WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

I know. It kind of feels like Pluto. I’m not full of facts, but I like knowing things for when I have to talk to people because I’m not really good at conversations. But I can tell you that ¼ of all species of all living creatures on the planet are beetles. Beetles are my favorite.

Oh, thank you, I don’t get that often. My girlfriend says it’s better when I’m direct with what I want, so maybe you should just tell him you want to cuddle, and he’ll think it’s hot. It worked for me, except it wasn’t cuddles exactly.

I’d rather have fun facts than weird and mindless small talk-- Are you serious about the beetles thing? Cause that’s, no offense, gross. Bugs just freak me out in general. 

Well, I was just gonna ask where did you get those shows because I’m obsessed, but now it feels like you have some stuff to get out of your chest and I just happen to be a great listener and an even better gossip. Wanna tell auntie G what’s going on?

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I don’t know if you’re on the same boat as I was, but I recently learned (actually, it was kind of a valentine’s day gift for my girlfriend, but that isn’t important) that hibernation doesn’t work like we’re led to believe by the cartoons. It’s more like getting really still and lowering your body temperature to so you don’t waste any energy. It also means you have to hold your pee for a very long time because going to the bathroom wastes energy too. If you want to fight the cold, I suggest either finding someone to cuddle with and share body heat, or move to the global south temporarily.

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Wait it doesn’t? Holy crap, I feel lied to my whole life about this. You seem like you’re full of fun facts, that’s amazing. What else you got?

Would you like to repeat that for me, Genevieve?

There’s only a few blocks left and you look good enough on your knees that no one will complain. 

What about this crawling thing? You gonna chicken out or not?

Listen here, don’t argue with a drop out. I think life has fucked me up enough that my first thought is that someone is twisted enough to hire you to fulfill some weird fantasy.

I’m sure you’re a little vanilla like most, but most vanilla people aren’t in the habit of getting tied up in the back rooms of clubs. 

You’re not denying or confirming - which leads me to draw conclusions you may not like.

You don’t think I’m mysterious and sexy? Mm. Could have fooled me.