it’s temporary

anyways while there i started drawing and this dude kept getting closer and closer till he was like in the chair next to me and was like ‘what a beautiful drawing’ and i’m like thanks but 

him saying that reminded me i had been in that position for a couple hours and i really needed to pop my neck so i did

and he immediately called me a disgusting bitch and got up and slammed the chair he was in back into the table and was like ‘can you believe this woman’ to several people who were just trying to read some research books and 

no, seriously! I know how nothing in adult life works, but I have learned it by calling up the customer service division of whatever agency I am having a problem with and then just asking about whatever the problem is, emphasizing my complete lack of knowledge about the thing.

my actual literal script for these interactions: “Hi, my name is [name]. This is my problem: [problem]. I don’t know how [adult thing] works. could you explain how [adult thing] works?” it fucking works every time.

me: I keep getting conflicting information as to whether my therapist is covered by my health insurance. I don’t know anything about health insurance, so this is very confusing to me. could you explain why this might be happening? health insurance customer service: it’s because your normal health insurance is X company but your mental healthcare is subcontracted out to Y company, and Y covers your therapist but X doesn’t. just always bill Y when you go to your therapist and you’ll be fine.

me: I accidentally put the wrong date to pay my credit card off and I’m afraid it will post before I get paid. this is my first credit card so I don’t know what I’m doing. could you tell me when it will post? customer service person: it will send a message to your bank today, but your bank won’t respond to it until tomorrow when you get paid, so you’re fine. and even if it does bounce, the fee is only $25 and you qualify for a waiver.

me: I went to an urgent care place that said they’d take my health insurance, but now i have a big bill. I don’t know how billing works: can you explain why the amount is so much for such a routine trip? customer service person: it’s because you were out of network at the time. however, since your insurance hasn’t covered the cost of care, the urgent care people should refund you for the cost of the services you paid for. me: [gets actual check in mail for the $200 I spent on testing my pee]

The Gentleman had the good sense to employ the “I need help, I don’t understand what this device is for or how to get my money back, can you help me?” and the call went extremely well and he got his money refunded and someone to come take the ‘panini maker’ away.  

Firmly saying “That’s my wife!” and knock someone out in one punch

Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?

And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run

But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually

Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.

TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?

QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.

WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what…?

GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain remind them of you? Ding ding!

ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with…?