backdated to the summer of 2021 !
when he met ( @lgcmatt ) the first time, forced to hear a string of flirtatious pick-up lines that grates his ears the moment they locked eyes, aiden hadnât known the turbulence he invited into his life yet. now, though, that fact is crystal clear. matty is a tumultuous tornado thatâll leave more than a dent in aidenâs carefully crafted plan forward, but he supposes none of that matters anymoreâheâs starting to learn that nothing ever goes to plan, no matter how much he tries to organise everything accordingly.
besides, thatâs not what is important right now. matty sitting on a park bench, color drained from his face, lips trembling furiously, hugging himself and looking even smaller than he already isâso vulnerable as opposed to the usual vivacious personality heâd adornâthatâs what matters. aiden knew, of course, he had a feeling that often times matty would force a smile on his face, too wide that itâd falter, though no one sees. unfortunately for matty, aiden picks up on little things like that, even more so because theyâre friends.
he didnât want to say anything when he first noticed, but thereâs no way he can ignore it now. not when matty is in such a state, reduced toâthis. aiden grabs ahold of one of mattyâs hands, wrestling his fingers open so he can place an unsealed waterbottle within, bringing it up to mattyâs lips. âdrink,â aiden instructs, leaving no room for complaint. âsober up a little,â he adds on, voice softer.
only once heâs certain matty is holding onto the bottle properly does he let go, moving to sit beside the other with a huff, stretching his legs before him. aiden waits patiently for the sound of chugging to cease, leaning back against his elbows. âyou know i donât like prying,â he starts, letting out a small breath, craning his head to face his friendâthe side of matty that matty hasnât shown anyone else, aiden recognizes. âbut i canât just keep letting you destroy yourself. i canât watch you dig your own grave like this. so, open up. youâre the one who called me, remember? let me hear it. what made you resort⊠to all this?â
although his voice is firm, thereâs gentle concern accompanying it. heâs worried, heâs not going to hide that fact. matty has to know that.
it's the middle of the summer and yet the warmth in the air does not seem to settle into his skin. the temperature on his weather app almost taunting him as another chill runs down his spine. he wonders if maybe this is karma for what he has done. for what he has been doing. for what he probably will keep doing because nothing in life seems to be going well for him and this is the one place he has control. his own body and mind and what he does with them in the night.
maybe it's just easier this way. to drown out the yearning ache in his chest with another burning drink and another unknown face. oh yeah, this is exactly what his spiraling mental stability needs.
he tells himself this is okay. tells himself this is what he needs if he wants to keep feeling okay. if he wants to be able to wake up the next day and face himself in the mirror. he says just one more time and you'll feel good. and yet each day he avoids looking at himself. he avoids his reflection in the mirror because he's afraid it's going to look back at him and scream i told you so! those judgmental eyes that have so often been cast onto strangers would instead turn onto him and he isn't sure he could handle that. so he drinks, and he talks, and he waste away his very little free time he has in this painful trainee life. hoping that one day something will click and make sense.
it didn't, and it still doesn't, and maybe that's why he made the phone call.
the breeze that dusts over his skin almost seems to laugh at him. is this what you were looking for? the wind asks him as he hunkers farther onto the bench. avoiding looking up at the figure standing before him. he can't bare to see the disappointment pained on aidens face. it' easier to kid himself when it's just him dealing with this. it's harder when his best friend is the one he sees in the reflection before him. his composed friend who never seems to do anything wrong. a perfect idol in comparison to the train wreck that is nam matthieu.
so he does as told. accepting the water bottle in both of his hands and taking long drinks. trying to take it slow so he doesn't choke. so he doesn't upset the swirl in his stomach. he feels the warmth of the other boy settle beside him on the bench and it takes everything in him to not look over. still too afraid to see what kind expression aiden could be making. so he waits. and he listens.
"this?" he gets out through a rough voice. his throat is sore from crying, among other reasons, so he takes another long drink. then the water is lowered to his lap and he stares at it. "you mean... dirtying myself with whatever dirt pile i can find?" he says quietly, bitter--angry at himself. he wonders what he should say. how he should say it. how much of it does aiden already know? the other boy has always been good at reading people and matty knows he's bascially like an open book for aiden. someone who pretty much has his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to cover it up. he doesn't want to be obvious but he know's there is no chance of him changing any time soon.
even now he tries to wiggle his way out of the situation even if he knows it's impossible. "sorry.. i shouldn't have called you out here so late." deflect, his mind says. deflect and hope he won't pry. matty wonders if he has any right to hold onto his pride. or if he washed it down the drain with all of his self-respect.