Yo

Your honor, he may have the blood of countless on his hands, but he's just a little fella that gets silly from time to time

There’s something so healing about a bagel with cream cheese. So beautiful, so pure. Thank you bagel with cream cheese my beloved.

i have what I call the “This is my first time on earth” stare

'you wouldn't pirate a-' i would steal anything from any company. anything in the world. i dont even want it i just hate you

All I do is act incorrectly in response to stimuli

What if i completely solve the problem

As far as Pokemon trainers go I'm basically a huge badass. Any kid who enters my line of sight is going to get destroyed by my Pidgey. And if that doesn’t work? I have a second Pidgey with the exact same move set.

after 2 years working outdoors all day i finally got stung by an onion for the first time yesterday and i wasnt even doing anything there wasnt even a nest nearby

a wasp. i was looking at a onion just now sorry

normalize being ugly and unable to socialize. i am just a creature.

*feels my body get anxious for no reason* what is it boy, what do you see?

i love saying “i’m being normal about it” bc i’m actually a filthy fucking liar and i’ve never been normal about anything a single day in my life

thought a little too hard about it and now i have tears in my eyes and i feel physically ill