Scuttlebrain

Ready for some Tuesday trends? Let's news-a-go-go*!

*I didn't like that either. Won't be doing that again.

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 - Not sure why this is trending, but here are the headlines; "Coronavirus: How the virus has impacted sporting events around the world", "Commonwealth Games 2022: Shooting and archery events to be held in India", and "UK left activists attended events with far right antisemites". So germs, guns and gits.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐓𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐞 - An Italian doctor who was visiting a hotel in Tenerife has tested positive for the virus, and now the entire hotel is in lockdown, with 1,000 guests in quarantine. Austria and Croatia have also reported their first cases.

𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐭 - Starts tomorrow, ends on the 9th April, if you're into that sort of thing.

𝐌𝐨 𝐅𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐡 - A documentary aired on Monday about Mo Farah's relationship with Alberto Salazar, his former coach who was banned following a doping scandal. From a quick read (I haven't seen the doc) it looks as though Mo was given an injection of something not illegal, but not ethically on point, before the 2014 London Marathon and Salazar was a key player in obtaining the drug.

𝐊𝐅𝐂 𝟖𝟎 𝐏𝐨𝐩𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐧 - KFC are launching an 80 piece bucket of popcorn chicken for £5.99. I am guessing there will be a lot more corn and pop than quality chicken in that bucket. In an aside, Trump would like to see packaging regulations removed if we come to any trade agreements with the US, so we can probably expect this "chicken" to have a decent chlorine level soon. I expect deep frying eradicates the flavour of that though.

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐆𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐧𝐞𝐲 - Trending thanks to Celebs Go Dating, Gaffney made a crack about a girl being "a corrie fan" after she turned him down for a date. I didn't know he was still in Stenders, but apparently he has been quietly removed from the show after sending lewd images to a young woman, and asking for reciprocal pics. So he's trending twice today for being, in summary, a funny perv.

𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐯𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐦 - Liverpool put three kicky balls into the catchy square. West Ham managed two. For those of you new to the game of Kicky Ball, this means that Liverpool won.

𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐞 - Pancake day is today! I had no idea. BBC Good Food has a 4.3 out of 5 stars review for Easy Pancakes if you decide that's what you want for dinner. I have overdosed on Nougat today, so it'll be salad for me thanks.

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐲 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 - Big producer guy is found guilty of rape. He thought he would get away with it, and he did not.

𝐅𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 - ITV launched a new murder mystery that is getting all the good reviews.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐬 - For those of us who thought you could avoid it by not eating bat soup, here is the run down: It's a lot like pneumonia. It can cause coughs, fever and breathing difficulties, and in severe cases organ failure. If you've travelled to China or neighbouring countries and you have a cough, you should probably stay indoors and call 111. Some people in hazmat suits will be along to check you over shortly**.

**I made that up. Total guess.

Well. It's all a bit ick out there - or maybe that's just how I feel about the internet at the moment. Stay dry, stay kind, stay away from the men with the kicky balls and the accounts of the icky trolls.

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐚 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥 - I love Jameela Jamil. She is a courageous voice and an absolute goddess, and I never use that word. Plus she is awesome in The Good place, which you should all go and binge watch immediately. Today she is trending for calling Piers Morgan a "bullying parasite" after he shared direct messages sent to him by Caroline Flack concerning Jameela. These were shared by him without context and - obviously - without Caroline's permission. When the current debate is mostly about how much trolling and bullying online may have contributed to Caroline Flack's decision to take her own life, it's a pretty intense move to throw this stuff out there in an attempt to bully and harass a different celebrity. But that is how Piers rolls and trolls. Apparently Jameela had politely raised concerns about the content and diversity of shows that Caroline Flack was hosting.

𝐀𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐝 - thank goodness some kicky ball is here to take our focus off of the massive mess that is "who is a bully, what is bullying, and are you being bullied or just disagreed with?". I don't have the answers to any of these questions, and neither does Piers Morgan. Atletico Madrid got three kicky balls into the netty things, whilst Villareal managed a single weak kicky ball.

𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐔𝐭𝐝 - They beat Watford three nil and are 5th in the Premier League. Elton John will be disappointed.

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 - Normally I would be quite pleased to see this pop up in trends, but today it is bringing a sense of doom. The programme is tinged with an uncomfortable air right now, and I feel a bit sorry for Paige and Finn, who have won the latest series but now have to deal with additional stuff following their win, as the ethics of the whole programme are called into question. Last year the programme was doing so well that they commissioned an extra season, and now there are a lot of questions about whether it should exist at all. It's a rollercoaster, innit. There we go - Love Rollercoaster. A brand new programme, where contestants have one ride to fall in love. Solved it.

𝐀𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐯𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐧 - Arsenal beat Everton three kicky balls to two.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐈𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐲 - Venice Carnival has closed down after Italy has imposed a lockdown. 152 cases of the virus have been diagnosed, and three people have died. Austria is having a think about the severity of their border controls following the outbreak. I dunno, we plan to leave the EU and then a virus comes along that may effectively halt freedom of movement anyway. If only we'd known - we could have got here without any of the disagreements and referendums and marching. Although global epidemics don't result in blue passports, so maybe it is all worth it after all*.

*sarcasm

𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐯𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 - The Wolves beat the Norwich City three kicky balls to none. Malcolm will be pleased about this.

𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲 𝐅𝐮𝐫𝐲 - Tyson Fury was in a big boxing match this weekend, but this is NOT trending. Instead his brother has stolen the limelight by promising to propose to his girlfriend if Tyson wins his fight. This is the stupidest promise I ever heard, and makes me lose even more faith in the junk TV enjoyment of Love Island (which is where Tommy and girlfriend Molly-Mae met, for those of you not in the know). "I'll propose if..." is a shitty proposal and I hope she says no (Tyson won).

𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - Mr Sanders is a US Senator and is currently running as a candidate for the Democratic party leadership. If he wins then he will oppose Mr Trump during the next US election.

𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐚𝐱 - Season five is here. I haven't watched it. Episode 2 airs on the 1st march for those of you who fancy it.

Hello. I have been somewhere sunny, and now I am back home somewhere soggy. But perk up - it's just as grim online as it is IRL. Yay.

𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐀𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐲 - It's not looking good for Laura; sales have fallen by 10% and shares have dropped by 38%. Owners are looking for a bailout. I think my mother-in-law has been single-handedly keeping them afloat recently, but she can't do it all on her own. Watch this space - maybe someone will step in and save them. Although no-one stepped up to help Norton, so maybe it's every biz for itself right now.

𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 - Jack Whitehall is hosting this evening's event. I'm not nominated for anything, so let's move on.

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐚 𝐯𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 - Man U did all the good kicky balls, beating Chelsea two nil. All sorts happened during this match. There were near red-cards, disallowed goals, and Frank Lampard "slumped". But at the end of the day it is a bunch of grown men trolling a leather bag around on some grass, so let's not get carried away.

𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 - DJ and producer Andrew Weatherall has passed away aged 56. If you could play Screamadelica and feel sad then that's what would happen, but I'm not sure that it's an album that enables sadness.

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐠 - Northern Irish professional footballer has passed away aged 87.

𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - Ah, 'Stenders. It is the polar opposite, in many ways, to Neighbours. In Neighbours anyone can be anything and all manner of stuff is possible. In Stenders everyone is essentially trapped in a community of paranoia and backstabbery, and you'll never get out alive. I'm a cheery soul; guess which soap I would choose if I were forced at gunpoint to regularly watch the damn things. Anyway - spoilers ahead - Whitney gets locked up, Mick and Linda drown, someone mentioned Bristol, and it all ended with a dun dun dun dun dun duh duh duh duh.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 - Season three started. I need to disarm this gunman so that I can switch over and catch up on the first two.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞 - Atletico Madrid take on Liverpool this evening, whilst - at the same time - Dortmund play PSG. So much kicky ball.

𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 - IntheStyle.com - a website I have never visited before - have launched a "Be Kind" t-shirt, with 100% of profits going to The Samaritans.

Happy Tuesday. Bit of a mix today, with only a tiny wee bit of the football type stuff. Let's get into it, shall we?

𝐍𝐤𝐨𝐬𝐢 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 - Today's Google doodle celebrates Nkosi Johnson, a South African activist who died at the age of 12. He was born HIV positive in South Africa, and he and his adoptive mother Gail started workshops that educated the South African community about AIDS and was a catalyst for changes in legislation to protect those born with Aids or the HIV virus.

𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐯𝐬 𝐒𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐬𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐲 - It's happening today at 19:45! Who's excited about the kicky ball grass rectangle game?

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐍𝐨 𝟗 - Lots of reviews about the latest installment of Inside No 9 are trending. Titled "The Referee's a W----r", stuff that was football related happened. I can't give yuo any spoilers, because I didn't watch it.

𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐕𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 - If you saw the Superbowl then you probably also saw the teaser trailers dropped by Disney. People are mostly excited about Elizabeth Olsen's Scarlet Witch costume which showed up in the trailer for WandaVision.

𝐏𝐢𝐳𝐳𝐚 𝐇𝐮𝐭 - KFC and Pizza hut are teaming up to produce a Popcorn Chicken pizza. Yum or Yuk? what do you think?

𝐍𝐒&𝐈 - February's premium bond winning numbers have been announced. Did you get lucky? This page needs sponsors...

𝐈𝐨𝐰𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐜𝐮𝐬 - Iowa are kicking off the long process of nominating a Democratic candidate to take on Donald Trump. Results are expected soon, but the whole event is being described as "chaotic" and a "debacle". This is not a surprise to me - things are a bit broken in the Democratic party and I will shortly share a link to a podcast that explains why. You're welcome.

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 - this is a very broad term to be trending. In Finance news - Citi has suspended a bond trader for allegdly nicking something from the staff canteen, and Credit Suisse has frozen an investment bank bonus pool.

𝐋𝐨𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 - Louis Tomlinson is a member of One Direction, and recently he went on BBC Breakfast, only to be grilled by the presenters about the deaths of his mother and sister. Classy work, BBC Breakfast. Louis has said he won't be going on there again.

𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐨𝐧 - Rebel Wilson and Joaquin Phoenix have been praised for their brave speeches at the Baftas, highlighting the lack of diversity in the nominees. She also made a crack about Prince Andrew with Prince William in the audience. I've read the joke. You probably had to be there.

Oh hey hey - It’s Thursday...

𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐬 - Norton Motorcycles have been in production since 1898, but sadly they have gone into administration thanks to an unpaid tax bill of £300,000. What are the odds of a rich motorcycle fan stepping in and saving them?

𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞 - Tottenham left-back Danny Rose has been lent to Newcastle until the end of the season. Steve Bruce seems to like him more than Jose Mourinho. That is a total assumption on my part.

𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐦 𝐯𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥  - Liverpool won two to no kicky balls.

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭- My general rule of thumb for social media is to pretend I ma back at school and ask myself - is this something I would feel comfortable standing up in assembly and saying in front of everyone? And if it is not then I try to refrain from typing it. Alastair Stewart should have been employing this rule of thumb, as he has been asked to step down from presenting ITN for breaching editorial guidelines. I don't know what he posted, but he has deleted his accounts along with his career.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐔𝐊 - China has reported a 29% spike in deaths; 170 people have died and 7,711 people have been diagnosed with the virus. British nationals who are trapped in Wuhan have not yet been evacuated, and it seems to me the longer it takes to get them out, the less likely it is that they will be allowed to leave. WHO are meeting again today to decide whether this is an emergency or not.

𝐍𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐥 - Nadal lost to Thiem yesterday in the quarter-final of the men’s singles at the Australian Open.

𝐏𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢 - Spanish footballer has been lent to Arsenal by Flamengo. Overdue fines are currently at 12p per day, so they must make sure to get him back after reading.

𝐋𝐮𝐥𝐮 - I am not sure why this is trending; the latest news about the singer Lulu is that she had some photos take with Lewis Capaldi 3 days ago. In retail news a Lulu Hypermaket has opened in Dubai.

𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐧 - The cold case squad at the Metropolitan Police are looking into claims that Lord Lucan is alive and living in Australia. Can I sign up? This sounds like fun.

Morning! Is it only Tuesday? Anyone else think it should be at least Thursday by now...?

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐰 - The FBI have been trying to get hold of the Prince in connection with an inquiry into Jeffrey Epstein, and the Prince has provided "zero cooperation". I'm wondering what the inquiry is about, and also whether they've checked all of the Pizza Expresses.

𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐖𝐖𝐄 - Still trending from yesterday, the excitement is still high for Edge's return to top wrestling form after an injury saw him out of the ring for nine years. Papers should probably stop using teh words "career ending injury" now. Because it clearly wasn't.

𝐒𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐛𝐨𝐧 - Sporting Lisbon (which is a great team name, and something I think all clubs should adopt...) took on Maritimo (or as I like to call them Fairplay Maritimo) in the Primeira Liga yesterday, and beat them one nil.

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐛 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 - So a couple of years ago there was a scandal about the Presidents Club Dinners. Waitresses were allegedly groped at the men-only events, required to wear skimpy clothing, and generally put up with a load of testosterone fuelled bullshit. It was all pretty seedy. You can now buy a range of Presidents Club branded clothing, and this has made some people pretty angry.

𝐀𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥 - Magnanimous Arsenal beat Gentlemanly Bournemouth two kicky balls to one in yesterday's FA Cup match. I think these new names could catch on.

𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐯𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥 - See above kicky ball news.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 - BBC Two aired a new drama last night about the true story of 305 young holocaust survivors who were brought to the Lake District in 1945. Apparently it was great and you should expect to cry.

𝐍𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐥 - Nadal takes on Thiem in tomorrow's quarter-final of the Australian Open. Yesterday he beat Kyrgios. Today he has a day off and there might be Sudoku.*

*Total guess

𝐃𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐡𝐨 - Jo Martin turned up in Doctor Who as a former incarnation of The Doctor. She is a lady and she is black but, more importantly, she is a person who can act. I am very conflicted about this reporting. Because part of me is celebrating the fact that this has happened, and another part of me is irritated that this needs to be celebrated because it should be commonplace. So yay and grr.

𝐖𝐖𝐄 - The Sun (not a real newspaper) is leading with a body-shaming / wardrobe malfunction slant that I won't get into because it's not news. Everyone else is celebrating Edge, and how he overcame a pretty epic career pause. Well done Edge. Ignore The Sun (NARN), Mandy Rose. You could totally take that journalist in the ring.

In Love Island News: Congratulations to Sionnise for simultaneously smoothing out her recent snipe-fest with Rebecca AND getting subtle revenge by making the gorgeous 21 year old repeatedly talk with her mouth full on TV. Rebecca did that thing where she apologised without really saying sorry, so she deserves everything she gets, footage-wise.

Morning! Did everyone have a lovely weekend? We did, apart from a suspected outbreak of Coronavirus in our house. This turned out to be just your basic hangover though, so everything's fine.

𝐖𝐖𝐄 𝐑𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐑𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 - If you like wrestling you probably already know what this is. Edge made a return to the ring nine years after what everyone assumed would be a career ending injury. Brock Lesnar and Matt Riddle apparently had a real-life altercation backstage, although when it comes to wrestling I find it impossible to tell the theatre apart from the rest of it, so who knows whether this was proper or panto. Meanwhile The Sun (not a real newspaper) used the word alteration instead of altercation. The dummies.

𝐑𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐑𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 - Slightly different results; this one brings up a lot of Edge related featured tweets. Things got emotional.

𝐊𝐨𝐛𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐭 - Not fun news on a Monday morning. Basketball star Kobe Bryant and his daughter have died in a helicopter crash. Journalists are not handling this one well; a writer at The Washington post has been suspended for tweeting a link to a story about rape allegations made against Bryant in 2003. This has meant that other newspapers now also get to talk about those allegations in the context of someone else getting fired for talking about those allegations - presumably because we're not supposed to read about the potentially bad things a person has done when they've just passed away. Don't speak ill of the dead, and all that. So whilst no-one is now speaking ill of Kobe Bryant, we are now speaking ill of Felicia Sonmez and highlighting all of the things she shouldn't have said and thereby saying them all over again. My head hurts. The BBC, meanwhile, showed footage of LeBron James during their coverage of the accident, without identifying who he is or putting his appearance in context, and so now we're all wondering if the BBC is so racist it actually can't tell black people apart. Fail, media. Fail.

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢 𝐊𝐨𝐛𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐭 - Capri Bryant is the youngest child of Kobe; just 17 weeks old. Kobe and his teenage daughter Gianna were killed in a Helicopter crash yesterday morning, along with three other people. Vanessa Bryant and her daughters Natalia, Bianka and Capri were not on board.

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 - Six clever boots to none for Manchester United. Tut tut tut Tranmere. Where was your goalie looking?

𝐒𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐬𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐯𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 - A two-all draw in the 4th round of the FA cup for these two yesterday. J. Cummings was doing all the hard graft for Shrewsbury. Liverpool split the clever boots between Jones and Love. Which sounds like a great name for a new police drama.

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 - Hearts beat Rangers two to one in the first phase of the Scottish Premiership.

𝐉𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥 - The only trouble with writing about trends is that death and illness tend to crop up pretty frequently. This morning the press are talking about former Olympic ice skater Jayne Torvill, and using the word "cyst". Happy Monday everyone!

𝐋𝐞𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 - The basketball star was visibly upset at Los Angeles airport. He and his teammates were returning home from Philadelphia when they heard the news about former team mate Kobe Bryant. LeBron is also trending thanks to the BBC and their potential Prosopagnosia.

It’s Friday! I don’t have to look at Twitter trends to tell you that #Friyay and #FridayMotivation are probably trending. I don’t miss the Twitter trends. Do you?

Enough questions - let’s do Google in the UK over the last 24 hours...

𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 - Not news is trending this week. The headlines are "Prince Charles "snubs" US Vice President Mike Pence, but a more accurate headline (although accuracy is not what they're really about) would be "Man walks past other man". Mike Pence has also been heard telling Israeli Prime Minster Benjamin Netanyahu that Trump is "Unstoppable", despite the fact that his impeachment trial is in full swing. All of this stuff took place at the World Holocaust Forum, which is supposed to be commemorating lives lost and reminding us that we need to work against fascism. I am not sure it was ever intended to be a place where the right wing get to big up their leaders and network but hey - that's where we are, folks.

𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐅𝐂 - Liverpool beat Wolves 2 - 1 yesterday. Malcolm will be sad, I expect.

𝐄𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐞 - In a soap opera I don't watch a killer of a character I know nothing about has been revealed.

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 - currently sitting (I was going to write squatting, but that felt unkind) in 21st place in Football League One, Tranmere Rovers beat Watford 2 kicky balls to 1 yesterday in the 3rd round replays.

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐭 - Discounts and overstocks... Get 'em here from the tax-dodging but annoyingly efficient and convenient Amazon online...

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐲 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 - Annabella Sciorra, an actress best known for her role in The Sopranos, has testified that Harvey Weinstein forced himself into her apartment and raped her 25 years ago. More than 80 women have accused him of sexual misconduct, but few of the complaints have resulted in criminal charges. It looks like only two other women have had their accusations taken further. Ick.

𝐙𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬𝐨𝐧 - American basketball player has two stories trending today - one about his "impressive" debut in the electric NBA (what is electric about it? Do they get small electric shocks when it's not all net?), and another about how ESPN pundits talked about his weight. I'm glad that it's not just women who complain about body-shaming. Get off the topic, media.

𝐃𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 - the Doomsday clock is a symbol that indicates how close we are to a an-made global catastrophe by ticking closer to midnight the more dangerous we become. We are now 100 seconds from midnight. Do we think that Trump and other leaders who don't believe in climate change might change their tune if we told them it's a magic clock that's true? Worth a try.

𝐎𝐥𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐬𝐤𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐫 - Norwegian football manager of Manchester United. Headlines are wondering if he is on the out - will Sunday's FA cup tie be his last match as Man U boss? And also telling us that Romelu Lukaku has not included Solskjaer name in a list of which managers have got the best out of him. But that just be because he can't pronounce it.

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐑𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥 - Scottish rugby player Finn Russell has been booted from the squad just before a match against Ireland for a "drinking incident". Apparently he didn't stop drinking when asked, and then failed to turn up for training. Ummmmm.

Oh hello Thursday. How the hell are you?

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐭 - Word is that there are TWO secret areas of Amazon where you can find massive discounts. Imagine that. Like secret doors hidden in the internet; do you know how to find and open them...? It all sounds so mysterious. But actual investigations reveal that there is one (Amazon Outlet) and then there is Amazon Warehouse, which is currently holding a sale. I am not sure either of these bits of Amazon were particularly secret. This is probably a clever marketing ploy to make people think they've found a deal. But if you are after a deal, now you know where to look. You're welcome.

𝐒𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐬 - Currently 6th in the Premier League, Tottenham beat Norwich City 2 good kicks to 1 yesterday.

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 - Monty Python legend, actor and writer Terry Jones has passed away. It's been about 24 hours, and the Daily Mail has already decided that it's okay to pop some snide negative news online. I know someone who worked with Mr Jones once, and apparently he went above and beyond. And now he actually has gone above and beyond. Bye bye Terry. Have fun out there.

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 - Wuhan has been ordered into Lockdown, which I assume is the next scary phase after Quarantine. 11 million people live in the city, which has currently put ALL public transport on pause, and they are all locking themselves in ther homes after stocking up on supplies. 571 people have been infected, 95 are in a critical condition, and 17 have died. The disease has already been spotted in the US, Thailand, Taiwan, Korea and Hong Kong. No further news on the bloke who was thought to have been infected before arriving in Australia earlier this week.

𝐋𝐞𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐯𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐦 - Leicester City beat West Ham with 4 good kicks to 1 in yesterday's premier league match. Yes. Totally going with this "good kicks" business today. Get your kicks where you can. Haha ha ahaaaaaaaa.

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 - Rangers F.C. are currently second in the Scottish premiership - well done them. Yesterday they managed a solid good kick against Helen St. Mirren, but she was in a fancy frock and heels, and so her kicking was dazzling, but not on target.

𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐚 - It says something when the word "Barcelona" - a city of beauty and art and culture - is not the result you get when you pop the word into Google. Instead you get feet balls. Ibiza lost to Barcelona in La Liga yesterday; 2 good kicks to 1.

𝐓𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐦 𝐯𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 - See above. People are so interested in this match that they googled it twice.

𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐡 𝐌𝐜𝐆𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 - English journalist Steph McGovern had a baby in November, and has decided to leave BBC Breakfast for a new gig. Those two things might be connected. She's a grown up woman, she makes her own decisions.

𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐜 - This lot are first in the Scottish Premiership. Look at them, smirking down their noses at Rangers, who are stuck in second. Kilmarnock are even further down the table, after only managing one good kick in their match against Celtic yesterday by a player with the excellent name of "Kabamba". Celtic did three good kicks, but in my opinion they are the real losers here. Their surnames are not even in the same league as Kabamba... (Ponders going away and coming up with a Best Scorers Surnames League... Assumes this will take some time and interest will be lost before completion. Gives up on whole idea.)

In Love Island news:

Welcome to Tuesday, which was originally derived from Tiw's Day. Tiw was a Germanic deity whose full name was Tiwaz. And now I want to watch Tiswas.

Here's what has been trending in the last 24 hours on Google in the UK:

𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧 - This is an epic exercise in what is not news. Jennifer won an award yesterday. So did Brad Pitt. They crossed paths backstage and briefly held hands. Cue manic trending news story about nothing.

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲 - Yesterday. How are we all doing? Google has the day categorised as a "Holiday", but I don't think that is entirely accurate. Hopefully the random bits and bobs I posted here helped you make it through the quagmire of depression, and you have successfully reached Tiptop Tuesday, which is what I am renaming today. It won't catch on.

𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐦 - First in the championship league, West Bromwich Albnion F.C. were beated 1 - 0 by Stoke City yesterday. Blame it on the blues, lads.

𝐀𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 - More tennis. Today it's the men's singles and some of these matches are being played as I type. It's almost like real life this, isn't it?

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬 - Wuhan in China seems to be the starting place for the virus, which can be spread by humans, and has already claimed four lives and left hundreds ill. It looks as though everyone is doing their best to contain it, but an Australian man is currently being tested for the virus after returning from China with a respiratory illness.

𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐬 - Beales department store has gone into administration after it failed to find a buyer or new investors for the business. I have been to Beales in Bournemouth. End of message.

𝐌𝐲 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 - The band have teased some new sounds; they recently reformed after seven years of solo projects, and are about to go on tour. Link to follow providing I can find one; I've no idea what the new stuff sounds like.

𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - Three men were stabbed to death in Seven Kings in Ilford on Sunday. Two men have been arrested. No actual kings were involved.

𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐰𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 - The Chiefs play the 49ers on Sunday 2nd Feb. Tickets are SUPER expensive, but the good news is that the mid-show entertainment is the only interesting bit (for me, anyway) and that will probably be available online the day after. So skip the running, throwing, tackling, kicking, 100% likelihood of injury in a sport that requires its players to practically wear armour and is also quite dull, and find the edited highlights on the interweb later.

𝐂𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢 - Edinson Cavani, a Uruguayan footballer, is trending in the headline "Merson says: Edinson Cavani a no-brainer for Chelsea". Which you could mis-interpret to be quite insulting, if you were so inclined. I almost always am.

Morning! You look a wee bit tired. Here. Have a sit down and a read, and take a moment to yourself...

𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 - Liverpool are currently first in the Premier League. On Thursday they face Wolves (Malcolm will be tense), and on Sunday they play Shrewsbury. So it's a very Midlands based line up this week.

𝐀𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 - The Australian open runs from January 14th to February 2nd, and has taken until today - six days into the tournament - to start trending. Today sees the women's singles first round matches, some of which have already happened because of time.

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲 - Welcome to the most depressing day of the year. The question is, if you didn't know it was Blue Monday would you now be anticipating a low mood to strike? I say let's just ignore it. If we don't get a day off work to celebrate it, it doesn't count.

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐧 - Sports! Inter Milan are currently send on Serie A; they drew 1-1 with Lecce yesterday. Lecce sounds like a good pudding.

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐜𝐞 - Isn't it amazing how celebrity shows can dig up someone you had completely forgotten existed? Congratulations to the research and production teams of DOI; I had totally forgotten that Caprice Bourret was a person until this morning, when I read the news that she and ice dance partner Hamish Gaman will not be dancing together for the remainder of the show. We have not been given any information on why they have split, and some of us miss the days where we had forgotten who Caprice was and didn't care about anything she did. Sigh.  

𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐜 𝐯𝐬 𝐋𝐞𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲 - Burnley beat Leicester City 2 - 1 in the Premier League yesterday. C. Wood and A. Westwood scored the goals, and I hear that the managers are considering ONLY signing players who have a tree related surname going forward.

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐂𝐮𝐩 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰  - It's happened. 16 teams have been told who they will be playing. It's thrilling stuff. 

𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐚 - It's a city, ain't it. But, presumably because it is Blue Monday and I have zero interest in sports, the UK is not interested in the beauty of Barcelona today. No. They are all about the football. Barcelona beat Granada 1 nil yesterday.

𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚 𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐚 - The UK are apparently not that impressed with the latest episode of Doctor Who, which featured the Serbian-American inventor / electrical engineer / mechanical engineer / futurist / all-round under-celebrated over-achiever. I didn't see it. I was watching Love Island.

𝐀𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚 𝐕𝐒 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐚 - Cricket news! India beat Australia by seven wickets with 15 balls left.

Since it's not trending and we desperately need to combat the utter depression that Blue Monday will almost certainly bring (it won't, and I plan on sharing silly videos all day to prove it) here is a refresh on Love Island activity: Connagh put a cat amongst the scantily clad pigeons when he detached Sophie from the baby-man that is the other Connor. Some of us more jaded folk suspect Connagh was asked to mix things up on joining the villa... Mike dressed like a beat poet but didn't say anything poetic and nobody clicked their fingers in appreciation. Naz is winning the FriendZone award.

And that is Monday. Stay tuned to the Facebook page for things that are 1) not sport and 2) not sad.

It is 𝟏𝟕𝐭𝐡 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. Let's see what's trending on Google in the UK over the last 24 hours...

𝐄𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐦 - Eminem has surprised fans by dropping a new album in a surprise fashion. It's called "Music to be Murdered by", which isn't an encouraging title, and apparently he compares himself to the Manchester Arena bomber on a new track. I haven't heard it, so I am not judging nuffink.

𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 - Boubakary Soumere (which is fun to say) is being argued over by Manchester United and Chelsea. It seems as though Man U's player wishlist got leaked... Is there anyone they are NOT fighting with another club over?

𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐬 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚 - in cricket news, England are 301 for 4 after choosing to bat. South Africa have yet to have a crack with the willow stick, which presumably gives them time to think about how hosting Love Island is going.

𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 - Still trending from yesterday - the professional wrestling world mourns the passing of Rocky Johnson at the age of 75.

𝐖𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 - American TV host Wendy Williams apparently thought it would be funny to take the piss out of Joaquin Phoenix's lip scar. I mean... pot, kettle, lady. Her face exactly un-mockable. She has apologised. No idea how Joaquin feels about things, but he is an engima. He could be feeling ANYTHING.

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢 𝐓𝐨𝐤𝐬𝐯𝐢𝐠 - Newspapers I don't trust are making a big deal out of how awful Sandi's experience on Bake-off was, and that's why she's left the show. That woman can do whatever she wants. And so can Noel. I am happy to replace her if another candidate doesn't show up in time.

𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐱 - Ick newspapers again, and I am a little bit heartbroken, because Laurence Fox is quite the dish. Apparently he has called a woman "racist" for accusing him of having white privilege. Please take a moment to go and examine Mr Fox's family tree and assess the colour of his skin. She's not racist, she is accurate. That being said though, I have not watched the interview, so perhaps contextually I should be able to get over my heartbreak. We will see.

𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐚 - British boxer is apparently in talks with another boxer. Tell me when they've agreed a date for the match, then it might be considered news.

𝐑𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐝 - Manchester United are having quite the drama at the moment, aren't they? First all of the other clubs want the same players that they do, and now Marcus Rashford has had an injury. He claims he is prepared to play through the pain, but I think that would be a mistake, and I'm not even a doctor.

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐧 - JRR Tokien's son Christopher has passed away at the age of 95. He has played a massive part in the Middle Earth canon of works, helping to collate and edit books like The Silmarillion, that would never have made it to fans without him.