to survive

but maybe after a particular bad encounter with the entity they can't get away with being silent. at risk of things being misunderstood and escalating they're forced to provide an explanation to the people around them for why naim has a hand shaped bruise around his throat, or why ryan has claw marks on his face that match the exact width of naim's fingers. they cave and attempt the truth, but unfortunately no matter how accepting and understanding people are, an invisible entity taking the other's form and trying to lure them to their deaths is pretty hard to believe..

idk maybe 1 or 2 people do believe them, but ultimately ryan and naim decide it's not worth exhausting themselves trying to convince people of a supernatural entity when they explain their trauma. so instead they settle on a version of the truth: that they were put through psychologically torturous conversion therapy by their local church that resulted in them being relentlessly hatecrimed and guy they knew being killed. everybody in town turned a blind eye, so they got the fuck out.

even with this agreed upon "palatable" version of events ready to go if needed, they don't rlly talk about it regardless for obvious reasons. most of the time they choose to answer any 'so how'd you two meet?' questions with ah well yk naim moved to town and it just... happened.

but eventually they become close enough with people that their past inevitably comes up, and even though the version they choose to share isn't even as bad as the reality, every person they share it with is fucking horrified.

ryan's mates at work casually asking so how long you and the missus been together and ryan's tells them hmmm like five years now? we came to melbourne together right before i turned 18. and they're all surprised like fuckin' hell pretty committed there mate and ryan just laughs and says yeah well circumstances kinda forced our hand yk. and ofc that has them like ?? so even though ryan doesn't really want to, is moderately aware of how what he's going to say will majorly kill the mood, he's pressured into sharing The Lore. and even though he plays it down and leaves out some of the more horrific details, once he's finished all these rough blokey guys who never pass up an opportunity to take the piss are looking at him deathly quiet. in the end ryan's the one who tries to lighten the mood, cracking jokes and pestering everyone to get back to work. none of the guys ever bring it up again, but there's a new respect among them for what ryan's done for himself despite everything that he and naim went through. ++ it's a huge wake up call for some of them to reflect on the homophobic jokes they throw around the worksite, the ones ryan is made butt of time and time again bc "c'mon mate we're just having a laugh!". learning ryan regularly got the shit beat out of him and was almost killed just bc he was gay makes them realise that maybe it's not so funny, actually.

and on naim's end, even though he makes friends at uni + work i feel like he's the quiet type who offers zero information about himself unless explicitly asked. and even then, add a healthy dose of trauma from opening up to people fucking him over repeatedly (i will never forgive that counselor), he gets YEARS deep into friendships before he responds to anything they ask him with more than 2 word surface-level answers. i feel like the only way he'd ever tell his friends a linear account of ryan and bandee is if he gets high with them one night and fear of being Known is momentarily suspended. it all comes spilling out in one huge trauma dump: dead dad, religiously fanatic mum, forced move to shit hole town. hot boy who takes him to an abandoned mill to make out. but then seeing hot boy with a guy from school, snitching bc he was scared of the way they hurt eachother, scared of the way he was so easily swept along. the conversion therapy ritual, the bruises, the blood. hunter killed right in front of him. him so terrified ryan would be next that he told the police everything, only for that to have his own mother putting him through the same conversion therapy. no matter how much they're tormented nobody steps into help, so the night after he narrowly escaped death, he leaves with nothing but the clothes on his back and finds ryan at the bus stop by chance.

and obviously all of his friends are fucking horrified. hearing all this about naim has them revaluating everytime they rolled their eyes over naim's skittishness or him being overly worried when ryan doesn't text him back, cancelling plans bc nobody is free to be with ryan and he doesn't want to leave him alone in the house. them learning a version of the truth that reveals every time those boys were left alone they almost died for it. suddenly "omg naim ur so codependent u won't die if ur apart from ryan for 2 seconds" is not the friendly teasing they thought it was bc oh you almost lost him. you love him and you almost died for it. you were only seventeen.

Ryan is THE white guy who really fucks with keeping the fire going. He's finding a big ass stick and he's poking those coals like it's his job.

Naim once threw a pillow at Ryan so hard it knocked him out of his chair and he busted his head on a table. He needed five stitches and sitting in the ED, after Naim's 80th apology, Ryan just shrugged and said "At least it was really you this time". Naim did not find this funny.

Naim's daily screen time clocks in at around 10 hours.

Ryan's phone screen is so shattered it sometimes leaves glass bits in your finger.

On the morning of his first real job interview, Ryan woke up with the biggest hickey either of them had ever seen. He found this much funnier than Naim did.

Chronic insomniac Ryan which sucks ASS because he can't leave the room for obvious reasons. So it's just a lot of him lying in bed staring at a shitty motel ceiling listening to Naim snore. He can't complain.

Naim gave himself a stick and poke of a bird. It looks like shit.

Their debit card once declined when all they were buying was lube and milk.

i can definitely picture naim nursing this as a quiet insecurity but i dont think he'd ever voice it outloud. not only because doing so would be mortifyingly vulnerable but also bc naim harbours so much guilt about the outing ryan and hunter he has a complicated self-hating relationship with his jealousy/the idea of ryan being unfaithful.

naim is also shown to be a person consumed by anxiety. he overthinks, he bottles shit up, he represses the fuck out of anything that causes him fear (him pushing ryan away at the mill bc he saw their reflection + "all my life i've had this feeling that i've been scared of") so when the thought occurs to him that what if one day ryan sees it and it doesn't look like me? the idea of being left behind terrifies him and he buries it deep fucking asap.

✴︎˚｡⋆ leviticus moodboard (reqs are open)