how to fall asleep quickly in a way that doesnt involve drugs or blunt trauma

laying next to someone who you love

The “life is unfair” excuse to me feels like a grown-up version of the “but everyone is doing it” excuse that we’re told doesn’t excuse our behavior as children.

This morning at brunch the server came out and he was like "unfortunately we don't have ice right now because a server just broke a glass in it" and we were all like "no that's fine I think an element of danger at brunch is sexy and fun" and he was like no absolutely I get that but I still can't let you eat glass at my job

if i had ADHD i would simply stop being hyperactive and inattentive

i would simply um

um. so i would just

Do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

“I used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

someone said ‘the version of me you created in your mind is not my responsibility’ and wow