* crimson & clover.

       * ; here’s an intro post ! i’ll add to this as i flesh her out ( she’s a new muse rip me ) but hopefully this will be helpful for plotting ! 

Finnian hums thoughtfully at her comment. “I could see that for you,” he says. He can, easily, the image of an Alex growing up in the area Finnian himself had called home throughout the years he was in college, the way she’d fit into that environment like a glove. He kind of felt like she could fit in anywhere she wanted to, though – maybe that was the difference between the two of them. His eyes are gazing out at the sky, unfixed on anything in particular, when he quietly adds, “I wish I grew up somewhere else, too. I don’t know where, just… I don’t know. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference.” He regrets the words the moment they’ve left his mouth; they feel far too heavy. He makes no move to take them back, though. He feels like it’s something he can trust her with.

The way she stops herself from saying Nick’s name hurts in more ways than one. Finnian’s always been empathetic to a fault, and it kills him to see people he loves so much hurting, especially when there doesn’t seem to be anything he can do to fix it. He wishes he could. He just feels so helpless. It makes him uneasy knowing how upset she and Percy are with Nick, too, even though he knows they’ve got every right to be. He may be a little lovesick and far more eager to forgive the shit Nick pulls than anyone else seems to most of the time, but even he knows that Nick messed up. Part of Finnian wants to try talking to him about it, but a bigger part of him feels like he doesn’t know how to talk to Nick at all, most of the time, even though he wants to. He wants to talk to Nick about everything, all the time, and he’s still trying to learn how to be okay with the fact that he can’t, that Nick will never want him to.

Hearing Alex talk about smoking, though – admittedly, it does sound pretty enticing. The nudge makes him smile as he watches her unpack all the food. “I think… I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” he says, absently starting to trace patterns in the sand beneath them with one of his fingers. “I mean – I like trying new things, sometimes? And being able to relax a little might… I don’t know, it might be good.”

      * ! finn’s response catches her off guard, not expecting him to agree with her. it’s not like it was an important thought but it still felt nice to feel validated. her brows furrow a bit, mulling over a thoughtful answer to give him. it was hard for her to envision anyone genuinely hating finn. alex was already protective over him and the thought of anyone treating him badly was enough to set her off. long ago, alex realized that the softest people tend to get taken advantage of — which probably explains her incessant need to root for the underdog. to check in with those that tend to be the nicest. “well, if you grew up somewhere else then you wouldn’t be YOU. i could see you thriving in a big city. people there tend to be more open-minded and it’s easier to find creative souls. you need people to help you grow...you deserve that.” she lets the words hang in the air between them, hoping that he soaks them in. “you could move to new york and then you’ll be two hours from me — but now you’ve got me pondering the pacific northwest idea so...” 

* user LEXSINCLAIR has updated their insta stories . 

   the relief that had come from such destruction was short-lived, negative emotions rising right back up to the surface. “that’s bullshit, alex. you have always put yourself above me. you’re selfish ! you touched my drum kit. it’s mine. it’s all I have ! don’t you understand that ?” he allowed the remaining remnants of her guitar to fall from his hand. alex stepping into his personal space, eye to eye. suddenly the air between them was thick, and he was choking on it. “I guess you’re right. I never cared.” quite the opposite had been true, he had done this because he cared, and he hated the feeling. in any other situation, he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of alex in such distress. the tears staining her cheeks were something he wanted to wipe away out of habit. with the gentlest of care he had reserved for brothers. but this time, those tears felt just. nick didn’t flinch as alex spat poisonous words at him. “what’s the point in caring if no one else does ? trying to keep things together is exhausting, alex. I’m so fucking tired. everyone does whatever they please anyway. no one cares who they hurt. including me.” often times he felt like a miserable puppet on a string, allowing those around him to pull the attachments. they claimed it to be love. well, it was time he cut them loose. “I never asked for anyone to look after me. if I treat people like shit, it’s because they deserve it. you deserve it.” he had to combat evil with evil. if nick was going to get hurt, he had to inflict pain.

   though alex stepped away, it didn’t feel far enough. watching her kick the pieces of what used to be her former guitar, he stopped, for the first time, to consider that maybe she hadn’t touched his drum kit. something that caused his chest to tighten in a state of panic. her following words making it all the more unbearable. of course she would threaten to leave. that’s what people did. he couldn’t beg her to stay, not after this. when he spoke again, his voice was shaken and quieter, unable to find the volume he had before. “if you’re feeling guilty, it’s because you should. but we both know you won’t quit. although I wish to god or satan or whoever the fuck is listening, you would.” just as he believed they had reached rock bottom, she dealt him the lowest blow. speaking of feelings that she hadn’t bothered to tell him about, ones that had been so cruelly short-lived. “feelings for me ? you have feelings for everyone. don’t put that on me, it’s not fair.” something shifted in the air, sadness overcoming him. he willed the rage to come back, but it refused.

        * ! her eyes roll so hard that she feels like they might get stuck. nick’s welfare was always playing in the back of her mind, even when involved in their ( typically short-lived ) spats. it was why she stayed up with him at night and why she kept a watchful eye on him when he started drinking. it was the EXACT reason why she kept her crush on percy a secret because she was trying to avoid this scenario they currently found themselves in. despite the outcome, she didn’t regret telling him the truth. alex and percy had found a unique solace in one another and as percy had pointed out, getting tangled in a web of lies would have been much worse. unfortunately, the truth had wounded nick and alex’s relationship and now they were both keen on pouring salt into it. “so, would you feel better if percy and i went behind your back ? imagine if you found out by the internet or you caught us alone together. it would be more painful for you.” for us. her eyes watch his lips as he speaks, amazed by how easy the words leave his mouth without hesitation. “you’re so fucking delusional and it’s nauseating.” if alex was thinking rationally, she would probably have called him out on his bluff. she knew that he was trying to inflict pain. although it was working, she knew that some of what he was saying wasn’t true. “you’re not keeping anything together, nick. you hurt everyone else and then you self-destruct. you’re a walking landmine . . . someone makes one mistake and you explode.” she laughs — it’s a bitter, dissatisfied laugh. “right, nick. i deserve it. you’re absolutely right.” 

“I won’t,” Finnian promises with a small smile of his own. He’s always tried his best to avoid upsetting Nick as it is, at first because Finnian had admittedly been a little intimidated by him, made skittish by how easily angered Nick seemed to be. But Nick very rarely turned that on Finnian – he always seemed like he was making a concentrated effort to assuage those worries. After a while, it had worked, only for Finnian’s feelings to swing wildly in the opposite direction instead. He wonders if Alex would hate him if she knew about his crush, since she and Nick are fighting. He figures it’s probably better if he keeps it a secret from her, just in case.

Once she starts walking, he easily falls into step beside her, his camera gently bouncing against his hip with each step. “I was a few hours from the beach, too. Growing up. We didn’t go very often,” he says, his voice getting a little softer at the mention of his childhood. He doesn’t talk about it very much with his friends, mostly because there honestly isn’t that much to talk about, and the parts of it that might be are mostly things he doesn’t really want to think about too much.

The laugh takes him a little off guard, not really knowing where it’s coming from, until her question. It makes his smile go a little sheepish. “Just once… When I was in college. I coughed a lot, and I don’t think I really even had enough to actually do anything.” After a moment’s hesitation, he adds, “What’s it like?”

       for the first time in several hours, alex feels comforted. distancing herself from everyone had posed to be more painful than she thought and finnian’s demeanor had a calming quality. it was also reassuring that he didn’t seem interested in prying into her current emotional state or the root of the band’s issue. alex was well aware that there seemed to be something between nick and finnian, her protective nature coming out when it came to the latter. unlike her band mates, alex didn’t feel too strongly about dating amongst the group. they were adults and catching feelings seemed inevitable given how close they all were. however, she’d be lying if she said that nick’s paranoia didn’t have her wondering if he might have had a point. 

“i really wish i grew up in the mountains like the pacific northwest, y’know? i should be loyal to the east coast but the west coast seems more my thing.” her thoughts were starting to become spacey, a hazy grin popping up ( for no real reason at all ). “i coughed a lot at first, too. it takes some getting used to.” her head turns to look at him when he asks his question, humming in thought as she mulls over a cohesive answer. “well, different strains do different things. smoking is different than eating it. i’m sure you know the basics.” alex waves a hand, not wanting to dive too far in case she crossed a line. “i think it makes me sharper, y’know? more energetic because i can relax. food tastes AMAZING. music feels like i’m on vibrate but in a good way. there’s nothing like playing an electric guitar when you’re high. it’s almost euphoric,” she muses. “if i smoke at night, it’s indica which makes me sleepy but i don’t use it too often. which is why i’m usually awake with ni-“ she stops his name from leaving her mouth, immediately taking her final hit instead of finishing the sentence. 

              needless  to  say,  these  past  few  days  have  been  a  whirlwind.   percy  felt  as  if  he’s  gone  through  this  rollercoaster  of  emotions  —   though,  while  it  started  off  rough,  things  were  beginning  to   (  slowly,  but  surely  )   look  up.   things  with  nick  were  still  rocky,  no  surprise,  but  the  dynamic  between  him  and  alex  was  beginning  to  shift.   maybe  he  should  thank  his  bandmate  for  all  of  this.   after  all,  he  is  standing  in  front  of  her  hotel  room’s  door,  ready  to  spend  the  evening  with  her…   and  just  her.   heart  pounding  loud  enough  to  be  heard  amidst  the  quiet  hallway,  percy  lets  out  a  deep  exhale  in  his  place  to  regulate  his  breathing  pattern.   his  mind  begins  to  take  mental  note  of  everything  he’s  brought  for  the  occasion    —   a  canvas  bag  full  of  miscellaneous  snack  items,  his  laptop,  the  cable  to  connect  the  laptop  to  the  television,  a  small  baby  yoda  plush,  and  a  bouquet  of  sunflowers  he’d  picked  up  from  the  florist  about  an  hour  before.   in  all  honesty,  he  may  have  gone  a  little  overboard  on  the  gifts.   but  this  was  alex.   if  he  was  only  given  one  night  to  showcase  his  feelings  towards  her,   he  wanted  to  make  it  worthwhile.   finally  tapping  his  knuckle  on  the  wooden  door,  he  then  waits  patiently  for  a  response.   ❛❛   sorry,  did  you  want  me  to  go  back  and  put  on  my  anakin  skywalker  costume  ?   because  i  could’ve  sworn  you  said  you  weren’t  into  it  a  while  ago,   ❜❜   he  quips  right  back,  the  grin  on  his  lips  sticking  onto  his  features.   eventually,  he  takes  her  cue  and  steps  inside.   ❛❛   you’re  not  having  fun  on  your  little  getaway  ?   i  thought  this  was  like,  your  dream.   but  lucky  for  you…   i’m  here  to  change  your  world.   at  least  i  hope  i  do.   if  you  don’t  like  it,  we  could  always  switch  to  a  horror  movie.   ❜❜    there  were  no  intentions  on  forcing  her  to  watch,  anyway.   ❛❛   oh,  these   —     ❜❜   he  sets  his  belongings  down  to  properly  present  the  flowers  and  the  plush  for  her,    ❛❛   are  for  you.   i  know  things  have  been  pretty  bad  lately,  but…   i  hope  this  cheers  you  up,  even  for  a  little  bit.   ❜❜

* ! user lexsinclair has updated their instagram !