Thief, CEO Light Warriors Inc.

(Probably needless to say for how old 8BT is but spoilers for the whole thing below)

This is one of many post-canon AUs that I have. So 8BT is cyclical right? Just like FF1 it ends where it begins. And none of the (main) characters really grow or change over the course, and that's part of what drive the comedy home, the subversion not only of typical fantasy-RPG-genre characters, plots, and tropes, but the outright aversion of the usual narrative expectations. Characters usually have an arc, but the LWs only tease arcs (see: the couple times BM starts to imply that he' gonna turn good, Thief continuing to steal after he has no real reason too, etc.).

But what if they did have arcs tho.

The Temple of Fiend Revisited kinda fucks Fighter up. For the first time, he's without Black Mage for a long time, and everything's going to shit, and he even ends up having to face BM in battle and gets killed by him. He gets revived by Sarda but still. Dude's frequently breaking reality with how upset he is.

After the LWs run off to try to take credit for saving the world, and that ends up not happening thanks to WM making sure the DWs get all the credit, the LWs are kinda like. Well. We're done. See ya

Thief goes to prepare to rule Elfland. RM runs off to go start his last members of secret sects club or whatever. BM tries to get away from Fighter again but Fighter's just like wait what. No. Get back here

But still...something is off for Fighter. He's fine! They made it out alive and intact! He's with his best buddy again! He should be fine! But BM crossed a line with killing WM, even if it was by accident. And he started killing the other LWs too. And for some reason even though his friend is the nicest and sweetest guy in the whole world Fighter can't get that pain and those images out of his head. BM notices that Fighter seems a bit off, but he brushes it off. It's always something with that guy.

But Fighter starts noticing how callous and mean BM is being with everyone they run into. The rose-colored glasses start to lose their tint. And more and more Fighter's speaking up with "shouldn't we help that guy?" or "was nuking that entire orphanage really necessary?" And BM gets fed up with him and is like LOOK. THE OTHERS ARE GONE. WE DO THINGS MY WAY NOW AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN LEAVE.

And Fighter goes Fine. And leaves.

And it's the hardest and most painful decision of his life. But he wants to be a Hero, and he can't do that when BM's constantly undoing all his good deeds. Even if he's not really smart enough to connect all the dots, he at least knows now that he's better off alone.

But BM? BM is not better off alone. At first he's ecstatic, he never thought he'd be rid of Fighter and his shenanigans, but he is! He's finally alone! He can nuke all the orphanages he wants! He can be the evil, brooding, villainous wizard he was always meant to be without having to worry about his idiot meat shield giving away all their money or accepting some stupid 'save the world' quest or throwing cereal all over the kitchen floor or whatever!

He promptly goes out to his first solo fight and gets beaten to a pulp.

Yeah...he stuck with Fighter in the first place because he needed a meat shield. In the end, he's just a squishy wizard who misses most of his attacks. But that's okay! He doesn't need Fighter, he just has to change tactics! Be sneaky and deliberate and gain some experience with the weaker enemies in Corneria before he gets back into the swing of things!

Jump cut to BM sitting in the rain like a sad puppy missing Fighter for much more than his damage soaking. He misses sharing a tent with him, he misses watching him cut down enemies in battle, he misses his warmth and talking comics with him and listening to insane sword-themed rants and his cooking (Fighter was gonna give up the blade to be a short order cook, you can't tell me he doesn't cook for the team) and his impromptu hugs and how he seemed to care for him despite the cruelty of the rest of the world and why did he leave?!?!?! WHY?!?!?

So cue both of them getting help. And they both get help from the same person.

Fighter goes to the White Mages' Guild because they heal people who are hurt and he's hurt. And maybe he can pick up another magical companion! He ends up running into WM and they chat a bit, and WM's happy that Fighter got out of his abusive friendship, and she gives Fighter a bit of advice about moving on, but Fighter can't find another companion there and he ends up sulking away to try to throw himself into his heroism.

And BM ends up running into WM as well, and she braces herself for another round of dealing with him but he's just oddly quiet and talks about how he's totally not missing Fighter, and she's like 'good, and you better stay away from him because he deserves someone who's a lot nicer to him and who will support him in his efforts to improve the world and not a mean, stinky little jerk like you', and BM just suddenly gets something in his eye and runs away. And WM checks the Guild for mold and carbon monoxide leaks because there's no way that just happened.

But that's the kick in the pants that BM needs. Of course Fighter left him! He thought BM was nice until he realized he wasn't and then he left. So was their friendship just a result of Fighter's overbearing stupidity? Is BM just better off pretending like none of this ever happened?

Or is there a chance that he could get Fighter back...?

By being...k...kh...kuh-iii....kuhhhiiinnnd??? Ugh. He just threw up a little bit.

In the next couple weeks, BM just happens to bump into Fighter a couple times. And Fighter jut kinda tries to brush him off, and BM is like...trying to be nice in the only way he can. Which is, he's trying to imitate Fighter.

"Yeah uh...I was thinking...maybe it is, like, a good thing that...the world exists. Maybe I shouldn't have learned all those apocalypse spells. Maybe I should've put my time into, like...I dunno. Feeding the poor or whatever. Or like. Volunteering. Yeah. There's gotta be some use for a dark wizard down at the community garden or something."

And Fighter's like. Huh. What

And eventually...he figures he's gotta give BM a chance. That's what he does. He's a good person deep down, and if his former best buddy has really turned over a new leaf, then he wants to encourage that! So he keeps an eye on BM, and watches as BM slowly starts to build a repertoire of being nice.

He watches BM go to pop some kid's balloon, hesitate, and then turn away. He watches BM stand still for a really long time at a store till before pulling out some extra money and paying for the guy behind them. He watches BM open a spellbook on a hot day and spontaneously teach himself an ice spell to help keep them both cooled off. They start hanging out more and more and they slowly start to get along again.

And then somebody tries to take advantage of their kindness. And BM get PISSED. Chases them away, throws a couple fireballs at them, and spits some nasty words. Wheels around and yells at Fighter, what's the point of being nice if we're just gonna get pushed around by assholes like that all the time?!?!?!

And Fighter just smiles and thanks him for protecting him from that guy, since without people protecting each other like that, there would be no goodness left in the world.

(Probably needless to say for how old 8BT is but spoilers for the whole thing below)

This is one of many post-canon AUs that I have. So 8BT is cyclical right? Just like FF1 it ends where it begins. And none of the (main) characters really grow or change over the course, and that's part of what drive the comedy home, the subversion not only of typical fantasy-RPG-genre characters, plots, and tropes, but the outright aversion of the usual narrative expectations. Characters usually have an arc, but the LWs only tease arcs (see: the couple times BM starts to imply that he' gonna turn good, Thief continuing to steal after he has no real reason too, etc.).

But what if they did have arcs tho.

The Temple of Fiend Revisited kinda fucks Fighter up. For the first time, he's without Black Mage for a long time, and everything's going to shit, and he even ends up having to face BM in battle and gets killed by him. He gets revived by Sarda but still. Dude's frequently breaking reality with how upset he is.

After the LWs run off to try to take credit for saving the world, and that ends up not happening thanks to WM making sure the DWs get all the credit, the LWs are kinda like. Well. We're done. See ya

Thief goes to prepare to rule Elfland. RM runs off to go start his last members of secret sects club or whatever. BM tries to get away from Fighter again but Fighter's just like wait what. No. Get back here

But still...something is off for Fighter. He's fine! They made it out alive and intact! He's with his best buddy again! He should be fine! But BM crossed a line with killing WM, even if it was by accident. And he started killing the other LWs too. And for some reason even though his friend is the nicest and sweetest guy in the whole world Fighter can't get that pain and those images out of his head. BM notices that Fighter seems a bit off, but he brushes it off. It's always something with that guy.

But Fighter starts noticing how callous and mean BM is being with everyone they run into. The rose-colored glasses start to lose their tint. And more and more Fighter's speaking up with "shouldn't we help that guy?" or "was nuking that entire orphanage really necessary?" And BM gets fed up with him and is like LOOK. THE OTHERS ARE GONE. WE DO THINGS MY WAY NOW AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN LEAVE.

And Fighter goes Fine. And leaves.

And it's the hardest and most painful decision of his life. But he wants to be a Hero, and he can't do that when BM's constantly undoing all his good deeds. Even if he's not really smart enough to connect all the dots, he at least knows now that he's better off alone.

But BM? BM is not better off alone. At first he's ecstatic, he never thought he'd be rid of Fighter and his shenanigans, but he is! He's finally alone! He can nuke all the orphanages he wants! He can be the evil, brooding, villainous wizard he was always meant to be without having to worry about his idiot meat shield giving away all their money or accepting some stupid 'save the world' quest or throwing cereal all over the kitchen floor or whatever!

He promptly goes out to his first solo fight and gets beaten to a pulp.

Yeah...he stuck with Fighter in the first place because he needed a meat shield. In the end, he's just a squishy wizard who misses most of his attacks. But that's okay! He doesn't need Fighter, he just has to change tactics! Be sneaky and deliberate and gain some experience with the weaker enemies in Corneria before he gets back into the swing of things!

Jump cut to BM sitting in the rain like a sad puppy missing Fighter for much more than his damage soaking. He misses sharing a tent with him, he misses watching him cut down enemies in battle, he misses his warmth and talking comics with him and listening to insane sword-themed rants and his cooking (Fighter was gonna give up the blade to be a short order cook, you can't tell me he doesn't cook for the team) and his impromptu hugs and how he seemed to care for him despite the cruelty of the rest of the world and why did he leave?!?!?! WHY?!?!?

So cue both of them getting help. And they both get help from the same person.

Fighter goes to the White Mages' Guild because they heal people who are hurt and he's hurt. And maybe he can pick up another magical companion! He ends up running into WM and they chat a bit, and WM's happy that Fighter got out of his abusive friendship, and she gives Fighter a bit of advice about moving on, but Fighter can't find another companion there and he ends up sulking away to try to throw himself into his heroism.

And BM ends up running into WM as well, and she braces herself for another round of dealing with him but he's just oddly quiet and talks about how he's totally not missing Fighter, and she's like 'good, and you better stay away from him because he deserves someone who's a lot nicer to him and who will support him in his efforts to improve the world and not a mean, stinky little jerk like you', and BM just suddenly gets something in his eye and runs away. And WM checks the Guild for mold and carbon monoxide leaks because there's no way that just happened.

But that's the kick in the pants that BM needs. Of course Fighter left him! He thought BM was nice until he realized he wasn't and then he left. So was their friendship just a result of Fighter's overbearing stupidity? Is BM just better off pretending like none of this ever happened?

Or is there a chance that he could get Fighter back...?

By being...k...kh...kuh-iii....kuhhhiiinnnd??? Ugh. He just threw up a little bit.

In the next couple weeks, BM just happens to bump into Fighter a couple times. And Fighter jut kinda tries to brush him off, and BM is like...trying to be nice in the only way he can. Which is, he's trying to imitate Fighter.

"Yeah uh...I was thinking...maybe it is, like, a good thing that...the world exists. Maybe I shouldn't have learned all those apocalypse spells. Maybe I should've put my time into, like...I dunno. Feeding the poor or whatever. Or like. Volunteering. Yeah. There's gotta be some use for a dark wizard down at the community garden or something."

And Fighter's like. Huh. What

And eventually...he figures he's gotta give BM a chance. That's what he does. He's a good person deep down, and if his former best buddy has really turned over a new leaf, then he wants to encourage that! So he keeps an eye on BM, and watches as BM slowly starts to build a repertoire of being nice.

He watches BM go to pop some kid's balloon, hesitate, and then turn away. He watches BM stand still for a really long time at a store till before pulling out some extra money and paying for the guy behind them. He watches BM open a spellbook on a hot day and spontaneously teach himself an ice spell to help keep them both cooled off. They start hanging out more and more and they slowly start to get along again.

And then somebody tries to take advantage of their kindness. And BM get PISSED. Chases them away, throws a couple fireballs at them, and spits some nasty words. Wheels around and yells at Fighter, what's the point of being nice if we're just gonna get pushed around by assholes like that all the time?!?!?!

And Fighter just smiles and thanks him for protecting him from that guy, since without people protecting each other like that, there would be no goodness left in the world.

(Probably needless to say for how old 8BT is but spoilers for the whole thing below)

This is one of many post-canon AUs that I have. So 8BT is cyclical right? Just like FF1 it ends where it begins. And none of the (main) characters really grow or change over the course, and that's part of what drive the comedy home, the subversion not only of typical fantasy-RPG-genre characters, plots, and tropes, but the outright aversion of the usual narrative expectations. Characters usually have an arc, but the LWs only tease arcs (see: the couple times BM starts to imply that he' gonna turn good, Thief continuing to steal after he has no real reason too, etc.).

But what if they did have arcs tho.

The Temple of Fiend Revisited kinda fucks Fighter up. For the first time, he's without Black Mage for a long time, and everything's going to shit, and he even ends up having to face BM in battle and gets killed by him. He gets revived by Sarda but still. Dude's frequently breaking reality with how upset he is.

After the LWs run off to try to take credit for saving the world, and that ends up not happening thanks to WM making sure the DWs get all the credit, the LWs are kinda like. Well. We're done. See ya

Thief goes to prepare to rule Elfland. RM runs off to go start his last members of secret sects club or whatever. BM tries to get away from Fighter again but Fighter's just like wait what. No. Get back here

But still...something is off for Fighter. He's fine! They made it out alive and intact! He's with his best buddy again! He should be fine! But BM crossed a line with killing WM, even if it was by accident. And he started killing the other LWs too. And for some reason even though his friend is the nicest and sweetest guy in the whole world Fighter can't get that pain and those images out of his head. BM notices that Fighter seems a bit off, but he brushes it off. It's always something with that guy.

But Fighter starts noticing how callous and mean BM is being with everyone they run into. The rose-colored glasses start to lose their tint. And more and more Fighter's speaking up with "shouldn't we help that guy?" or "was nuking that entire orphanage really necessary?" And BM gets fed up with him and is like LOOK. THE OTHERS ARE GONE. WE DO THINGS MY WAY NOW AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN LEAVE.

And Fighter goes Fine. And leaves.

And it's the hardest and most painful decision of his life. But he wants to be a Hero, and he can't do that when BM's constantly undoing all his good deeds. Even if he's not really smart enough to connect all the dots, he at least knows now that he's better off alone.

But BM? BM is not better off alone. At first he's ecstatic, he never thought he'd be rid of Fighter and his shenanigans, but he is! He's finally alone! He can nuke all the orphanages he wants! He can be the evil, brooding, villainous wizard he was always meant to be without having to worry about his idiot meat shield giving away all their money or accepting some stupid 'save the world' quest or throwing cereal all over the kitchen floor or whatever!

He promptly goes out to his first solo fight and gets beaten to a pulp.

Yeah...he stuck with Fighter in the first place because he needed a meat shield. In the end, he's just a squishy wizard who misses most of his attacks. But that's okay! He doesn't need Fighter, he just has to change tactics! Be sneaky and deliberate and gain some experience with the weaker enemies in Corneria before he gets back into the swing of things!

Jump cut to BM sitting in the rain like a sad puppy missing Fighter for much more than his damage soaking. He misses sharing a tent with him, he misses watching him cut down enemies in battle, he misses his warmth and talking comics with him and listening to insane sword-themed rants and his cooking (Fighter was gonna give up the blade to be a short order cook, you can't tell me he doesn't cook for the team) and his impromptu hugs and how he seemed to care for him despite the cruelty of the rest of the world and why did he leave?!?!?! WHY?!?!?

So cue both of them getting help. And they both get help from the same person.

Fighter goes to the White Mages' Guild because they heal people who are hurt and he's hurt. And maybe he can pick up another magical companion! He ends up running into WM and they chat a bit, and WM's happy that Fighter got out of his abusive friendship, and she gives Fighter a bit of advice about moving on, but Fighter can't find another companion there and he ends up sulking away to try to throw himself into his heroism.

And BM ends up running into WM as well, and she braces herself for another round of dealing with him but he's just oddly quiet and talks about how he's totally not missing Fighter, and she's like 'good, and you better stay away from him because he deserves someone who's a lot nicer to him and who will support him in his efforts to improve the world and not a mean, stinky little jerk like you', and BM just suddenly gets something in his eye and runs away. And WM checks the Guild for mold and carbon monoxide leaks because there's no way that just happened.

But that's the kick in the pants that BM needs. Of course Fighter left him! He thought BM was nice until he realized he wasn't and then he left. So was their friendship just a result of Fighter's overbearing stupidity? Is BM just better off pretending like none of this ever happened?

Or is there a chance that he could get Fighter back...?

By being...k...kh...kuh-iii....kuhhhiiinnnd??? Ugh. He just threw up a little bit.

In the next couple weeks, BM just happens to bump into Fighter a couple times. And Fighter jut kinda tries to brush him off, and BM is like...trying to be nice in the only way he can. Which is, he's trying to imitate Fighter.

"Yeah uh...I was thinking...maybe it is, like, a good thing that...the world exists. Maybe I shouldn't have learned all those apocalypse spells. Maybe I should've put my time into, like...I dunno. Feeding the poor or whatever. Or like. Volunteering. Yeah. There's gotta be some use for a dark wizard down at the community garden or something."

And Fighter's like. Huh. What

And eventually...he figures he's gotta give BM a chance. That's what he does. He's a good person deep down, and if his former best buddy has really turned over a new leaf, then he wants to encourage that! So he keeps an eye on BM, and watches as BM slowly starts to build a repertoire of being nice.

He watches BM go to pop some kid's balloon, hesitate, and then turn away. He watches BM stand still for a really long time at a store till before pulling out some extra money and paying for the guy behind them. He watches BM open a spellbook on a hot day and spontaneously teach himself an ice spell to help keep them both cooled off. They start hanging out more and more and they slowly start to get along again.

And then somebody tries to take advantage of their kindness. And BM get PISSED. Chases them away, throws a couple fireballs at them, and spits some nasty words. Wheels around and yells at Fighter, what's the point of being nice if we're just gonna get pushed around by assholes like that all the time?!?!?!

And Fighter just smiles and thanks him for protecting him from that guy, since without people protecting each other like that, there would be no goodness left in the world.

(Probably needless to say for how old 8BT is but spoilers for the whole thing below)

This is one of many post-canon AUs that I have. So 8BT is cyclical right? Just like FF1 it ends where it begins. And none of the (main) characters really grow or change over the course, and that's part of what drive the comedy home, the subversion not only of typical fantasy-RPG-genre characters, plots, and tropes, but the outright aversion of the usual narrative expectations. Characters usually have an arc, but the LWs only tease arcs (see: the couple times BM starts to imply that he' gonna turn good, Thief continuing to steal after he has no real reason too, etc.).

But what if they did have arcs tho.

The Temple of Fiend Revisited kinda fucks Fighter up. For the first time, he's without Black Mage for a long time, and everything's going to shit, and he even ends up having to face BM in battle and gets killed by him. He gets revived by Sarda but still. Dude's frequently breaking reality with how upset he is.

After the LWs run off to try to take credit for saving the world, and that ends up not happening thanks to WM making sure the DWs get all the credit, the LWs are kinda like. Well. We're done. See ya

Thief goes to prepare to rule Elfland. RM runs off to go start his last members of secret sects club or whatever. BM tries to get away from Fighter again but Fighter's just like wait what. No. Get back here

But still...something is off for Fighter. He's fine! They made it out alive and intact! He's with his best buddy again! He should be fine! But BM crossed a line with killing WM, even if it was by accident. And he started killing the other LWs too. And for some reason even though his friend is the nicest and sweetest guy in the whole world Fighter can't get that pain and those images out of his head. BM notices that Fighter seems a bit off, but he brushes it off. It's always something with that guy.

But Fighter starts noticing how callous and mean BM is being with everyone they run into. The rose-colored glasses start to lose their tint. And more and more Fighter's speaking up with "shouldn't we help that guy?" or "was nuking that entire orphanage really necessary?" And BM gets fed up with him and is like LOOK. THE OTHERS ARE GONE. WE DO THINGS MY WAY NOW AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN LEAVE.

And Fighter goes Fine. And leaves.

And it's the hardest and most painful decision of his life. But he wants to be a Hero, and he can't do that when BM's constantly undoing all his good deeds. Even if he's not really smart enough to connect all the dots, he at least knows now that he's better off alone.

But BM? BM is not better off alone. At first he's ecstatic, he never thought he'd be rid of Fighter and his shenanigans, but he is! He's finally alone! He can nuke all the orphanages he wants! He can be the evil, brooding, villainous wizard he was always meant to be without having to worry about his idiot meat shield giving away all their money or accepting some stupid 'save the world' quest or throwing cereal all over the kitchen floor or whatever!

He promptly goes out to his first solo fight and gets beaten to a pulp.

Yeah...he stuck with Fighter in the first place because he needed a meat shield. In the end, he's just a squishy wizard who misses most of his attacks. But that's okay! He doesn't need Fighter, he just has to change tactics! Be sneaky and deliberate and gain some experience with the weaker enemies in Corneria before he gets back into the swing of things!

Jump cut to BM sitting in the rain like a sad puppy missing Fighter for much more than his damage soaking. He misses sharing a tent with him, he misses watching him cut down enemies in battle, he misses his warmth and talking comics with him and listening to insane sword-themed rants and his cooking (Fighter was gonna give up the blade to be a short order cook, you can't tell me he doesn't cook for the team) and his impromptu hugs and how he seemed to care for him despite the cruelty of the rest of the world and why did he leave?!?!?! WHY?!?!?

So cue both of them getting help. And they both get help from the same person.

Fighter goes to the White Mages' Guild because they heal people who are hurt and he's hurt. And maybe he can pick up another magical companion! He ends up running into WM and they chat a bit, and WM's happy that Fighter got out of his abusive friendship, and she gives Fighter a bit of advice about moving on, but Fighter can't find another companion there and he ends up sulking away to try to throw himself into his heroism.

And BM ends up running into WM as well, and she braces herself for another round of dealing with him but he's just oddly quiet and talks about how he's totally not missing Fighter, and she's like 'good, and you better stay away from him because he deserves someone who's a lot nicer to him and who will support him in his efforts to improve the world and not a mean, stinky little jerk like you', and BM just suddenly gets something in his eye and runs away. And WM checks the Guild for mold and carbon monoxide leaks because there's no way that just happened.

But that's the kick in the pants that BM needs. Of course Fighter left him! He thought BM was nice until he realized he wasn't and then he left. So was their friendship just a result of Fighter's overbearing stupidity? Is BM just better off pretending like none of this ever happened?

Or is there a chance that he could get Fighter back...?

By being...k...kh...kuh-iii....kuhhhiiinnnd??? Ugh. He just threw up a little bit.

In the next couple weeks, BM just happens to bump into Fighter a couple times. And Fighter jut kinda tries to brush him off, and BM is like...trying to be nice in the only way he can. Which is, he's trying to imitate Fighter.

"Yeah uh...I was thinking...maybe it is, like, a good thing that...the world exists. Maybe I shouldn't have learned all those apocalypse spells. Maybe I should've put my time into, like...I dunno. Feeding the poor or whatever. Or like. Volunteering. Yeah. There's gotta be some use for a dark wizard down at the community garden or something."

And Fighter's like. Huh. What

And eventually...he figures he's gotta give BM a chance. That's what he does. He's a good person deep down, and if his former best buddy has really turned over a new leaf, then he wants to encourage that! So he keeps an eye on BM, and watches as BM slowly starts to build a repertoire of being nice.

He watches BM go to pop some kid's balloon, hesitate, and then turn away. He watches BM stand still for a really long time at a store till before pulling out some extra money and paying for the guy behind them. He watches BM open a spellbook on a hot day and spontaneously teach himself an ice spell to help keep them both cooled off. They start hanging out more and more and they slowly start to get along again.

And then somebody tries to take advantage of their kindness. And BM get PISSED. Chases them away, throws a couple fireballs at them, and spits some nasty words. Wheels around and yells at Fighter, what's the point of being nice if we're just gonna get pushed around by assholes like that all the time?!?!?!

And Fighter just smiles and thanks him for protecting him from that guy, since without people protecting each other like that, there would be no goodness left in the world.