yolo

MING !

minghao wondered when he would get his chance to become a model, after missing so many opportunities over the past few years he wonders if it’ll ever even happen.

though maybe he should just let fate decide when it was right for him to even worry about all of that, thinking that this little trip would be a nice little distraction from his own thoughts as he knows that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. who knows when he would be able to really visit another country like this and enjoy some sightseeing?

after getting onto the tour bus, and finding a seat with aiden, he can’t help but already begin to admire just the few sites they had seen on their way here. turning to look at the other male, he glances down at the map for a few moments, lips pursed in thought as he looks everything over carefully. “i’m guessing that they’ll take us to see some of the main attractions here? though it would be nice to actually see a festival.” he nods slightly in thought before looking at the other male.

“you think that they’ll allow us to at least get off at some point to try some food? probably not right?”

even though minghao knows that being on a tour bus means that they’ll be on it from beginning to end, he can’t help but have at least a little bit of hope that they can get some good food out of it all, in between seeing the beautiful city they had heard so much about.

maybe if aiden hadn’t been stuck reflecting for hours on end—or had half a mind to prepare himself better, which he didn’t—he’d be able to make guesses on where they’d be going. considering the current time, season and their entire goal for being here ( being idols and all, or at the very least trainees possibly aiming for that ), perhaps it’d make sense to say that they’ll be attending some sort traditional music performance. it would be educational and entertaining at the same time.

or aiden can do the next best thing and ask one of the staff instead of speculating in his seat. like a normal person. recent circumstances make him feel a tad bit awkward interacting with the legacy staff though. or anyone in general. it might just be his paranoia, but he feels like there are stares boring into his back.

“main attractions, huh.” he nods to show his agreement with minghao’s thoughts. “you have any idea what that would be like?” aiden asks as he looks out the window, trying to spot something that would clue into their next destination.

aiden had always wanted to study japanese. not only because it seems that promoting within that country as an idol would definitely be a part of his future plans should he stick with this path, but also because he likes the language. besides, it’d be nice if he could watch certain shows and stages that are in japanese without needing subtitles. if it wasn’t for the punishment that’s still lingering around, he’d be more excited.

but hey, it’s not his right to be picky and choosy anymore. he’s already relieved that he’s being let out at all. he’ll have to prove himself by taking this workshop seriously, although he planned on doing so even without that in mind.

amidst his thinking though, he missed the strokes that the teacher had demonstrated in order to write a certain character. aiden lets out a sigh. he doesn’t really want to disturb the other trainees, but he does want to get this right. he nudges ( @lgcteddy ) with his elbow, a subtle way to get the other’s attention.

“hi,” he whispers. never forget a polite greeting. “i missed the strokes for that character. can you show me the order?”

so, son aiden is finally free from the confines of his jail cell. well, technically.

it had been a gruelling few weeks where he’s stuck with nothing but his own thoughts, a memory that keeps playing back and the regrets that came with disappointing those who had put their trust in him. somehow, he managed to survive long enough that he’s finally allowed a glimpse of sunlight. but that’s just him being dramatic.

remnants of the punishment still exist, it’s not completely over. aiden understands, it’ll take a lot more than sitting and reflecting to prove that he’s worthy of the company’s trust once more. he wants to turn his current situation into motivation as much as he can, even though he can’t help but feel disheartened by the restrictions that he still has to deal with.

at the very least, he’s still allowed on that bus tour around tokyo. aiden is excited that he gets to travel, to japan no less. surely it’s okay if he enjoyed his time here, right? forget a bit about the guilt?

( just kidding. it follows him everywhere. )

                cherry was a student and a trainee, two categories who she did not seem to fit. cherry really was seen as not the sharpest tool in the shed, and perhaps actually, it was very well deserving. cherry had never really been at the top of her class, or getting the highest grades. she had been very good at raising her hand and speaking confidently, but how could that work when she often gave the completely wrong answers. really there were only two things in school she was good at, and it was presentations and talking to the other students. cherry was quite popular, and really it seemed like that was her only purpose in school.

so she wasn’t the quickest learner, and she didn’t have the best concentration skills, but she had decided on auditioning for legacy and she made it. really, how did she make it? her rapping wasn’t the best yet, so perhaps she just made it on her charisma, but what did she have beside her charisma? as with school, she had trouble focusing and learning. she was set on changing this, becoming better at learning and focusing, but it already seemed to not go to plan.

in a quick moment, here in the workshop, she had already gotten distracted. “eeh i don’t think i’ll ever become good at writing or producing music” she shrugs “but i do guess it doesn’t hurt to try learning it” she taps a pencil on the table, looks around. “eeh, i’d be very thankful if you could get your friends to share their notes with us” really though, she’s probably never going to look at those notes. she writes down her number on a paper and slides it over to aiden. “i think the class is almost over, but it was fun getting to know you” she smiles to the other.

it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but he hadn’t been very productive in this class. all in all aiden tried, to the best of his ability too—guess he can’t be fully present for everything no matter how hard he tries. that’s not an excuse. he’ll be trying to make up for it in the other workshops though. hopefully those are going to be marginally more entertaining than this one. he doesn’t believe he has a terrible attention span, quite the opposite actually. still, just like any other normal person, there are simply some things that pique his intrigue more than the rest. business isn’t really one of them.

yes, it’s important—detrimental, in fact. significantly essential should idols want to make it within the industry, especially when they’re looking to make their own music, which aiden is. but since the class is almost ending and there’s no way for him to reverse time itself to catch everything he missed, he’ll have to rely on the notes of his beloved friends instead. surely, he’ll be just fine with that.

then he listens to cherry undermining herself, and he decides to bring his attention back to her. “don’t say that! if you work hard and practice, you’ll get there. if that’s what you want, of course. not everyone has to be interested in making music to be an idol.” not that he’s going to impose on cherry. small encouragements go a long way, though.

he takes the paper and types down the numbers onto his phone. “i’m sure they will! if they don’t, i’ll just steal their notes swiftly and send them to you anyways. promise.” he returns the smile with his own. “hope to see you around!”

MATTY !

( ... )

“this?” he gets out through a rough voice. his throat is sore from crying, among other reasons, so he takes another long drink. then the water is lowered to his lap and he stares at it. “you mean… dirtying myself with whatever dirt pile i can find?” he says quietly, bitter–angry at himself. he wonders what he should say. how he should say it. how much of it does aiden already know? the other boy has always been good at reading people and matty knows he’s bascially like an open book for aiden. someone who pretty much has his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to cover it up. he doesn’t want to be obvious but he know’s there is no chance of him changing any time soon.

even now he tries to wiggle his way out of the situation even if he knows it’s impossible. “sorry.. i shouldn’t have called you out here so late.” deflect, his mind says. deflect and hope he won’t pry. matty wonders if he has any right to hold onto his pride. or if he washed it down the drain with all of his self-respect.

aiden had always been observant. keeping a close eye, monitoring those around him,  particularly those who are keen on getting into trouble like matty is. it’s a habit he developed long ago, a trait that may or may not run in his family, although it doubled—maybe tripled—within aiden; the strong desire to take care of those he knows needs it, to help where he can. it’s no different now, with matty by his side, clearly struggling with something.

he sees the denial from a mile away, the immediate default to deflection, the way matty is still trying to shove all of this under wraps, as if aiden can’t just look for himself how broken his friend is at this very moment. he can’t help but wonder whether he had been a little too late, confronted the other only after things have escalated far beyond both of their control. would it have been better if he extended a helping hand much earlier? would matty even admit to the problems he’s going through if aiden had? he waited until matty was ready to ask, prepared to put in the effort—but maybe aiden should have done it first, after all.

the sheer bitterness in matty’s tone, the drip of anger in his voice; aiden hears it all, trying to assess the best approach. he’s not going to blame matty, of course. he’ll have to make that clear. the other boy is already doing a lot of that himself, which is a habit he knows he should diffuse somehow. aiden listens to everything matty has to say first and foremost, lending an ear because he’s well aware matty hadn’t been heard in a long while. it doesn’t take long until the guilt surfaces, the apologies where there didn’t need to be any. it’s heartbreaking to hear the apprehensiveness that matty is showing, how unwilling matty is to accept that it’s okay to rely on a friend.

( but maybe that’s one thing they have in common, aiden reflects, only to dismiss. )

“you’re hurting yourself,” aiden states, point-blank, pulling no punches. “you think it’s better to do things that give you momentary relief, to rely on distractions, but then everything comes crashing down right after and it’s suddenly worse than it was before.” he doesn’t need a verbal agreement from the other side, he’s saying it all as it is, bringing forth what matty is trying to hide away from. the awful truth. something that shouldn’t be turned away from. pressure that comes from being a trainee, the personal grievances that matty has to handle on his own, faces of matty’s past that always comes back to haunt him—aiden doesn’t know all of it, but he wants to learn. and help.

     he sits and waits once he’s sent the messages. honestly, he doesn’t even know if aiden has his phone on him or if he’s allowed to be using his phone. he hadn’t heard much of what had happened, and he doesn’t really know all of the details aside from who the punishment had concerned. it’s interesting, considering that he hadn’t even known aiden was in any sort of relationship or was even pursuing anything of the sort. 

     maybe he hasn’t been as good of a big brother as he had thought.

     it makes him feel like he needed to reach out more, considering the last time he had really seen his younger brother was when they had gone on that outing to dunkin’ donuts and had lamented over the lack of tim hortons in south korea. it’s been months since then, and alec feels bad that he hasn’t tried harder to know more about his brother’s life. that changes today, he thinks, though he also has a schedule soon so he can’t really lay around just waiting. 

     as he’s thinking this though, his phone buzzes with messages from the very person he had been thinking of. hopefully, as they wrap up filming for the truth untold he’ll have more time for the important things—like aiden. he doesn’t know the extent of aiden’s punishment, but hopefully they’ll be able to meet once this has all blown over. he hopes the timing works out that way at least. 

( 9 ) new messages:  the more superior son

> hey hey hey > where’s all this coming from? > you didn’t ruin anything for me > that’s not a big deal > no sorrys from you > are you doing okay? > i heard the punishment is pretty severe > is there anything i can do to help? > you know i’m always here for you, bean

alec has, and always will be, a good brother. it’s no secret that alec is kind, anyone can tell from a glance. his older brother has the sweetest smile, which only annunciates alec’s gentle nature and mannerisms. of course, alec isn’t without his quirks. but ultimately, that merely adds to alec’s charms. aiden, having lived with alec for most of his life as a child, had always admired the other. now that he thinks about it, he doubts they’d ever had any major rifts between them.

he wonders when that has changed. no, they’ve never had an argument that blew out of proportion—but there was distance. physically at first, with alec being miles away. then, aiden finds himself in legacy too. by that point though, there’s already that wall between the both of them. maybe alec hasn’t seen it, aiden hadn’t noticed either, not until now. not until it’s glaring at him right in the face.

because even though alec has been telling aiden a lot of things—from his love life, to gushing about his new girlfriend, to how much he misses canada—aiden hadn’t been doing the same. hasn’t for a while now.

it’s not alec’s fault, of course. it’s all aiden, in the end. alec’s gentle and caring nature may be what pushed aiden to stay quiet, not wanting to burden his already busy brother, wanting nothing more than for alec to focus on his own worries and his career. aiden strives to be as kind as the other, so he keeps to himself, only to make it even worse for alec instead. the irony.

aiden thinks of everything alec has done for him, and then about how he feels like he hasn’t been able to return any of it.

alec’s messages come in not too long after, but he takes eons to look at it. it’s strange, being wary around his brother like this. aiden can’t help it though. knowing alec, and how forgiving he is, aiden knows that he’ll be met with nothing but concern; which aiden doesn’t believe he deserves.

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →  alec (famous era)  !

··· sent: i mean... ··· sent: maybe i didn’t, but i could have. ··· sent: if it was someone else who caught me. ··· sent: or what if word got out? ··· sent: and by association, i hurt your career? ··· sent: it is a big deal. they’d make my scandal yours. ··· sent: but i didn’t think of that when i should have.

for a while, aiden leaves it at that, staring at the fond nickname alec had given him on his screen. it stings, somewhat—alec’s unconditional love, when aiden feels as if he’d done everything to not be allowed within its sphere anymore.

but he’s grateful. he’s always grateful to his brother.

( ... )

in the midst of the somewhat crowded shopping district, yuan searches for his beloved, and the instant he sees him languidly leaning against a wall, a grin tugs at the corners of his lips — his heart fluttering at the sight of him. excited, he adds a skip to his step as he approaches, and without a care in the world for the public around them, he throws himself onto the taller; his arms easily wrapping around his torso immediately to reconnect their frames. “ i’m here !! ” he announces playfully, squeezing onto him tightly before pulling back a little bit. “ i’m sorry i made you wait for awhile. i got caught up trying to decide what to wear, but i think i made the right call for the weather today — it’s not too cold out, and it’s not too hot either. ” with that, he loosens his grip and turn towards the hustle and bustle of gangnam; wondering where they’re going to get started. “ are you hungry or thirsty ?? also, if i end up picking up some clothes today, i’d love for you to come over to my place after we shop — i can put on a little fashion show for you !!” he teases, then winks.

it’s not the first time aiden had spent a day outside with a friend, but plastering the label of friend onto yuan doesn’t feel right either. not after all that—in a way, yuan had seen aiden at his most vulnerable so far. a moment of weakness, a lapse in his judgement, a sight he hadn’t thought he would let anyone else see. unsurprisingly, aiden finds himself worrying over that, never one to lose his composure; at least in his own eyes. so far, he had done a decent job at keeping himself upright. he wonders, then, what is it about that night that caused a snap in his carefully woven threads.

was it yuan himself? maybe. after much pondering ( too much, he realises ), aiden came to no satisfying conclusion, simply meeting another set of questions without any answers. what he’s aware of, though, is that allowing someone to have that much power over him won’t bode well in the future. for both parties involved.

the idea of letting go of control isn’t one that would often pass by aiden’s mind. but lately, it feels like it’s only a matter of time, as much as he’s trying to turn a blind eye to that fact. like a lot of the obstacles he believes he isn’t ready to tackle yet.

before he can drown in a sea of his own thoughts once more, a familiar voice he had been looking forward to hearing pulls him out of his subtle frenzy; seen by no one else but himself. a second later, he’s being tugged into an embrace—it’s warm, melting the ice of doubts that’s been settling within his chest. aiden can feel his heart beating again, a steady rhythm. safe. for now, he supposes that's enough to cease everything else.

yuan’s bright and chipper as always, which influences aiden’s mood too. it’s hard to hold back a smile when yuan greets him with such enthusiasm, easily letting aiden know that he isn't the only one excited for the day ahead. “it’s okay, i think it’s worth it.” he replies in earnest, genuine with his words. “you look really cute. now i feel kind of bad for coming here in nothing but my hoodie and jeans,” he sighs playfully, tugging at the hoodie in question to annunciate his point. it’s nothing special, just a grey hoodie with a pixelated heart at the center. all the more reason why he should let yuan dress him up.

“oh yeah?” aiden responds with a quirk of his eyebrow, chuckling lightly. “sounds like fun. the real question is,” he drops to a low whisper, leaning just a little closer so only yuan can hear. “are you going to keep those clothes on by the end of it?” he questions with a teasing tilt, eyes glazing with mischief and a dash of taunts; another challenge. a neverending game. “i guess we’ll see where the day takes us.”

before saying anything else that may be compromising, aiden gently takes a hold of yuan’s hand with one of his own, lifting it up slowly so he doesn’t alarm the other. “by the way, i have something for you,” aiden announces, dropping the little cat keychain he had been keeping onto the palm of yuan’s hand. “i spotted it as i was headed here. it reminded me of you. you see the cheeks?” he pokes at it as he’s pointing it out, then yuan’s, before he lets out a small laugh. “it’s just like yours.”

KIAN !

telling aiden stories about his parents, or his siblings, has a different meaning since the older of the two currently works at the jeong’s music shop. whenever a new employee is hired, they’re quick to become an honorary member of the family — one that all of them go out of their way to get to know. kian had known him from the company, and when he introduced his new friend to his mom and dad, something just clicked, especially with his mother. she views aiden as one of her own, mostly because she claims that he resembles her and her father, and she’s always been a bit sad that none of her own children look like her or her family. each child she carried to term looks like a carbon copy of their father, funnily enough.

“ yeah !! it’s really cute, i’ll play it for you sometime… that, or well, if my dad’s in a good mood and you ask him about it, he might play it for you, too. ” he laughs, licking his lips as he focuses on his strumming.

it’s then when they connect, and that sensation alone is enough to excite kian further. he knows that something marvelous is about to happen, and he straps himself in for the ride. when their guitars begin to harmonize, he smiles wide; trying not to physically bounce up and down in his seat to disrupt their progress. his humming continues, and slowly, it morphs into a mishmash of la’s, da’s, and ba’s — pinpointing a soft, breathy melody in the midst of the chords. after a few more moments, it starts to come to him, and when he’s got enough of an idea, he starts to sing.

“ sleep sweet, my love, sleep sweet… just wrap yourself up in your sheets… ” he croons, vocals are in his signature raspy style, but quieter, gentler than usual. “ when the sun comes up, we’ll meet… ” he pauses, no idea how to continue, or if what he’s singing is too basic — he hopes that aiden can follow up with something while he tries to work through his momentary block.

maybe it’s because aiden’s own parents are miles away, further than what’s considered normal, that he finds comfort in kian’s warm and welcoming family. busy schedules and contrasting timezones make it a little difficult to schedule long calls too, which further adds to the physical distance between them. it has been two years, so he’s starting to get used to it, regardless of whether he wants to or not. it helps that he has his brother here, but he’d be lying if he doesn’t crave that doting love from an adoring parent.

somehow, kian’s mother would happily take on that role. it’s a little funny, but aiden welcomes it all the same. he thinks it’s the cutest thing when she’d go on a spiel on how her own sons look nothing like her; he’d indulge in her monologues all the while. but kian’s talking about his dad this time, and aiden does want to hear the man sing or play something for him—so he keeps that in mind, for later.

because right now, they’re about to create something new—a fresh melody, born out of sleepless nights and active minds, a string of notes; somehow compatible against the odds. aiden doesn’t cease his strumming, humming along to the rhythm drumming into his ears. the moment he hears kian’s voice in the mix though, he quiets himself, wanting nothing more than lend his friend the metaphorical spotlight.

SOMIN !

     she can’t help but laugh, glad that she had assumed correctly when she had asked him if he had seen the anime. it sounds like something she might like, if she was looking for a feel-good anime to watch. she mentally adds it onto her list to check out, thinking maybe she’ll try it after rewatching sanrio boys for the nth time. she has a bit more free time nowadays, so she’s been catching up on things that she missed while promoting—friends and anime. clearly the important things in life. 

     of course she should probably be practicing or something, considering she’s one of the less-busy members of crystallis. the other members all have individual schedules, and while part of her is jealous that she doesn’t have any yet, another part of her is grateful since that meant she had a lot more free time on her hands to learn dances to new kpop boy group songs as well as catch up with friends. and anime. as mentioned earlier.

     “i’ll watch it then … after i finish sanrio boys again,” she says, grinning and she knows her friends knows of her general obsession with the show. it’s the show that she watches when she needs a general pick-me-up, or if in general she needed background noise and nothing on youtube was catching her attention. it’s also just a great show to watch while eating or passing time doing literally anything aside from actual practice. part of her wants to invite him to revisit his repressed memories with her but she knows with her schedule, nothing is certain in the future so most of their plans tend to be spontaneous ones. 

     like this one.

     “let’s start with fiesta,” somin grins, knowing that if she didn’t teach aiden the dance now, she doesn’t know when she will. also, he would never learn fiesta on his own—like a bad friend (joke)—and she might be able to persuade him to learn the yumeiro patissiere dance on his own since it’s a lot easier. “if you do well, we can learn the other one and film it too!”

it has been a while since aiden had a proper watch-along with someone, now that he’s thinking about it. when was the last time he spent a day binging anime with another living soul that isn’t the ghost in his dorm room—was it with touya? it must have been some time ago if he can’t recall it clearly. that’s simply the life of a trainee though; busy and packed, even more so with his job. he can’t imagine what it must be like for a debuted idol, especially when comeback season rolls around.

“of course,” aiden responds when he hears somin mention her favourite; it’s not a secret that she loves sanrio boys. “maybe i should rewatch that too one of these days.” clearly, instead of watching any of the new ones—or even better, thinking about training. but he spends many sleepless nights doing that, so might as well stay up doing something he likes for once. unfortunately, it’s a little harder to drag somin to join him.

still, he figures he can extend an offer anyway. “once you’re done with that though... and you find yourself somehow free from the clutches of idol life and our schedules just happen to line up—let me know. i want to see who you’d fall for.” aiden thinks he has a hunch already, but he doesn’t want to say it yet. he likes the feeling of being right, after all.

backdated to the summer of 2021 !

when he met ( @lgcmatt ) the first time, forced to hear a string of flirtatious pick-up lines that grates his ears the moment they locked eyes, aiden hadn’t known the turbulence he invited into his life yet. now, though, that fact is crystal clear. matty is a tumultuous tornado that’ll leave more than a dent in aiden’s carefully crafted plan forward, but he supposes none of that matters anymore—he’s starting to learn that nothing ever goes to plan, no matter how much he tries to organise everything accordingly.

besides, that’s not what is important right now. matty sitting on a park bench, color drained from his face, lips trembling furiously, hugging himself and looking even smaller than he already is—so vulnerable as opposed to the usual vivacious personality he'd adorn—that’s what matters. aiden knew, of course, he had a feeling that often times matty would force a smile on his face, too wide that it’d falter, though no one sees. unfortunately for matty, aiden picks up on little things like that, even more so because they’re friends.

he didn’t want to say anything when he first noticed, but there’s no way he can ignore it now. not when matty is in such a state, reduced to—this. aiden grabs ahold of one of matty’s hands, wrestling his fingers open so he can place an unsealed waterbottle within, bringing it up to matty’s lips. “drink,” aiden instructs, leaving no room for complaint. “sober up a little,” he adds on, voice softer.

only once he’s certain matty is holding onto the bottle properly does he let go, moving to sit beside the other with a huff, stretching his legs before him. aiden waits patiently for the sound of chugging to cease, leaning back against his elbows. “you know i don’t like prying,” he starts, letting out a small breath, craning his head to face his friend—the side of matty that matty hasn’t shown anyone else, aiden recognizes. “but i can’t just keep letting you destroy yourself. i can’t watch you dig your own grave like this. so, open up. you’re the one who called me, remember? let me hear it. what made you resort... to all this?”

{ contact name changed from ‘에이든 🐶’ to ‘몽몽 🐶’ }

{ 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } it’s not about people being affected…. well it sort of is BUT STILL! { 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } i thought that i raised you better than that, aiden…. { 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } i’m disappointed to the point where i can’t even figure out what to do! { 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } where are you at right now?? is your ‘nanny’ with you??? { 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } is your nanny feeding you properly?? { 📨 ➺ 몽몽 🐶 } i can’t believe mong mong got caught doing something like this! ㅠㅠ

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →   alex (with an x)  !

( ... )

his thoughts begin to spiral, but before he falls into an even deeper pit of despair, yuan watches as his phone’s screen lights up on his bedside table — eager eyes reading over the message previews that come in; trying hard not to cry at the encouragement and reassurance that he’s being given from the one person he holds so near to his heart. battling the lump that’s formed in his throat, he’s quick to type out his responses.

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →   prince charming 💓  ! ··· sent: hey baby 💗 i’ve been going crazy thinking about you… ··· sent: i’m sorry if that’s too much to say right now, but it’s true. 😓 ··· sent: there’s part of me that strongly believes this is all my fault. ··· sent: that i dragged you into this and ruined things for you… ··· sent: i hate that i got in the way of you and your dreams, aiden. ··· sent: and i’m sorry for going as far as i did, but please know this. ··· sent: i don’t regret a single thing… i hope that isn’t selfish of me. ··· sent: oh, just talking to you is making me feel so much better. 💖 ··· sent: how are you doing, though ?? are you okay ??

once he sent those messages, aiden drops his phone facedown onto his bed and cranes his head to bury his face into his pillow. he knows he can't possibly disappear into his sheets, hide himself within the comforts of his soft mattress. no, he doesn't intend to run away, especially not from yuan. with these circumstances, they probably only have each other—that is, if yuan even wants to talk to him.

oh. that's what he's fearing right now, isn't it?

aiden revisits the memory of their night together in his dreams, when the weight on his shoulders feel heavier than he can take, during vulnerable instances where he's left with nothing but the confines of his mind. even now, the ghost of yuan's touch against his skin stirs him up—still, it gives him solace, accompanied by the rain of affection yuan graciously bestows upon his body. now, though, there's a sting of guilt somewhere in there, an inevitable side effect to the punishment he's forced to face. against his better judgement, aiden wonders whether yuan feels the same way.

if the other boy does, that'd make sense. it was aiden who pulled yuan onto his lap, pushing and taunting and indulging, more than he knew he should have. blaming himself now does nothing, wallowing in self-pity won't help him improve and move forward. that's not the point of this punishment—but if he can wish for one thing amongst all his failed wishes, he hopes, prays, that yuan doesn't hate him.

time continues on after his battle with his own thoughts, although to aiden, it might as well have been an eternity. he hears the faint sound of notifications from his phone, a series of dings! mixing with the harder thumps! of his heart. a sharp intake of breath later, aiden finally reaches out for the device, opening the messages with slight hesitance, finding himself a little too anxious to skim the previews too. honestly, he's glad yuan even responded at all, even if it's to say they shouldn't be speaking anymore. at the end of the day, aiden will accept that.

what he reads, though, is something different entirely. once again, yuan offers him everything he never asked for but he knows he needed—reassurance, when he shouldn't be receiving any. he can't stop himself from letting out a soft chuckle into the void of silence that is his room, hoping that his guardian thinks nothing of it. aiden finds honesty in yuan's words, no space left for doubt, so sincere even through text. he feels kind of silly, assuming that yuan would harbour any sort of hatred for him, after what they've done together.

and now, aiden wants to makes sure that yuan knows that it's mutual: there's no regret when it comes to their time spent together ( but maybe, only in how they did, or where ).

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →   lee yuan  !

··· sent: i'm okay! don't worry too much. ··· sent: just reflecting, like we're told to do. ··· sent: but hey, don't take all the blame. leave half for me? ··· sent: we both made mistakes. i'd argue i started it, even. ··· sent: that's not the point, though. it's not about who's to blame... ··· sent: it's about what we'll do after this, that matters more. ··· sent: you didn't get in the way of my dreams! ··· sent: we're both still here, aren't we? it's not the end. ··· sent: it'd be pointless if i continued on while you take on all the blame. ··· sent: if it's not too much to ask, i'd want you to be nicer to yourself. ··· sent: for me?

he pauses for a moment, fingers hovering over his screen, unsure how to phrase what he's trying to say next. but just like yuan had been honest, laying bare every bit of raw emotion for aiden to see, then it's only fair for aiden to do the same. for once.

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →   lee yuan  !

     he’s not quite sure how to feel after the announcement from the head managers. he feels like he’s been around long enough that he would remember the last time that such a punishment had been given, but there’s never really been anything that has been as large of a scale as this one. while he doesn’t know yuan personally, he does know the other name that’s floating around as one of the people who had been caught. and after getting confirmation from yura, alec is sort of torn on what he’s supposed to do. 

     especially considering it’s his baby brother that had caused all of this. 

     he knows that aiden won’t be allowed to see anyone, probably, having heard what he could from yura and whatever she knew from whatever her source was. which was apparently someone in crystallis knowing from another friend, but he had heard of the punishment that his brother had gotten and thought the best course of action was to probably text him.

( 4 ) new messages:  the more superior son

> hey bean > i heard what happened > i didn’t want pass judgement until i knew your side of the story though > are you okay?

the consequences of aiden’s actions don’t just affect him. it extends far wider than he thought it would, reaching even debuted individuals who probably see him as nothing but a hindrance in their spotless careers. here’s a trainee who couldn’t keep his responsibilities, ruining everything that they have worked hard for. that’s fair, aiden can’t change their minds—their anger is justified.

but there’s one person he can’t face right now, someone he’s even considering avoiding. not that he needs to, since he’s technically locked up regardless. aiden can handle the spew of rumours and the guilt that he has to bear on his shoulders.

( amidst all this he realises that he hasn’t told alec anything—not about how he’s really doing, what’s been going on, how he’s truly feeling. )

if, somehow, alec despises him because of this—because aiden risked alec’s career—well, he’ll accept it. he has to. but he’ll despise himself even more so than alec ever can.

( somehow, he sounds selfish even now. )

when he sees the notifications pop up on his screen, coupled with the contact name he’d been dreading to see, aiden feels his stomach lurching. something is caught in his throat, and he misses a breath or two. he unlocks his screen and opens the messages anyway, because he has never been good at just ignoring someone. especially not his big brother.

(  ✉  )     outgoing   →  alec (famous era)  !

INDY !

( ... )

he almost thanks him again, but figures that’s not necessary, and instead, takes another breath and smiles, then brushes a piece of confetti out of aiden’s hair. “do i have any?” he asks, then looks down at himself. sure enough, there are pieces stuck to his shirt too, and he shakes them off with a smile.

the confetti part is fun, at least, if not a little messy.

“turn around,” he instructs, but he turns aiden around himself to check for confetti on his back. “all clear!” he announces afterwards. once he’s sure he’s confetti free too, they should probably go pick up their new ids also.

they probably shouldn’t stay in the bathroom for too long. the balloons are done popping and everyone’s entering the stalls or filing out slowly after they’ve cleaned themselves. aiden doesn’t move yet though, he keeps his eyes fixated on indy, unable to get rid of his concern. from what he can tell now, indy seems fine, a lot more relaxed than earlier. indy doesn’t look scared anymore, which is a good thing. aiden doesn’t like seeing indy afraid; happiness is the best look on indy.

is it selfish for aiden to attribute indy’s smile to his doing? is it greedy of him to believe, for once, that he’s the one indy can lean on? is it terrible if he thinks that somehow, with his own abilities, he successfully made indy happy? aiden doesn’t want to stroke his own ego, especially when it came to his friend before him, but it’s a pleasant thought he’d like to entertain even if for nothing but a quick second.

what matters the most though is this: indy is okay. indy is fine, and they should really get out of the bathroom. speaking of—are their ids waiting for them, or was that a part of the prank too? it’s funny how easily he forgot about all that the moment indy engulfed him in his warmth, even if it was out of fear.

aiden’s about to suggest they clean themselves up, but indy beats him to it by asking whether there are any confetti on him. there are, like the ones on his shirt ( and no doubt on aiden’s too ). indy manages to shake most of them off though. kind as ever, indy even brushes away the pieces of confetti clinging to aiden too. aiden laughs, because all in all this situation is kind of funny. plus, indy’s being kind of cute right now.

“thanks,” aiden says as he turns around to face indy once more. he supposes it’s his turn to survey indy’s figure to see whether there is any confetti left. aiden takes a few steps to circle around indy before ending up where he stood once more. nothing along indy’s back, looks like all that shaking got most of the confetti pieces off of indy’s shirt. but—aiden spots two left.

TOUYA !

for all that he is a brat, touya would never directly go against someone’s rules. he knows aiden has that weird rule about the kitchen and no matter how touya pushes and pokes the older just wont let him in. its fine, he supposes. but it gets bored and touya gets lonely because he just wants to spend time with the older. never mind the fact he also likes to cook and so the fact he is being barred from the kitchen is always extra sad for him. that being said he really is just putting up the act to mess with aiden. he could have entertained himself with his phone or something. “i think your hy… whatever thing is wrong.” he calls back though he stumbles over the word he doesn’t recognize which makes him huff.

he pushes away from the door and stands again finally. his phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out to see a game notification. the pout leaves him as he finds something else to focus on for the moment. he can wait out for aiden now that he has to check on some updates for one of his various mobile games. love live loading up on his phone easily.

it means he was completely zoned out when aiden speaks next, the older boys voice going in one ear and out the other as he taps rapidly on his rhythm game. the song volume is down low enough that it shouldn’t go through the door–he doesn’t want to be teased after all. he should be done quick enough before aiden comes back.

an hour or so should be enough, aiden thinks. he sets the extra timer ( just in case the oven isn’t doing enough to alert him—gotta be careful! ) and begins to clean up, humming a tune as he brings all the utensils he used into the sink. donning a pair of gloves, he soaks the sponge in soap. he starts scrubbing and rinsing, making quick work so aiden isn’t leaving touya out on his own for too long. it’s not like he doesn’t want to cook with touya, he just doesn’t trust his curse to not mess anything up. aiden trusts touya ( big time ), but not himself.

soon enough, he’s done. he places each one on the racks to dry and checks the time—oh, he still has around thirty minutes left before it’s time to take out the cookies. he supposes he can check in with touya real quick, he does feel bad for leaving the other out for that long. aiden hasn’t been hearing any noise from touya either, so he’s slightly concerned. he doubts touya would storm off in a pouty frenzy, he’s not that much of a brat.

INDY !

( ... )

really, he knew that already. staying kind is more important to him than anything else; his parents always stressed that more than anything else, and it’s the one thing indy knows he’s good at. he works hard at it, probably even moreso now that he’s in korea and away from the comfort of his home and family that always surrounded him in so much light and sunshine. now that he’s here, he tries to make that contagious; to spread the light australia and his family funneled into him. if aiden believes this enough to say it, it must mean he’s doing well.

then he realizes something. “hey, were you just trying to get me to forget you didn’t eat anything?” he questions, and he playfully scowls again. “come on, let’s get food.” he tugs aiden along, toward the food line, insistent that his friend eats something. if it’s anything like the water, aiden may very well inhale an entire lunch in two minutes flat.

aiden thinks he’s toeing the line between exposing himself and successfully keeping everything he wants to keep a secret hidden. he should be glad that he has somehow mastered the art of maintaining his composure, whether it be in how he looks physically ( case in point: he doesn’t blush easily ) or how he acts. except when it comes to the latter, aiden doesn’t think it’s very necessary.

for one, indy is dense. like he said before, it’s a part of indy’s charms. to aiden, his friend has a lot of them, even if that’s his bias speaking. aiden has always been affectionate anyway, there’s no reason why he should reel that in just because of his feelings. he needs indy to know that he’s loved, even if it’s the type of love indy doesn’t expect. as long as indy knows he’s being cherished, then aiden doesn’t need anything more. he doesn’t dare ask.

but then indy says things that make aiden question a lot of things, even though he knows it’d probably mean nothing at the end of the day. indy’s most likely joking, always trying his best to get others to laugh. sometimes at the expense of himself. aiden notices, he notices a lot of things about indy.

this is why he wants to make indy happy too. he wants indy to know that he does make people happy, and that those people want him to be happy in return. that’s the least aiden can do when he’s harbouring feelings he shouldn’t be.

“yeah,” aiden agrees with a smile. it’s genuine, just like everything he feels about indy. “you are cute. and i think your height makes you cuter,” he laughs, but that doesn’t strip his words off of any honesty. he hopes indy knows that much. “but even if you’re somehow blessed with a growth spurt one of these days, you’d still be cute to me.”

of course aiden knows he can’t distract indy from his mistakes from too long—because indy is kind, he cares so much that aiden wants indy to start caring for himself too. despite that, he lets indy pull him along, basking in the small bit of affection that indy is showing him; getting him to eat. aiden hadn’t lied about skipping a meal, there’s no way he’d tell a lie just to get indy to pay attention to him either. but still, he wants to drown in indy’s attention, knowing it won’t be on him for very long.