantic intensity, as if he needed to see that the sentence reached you before he dared continue.
βI loved you,β he repeated, βand I love you. I still do. I never stopped.β
Air caught painfully in your throat.
You had wanted this.
Wanted it so badly at one point that the wanting itself had become a kind of sickness.
But hearing it here, on the floor of a ruined hangar with your leg open and your blood cooling under you, felt less like receiving a gift and more like being cut a second time in the exact same place.
Steve kept talking.
Once he started, it seemed he could no longer stop, as if every word buried over the last months had broken loose all at once and now came spilling out with the same urgency as the blood he still could not hold inside you.
βI didnβt know what to do with it,β he said. βI thought if I ended it β if I stepped back before it got worse β I could stop it from ruining you, ruining the team, ruiningββ His breath shook. βI thought I was doing the right thing. I thought if I kept it under control, if I made it smaller, if I called it something less than what it wasββ
His voice cracked.
He looked down at the blood soaking through his fingers, then back to your face with such naked horror that your own eyes burned.
βI destroyed you instead,β he said.
The sentence landed with devastating precision.
Not because it was new.
Because it was the first time he had ever said it in full.
βI was afraid,β he went on, words stumbling now, too fast and too true. βI was afraid of needing you that much. Afraid of what it meant. Afraid that if I let it be real, Iβd lose you too. And I thought leaving first would somehow spare you from being tied to someone that broken, someone stillββ He shut his eyes once, briefly, as if the next admission hurt too much to carry. βI thought running from it was kinder. I thought if I buried it, it would hurt less.β
He opened his eyes again.
It might have been better if he had not.
Everything was in them now.
Love.
Terror.
Regret.
The exact shape of a man understanding too late that fear had not protected either of you from anything.
βIt didnβt,β he said. βIt just hurt you. It hurt you, and I let it, and then I stood there and watched you fall apart because I didnβt know how to fix what Iβd done.β
Your vision swam.
Steveβs face doubled for a second under the bad lights and the blood loss, then settled again into one image, one pair of eyes, one mouth still trembling around the truths you had once begged for in quieter rooms.
You heard him.
Every word.
That was the cruelty of it.
You heard everything you had needed from him for months β the love, the fear, the confession, the ugly honesty of his cowardice, the admission that he had not failed to feel but failed to stay β and now that it had finally arrived, there was no future large enough left to contain it.
There were only seconds.
Maybe minutes.
And a body going colder by the breath.
Steve must have seen the drift in your focus, because one hand left the wound just long enough to cup the side of your face, blood and all, trying to hold you in the present by force.
βStay with me,β he said again, and now his voice had become openly pleading. βPlease. Please stay with me.β
The touch should have been gentle.
It was desperate instead.
You leaned into it anyway because there was no strength left for pride.
The cold had reached your chest now. Your fingers no longer felt like yours at all. The noise around you came and went in waves. Somewhere nearby, Bucky shouted something about the medevac route. Sam answered. Natasha was closer than before, maybe kneeling, maybe standing guard. The team still existed around you.
But Steve was the only thing that held.
You tried to speak.
Nothing came out the first time.
Steveβs thumb shook against your cheek. βDonβt,β he whispered, as if he were afraid of whatever your next sentence might be. Or perhaps afraid you would spend precious breath on words instead of staying alive long enough to hear more from him. βSave it. Just keep looking at me.β
You almost smiled.
It took too much energy to finish.
He was still trying to command the moment.
Still trying, impossibly, to manage his way around the thing that could not be managed anymore.
You swallowed and forced the words through the narrowing space left in your chest.
βI waited,β you whispered.
Steveβs face twisted as if you had struck him.
βI know.β
βI waited for you to say it.β
His eyes closed for half a second. When they opened again, something in them had gone almost unbearable to look at.
βI know.β
The repetition was wrecked now. Useless against the scale of what it contained.
You wanted to tell him that you knew.
That you saw it now.
That you had always seen enough to suspect and had only needed one clean sentence to keep from going mad.
That the worst part had never been his fear, but his silence.
That you had not needed him perfect, only brave.
What came out instead was a broken breath and the beginning of another thought.
βSteve, Iββ
Pain tore through your thigh again as his hands adjusted under the pressure and the sentence snapped in half. Your body jerked. Darkness surged at the edges of your vision.
βNo.β Steveβs voice broke completely on the word. βNo, heyβ stay with me. Stay with me. Iβm here. Iβm here.β
There was blood on your mouth now where you had bitten the inside of your cheek again. You could taste iron under everything else.
You looked at him and thought with bleak, impossible tenderness that this was the first time in weeks he had been entirely, helplessly honest with you.
Because he was too afraid not to be.
His face blurred once more.
You blinked hard, trying to keep him sharp.
Tried again to finish the sentence.
βI thought if you had justββ
The rest dissolved.
Not because you changed your mind.
Because your body no longer seemed interested in obeying thought all the way to speech.
Confusion rolled through you in a soft grey wave. The hangar lights smeared into streaks. Steve said your name, once, then again, each repetition more panicked than the last. His hands were still pressing hard enough to hurt, still warm, still trying to hold you inside yourself.
You wanted to answer.
Wanted to tell him that the words mattered.
That they still mattered even now.
That hearing them did not save you, but it kept you from dying inside the lie that you had been alone in loving him.
Instead you only looked at him.
Really looked.
At the horror and love stripped bare in his face.
At the blood on his hands.
At the mouth that had finally said everything and done it far too late.
You understood then that maximum pain was not the wound itself.
It was this.
To receive the truth at the exact moment it could no longer become a life.
The Tower quieted after funerals.
Not immediately.
First came logistics. Calls. Reports. Official statements drafted in language clean enough to survive government review and heartless enough to make grief feel administrative. There were forms to sign, files to lock, mission footage to classify, equipment to inventory, blood to scrub from places blood should never have been. People moved through those tasks with the stunned efficiency of the recently bereaved, all motion and numbness and practical cruelty.
Then came the service.
It was small.
You would have hated anything larger.
A few people from SHIELD stood at the back in dark suits and unreadable faces. The team stayed closer. Sam wore grief badly, like a jacket that did not fit but could not be taken off. Natasha stood with her hands clasped in front of her and her expression perfectly composed, which only made the damage in her eyes more visible if one knew how to look. Clint kept his head bowed longer than necessary. Bruce spoke very little. Tony did not try to make anything lighter.
Bucky stood apart from the others by a matter of inches, not distance enough to count as leaving, only enough to look like habit.
Steve said nothing at all.
He had been asked if he wanted to.
Fury asked once, quietly, as though the question itself might crack something still holding. Sam asked later in a different way, more human and less strategic. Even Natasha, who rarely wasted words on the obvious, looked at him once with the kind of stillness that meant speak now, if you can live with it after.
Steve could not.
Not because there was nothing to say.
Because there was too much, and none of it belonged in public anymore.
So the service ended the way these things always did: with wind over stone, black cloth, lowered eyes, and the dull unbearable fact that the world did not pause long enough to make room for the missing. People stood in silence. Someone cleared their throat. Somewhere beyond the cemetery gates, traffic moved. The city kept going.
Afterward, everyone left in pieces.
Sam got pulled into a conversation he clearly did not want with one of Furyβs men and then escaped it by force of politeness. Bruce disappeared first, because Bruce always understood when staying would turn grief into spectacle. Clint touched Natashaβs shoulder on his way past and she let him, which said enough. Tony lingered only long enough to look at Steve with something raw and regretful and then walk away without trying to improve it.
Bucky stayed.
Steve knew he stayed before he looked up.
The cemetery had begun to empty around them. The late afternoon sky hung pale and colourless overhead, the kind of washed-out grey that made everything feel flatter than it was. Damp wind moved through the trees in thin restless sounds. Fresh earth still darkened the ground where they had lowered you. Flowers sat too neatly against the soil, already looking staged by grief rather than softened by it.
Steve stood with his hands in the pockets of his coat because otherwise he did not know what to do with them.
He had spent days discovering that they were worst when empty.
When they were busy β signing, carrying, packing away your things, answering the smallest required questions in the least breakable voice he could manage β he could almost pretend his body still belonged to him.
When they were empty, he felt them remember.
Blood.
Your blood.
The heat of it spilling through his fingers while he pressed down hard enough to hurt and still could not keep you there.
He had not slept properly since the hangar.
The serum spared him some ordinary punishments. Not this one. Exhaustion found other ways in. It lived behind his eyes now, in his shoulders, in the strange dead heaviness of his bones whenever the Tower fell quiet enough for memory to move in.
He stared at the grave because it gave him one fixed point in a world that no longer made moral sense.
Bucky came to stand beside him.
Not close enough to touch. Not far enough to suggest avoidance.
For a while neither of them spoke.
The silence between Steve and Bucky had never been an easy thing, not even at its best. It carried too much history for that. Too many wars, too many versions of guilt, too many long years of surviving each other by instinct rather than language. But it had changed over time into something livable. A silence with recognition inside it. A silence two men could stand in without needing to decorate it.
This silence was different.
Heavier.
More final.
Not hostile. Just exhausted.
Bucky kept his eyes on the grave when he finally said, βShe wouldβve hated the flowers.β
Steve almost smiled.
The almost hurt more than if it had failed entirely.
βYeah,β he said.
Bucky glanced once at the arrangement nearest the headstone. White lilies. Formal. Wrong.
βShe wouldβve called them pretentious.β
Steve let out a breath through his nose that might once have qualified as a laugh. βAnd then made somebody take them anyway.β
βProbably Barton.β
βThat sounds right.β
The tiny scrap of normality lasted less than a second after the words ended. Then the cemetery returned around them, all wind and damp earth and what remained when there was nothing left to organize.
Bucky shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket.
His face looked older in grief. Not changed, exactly. Only more clearly cut by everything he had already survived. The lines of fatigue were harder today. His mouth had gone flat in that way it did when he was carrying more than he trusted himself to say cleanly.
Steve knew he should speak first.
He knew it and still could not find the shape of anything that did not sound either inadequate or self-indulgent. Iβm sorry had become obscene somewhere around the third day after the funeral arrangements. There were sorrys too small for this world and sorrys too late, and his belonged to both categories now.
So Bucky said it first.
Not the thing itself. Just the opening around it.
βI didnβt know.β
Steve looked at him.
Bucky kept his gaze on the grave. βNot all of it.β
There was no accusation in the sentence.
That made it worse.
Steveβs throat tightened around words that already felt damaged before they existed. βI know.β
Bucky nodded once.
Another stretch of silence followed.
Wind shifted through the trees. Somewhere farther down the row of stones, a groundskeeperβs cart rattled faintly over gravel and then was gone again. The world remained offensively ordinary.
βI figured something was wrong,β Bucky said after a while. βToward the end.β
Steve said nothing.
What was there to say?
Yes, you should have.
Yes, it was visible.
Yes, I made our wreckage public only in its consequences and private only where it could still destroy her cleanly.
Bucky dragged one hand over his jaw, then let it fall.
βShe came to me like somebody trying not to feel anything,β he said. βI knew that much. I just didnβt know where it started.β
The words landed hard and clean.
Steve closed his eyes for a second.
Not long. Just enough to survive the image they pulled up without permission.
You in Buckyβs room, perhaps. Or yours. Hollow-eyed. Tired. Looking for oblivion in a body because his silence had made living in your own unbearable. He had known, somewhere under the denial, that whatever happened between the two of you had not been born from tenderness. He had seen enough in the field, enough in the way Bucky watched you afterward, enough in his own jealousy on that balcony, to understand the broad shape of it.
He had still asked.
Did you sleep with him?
As if pain were entitled to facts before it earned honesty.
βI found out too late,β Steve said, and hated the weakness of the sentence the moment it left him.
Bucky finally turned his head and looked at him.
The expression on his face held no anger.
Only tiredness.
Only the kind of guilt that came not from wrongdoing, but from having stood close to a collapse and failed to understand its speed until the impact had already happened.
βYeah,β Bucky said. βMe too.β
Steve swallowed against a throat gone painfully tight.
The cemetery blurred at the edges for half a second, then sharpened again.
For days now, everything in him had been split between two unbearable recognitions.
The first was that he had loved you.
Not had felt something.
Not had cared.
Not any of the weak evasions he had wrapped around the truth because he thought caution might be kinder than courage.
Loved you.
Fully.
Enough to break when he lost you.
Enough that the memory of your face in the hangar still woke him in the few hours his body surrendered to sleep.
The second was that you died knowing it only because death had cornered the truth out of him.
He had said the words.
At last.
At the worst possible time.
With blood on his hands and no future left to offer them.
A confession could be honest and still fail to save anything.
He knew that now.
Bucky looked back at the grave.
When he spoke again, his voice had gone quieter.
βShe was already falling.β
Steveβs hands clenched in his pockets.
The sentence did not accuse.
It did not need to.
He had watched it happen in increments.
The less sleep.
The untouched food.
The sharpened voice.
The risks in the field.
The way your anger shifted from heat to emptiness.
The way you looked at him in briefings like he was speaking over a grave no one else knew existed.
He had seen every piece of it.
And because he was afraid, because fear had dressed itself up as restraint and responsibility and the right thing, he had mistaken watching for mercy.
Bucky exhaled slowly through his nose.
Then he said, simple and devastating and impossible to argue with, βShe was falling, and neither of us knew how to stop it.β
Steve looked down.
Not at the grave.
At the ground between his shoes, damp and dark and real in a way everything else had stopped being.
Something in his chest gave under the sentence.
Not all at once. Not dramatically. Grief did not usually break him cleanly. It wore through him by repetition, by return, by the same thought arriving every day in a slightly different coat and still cutting to the bone.
She was falling.
He had known.
Not all at once. Not completely. But enough.
Enough to say something.
Enough to stop speaking in half-truths.
Enough to choose honesty before panic made honesty meaningless.
Neither of us knew how to stop it.
That part was true too, perhaps.
Or kinder than the full truth.
Because Bucky had not been given the whole map.
Bucky had seen a woman in pain and offered her space, silence, a body to lean against when the nights got too long.
Bucky had not hidden you, then denied you, then watched the aftermath like a command problem.
Steve had.
The distinction stayed unspoken between them.
Maybe Bucky knew it anyway.
Maybe that was its own form of mercy.
After a long time, Steve said, βI shouldβve told her.β
The words sounded too small in the open air.
Bucky did not contradict him.
That felt like judgment and absolution at once.
Steve looked at the headstone.
Your name sat carved into stone with obscene finality. A line beneath it. Dates. The shape of a life reduced to the geometry of memorial. He had seen your name written in reports, on call signs, in mission files, on the door of your room. None of those versions had prepared him for this one.
He remembered instead the unfinished sentence in the hangar.
Steve, Iβ
You had not finished it. Your body had failed the rest. The thought remained with him anyway, circling without end, because the mind was cruel enough to spend grief inventing alternate endings and just disciplined enough to know none of them changed the ground under his feet.
Bucky shifted beside him.
βI donβt think she wanted saving,β he said after a while.
Steveβs eyes closed again.
βNo,β he said.
That was not quite right.
You had wanted something. He understood that now. Not rescue. Not management. Not protection wrapped in cowardice.
You had wanted truth.
One sentence at the right time.
One admission clean enough to stand in daylight.
One act of bravery from the man you loved, before fear made everything rot from the inside out.
He had withheld it until there was nothing left for it to build.
The wind rose briefly, stirred the flowers, then died again.
Bucky straightened from where he had half leaned into the cold, hands still in his jacket pockets. He looked at the grave one last time before turning slightly toward the path.
βIβm heading back,β he said.
Steve nodded.
Bucky took two steps, then stopped.
Without looking back, he said, βFor what itβs worth, I donβt think she doubted it at the end.β
The sentence entered Steve like a knife gone in without force.
At the end.
As if those words could still be arranged into comfort.
As if knowing in the final minutes made up for the months before.
As if terror on his face and blood on his hands and love confessed beside a fatal wound counted as mercy because at least it was not silence.
Still, he understood what Bucky had meant.
He understood and hated that he was grateful.
Bucky waited only long enough for the meaning to settle.
Then he left Steve standing there.
Alone.
That was how it remained after people finished trying to help.
Grief, in the end, became radically private again.
The cemetery emptied. The damp air settled colder as daylight thinned. Somewhere beyond the gates, a car door shut. Somewhere else, a bird startled out of a tree and vanished into the lowering sky.
Steve stayed.
He did not know for how long.
Long enough for the wind to change.
Long enough for the city noise beyond the wall to deepen toward evening.
Long enough for his hands to begin aching with remembered pressure despite hanging uselessly at his sides now.
Eventually he crouched.
Not because he had anything ceremonial in mind. Not because he believed in gestures enough to think they repaired what words had failed to do.
Only because standing had become impossible.
He reached out once and touched the edge of the stone with two fingers.
Cold.
That was all.
No sign.
No answer.
No sudden clarity.
Only stone and air and the blank, impossible fact that you were nowhere he could reach now.
When he finally stood again, his knees felt older than they had in years.
He looked at your name one last time.
There were still things he could have said, if saying them had mattered.
He could have told the stone that he loved you.
That he had loved you long before fear made him cruel.
That he had watched you come apart and called it discipline because admitting the real cause would have required more courage than he possessed at the time.
That the last honest moments of his life would probably always remain the ones spent kneeling in your blood, too late and finally unable to lie.
None of it changed anything.
The dead did not need belated eloquence.
The living did.
And he had failed you while you were still alive enough to hear it and make a life from it.
That was the emptiness.
Not only that you were gone.
That the words existed now in perfect, useless clarity.
Steve turned at last and walked back toward the gate.
The gravel sounded too loud under his steps.
The evening sky had gone pale and hollow overhead.
By the time he reached the road, he could no longer feel the cold in his hands.
Only their memory.
And the unbearable weight of everything they had held too late.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
warnings/tags: 18+ MDNI, smut, pwp, p in v, unprotected sex, nipple worship, edging, overstimulation, multiple orgasms (implied), cowgirl, creampie, power imbalance (soft dom reader + subby steve) praise kink, hyperspermia? (implied if you squint?), pet names (honey, baby)
jazz talks: this is what chats in the dms turn intoβ¦ and iβm definitely not sorry about it π no plot just straight up porn. steve let me bite your pretty titties plsss π₯Ί
dt: my stevie bb @epiphanyrogers π₯° subby steve is here for u! honestly u inspired me to do this pookie so ty, ily! also if it sucks, pretend u never read it.
wc: 2k
It started innocently enough, one lazy afternoon tangled in his sheets after a mission that had left him raw and aching for touch that isn't violent.
You were both bare, skin still warm from the shower. He was on his back with you straddling his hips, your hands roaming the broad expanse of his chest.
His pecs are ridiculousβthick, sculpted muscle honed by decades of serum-fueled perfection, smooth and taut under your touch.
You had teased him about them before, called them your favorite pillows, even joked that they could use a bra.
But you didnβt feel like joking that day. You ached to touch, to explore, to have more.
You leaned down, pressing open-mouthed kisses along his collarbone, nipping at the salt of his skin. He sighed contentedly, his hands settling on your thighs.
βBaby," he murmured, voice gravelly, "Let meβ"
"Shh," you whispered against his sternum, feeling the rapid thump of his heart.
Your tongue traced the edge of his pectoral before your lips closed around his nipple, soft and warm against the firm swell of muscle.
You sucked lightly at first, rolling your tongue over the tight bud while your teeth grazed just enough to make him shiver.
He froze beneath you, a sharp inhale breaking the quiet, his fingers digging into your thighs with delicious force.
You pulled back to watch, and that was the moment you noticed it: his nipple glistening wet from your mouth, pebbled and flushed, and Steve biting his lip to stifle a whine.
His cock, half-hard against your thigh, twitched visibly, thickening as his hips bucked once, involuntarily.
βOh,β you breathed, realization blooming hot in your core. βYou like that.β
He flushed crimson from his chest up to his face, avoiding your gaze, but his body betrayed him the moment you latched on harder, sucking with a wet pull that echoed shamelessly in the room.
A broken whimper escaped him, nothing like the commanding growl you were so used to. His hands slid up to your ass, gripping you for support as if your weight kept him from tipping over.
βFuck, honey,β he gasped, voice trembling, you felt him throb against you, fully hard, precum seeping onto your skin.
You had barely ventured lower, and he was already a messβchest rising and falling rapidly, nipples swollen and begging under your teasing.
That first time, you didnβt push too farβeasing off with a final swirl of your tongue before kissing your way back up, capturing his mouth as he panted, dazed and pliant beneath you.
But the seed was planted, and over the following weeks, you nurtured itβtrailing teasing licks during makeouts on the couch, pinching through his shirts until he squirmed, whispering promises of what youβd do when he was ready to let go.
Steve fought it as best he could, but always ended up pressing you beneath him, fucking you deep and thorough, as if he had to prove he was still the one in control.
But you saw it in his eyes, the flicker of want he couldnβt quite hide and the way he lingered when your lips drifted too close to his chest.
You knew it was only a matter of time.
The night you fully claim it, heβs worn thin from a brutal weekβAvengers chaos stacking up until heβs all tension and quiet fatigue, muscles tight beneath sun-kissed skin.
You find him stretched out in the low light of your bedroom, shirtless, eyes fixed on the ceiling, his body marked with faint scars your fingers have memorized.
βCome here,β you murmur softly, guiding him back onto the pillows until heβs lying flat.
His blue eyes stay fixed on you, wide and trusting, as you climb over him. Thereβs no rush, no pressureβjust you, warm and naked, settling onto his hips.
Steve's hands come up instinctively, cupping your breasts, his thumbs brushing slow, familiar circles with that quiet reverence he always shows you.
You stop him gently, catching his wrists and pressing them back into the mattress.
"Not tonight, Captain. Tonight, you let me take care of you."
His throat bobs as he swallows, a brief flicker of uncertainty crossing his face. Heβs not used to this. To being the one laid out and taken care of, but he nods, breath shallow, his cock already straining thick and heavy against the taut cotton of his underwear, pressing against your slick folds as you grind down once, slow and teasing.
You tug his underwear down just enough to free his cock. It shoots up hard and thick, slapping against his abs with a heavy smack, veins standing out along the shaft, the swollen head already glistening with precum.
You slowly ease yourself down onto him, watching his face contort as your pussy swallows him inch by tortuous inch.
Heβs huge, always is, filling you with that exquisite stretch, your walls fluttering around his girth until youβre seated completely.
You don't move. Not yet.
You lean forward, breasts brushing his chest, and drape yourself over him, your weight pinning him sweetly.
His cock throbs inside you, trapped in your heat, and you clenchβhard, squeezing him in rhythmic pulses that make your own breath hitch.
"Jesusβfuck," Steveβs voice breaks into a soft, helpless sound, head tilting back against the pillows, throat stretched and exposed.
His hands twitch beneath yours, a restless urge to touch, to hold, but he keeps them still, giving himself over to you.
You loosen your hold on his wrists, letting your hands glide down his arms. Your fingers trace the lines of his torso before sliding back up, settling over his chest, over those glorious pecs rising and falling with each ragged breath.
You start slow, hands gliding over the solid planes, kneading gently, feeling the warmth of him seep into your skin.
Steve reacts to every bit of itβeach press and squeeze drawing a soft, breathy sound from his throat, his hips trying to lift until you press him back down, holding him steady.
βAh, ahβstay,β you murmur, soft but firm, and he obeys, catching his lip between his teeth as he nods.
Your thumbs circle over his nipples, the sensitive peaks quickly tightening, begging for attention.
Steve's breath hitches, chest arching into your touch.
"So sensitive here," you coo, pinching one lightly between your thumb and forefinger. He gasps, eyes squeezing shut. "Bet you could come just from this, couldn't you, Stevie?β
"Y-yes,β he confesses, the word slipping out on a shaky breath. His thighs tremble beneath you, abs contracting as he fights the urge to move.
You roll both nipples between your fingers, tugging just hard enough to make him cry outβa high, broken sound that goes straight to your clit.
Leaning down, you take one into your mouth. Your tongue swirls around the pebbled bud, hot and wet, sucking with gentle pressure.
Steve's back arches off the mattress, a keening whine ripping from his throat. βOh, fuckβ¦ please, please, donβt stop.β
His cock throbs violently inside you, more precum slicking your walls as you clench down in response.
You hum against his skin, the vibration making him shudder, your teeth grazing the underside before you suck harder, hollowing your cheeks.
Your hand works the other nipple, pinching and twisting in time with your mouth.
Steve's a wreck alreadyβwhimpering mess of a man.
βF-fuckβ¦ feels so good,β he babbles, voice wrecked. βYour mouthβ¦ God, baby.β
His hands slide up to your hips, gripping like you're his lifeline.
"Look at you," you pull off with a pop, saliva stringing from your lips to his shiny, abused nipple. "My big, strong super soldier, falling apart from a little nipple play. You love it, don't you? Love having your pretty tits sucked while I strangle your cock with my pussy."
The dirty words slip from you effortlessly, fueled by his unravelingβSteveβs eyes glassy, lips parted in endless pleas, hips twitching helplessly against your hold.
"Please, need you, can'tβfuckβyour pussy's so tightβ¦ please move." he whimpers, voice pitching higher as you switch sides, latching onto the neglected nipple with insatiable hunger.
You suck harder, tongue flicking relentlessly while your pussy continues to clamp down in brutal pulses, grinding your clit against his pubic bone for your own pleasure.
Minutes stretch like thisβyour mouth and hands worshipping his pecs, nipples swollen and red from your assault, his cock still trapped in your fluttering heat.
Steve's reduced to babbling filth he doesn't even know he's saying: "Suck harderβneed itβpussy's choking meβgonna come, please say I canβ"
Finally, when his whimpers turn to outright sobs, tears pricking his lashes, you relent.
You sit up slowly, hands still toying with his nipples, lifting barely an inch before sinking back down.
You set a torturously languid pace: rising until just the tip kisses your entrance, every veined inch dragging against your walls then lowering with a wet, slap grinding forward to smear your slick onto him.
βMmm, just like that," you moan breathlessly, leaning back to brace on his thighs, giving him the view of your breasts bouncing softly, your pussy devouring him.
"Feel that, Stevie? My tight little cunt owning you. You gonna come, baby? Gonna come inside me, huh?β
Steve's hands come up to your breasts, kneading desperately, but his focus is shattered, hips stuttering up to meet your glacial pace. βY-yes, pleaseβ¦ insideβ¦ oh, fuckβ¦ so goodβ¦β
You lean forward mid-grind, capturing a nipple between your teeth, tugging as you rock back.
The dual sensation breaks him.
Steve cries out, back arching, cock pulsing rapidly. Hot, thick spurts of cum jet deep into you, rope after rope painting your walls white, his release so forceful it leaks out around the base despite your tight clench.
"F-fuckβcoming, baby, can't stopβ" he wails, voice cracking into pathetic moans.
His pecs jump under your mouth, nipples diamond-hard, tears streaming down his flushed face while he thrashes helplessly beneath you, every pulse of his cock drawing another broken sob.
The flood of his hot cum tips you overβyour clit grinding relentlessly against him, his throbbing length stretching you full, pushes you into bliss.
Pleasure coils tight in your core and shatters; you cry out, walls convulsing wildly around him, milking every last drop as your orgasm crashes through you.
"Shit, Stevieβyes, fill me up, making me come so hard on your cock," you gasp, body shaking, vision blurring while you rock through the waves, soaking him further with your release.
But you don't stop, riding through both your climaxes slow and filthy, clenching rhythmically to wring him utterly dry, prolonging the ecstasy until he's a shuddering, oversensitive mess.
You keep going, grinding lazily through his oversensitivity, sucking his nipples until he's twitching, begging incoherently. "Too much⦠please⦠more" His cock gets hard again, super soldier stamina kicking in, and you grin, lifting to ride again.
Hours seem to pass, your slow rolls and deep grinds making obscene wet sounds, dirty talk spilling from your lips.
"Love how good you fill me up, baby. Gonna keep you hard all night, suck these pretty tits until you come again."
By the umpteenth time he spills inside you, you're both wrecked, sweat-slick and trembling. You collapse onto his chest, lips brushing his abused nipples one last time.
βYou did so good for me,β you whisper, and he lets out a soft hum as his arms wrap around you.
thank you so much for reading! hope you enjoyed! pls like/comment/reblog if so and let me know what you think!
my plans for the third chapter was going to be ending it before the first week in the manor begins. i was then going to pass off to an ask game and use those prompts, etc. to build up the chapters.
for example: take all of the ari prompts, work them into one chapter than spans a few weeks and interlock them with the next chapter which would be curtis, and then so on. if that makes sense. it does on notes, i promise.
or, i write a whole chapter of the first week and then move to individual prompts and do a short chapter of lore corresponding to whose day it is.
interlocking chapters would more time to write and ready but would be released every day of one week.
separate prompts would be faster, but shorter and not as immersive.
Which would you prefer?
Interlocking chaptersβ gimme it all!!
Separate promptsβ I prefer a snack rather than a whole meal.
bro writing this chapter feels like climbing a mountain, iβm so close to having it done but itβs scattered with random dialogue and imβ im figuring it out im stressed
bro writing this chapter feels like climbing a mountain, iβm so close to having it done but itβs scattered with random dialogue and imβ im figuring it out im stressed
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
"So," Jen started as she sat down across from all three of you, "how'd you guys meet, then?"
Curtis, your strong, stoic one, surprises you by being the first to answer. "We all met at a mutual friend's birthday party. Just got into a conversation between the three of us and," he shrugs, "clicked. It seemed pretty simple, to be honest."
You grinned. "Yeah, felt like the three of us just all slotted into place. All at once."
"Well," Ari jumped in on your other side, his arm stretched across the top of the couch so that he touched you both, "technically I saw her first."
Your mouth dropped open in shock as you turned from one of your boyfriends to the other to find the biggest, most shit-eating grin on Ari's face.
Curtis leaned in over you, and even though you couldn't see his eye roll, you could feel it. "Fuck off," he muttered, with equal parts affection and exasperation.
Ari shrugged, his expression not changing. "I'm just saying. If we're talking about who was into who first, it was me. I saw her first."
"God, Ari," you laughed, just as Curtis reached across you to pull Ari toward him with his hand on the back of Ari's neck.
"Yeah? Well, maybe I saw you first, huh?" And then he pulled Ari into one of the filthiest kisses you'd ever witnessed between them. But never one to leave anyone out, his other hand slipped between your thighs. Not indecent, not exactly. But if this continued any further, the three of you would need to get home. Now.
You heard Jen awkwardly clear her throat on the other couch as Curtis thumb on your leg started to brush back and forth. Yeah, it was definitely time to go.
K R I S!!!! i am always in a mood for poly, so I am psyched for this!! and a pairing/prompted pooped into my head almost immediately.
Curtis + Jake π₯°
βIf I told you to kneel and pledge your loyalty to me and no one elseβ¦ Would you?β
iβm so excited to see what you come up with for all the prompts you get!! i hope this is so fun for you π
You sat on your throne, gazing down at the knight in front of you. Sir Curtis Everett had been one of your kingdom's most loyal knights, both back when your father had been king, and, more recently, after his death once you'd ascended to the throne.
But you wanted something more.
You felt him watching you whenever you were in his presence. Not just the way a knight keeps tabs on their sovereign, but the way a predator watches their prey. The way the devout guard their deity. The way the moon tracks the sun through the sky.
And it was time for you to know. For sure.
You leaned forward in your seat on the dais. "If I told you to kneel and pledge your loyalty to me and no one else..." you paused, watching the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed. He wasn't quite making eye contact, never daring something quite that disrepectful. But still, you felt his full attention on you. You at least thought you did. "Would you?"
He cleared his throat, eyes cast down even more. And then he shocked you by shaking his head. "No," his deep, quiet voice still somehow seemed to fill the entire throne room with his rejection. You tried to stay calm, keep breathing, not let your humiliation show when he spoke again. "But," he continued and you braced yourself for a speech about how his loyalty belonged to the kingdom, not any one person. Then his eyes came up and met yours, for just a moment, before sliding to your right, where your most loyal advisor stood, JensenβJake to those dear to him, which you had somehow recently become, even if it was in a shape you did not quite recognizeβand stayed locked there for a long moment before returning to you. "I would swear my loyalty to you both, until my dying day, if you would both accept it," And he sank down on one knee, right in front of you, his sword bracing himself on the stone floor, and his head bowed. To you both.
Your eyes moved to Jake, whose gaze was hopping between you both, his expression a mixture of panic and hope.
Staring at these two men, you felt something start to settle in your heart, something you hadn't realized had come undone, and though you didn't know how the three of you would begin to untangle whatever stood before you into something you could recognize, you were sure that it must be possible.
Ransom Drysdale + Cole Turner + "Get your head in the game!"
-Zombie
@thezombieprostitute
You were pretty sure your whole body was on fire as you felt the man at the other end of the bar eye fucking you again. This wasn't a normal experience for you. You didn't know what to do.
You turned to your boyfriend to see if he had any ideas, but he wasn't even paying attention, playing something on his phone. You gently slapped him on his arm. "Cole! Get your head in the game!"
He looked up at you, completely lost. "Huh?"
"What are we gonna do about that guy??"
He looked around the room cluelessly. "What guy?"
With an exasperated sigh, you fully turned your back on the man in question so you wouldn't give in to the temptation to just point at him. "The one at the end of the bar," you muttered lowly. "In the cream cableknit sweater. He's definitely into us."
"What?!" Cole exclaimed, much too loudly. "No way."
"He is!" you argued. "He's been staring and smirking at us both. I think we could, like, bring him home with us." You cleared your throat, trying to gauge where exactly your boyfriend was with this whole thing. "If we wanted."
Cole was outright staring at the man now. "Holy shit." He swallowed nervously, but you saw the beginnings of want and anticipation on his face. "So what do we do? Buy him a drink?"
You started nodding compulsively. "Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. Through the bartender. Play it cool."
He leaned into you with half a laugh. "I can't believe we're actually going to try this."
"Hey," you reassured him with one hand on his cheek. "Only as long as we're all comfortable and having fun with it, right?"
"Yeah," he said with a warm grin to you. Then he took a deep breath and signaled to the bartender. "Alright. Let's see what happens."
Lloyd + Jake + "Go to sleep, before I knock you out with that keyboard."
"No! Go around the other side!"
"Hngh??" you mumbled as you fought your way out of sleep. Who was whispering? What was going on?
"No! We gotta surround them and then attack!"
You continued to gain awareness as a heavy weight that draped over you shifted, bristly hair and lips brushing your shoulder. Lloyd. Lloyd was lying half on top of you. "I'll surround and attack you if you don't shut the fuck up," he mumbled.
"Oh shit," the first voice whispered again.
"Jaaaake," you finally were able to speak up, your voice thick with sleep. "What have we said about gaming in bed?!"
"Uh, sorry guys," Jake said, and you knew without opening your eyes that he was speaking into his headset. "I gotta go." There was some rustling and fumbling, and then Jake spoke again, directed at you and Lloyd now. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep, but I didn't want to get up up, because you know, I just like being in bed with you so much, so I thought if I was just really quietβ"
"Jake," you whined into your pillow, "that's so fucking cute and annoying, but I should be asleep right now!"
"Yeah, you're right. I'm so sorry. I'll play without the headset this time, and I'll turn the brightness on the screen dowβ"
"Go to sleep, before I knock you out with that keyboard," Lloyd growled, barely lifting his head off your back.
"Or I'll go to sleep, yeah!" Jake quickly agreed.
It took a few minutes for him to get all of his gaming gear off the bed, but then Jake finally layed down next to you. As soon as his back hit the bed, you and Lloyd both rearranged yourselves so that you were spooning Jake and Lloyd was spooning you with one arm slung over you to rest on Jake.
"Oh, this is nice," Jake said, too loud, as he shifted himself back into you.
"Go the fuck to sleep, Jake," you and Lloyd grumbled in unison.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Mmm, nothing tastes as good as an agitated Lloyd feels π₯΄
Lloyd's hand closed around your throat, cutting the air and your rambling tirade off. The words you'd been flinging at him stopped sharply, and your eyes widened in shock.
"Better put those claws away, kitten, or there will be consequences," he warned, easing his grip just enough for you to speak.
"What are you going to do?β you snorted, and your gaze shifted to the side, ignoring Lloyd's threat. "Spank me?β
A cruel smirk stretched over Lloyd's face, and his grip tightened again, bringing your eyes back to him.
"You don't want to do that, kitten."
"What?β
"Don't tempt me," he answered and pulled you closer by your throat, showing you what strength he possessed with that small gesture.
For the first time, hesitation showed on your face, but it only made Lloyd more determined.
"Now, kitten, I asked you a question, and you're going to answer it in a nice, calm voice. Understood?β