Laurent Of Vere Owns My Entire Ass

damianos of akielos

More WIP :^)

(just what it says on the tin. NC-17, not as angsty as it could be but not NOT angsty. i wrote this bc i want attention, tell me what you think. maybe i’ll post to ao3 if i can think of a title. the dog’s name is @niniblack’s headcanon, and the bitchy teenager is totally nicaise.)

When Laurent’s phone rang at 10pm, he almost didn’t answer it. And then when he saw who was calling, he really almost didn’t answer. Then, swearing into his pillow, Laurent picked up. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, and his heart pounded in the brief pause on the other end of the line. 

But it was just surprise in Damen’s tone when he said, “Yes, sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just wanted to let you know I took Sasha into the vet today.” 

Laurent sat up, sheets pooling around his waist. “Is he okay?” 

“Yeah. He got into a fight and one of the bites got infected.” 

“A fight? With another dog? Did you let him off leash?”

“I was at the dog park. There was this insane little rat terrier. I think Sasha was just playing but this dog just got its teeth into Sash’s leg and hung on.” 

“Jesus,” Laurent muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Did you get the owner’s contact info? You’d better send them the vet bill.”  

“Yeah. It was this incredibly bitchy teenager who said Sash was sexually harassing his dog.” Laurent could hear the humor in Damen’s voice. Damen had always been better at dealing with other people’s bullshit. 

“What did the vet say?” 

“Cleaned it up and prescribed antibiotics. Didn’t need stitches.” 

“Good. That’s good.” Laurent laid back slowly on his pillows, staring up at the dark ceiling. “Thanks for telling me.” 

“Of course. He’s still your dog too,” Damen said, and Laurent suppressed a derisive snort because he knew Damen meant it sincerely. In his head, Sasha was still both of theirs, despite the fact that Damen was now the dog’s sole caretaker, and had been for nearly a year. God, that long already? Thinking about it made Laurent’s stomach hurt.  

He rolled onto his side, phone pressed against his ear. “So.” 

“So.”

“Oh man you should’ve seen him at 4 to 5, god he was sharp. Once when he was about 4, I was introducing him to my old dolls and poppets that I had named ‘beary’ for the bears, ‘doggy’ for the dogs, and so on. He looked at me straight in the face with those big blue eyes and said, Those are too repetitive. You’re not any good at naming dolls. Because at that age, all his animals were named Remington, Magdalaine, Appolinia, Archibald, Theodore…

I remember he asked me why they were all boys and I said that I was grossed out by little girls when I was his age, so I made all my little friends boys. He looked so offended and held all his girl dolls and said, How are they supposed to procreate?”

.

“Since he was really little, he would always come up to me at dinner real shy and say May I have another? of whatever dessert was, and I’d say I don’t know bud, go ask mom. And I would watch him pitter-patter around the table for so long waiting to ask her… which was silly! Because she always said yes.

He could never finish the second one, so it didn’t matter. He’d come back up to me in the same way and act like he just came up with the idea, Hey uh.. do you want any? Because he wanted me to finish it for him.”

.

He always tried really hard whenever they have royal visits and learnt their native language to greet them. More often than not he said something wildly wrong but no one had the heart to tell him. One time, when greeting the empress of Vask he commented on her likeness to the horses in the stables. Luckily he’s so cute she immediately adored him anyway

.

Whenever there was bad storms in the night, he would always quietly sneak into my room and into my bed, without a word. I’d prop the sheets up over us, and with a lantern make shadow puppets and tell stories to distract him from the storm.

When he was about 7 he decided he was “all grown up”, and told me he wouldn’t come to my anymore because grown ups didn’t do that. The first bad storm that year I waited outside his room and heard him crying. I knocked on the door and went in- he was in bed trying to look as if he wasn’t crying. I said I was really scared in the storm and couldn’t sleep, so could I share. I told his favourite stories and eventually he fell asleep. In the moring, he told me I really need to grown up because big boys should sleep in their own rooms during a storm.

“Would I lie to you, Damianos? I’m telling you, he challenged me to a duel at six, I couldn’t believe it, marched right up to me all in his kit, said -and this is the best part- said I’d been telling ‘indecorous lies’, the nerve on that one! He’s always been like this I’m telling you.”

“What was it you’d said, statues moved around at night?”

“He’d kill me if he heard me telling you this, but damn him, I beat him in a duel then, I can sure as hell beat him now - little speck had his blouse-tails all in a knot cause he found out horses don’t actually understand when you speak to them! I found out later he’d been reading poetry to a little filly after every riding lesson - I’d just told him to talk to her to calm her down! She was a gift from me, never thought I’d have my life threatened over telling a chatty boy to yammer on to a nervous horse rather than the busy stablehands.” 

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same Laurent?” 

My offerings are when Damen decimates the battle field at the beginning of KR- holding out for a hero (specifically the shrek 2 version) (sue me)

laurent: i have to bottom.

damen: are you sure? i’m pretty sure i can take it-

“how do you pronounce your name, your highness?”

“He knocked the smug look off my face, but luckiy I was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath”

So… I’d just like to point out that there’s like six dudes standing outside the tent while they’re having this argument in King’s Rising… and all I can think is that they’re all looking at each other like

How would modern Auguste fuck with/roast/embarrass Laurent?

Like you KNOW he’s gotta fuck with him, especially as he got older, he’s a big brother, it’s mandatory.

Please consider:

Nicknames

Embarrassment in front of crushes

Pranks

Weird inside jokes and family memes

Convincing Smaurent that random made-up facts are true that are ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE

Also consider:

How Laurent would retaliate.

Nothing mean-spirited obvs, just roasting each other and pranking each other like any good, good brothers might do.

This is for fanfiction SCIENCE purposes, people! 

I’m tagging some of the Capri blogs I can remember off of the top of my head in hopes of getting some awesome feedback.

So imagine:

Smaurent LOVES the library and when he’s like ~6 Auguste is like “you really love the library, don’t you” and Smaurent is just like “Yeah! It’s the BEST!” “Well, I think it’s time you swore the oath and became a Library Knight” “😱a WHAT” “yes, a Library Knight. I spoke to [Head Librarian] about this and we agree that you’re ready”

So Auguste gets the Head Librarian involves and they come up with this legit-enough-sounding Oath for Laurent to swear and it has stuff like “I swear to treat every book with kindness and never write in them and return them it it’s proper place. I will return all books in a timely fashion. I will protect this library and all others With My Life” and Smaurent takes this very seriously and it very proud and he wants to go tell him father but Auguste is like “it’s a secret organization of Knowledge you can’t tell anyone not even Father” and wow does that make Smaurent love it Even More.