Thanks so much for replying, that's really interesting! If it's no secret or subject for a new poe game (we can hope), what was Ydwin's companion quest supposed to be like? As in, what long term consequences, was she going to start experiencing them during the game, etc?
Sure!
So first caveat, I'm dredging this up from the murky mud of memory, so apologies if I'm getting anything wrong.
Second caveat, this was something we considered for Beast of Winter. Ydwin may have had a completely different companion quest design sketched out for the base game, but if so it was cut before I joined that project.
I don't believe it ever got far beyond a design and a rough draft, but my intention was a balance of tragic and bittersweet. The core conceit was that her transformation wasn't the cure for mortality she had hoped, and she was going to go the way of all Pillars undead. Already, she wasn't as quick as she'd once been, and she'd begin to forget things over the course of the campaign.
The crux of the quest was an attempt to find a potential experimental cure. If I recall correctly, the experiment beat was ethically pretty horrid (soul theft and grafting or the like). It would've climaxed with the player encouraging, discouraging, or preventing her selfish harvest of others.
If she went through with it, the experiment would indeed help her stave off her decay. If the experiment was prevented, she'd have alt lines illustrating occasional confusion and forgetfulness.
The companion arc culminated in helping (or you know, not) her deal with whatever the outcome of the above was, from eagerly pushing her to continue harvesting to prolong her unlife to encouraging her to accept mortality and make the most of what time she had left.
This was designed as a bit of a mirror and compliment to the stories of Vatnir, Rynhaedr, and Neriscyrlas.
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Hi! Could you please give us a timeline of what Ydwin was doing? Like what's her age, when did she leave the Lands, how long was she in Vailian republics?? I assume she's around Vatnir's age but she doesn't really age because of her fampyric condition right??
Unfortunately, I can't. It's been too long since I worked on Pillars and I don't have access to the Obsidian documentation. The wiki might have the answers you're looking for. If I had to guess, she's the elven equivalent of being in her late early/mid thirties to Vatnir's early/mid twenties. But truly that's a guess based on half remembered work from almost a decade ago.
If I recall correctly, though, her condition was relatively new, a fairly recent experiment. She hadn't really begun to see the potential long term consequences (which is what my proposed potential companion quest would have focused on).
Hello!! I'm over half a decade late but I've been playing POE Deadfire and it quickly became one of my favorite games ever, and especially Serafen is my numero uno šš“āā ļø So first of all thank you for the brilliant writing! Secondly, I have a question: like many before me I was disappointed by the lack of dialogue after 1) you kill Malnaj and 2) Furrante is hanged, as they are both major presences in Serafen's arc. Now I assume this is not the intended experience, but I wondered if the writing is actually in the game and it's simply bugged, or if you ran out of time/resources? If so, what would you have liked to implement?
Glad you're enjoying our fine, furry friend.
This'll be a disappointing answer, I'm afraid, but I don't remember, and I don't have access to the files to check. I'm pretty sure I wrote content responding to Malnaj's death (at least under certain circumstances), but I can't remember what might've been there for Furrante.
I would almost certainly approach the way I built what I did for Serafen very differently now than I did back then, just by virtue of the experience I've had since. But I remember that I was working with a lot of structural constraints due to coming onto the project pretty late and also a little underwater reworking the ship/map encounters. I wouldn't change who he WAS - I'm quite happy with how that came out, with the writing and Liam's incredible performance - but I don't doubt that the implementation - the way what's there was structured and presented - could be significantly improved.
Hey Alex! I dunno if it was ever asked, and it's some years after the Deadfire's release, but I was wondering - how in detail did you developed Vatnir? I, myself, love to write fanfics. And I was kinda down, when I learnt that Vatnir will not get PID, and romance option (this would be neat!). But in my head, on of my Watchers would love to see if Vatnir would be interested into them. Soo my question is - have you ever thought about Vatnir's sexuality? Is there any headcanon in your.. Well, head?
I'm very death of the author, so the head cannon in my head is just that, head cannon, and no more valid than yours.
I can say that had I been making a romance for him, it wouldn't have been closed to a Watcher based on ancestry or gender. He might've been slower to warm to a Priest of Magran, though (har har).
If it's helpful, I think Vatnir operates under the assumption that nobody's interested in him that way, and he uses his mask and sardonic attitude as shields to avoid finding out. I imagine a confession of the kind would leave him utterly flummoxed, at least at first. He might even be suspicious, assuming an ulterior motive. He's an individual of authority, intelligence, and some charisma, so he's almost certainly been approached in the past, but within his insular community, how could he ever know whether a potential partner's attentions were sincere?
Would he need help navigating these feelings? Probably!
This is a very broad question, but you've gone from working on crunchy RPGs (Deadfire) to working on immersive sims at Arkane (Deathloop), so I wonder if you can talk a little bit about the similarities and differences in the approach to writing you have to adopt for the genres?
Sure!
There are a few shifts, and not all of them came with genre. One of the biggest actually came duringĀ Deadfireās development, when we determined that we were going to fully voice the game. In games like Tyranny and the original Pillars, a lot of the dialogue was relatively baroque, often broken up with descriptive text, and usually quite long per node.
This does notĀ work well when everythingās voiced. Itās hard for actors to get their mouths around, and the attention and stamina necessary to go through long lines (and control performance across them) can be difficult to maintain. Meanwhile, as soon as you get into descriptive prose, youāre breaking up what the playerās hearing, separating it from what theyāre reading, muddling both. Which is (in part) why you might note that a lot of the Deadfire DLC dialogue tends to be shorter per node than in the base game and use a lot less description.Ā
For me, a major aspect of the shift from Deadfire to "DEATHLOOPā was about tone and style, since the latter aims to be much more modern and widely comic than the Pillars games. It took me a few months to shift gears, to learn to write in the language ofĀ āDEATHLOOPā. It was probably the minicom conversations that finally made things click for me, giving me a sense of how far I could push content.
Meanwhile, part of the player fantasy in Deadfire, is creating and embodying your own character, so the goal for the player options is to provide an array of possible responses that allow the player to express their character (AKA roleplay) without shattering the fiction. Colt, on the other hand, is a tightly defined character. Thereās a littleĀ reactivity in how he responds based on player action, but itās pretty limited.Ā
There are some significant structural/mechanical differences, however. For instance,Ā we have a lot of crosstalk in āDEATHLOOPā, where characters are speaking at the same time, interrupting and overlapping one another, which is generally not even possibleĀ in dialog in the Obsidian RPGs. This requires thinking of scenes a bit more like a screenwriter than an IF writer. Except...
...you have to write most scenes in most immersive sims with the assumption that they can be interrupted at any time. Ideally, the characters then fire a bark appropriate to the interruption (hearing a noise, spotting Colt, or the like). So we spent a lot of time thinking in terms of our systems and how we might create barks that interplay with them in ways that made the world feel more alive. The response of an enemy to seeing the shimmer of an invisible player is different from that of one hearing something explode in the distance.
Thereās a littleĀ of this in Deadfire, but itās pretty limited.Ā
In text, we tried to keep the notes inĀ āDEATHLOOPā short(...ish) and provided even shorter summaries that called out the most important info in each document, both because the game doesnāt pause (itās multiplayer), and because itās an action game first and foremost. Thereās also an... intimacy?... to the perspective of the notes inĀ āDEATHLOOPā. Every note in that game has a reason it exists, a concrete bit of narrative (sometimes shallow or silly, but always present). Fantasy RPGs are a bit more flexible with this; thereās a player assumption that the world is full of books to read that exist primarily to be read by the player. Thatās something we wanted to avoid inĀ āDEATHLOOPā (even if it existed to an extent in the Dishonored games).Ā
Iām not going to dig too deeply into the Floaty Words (tm) here, except to say that thereās a littleĀ overlap between them and points of interest in Pillars (when you click on a part of the scenery and get a short text description), in that they both exist, at least in part, to deepen and call attention to aspects of the visible game world. Our word count limits on Floaty Words were muchĀ tighter than Points of Interest, and the tone much more specific and abstract.
Finally, thereās a fair amount of story that can be told through exploration and the environment in first person that would require text in isometric. We donāt, for instance, have to spend words describing Egorās bedside bookshelf full of clocks because the player can stick their nose right up against it. We donāt have to describe in text what a pair of Wenjies are doing, because the player is able to watch those characters move around and interact with the environment. That stuff still has to be thought about and implemented, and as a tool it can be both empowering (and immersive) and limiting (every animation costs money).
Hope that was informative!
And yes, Iām contractually obligated to style the title āDEATHLOOPā every single time.
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I get asked fairly often for advice from people who are interested in getting into narrative in the games industry. Rather than continuing to field each question individually, I figure itād be more useful to post it where anyone can read it. Iāll also include some links to other worthwhile resources.
Also note that every journey is different. Your mileage may vary regarding any of the advice given below.
More below the cut.
Before I dive into this, a first piece of advice: really think about why you want to do this.Ā
Game dev is often very difficult and stressful, and the pay is rarely great.Ā
Know why you want to pursue narrative design ā and consider whether there are other ways you could fulfill those goals.Ā
If, for instance, you want to be a writer, there are many avenues by which you can pursue that dream, especially if you want to be the creative vision behind that writing. (In game dev, youāre often implementing the vision of others.)Ā
I also personally find knowing why Iām doing this work incredibly useful for pushing through the difficult times.
Ā The Very BasicsĀ
Wait⦠what the heck even is a Narrative Designer? Is it just another word for Game Writer?
Writing is generally a subset of Narrative Design (which Iāll abbreviate to ND going forward). Games writer gigs existĀ and they're often freelance. Honestly I'm not sure where to find them. I think you can search Twitter for "game writer" or the like and probably get some hits. If you're a game writer, that USUALLY means that all you're doing is writing. (Putting words on 'paper.')
Sometimes studios call their NDs "writers," but that's pretty rare in my experience. Even rarer are studios that separate the two into distinct disciplines (ND and Writer). There's a good GDC talk from a few years back that shows how TellTale did exactly that.
In my experience, the vast majority of NDs handle writing andĀ some other systemic methods of handling story. What this means variesĀ drasticallyĀ from studio to studio and from project to project - and even from designer to designer.Ā
A worthwhile exercise is to play a game (I recommend Fallout New Vegas for this, or RemedyāsĀ Control) and look at all the ways story is being delivered: dialog and quests, sure, but also through faction relationship systems, through the objects and art within any given space, through the shapes of the spaces themselves.
As a follow-up, grab Bethesda's GECK and make a playable level with a quest and narrative elements. Maybe even avoid speakers and notes and focus on telling a story through the design of the space and the placement of art.Ā
You can also use their conversation system to learn how branching dialogs are built (and how reactive dialog is scripted) in Bethesda games of the era.
Which leads me to my first major piece of advice:Ā
MAKE STUFF
Specifically, make interactive stuff.
Grab a free tool like Twine (super simple/easy) or Unity (a bit more complex, but the tutorials will help a lot, and if you have any background in programming concepts (which you can also learn online if need be - there are entry level computer science lectures from Harvard and MIT available for free on Youtube), it should be reasonably straightforward). Use your toolset to make stuff that you can show to people.
Keep your scope really small and achievable. A tight, evocative experience of ten to fifteen minutes (play time) that is reactive/branching is much better than something messy or unfinished.
Having created work is a huge leg up over the competition in looking for ND jobs, to the point that it's basically expected at this point. (In part because the barrier of entry to create something is so low.)Ā
There's a lot of reasons for this, including but not limited to: displaying writing chops, displaying an understanding of branching design/interactivity, displaying an ability to complete projects, and good ol' fashioned practice.
One of the reasons that the industry is so focused on credits (or shipped projects) is that they function as proof that you can complete projects ā but you donāt have to be on a retail project to make a thing. Nor do you have to do it alone - keep an eye out for game jams you can take part in, for instance.
Meanwhile, run tabletop games (like Dungeons and Dragons, but definitely go further afield as soon as youāre comfortable) for your friends. Theyāre a far better practice for interactive narrative than writing prose fiction or drama. The instant feedback you get on your choices as a storyteller in tabletop is an incredible teacher of lessons that translate well to videogame development.
Play extensively and widely ā and with a critical eye.
By which I donāt mean ābe able to talk trash about whatever you play,ā but rather ābe able to identify some of what the developers are doing with a given project, what it accomplishes, and why you think the devs made the decisions that they did.ā (There are a few posts earlier in this blog written with an eye towards developing that skill.)
Practice speaking (with your friends, maybe, or online), preferably with empathy, about things you didnāt think worked in games that you loved or what did work in games you loathed.
Moreover, be confident in talking about things that you feel didnāt work in games that the studios youāre applying at made, and some possibilities for how they may have been improved. Which brings me toā¦
Learn everything you can about the industry and how development works.
Essentially every industry job interview Iāve ever been in (on either side of the table) has tested for an understanding of game development processes ā especially constraints of time and budget. Why wasnāt that thing you didnāt think worked in the game above better? The answerās usually money or time (which, as the old adage reminds us, are fairly fungible).
You can learn a lot from things like AskAGameDev and any number of YouTube series. (GDC makes a lot of content available for free.) Also articles on https://www.gamedeveloper.com/ . I studied the industry extensively through such resources before I even began interviewing for my first gig, and my understanding of the limitations and difficulties of development were instrumental in me being hired (both for that first job and for the next few jobs that followed - and really probably every job since, but more informed by experience than study as time went on).
A word of warning: work is work. If you join your dream studio, you turn its games into your job. (Iāve done this four times now, so clearly not a strong learner.) Itās worthwhile to identify studios whose games matter to you too much as a player to risk hurting your experience with them by turning them into your profession. Applicable adages advise us not to see how the sausage is made or meet our heroes.
But what about education?
Sooooooooooooooooo, this is a bit of a sticky wicket.
Because little known fact: university is super expensive (at least in the States), and it in no way guarantees employment.
I hesitate to recommend game design programs, especially for undergraduates with no other university experience, doubly especially for people interested in narrative. From what I hear, they seem to tend to favor a kind of wide-spectrum design education rather than encouraging the kind of specialization that helps one stand out in the industry.
Meanwhile, storytelling requires a wide breadth of experience and a strong capacity for research, both of which any number of university tracks can help you gain. And the knowledge gained through most courses of study can be drawn from when creating work.
Instead, Iād advise you to pursue a more general education and really try to live and learn and get to know a wide variety of peopleĀ while doing so.
Be humble and try to absorb and integrate critique of your work. (It took me an embarrassingly long time to learn this one.)
For diplomas, consider something grounded in liberal arts (literature, history, philosophy) or psychology or politics; ideally this is something you legitimately love, though feel free to hedge your bets by going for something that feels marketable in other industries.
For specific courses, I strongly recommend screenwriting or playwriting (for dialog) and at least basic computer science (for understanding scripting) ā though as mentioned above, a lot of learning can be done online. Take history courses if you can, or theatre courses (especially directing). If your university has intro game dev courses that you can take, by all means, do so.
Iād suggest focusing on things that either engage your ability to critically think or require you to make work that then receives feedback.
I majored in literature and theatre, which has served me well, though I wish Iād taken more than a single philosophy course. And gods alive do I wish Iād taken language studies more seriously.
As for graduate education... I don't think my MFA had any significant impact on any role I've gotten, at least not as a piece of paper. The time spent during that program practicing and receiving feedback, on the other hand, had a significant impact on my skill. I donāt think a graduate education is necessarily a waste, but itās by no means a guarantee of anything. Pursue with care and consideration, and try not to go into debt over it.
Ā And portfolios??
A portfolio probably isn't wildly useful unlessĀ it's either interactive (as mentioned above) or directly related to the kind of work the studio is making (in which case you should call that out). Or if it has some significant success in another medium. Like if you've sold a screenplay that won awards at festivals or some such, definitely make that known and accessible to recruiters.
Which is to say, have a portfolio, but make sure itās relevant and donāt necessarily volunteer it if itās not asked for. Better, in my opinion, to provide a link to your best single piece of interactive work, or the one that most closely relates to the job youāre applying for.
Once you've got credits, they become a portfolio of sorts. I personally take video of my work being interacted with and include hyperlinks to it in my cover letter when appropriate.
But the major hurdle will be the test. Almost any role you apply for will expect you to do some manner of writing or design test, and that's going to be the primary litmus by which you're judged, because it's going to be specific to both the studio and the project that you're applying to.
And technical ability???
As an ND or Game Writer, you need zero programming ā generally speaking. You certainly don't need to have functional fluency in any programming language.Ā
However, two caveats:
First - technical chops can often help. At the very least, they offer you an edge over other candidates. If I have two great writers applying for a role, and one is clearly more comfortable implementing scripts (in the programming sense of that term) than the other, I'm going to go with them.
Second ā a knowledge of CS/programming fundamentals is EXTREMELY useful for any role that isn't pure writing. Your "If/Thens", your "And/Ors" and the like. Your loops and incrementing values and all that basic jazz.Ā
A job on a branching RPG like they make at Obsidian or Bethesda requires that kind of knowledge, even if it seems from the outside to be mostly words on a screen. That's how you get all of that dense reactivity to player action and character background
Most gigs also require some basic level of technical fluency. You need to know how to use Word and Excel, if not Powerpoint. Many studios will have you working within an editor. (Again, Unityās a free-to-access example.) Almost every studio uses databases for task and bug tracking, and most use versioning software (which can be learned on the job).
I was in QA for roughly five years before I shifted into design, and I used that time to learn everything I could about the various toolsets and processes at the studios I was at. Test (at a dev studio in particular) can be an excellent route to learning a lot about how games are made. However, if you take this route, you need to do good work in QA. Testing can be a path into other things, but if you treat it like a mere stepping stone, youāll alienate the very people youāre trying to impress and possibly even get a bad reputation within the relatively small industry. Test is an important role that deserves to be taken seriously, both by the people who are doing it and the people elsewhere in the studio that QA supports.
So what do you WANT to make?
My experience in the small indie space has been MUCH more limited than in the AA/AAA scene. It might be easier to get a gig there, but I never have (in design, I mean), so I can't speak to it.
There's also the question of what you want to make. You don't want to be miserable, and it's perfectly possible to be miserable (or making stuff you don't care about) in either space.
I point this out because it seems to me that there's some difficulty shifting lanes, regardless of which lane you start in.
But if you're looking to make big expensive games, I'd start by looking for AAA gigs (keep an eye out for temp/freelance jobs which can be easier to land than full time roles). And keep an eye out for roles in genres that don't seem immediately obvious. Loads of people in ND want to work on a Mass Effect or BioShock or Uncharted. But FIFA games, racing games, MOBAs, and the like have huge AAA budgets and need writing done on them. And I suspect that it's easier to go from writing on Forza to writing on Red Dead than it is from writing on Max Gentleman Sexy Business (although it shouldn't be, because that game's fucking brilliantly written).
At the same time, if you want to make experimental stuff where you have lots of control over what you're making, shoot for indie instead. Expect to wear more hats in indie, though. Expect to need more technical skills.
And donāt forget mobile. It's relatively easy, as I understand it, to get a role in a mobile studio ā they arenāt quite as competitive, but they can be rewarding.Ā
Basically, aim for the level you want to work at rather than trying to game the system. There's a lot of ways to "work your way up."
That said, I found https://www.gamedevmap.com/ an invaluable resource for knowing what studios were where. Check out the studios that are geographically comfortable for you and start your search for work with them.
Finding the Right Studio
As I mentioned at the top, making games can be hard.
The pay is generally not great (especially contrasted against the amount of money the industry brings in), the work is stressful, and the schedules can be grueling. This is slowly getting a little better, but for the most part, yeah.
There are, however, things you can do to mitigate the risk of ending up somewhere youāre miserable.
Check Glassdoor on places you get interviews with. It helps to know what your red flags are (or the things you canāt deal with in a work environment) and be on the lookout for those things specifically.
Always ask what the interviewer likes and dislikes about the studio.
And during the interview you can absolutely ask what their crunch practices are like, and you should ask about OT, vacation, and sick and parental leave policies.
Google the studio to see if they've been in the news for harassment/crunch/etc. and what if anything they did to respond to that.
There are studios/publishers I know I won't work for based on their ethical failures. There are others that are in the āavoid if possibleā column.Ā
I personally also try to gauge the politics of a studio and factor that in. I consider games incredibly meaningful pieces of media, and I donāt want to work on games that I consider having a net negative impact on the state of the world.
(Though, in fairness, I am fortunate enough to be able to afford to be a little choosey.)
Instability is basically part of the industry, and something you'll almost certainly deal with. And don't be afraid to leave studios that aren't working out (or where you are unhappy working), because churn is expected. I caution you only against leaving multiple studios within a few months of starting.
Keep an eye out for things like non-competes during hiring, and keep in mind that theyāre generally negotiable.
Reasonable: you can't work for another studio while you're working for this one (assuming you're full time).
Unreasonable: you can't make personal projects in other media, or you're expected not to work anywhere else within any amount of time after leaving the studio.
NDAs are strict and taken extremely seriously, and I think that this is reasonable.
Some studios, especially large ones, will also try to control your public presentation. That's... reasonable to an extent, but your personal tolerance will vary. So, for me, I don't put my studio name in my Twitter bio or ever represent myself as a representative of the studio or its various corporate overlords, so that my statements aren't construed as statements "by a member of the studio."
I also tend to avoid negativity about games specifically and often other media (though I make occasional exceptions for poor handling of sensitive content). I also have no compunctions about speaking out about harmful work practices at other studios, which Iām aware may end up meaning I wonāt get hired at said studios in the unlikely event that I applied there.
People donāt generally want to hire someone who talks a lot of trash publicly about other studios, and they almost never want to hire someone who has been excessively negative about them in the past. (I will probably never get hired by Quantic Dream. Oops!)
This applies outside of games, too. You canāt always know how what youāve said may impact something later. If, for instance, youāve spent years railing against, say, Taco Bellās food, that may become a problem when your studio enters into negotiations to do a licensed strategy RPG about a chihuahua on a quest for the perfect late night snack.
So just, you know, consider whether something negativeĀ needsĀ to be said (as in, will saying it help make the world a better place?) before posting it.Ā
And thatās about it. Feel free to drop me a question, and Iāll try to maybe possibly answer it within something approaching a timely manner.
Ā <#
Post script! Paul Kirsch, a fellow designer from my time at Obsidian, chronicled his own journey into development here. Check it out!
Hi! I'm working on a Beast of Winter mod lately and I have some questions about Vatnir if you don't mind me asking =) Does his name mean anything in particular? And who gave it to him? Is he attached to certain members of his clan who will inevitably be missed if he leaves with the Watcher? Does he have hobbies, things he enjoys on a daily basis? Sorry for all the questions but I really want him to be in-character as much as possible in the dialogues I'm working on for him =)
I wonder how long ago this was asked (the box doesn't show)...
Apologies for the delay! I haven't logged in for ages.
IIRC, Vatnir's name was one of many suggested by me and discussed by the team. It's been a while, but I seem to recall it being a clear winner.
From whence did I select it, though? I'm afraid that's lost to memory. It seems to be related to the Icelandic word for water. Did I make it up? Maybe. But it's entirely possible I picked it from a list of White that Wends names we'd generated in the past, in which case it could've been made up by any number of people (Carrie, Kate, and Josh all being likely suspects)... though I very clearly remember I once spent almost an entire day specifically generating WtW names for Beast of Winter.
Which is all to say that I don't remember and no longer have access to the documentation to check. Sorry!
Okay, this may be a silly question, but I was wondering was there any reasoning for Serafen turning down advances from godlike watcher? I just found it surprising because I donāt think we get any other indication that he finds godlikes off-putting, or that he is particularly superstitious when it comes to them.
Honestly, this was something I was really iffy about including, though it was my idea, and one I ended up championing through ship - I bear sole responsibility for it. Were I working on the game today, I probably would have cut it in favor of something background-specific (a lack of interest in aristocrats, for example, bordering on resentment).
It was important to me to have SOME preference for him, and thatās what made the most sense to me at the time. There were a few reasons for this:Ā
1) It helped illustrate the rarity of and discomfort towards godlikes that exists in the world, doing so in a way that was specific to the player.
2) It addressed a question Iād often wondered, which wasĀ ādo some people in Eora fear intimacy with people whose heads are on fire?ā The answer being, yeah, sometimes.
3) It helped clarify that Serafenās adoration of Pallegina is not rooted in attraction. He finds her amazing, respects her opinions (sometimes), and seeks her approval, but he doesnāt want to hook up with her.
4) It was another flaw, a bit of inconsistency and hypocrisy within his character. I felt that made him more three-dimensional, more interesting.
I think itās pretty clear that this is a foible about sexuality specifically. He has nothing against godlikes as a whole in any other context. (The godlike companions are likely his favorite members of the party.)
Well, I say that, but it wouldnāt surprise me if thereās some line somewhere where he expresses concern about fire godlikes aboard a ship.
So why would I reconsider it now?
First youāll note that points 1 and 2 arenāt about Serafen. Theyāre not really rooted in his background, but in larger cultural concerns. Thatās not bad, necessarily - people are strongly influenced by the culture around them - but one of Serafenās defining traits is how much more heās influenced by a shipboard life than the cultural norms of land-dwellers.Ā
Second, if I recall correctly, I gave godlike players the option to call Serafen out and talk him into sleeping with them, which was something I was always a bit iffy about. Calling out someone for prejudice and walking them out of it is good. Pressuring someone into engaging in a sexual activity theyāre not interested in is... not. I think that rooting Serafenās prejudice in actual physical differences lands in a weird, difficult-to-thread space between those things, and Iām not perfectly happy with how I did so.Ā
Finally, my feelings are mixed about prejudice in games. Eora is a world with prejudices (though not usually ourĀ worldās prejudices), and certainly prejudices (both in favor of and against) are central to the godlike experience, but to what extent do you (as a developer) direct manifestation of that towards the player, a player who may well experience prejudices in their own day to day? (Serafenās essentially a person who says they respect you and seems super nice, only to blow off a romantic advance because theyāre ājust not attracted to X people.ā) At the same time, thereās a fantasy in talking Serafen into expanding his horizons.Ā
Hello! I've been having a blast playing Deadfire recently. I was wondering if you would share your thoughts on the text, "A True and Accurate Account of the Ten's Final Stand," found in the Restricted Section of the Forgotten Sanctum. Is it an incorrect account of the Saint's War by some lazy historian who only heard of the events third hand? An in-universe work of fiction or joke? An out-of-universe joke? A text from an alternate reality? Or is the truth better left in Wael's clutches? Thanks!
Remember where you are and what organization/god runs things there.
I finally got real internet in France, so the first thing I did was purchaseĀ Final Fantasy VII Remake.Ā
A few days and 10 million Cura spells later, I finished it. (Term used loosely. I got to the credits.)Ā
Itās fantastic in many ways: gorgeous, obviously (I didnāt experience any of the texture issues (beyond some occasionalĀ pop-in) that others have complained of); charming and funny; deeply stylish.Ā
I never knew how much I needed more Moulin Rouge in my FFVII.
Iām perfectly comfortable with what the ending did, though Iām not wildly impressed by the execution. And Iām excited for what comes next while holding considerable reservations about how itāll be handled.
I also found it an incredibly frustrating game in a lot of ways: every time FFVIIR surrenders camera control to the player, for example, you can feel the gameās resentment; thereās a fair amount of repetition of spaces that doesnāt serve the action; while a lot of people seem to like the combat, I found it pretty messy, inconsistent, and frustrating (though loads improved from FFXV), to the point that I turned down the difficulty towards the end just to spend less time fighting battles.Ā
But none of thatās what Iām here to talk about today. I instead want to discuss a suite of specific design decisions that, in my opinion, really hampered the narrative flow of the ending of the game.
SIGNIFICANT SPOILERS under the cut.
Many games, especially RPGs or other games with open worlds, display a confirmation UI or impress upon the player through dialog (or both!) that the player has reached what weāll be calling a Point of No Return.Ā
Though sometimes awkward to experience, this is a Very Good Thing (tm): it lets the player know that theyāre about to depart the meat of the game for its conclusion and that if thereās anything theyād backburnered and want to take care of, nowās the time to do it.
Theoretically, this also allows the developers to pace the ending of their story in a way that builds towards a climax, something thatās otherwise difficult to do in an open world game due to the playerās nigh-complete control over the pace of play.
And while FFVII:R is by no means open world, it has some open world elements, especially towards the end of its second act. Itās no surprise that it fires the expected Point of No Return bulletin.
But later it does so again.
And again.
And again.
The first of these is frustrating for a number of reasons, not least of all its dubious accuracy.Ā
When the characters decide theyāll go after Aerith at the beginning of Chapter 14 (IIRC), the game suggests that doing so will instigate the endgame. This is not true.Ā
What this moment actually serves to highlight are a bevy of new sidequests. Thing is, there should almost certainly NOT be a bunch of new side content dropped on the player at this point. Not because that content is bad (some of it is quite nice), but because the game has just significantly increased the stakes and the pace of its main narrative, and taking time to futz around the slums looking for things to doĀ dramatically undermines that pacing.
Iām not suggestingĀ that this content shouldnāt be there at all - if the player takes time to explore and find sidequests, itās nice if thereās something there to reward them; otherwise the world might feel empty and unreactive (to the massive tragedy that just occurred). Alternatively, this content could have been placed between (or before) saving Wedge and deciding to go after Aerith (in the period of the game thatās actually focused on the fallout (no pun intended) of the Sector VII Plate).
But having the game beat the player over the head with it right after sayingĀ āweāre gonna go storm Shinra now!ā (and using Tifa, a character almost as invested in saving Aerith as Cloud, as the mouthpiece to do so) strains character verisimilitude and kicks the legs out from under the story.
But I suppose thatās kinda her bag.
The second Point of No Return comes after returning from, er, the return to the sewers.Ā
This is the actual Point of No Return from the open(ish) world, and the game does a very good job of stating both explicitly through UI and dialog that thatās the case (while going so far as to justify it in the fiction). Had it not been for what came before or after, Iādāve saidĀ āwell doneā and been on my way.
(I could be wrong here - it may be that some of the Chapter 14 sidequests close off after the return to the Sewers, but if thatās so, it doesnāt seem necessary. Certainly one of those sidequests requiresĀ the player to do the return to the sewers, making that initial Point of No Return warning misleading.)
The game then progresses into its Final Dungeon, a sequence at turns confounding and at others fun and impressive. A few hours (and sixty flights of stairs) later, Hojo traps you in his lab and makes you jump through hoops to get out. I have a lot of issues with this section in general, the one most germane to this conversation being the obliteration of the pacing. The game has quite literally told the player toĀ āget to the choppa,ā but instead throws them through a pretty low-stakes series of trials without much sense of pressure from time.
Like this, but forever.
Still, the designers manage a couple of tricks towards the end of this sequence to ramp the energy back up (Red XIIIās fall, the big fight with the blade fish).Ā
Then you hop in the elevator, realize that Jenovaās missing, find a trail of alien goop to follow, and make your way to the exit...
Only to hit Point of No Return #3: This Time, For Reals Though.
I like this one as a teaching example, because itās very clear what the intention is and how it might tweaked to flow a bit better:
What the devs needed to accomplish, in no particular order:
Let the player know that theyāre leaving the more open area of the Shinra Building. (Or possibly just Hojoās lab... you might not be able to backtrack to the lower floors. If thatās the case, Iād argue for cutting this Point of No Return entirely.)
Set up the encounter with Jenova in the next space.
Raise the tension and the stakes. Jenova is clearly an entity of horror. Horror is about tension.
How FFVIIR approached this in the shipping game:
The player finishes the lab areaās final fight, the two parties are reunited, and they take an elevator to Jenovaās tube in the central lab.
Player finds Jenova missing.Ā
Player locates elevator to Shinraās office.
Game produces aĀ āPoint of No Return,ā explicitly telling the player that if thereās anything left to do below, they should go do it.
Player may go looking for new stuff to do (or stuff they left undone), ballooning the time between step 2 and its pay off while dramatically undermining tension.
Iād argue that this flow could have been madeĀ dramaticallyĀ better by setting the point of no returnĀ priorĀ to returning to Jenovaās tube.
Like so:
The player finishes the lab areaās final fight, the two parties are reunited, and they find the elevator that will take them up.
The game fires the Point of No Return. This makes a lot of sense narratively, too, because last time the party was up there,Ā Sephiroth was up there, too. (This elevator also goes up orĀ down from this floor - the only elevator in the lab that does so - making it a perfect place in the level to put this kind of choice.)
Player can put off the return upstairs for a time if they want.
Player takes elevator up and finds Jenova missing.
Player takes elevator up to Shinraās office and 4 pays off without the loss of tension.
BAM!
Anyhoo...
We can play backseat developer all day. Iām sure there were reasons this choice was made the way it was, and Iād be surprised if this exact conversation didnāt happen in someoneās office at some point.Ā
I donāt know what the various moving pieces were that led to the choice that shipped. Itās just not the choice Iādāve made in a vacuum, because Iām confident in saying that - whatever the decision was made in service to - it harmed the narrativeās pacing.
And thatās something that happens. Development is give and take, and sometimes (often) narrative hangs lower on the priority pole than other things.
The last Point of No Return occurs right before the final boss.Ā
Like the first, Iād argue that this oneās unnecessary. The playerās forced by the level design to pass immediately by the very vending machine the Point of No Return suggests that they use, and thereās nothing else for the player to do in that map prior to confronting the Big Bad. The narrative has made it plenty clear that thereās no telling whatās on the other side of that light.Ā
(I actually thought it was a portal to the ending cinematic and credits prior to seeing the Point of No Return text, and would have been very pleasantly surprised by the twist of facing another challenge. Albeit frustrated said challenge was yet another combat in a system I was entirely over by then.)
An autosave at that point would have protected the playerās experience without interrupting flow.
Like whatever hidden trickery moves Cloud from that hole to the top of the slide.
So to bring this to its conclusion:
Points of No Return, while wildly useful, can dramatically interrupt the player experience and undermine narrative tension. They probably shouldnāt be viewed as an opportunity to unlock a bunch of side content, and they should definitely be placed priorĀ to a series of interconnected events rather than in the midst of them.
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You've left Obsidian for a while now and are working on your own projects, so sorry for the Deadfire question! I was curious what's your take on Vatnir's priestly powers. According to the blurb when you select a class, priests' powers, even though mediated by prayers, actually come from their own beliefs. How does that work with Vatnir also being a conman? I don't mean this in a "PLOT HOLE!!!" way, just curious about what your thoughts were when writing and exploring his character.
No worries at all!
Itās been a while since I wrote Vatnir, so it may be that I contradict myself here.
But from what I remember, Vatnirās not lacking in belief. He knowsĀ that Rymrgand is real. He knows he has a personal connection to Rymrgand.Ā The Beast of Winter is in his blood and soul.Ā
He just doesnāt much likeĀ Rymrgand very much. Nor does he feel any particular drive to further Rymrgandās objectives in the world (not that that matters, because Rymrgand always wins in the end - itās a fatalistic faith). He certainlyĀ doesnāt believe in the specific goals of the colony at Harbingerās Watch, or that the dragon that keeps attacking is some kind of divine avatar.
Vatnir-as-conman has a far more to do with his manipulating his society and itsĀ faith than it does with his own beliefs. Vatnir feels owedĀ by the world in general and by Rymrgand in particular, and heās happy to take advantage of opportunities that allow him to claim some of those residuals.Ā
I imagine Vatnirās meditation for spells functions similarly. He believes himself owed something by Rymrgand (heās touched by the godās frosty hoof! heās livedĀ the Rymrgandian experience for decades!), so he doesnāt question it when he manifests ādivineā powers.Ā
Hey Alex! I was just wondering why neither Tayn nor Llengrath offered to join the watcher in their spelunkings of the Forgotten Sanctum. I get that Tayn's a little bit of a cowardāhe even admits to that, but Llengrath? Was it because of balance reasons, ie the archmages being too powerful? Thanks
Sorry for what I assume was a slow response. Iāve been a bit absent lately, what with, well, everything.
There are a lot of potential answers to this, which all kind of boil down to āthatās not what we wanted to do.āĀ
The best way to have done it would have been to turn one or both of them into a sidekick, and that was out of scope for the project. But thatās assuming we thought it would serve the game, and Iām not sure it would have.
From a narrative perspective, we really wanted to expand on Fassina, and letting one of the archmages accompany the player would have undermined that (both from a resources perspective and a content perspective).
Weād already established, too, that Llengrath was willing to manipulate and cajole others (including the Watcher!) into doing her dirty work.Ā
Thereās also an extent to which neither Llengrath nor Tayn would be willing to leave the other unattended.Ā
Finally, it can be very difficult to bring a character like an archmage into the playerās adventure without the player being overshadowed. TheAlexandrian actually pretty recently wrote a post on a similar subjectĀ (in the context of tabletop) that I highly recommend.
I havenāt been making games lately, but that doesnāt mean Iāve not been writing. I took off at the beginning of the year to work on my prose fiction, finished drafting a novel provisionally titled These Subtle GamesĀ back in March, and finished revising it and began querying it last month. Itās a contemporary occult fantasy set in Boston, following a nonbinary game developer investigating the untimely and mysterious demise of her mentor, only to find herself drawn into a morass of conspiratorial cabals, mystical mobsters, and misogynist massholes - not to mention a sprawling hidden ARG that may or may not contain the secrets of New England cunning magic.
Itās basically autobiography.
In the meantime, Iāve begun writing a new novel, an industrial fantasy set in a world of sprawling empires both challenged and propped up by powerful mercantile houses and an aggressively expansionist church ruled by wizards. I found that the process I stumbled through in developing and writing These Subtle Games - a process that, despite the differences in media, grew out of my experience creating games -Ā worked really well for me, so Iāve been following a more refined version for the new novel with similarly positive results. Furthermore, Iāve already begun applying it to a potential sequel to TSG.Ā With Novelember coming up, I figured Iād share a little of that process with you.
The goals of my writing process are twofold:Ā
To apply some level of organization to my work, lest it follow in the footsteps of my first novel, which was basicallyĀ āwrite until youāre done writing, and now youāve got 141,000 words of experimental weirdness.ā
To allow a lot of flexibility, preventing said organization from stifling my creativity.Ā
Details below the cut.
PRE-PRODUCTION, aka Background, Research, and Planning
I spend a lot of time with the concept for a novel (or a conversation in a game) before I begin writing anything thatāll make it into even the rough draft. Note that I didnāt use theĀ ābefore I put pen to paperā metaphor here, because I do a lotĀ of writing at this stage. Much of this is simple note-taking, whether on research or on ideas. I do a fair amount of this in an actual notebook, often because Iām off somewhere away from my computer.
Because this phase generally overlapsĀ with the late phases of a previous project, and when Iām actually at my computer Iām generally working on the older piece. I was in this phase for Hidden SanctumĀ while recording VO for Seeker, Slayer, Survivor, for example, and for These Subtle Games while wrapping up my work on the DeadfireĀ expansions.
I like to overlap projects like this for a few reasons:
It allows me to move smoothly from active work on one project to the next.
It engages a different part of my mind than drafting prose, keeping me fresh.
Because I spend a lot of time exploring an idea,Ā it helps me determine whether or not I think the ideaās strong enough to sustain me through a project.
Research broadly. Iām less of the school that one should write what they know than that they should know what they write. I generally write fantastic works, but without an understanding of matters related to the fantasy, the product feels hollow. This can include research into the history of sail and piracy, for example, or military technology, or fashion. For These Subtle GamesĀ I read numerous books on New England folklore and cunning folk, as well as on witch trials, both in Salem and globally. I read a lot about Harvardās study of psychedelics, including Michael Pollanās How to Change Your Mind.Ā I also did a tremendous amount of deeply unpleasant research into online harassment.
At this point in the process, I try to prioritize the forest for the trees (henceĀ ābroadlyā above). I donāt need to know every maritime term to plot content set on a sailing vessel, I just need to know the broad strokes of how ships work, how the crew lives, and how that might impact someone living on the sea. My current project required a fair amount of exploration of subjects as diverse as industrial era mill towns, the history of the American and French revolutions, and dinosaurs.
While doing this research, I keep an eye out for things I find interesting that can inform my plot. Iād never heard of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, for example, but reading about it inspired a plot point in the current project.
That said, I donāt feel like I need to be an expert at this stage on anything I hope to write about. Iām almost certainly going to discard ideas and discover new ones as I go along, and Iāll have to dig deep into things like boot styles and fishing vessels (to pick two subjects from yesterdayās writing) as I go.
Figure out what I want to say.Ā Here I work to nail down the broadest themes I want to explore in a work. These usually arise from a combination of my research and reflecting on the things I find interesting about whatever Iām making the subject of my project. Initially These Subtle GamesĀ was titled The Quiet GameĀ (a title already claimed by a murder mystery set in Massachusetts) because of its interest in secrets (as reflected in the secret societies of Boston, the NDAs of the games industry, and the arcana of ARGs like the Jejune Institute).Ā The new novel examines colonialism, capitalism, and power, as well as what actions are justified when resisting an overwhelming force. The three DLC for DeadfireĀ interrogate the relationships between the gods of Eora and their followers, the Watcher included.
Defining this helps guide all of the work to come, providing a benchmark by which to judge the effectiveness of an idea, plot point, or piece of writing.
Build out the world.Ā These Subtle GamesĀ is set in modern Boston and DeadfireĀ in Eora, both worlds that were well-defined long before I began creating fiction set in them. But that doesnāt mean I didnāt spend time fleshing out the corners of those worlds I intended to work within. TSG required that I determine the form of aĀ fictionalizedĀ Boston games industry, as well as the shape of the secret cultures that inform the action of the novel. ForĀ Deadfire, each piece of content, each world map event, and each DLC island is a little world of its own, with its own story that feeds back into the larger ideas of the game. (Of course, I wasnāt working in a vacuum, nor alone.)Ā
The current project, set in a new fantasy world, required the creation of a rough geography and history, populated with peoples, nations, and faiths. I designed these not merely to have verisimilitude, but to feed into the goals of the work. In the case of the new project, that meant huge colonial powers jockeying for the dwindling unclaimed territories and their resources, vast trade companies conspiring to wrest power from the entrenched nobility, a clergy focused on enforcing the rule of the gods over every nation of the world, and several species of magically-crafted servitors provided curtailed rights when theyāre afforded any freedom at all.
Here, again, I prefer to take a diffuse approach. I can get by with the broad strokes, and leaving things undefined offers me more room to maneuver as I write.
I personally also find it useful to gather art references at this stage. I have a folder of illustrations that suggest the mood and style of the world of the new project, for example. For These Subtle Games, I commissioned an illustration of my protagonist from the fantastic KatoriusĀ (below).
Sketch out the major characters. Generally by this point Iāve got ideas for at least a few of the characters, but before I start writing I want to have a strong sense of who each of those characters is. I generally write a few pages about the major players, their background, their attitudes, their role in the plot. This is worldbuilding, albeit with a narrowed focus, so the rules above apply: I try to keep things vague and flexible.
I knew at this stage, for example, that These Subtle GamesĀ protagonist Laurieās best work friend Meri grew up in California, and that if she lost her job, she might move back. That she was a surfer and played ska were details that came out in the writing. She also grew from being only moral support to providing occasional practical aid to Laurie, as well as coming to rely on Laurie in turn.
Similarly, in the current project, the six characters the novel focuses on, something of a band of scoundrels, shifted over the course of development from their sketches. The relationship between two characters who are fugitives from the imperial government, for example, changed dramatically. Whereas they had been initially written as an inseparable pair, I found it much more interesting if they were on the outs after years of traveling and working together, adding (another) fracture in the crewās interpersonal dynamics.
Iāve talked before about how Vatnir went from being a charming con-artist to a grumpy reluctant messiah after I saw concept art for him. Similarly, I knew from my first moments with Serafen that he possesses no qualms about employing violence in the course of his work; the delineations, though, that he creates for himself regarding when violence is appropriateĀ was something developed over the course of writing him.
Identify big tentpole moments. Hereās the first bit of actual plot work. At this point Iāve likely got ideas of notes I absolutely want to hit. I knew, for example, that I wanted Laurie, the protagonist of These Subtle Games, to discover an object late in the novel that redefines her relationship to her uncle and her understanding of his role in the mystery sheās unraveling. Inspired by the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, I knew I wanted the crew in the new project to be party to the inadvertent destruction of a textile mill, one made all the worse for its owners having locked the workers within. In both cases, these moments speak directly to the ideas Iām exploring in the work.
Once Iāve identified a few of my tentpoles, I order them in a way that makes dramatic sense to me, and that gives me not an outline, exactly, but guideposts for the narrative. As mentioned so many times above, the goal is to provide myself guidance, not to hem myself in or nail down every plot point.
Once Iām relatively comfortable with my sense of where Iām taking a work, I begin writing what I call myĀ āplot doc.ā
PRE-ALPHA, aka The Plot Doc
I donāt generally outline my work. I go from the extremely rough tentpole step mentioned above into a kind of extremely rough draft I call my plot doc. These provide the skeleton and heart of the novel onto which I can layer the muscle and flesh of actual writing. The plot doc is pretty long - the one for These Subtle GamesĀ was 49,000 words, about half the length of the finished novel. The plot doc for the current project weighs in at 31,000 words.Ā
Almost none of these words will end up in the actual book as-is.Ā
I care very little about the state of the writing at this step. Here Iām exploring the plot and the characters, drafting out how they go from tentpole to tentpole, figuring out what in the narrative works and hopefully identifying what doesnāt. I find where Iāve failed to establish needed details in my worldbuilding and further define my characters.
This step actually developed directly from my work in narrative design. Generally I (like many of the narrative designers I know) stub out a branching conversation before writing it, creating a kind of detailed outline (where everything is written with the same lack of polish as the LRs pictured in my post about interjections). This lets us establish the flow of the conversation, plot its structure without having to worry too much about details of style, and hopefully locate any holes or major bugs prior to fleshing out the file. Generally the text in stubs would be difficult to mistake for shippable writing.Ā
I personally find stubbing out conversations useful because I think differently during the mechanical work of structuring files than I do during the artistic work of crafting dialog and prose. Iāve found a similar division of labor incredibly useful when crafting plot. It relieves a lot of the pressure of writing, too. I donāt have to worry about both building a functional plot andĀ writing enticing prose. Because Iām going to be the only person ever reading the plot doc.
(Unless, of course, I do something ridiculous like share pieces of it on my tumblr.)
Hereās an excerpt from the plot doc for These Subtle Games, which Iāll contrast with later versions below:
A car awaits her in Gloucester, and it brings her to Matthiasās house. Itās a sizable home, stone, and old, somewhat decrepit, even. Ivy climbs the turrets, and the copper roof has gone to streaked verdigris. He stands in the open door as she approaches, and she hugs him, grateful for the familiar, and he returns the gesture stiffly, patting her lightly on the back. Heās tall and rail thin, built much as she is, with a well-kept beard and receding hair. He feels old-fashioned to her, in a dressing gown and pajamas with warm, soft house shoes.
Hello, niece, he says.
Hello, uncle.
He offers her food, which she declines, and takes her to her room, just off the main room.
Ouch. Itās little more than stream of consciousness, just me getting the ideas out onto the page. Or 200 pages, in the case of this project.
ALPHA, aka The Rough Draft
Once Iāve completed the plot doc, I begin actually writing. I do this in a new file, referring to the plot doc for guidance as I go along. Often I do this a little inconsistently, letting myself write until I hit a lull before returning to the plot doc. That way the plot doc serves not merely a guiding role, but a motivating function.
The rough draft is the first actual composition Iām doing on the work, and much of it actually ends up in the finished version. I take significantly more time on each scene, on each sentence, trying to craft prose that breathes and dialog that feels real.
I also tend to be a bit loose and experimental at this stage. I play around, writing things that I find interesting to read. If I find myself weighing style against readability, I generally err on the side of style. I can clean shit up later.
Hereās the scene from before, taken from the rough draft:
The car Matthias hired lets Laurie off at the gate, which creaks opens on hydraulic pistons as she leaves her tip.
The driver nods towards the tree-lined darkness. āHop back in, and Iāll run you up. Real door to door service. If youād like.ā
Having relaxed at an exponential rate with each mile she put between herself and the city, Laurie shakes her head with a faint smile. āI could use the walk.ā
āYou donāt think youāre fat, do you?ā His gaze flits the length of her from knees to shoulders, efficiently dispelling the enchantment worked by the commuter rail ride through the dense New England night.
āWhat? No.ā
āBecause youāre a beanpole. Almost too skinny, if you ask me.ā
She hadnāt. āThatās not what I meant. Just, I want to clear my head, thanks.ā
He leaves her to it, and she walks up the curling drive towards the old stone Victorian. The curtained windows glow faintly from within, and warm lamps jut from the quoins. Sprawling ivy climbs the turrets, and rooftop copper has long given way to white-streaked verdigris. Matthiasās is a stately home, but aging, much like the man himself. He meets her at the door in a dressing gown over fine silk pajamas and plush slippers. Her uncle stands as long and lanky as Laurie, with high cheekbones, a higher forehead, and a well-trimmed beard.
She greets him with a hug. She keeps it gentler than she might like, given his age. Heās never appeared frail, exactly, but his features profess a wary delicateness, as if heād been crafted of pudding cloth and porcelain.
āNiece,ā he says quietly, squeezing her shoulder.
āUncle,ā she answers. Itās an old ritual, and with it Laurieās remaining fear falls away, abandoning her to her exhaustion.
He admits her to the house, the pair padding silently across polished marble past floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Matthiasās home gives the impression of being larger on the inside than the out, a space out of time, populated by statues of stone and painted ceramic. A grand piano dominates one corner, the instrument on which Esme had performed several family recitals during Thanksgiving gatherings past. At thirteen, Laurieād lugged her hollow-bodied electric through two airports and two more trains to her uncleās house. After Esme played, Laurieād produced the guitar and performed a show of her own, all barre and power chords joined to lyrics roundly condemning the evils of industrial capitalism and hypocrisy of American evangelism in terms both suggestive and explicit. The gathered family had clapped politely enough, but she later overheard her fatherās sister thank him for leaving the amplifier back in Carrboro.
Esme had told Laurie sheād loved it.
āAre you hungry?ā Uncle Matthias asks her as they pass the sliding double doors to the dining room and the kitchen beyond.
She shakes her head. āIām very full of food, but thank you.ā
The sceneās significantly longer now, and Iāve further defined the driver, detailed the house, and defined aspects of Laurieās relationship to it and her family. And hey, now itās got quotation marks!Ā
Once I finish the rough draft, I celebrate a bit. Hey, I wrote a fucking novel!Ā
But I donāt share. I know Iām not happy with the work yet. Iām sure itās riddled with grammatical errors. Itās probably got some questionable shifts in verb tense. It likely sports an inconsistency or six. I know I can do better, so I set out to do so.
BETA, aka The First and Second Revision
Hereās where the hard work of revision begins. I read the book, taking notes on things Iād like to change, then go through carefully, making both the changes Iād noted and performing close editing. I try to polish overwritten lines and clarify confusing sentences. I look for inconsistencies, especially when moving scenes around.Ā
Were this a conversation in a game, this would be the point I marked it for review by a lead or solicit feedback from QA and my fellow designers. Having done a revision or two on a book, Iām feeling pretty confident in what Iāve made, so I give it to any beta readers Iāve enlisted, that they might remind me that I do, in fact, have a long-ass way to go before itās good.Ā
GOLD, aka TheĀ āFinishedā Product
Once Iāve got feedback from my readers (and have perhaps let the book sit for a bit to work on pre-production for an upcoming project - or just played a shit-ton of Final Fantasy XIV...), I return to the novel or conversation to polish it further.Ā
At this point Iām looking to flesh out details, to make sure each sentence serves a purpose. To chop off unnecessary phrases and to make sure each interaction is bringing out the charactersā personalities.Ā
Hereās the fourth (and currently final) revision of the scene from above:
Matthiasās hired car deposits Laurie at his gate, a break in the thick stone wall that separates the street from her uncleās plot of dense, quiet woods. Hickories and pines obscure the sky, swaying gently on a salted breeze off of the Atlantic. As Laurie tips the driver, a pair of heavy, wrought iron hinges creak open with the low hiss of hydraulic pistons.
The man nods towards the tree-lined darkness, his gray hair half-circumscribing his bald pate. āHop back in, and Iāll run you up. Real door to door service. If youād like.ā
Having relaxed exponentially with each mile she put between herself and the cityāa charm cast by the long commuter rail ride through the dense New England nightāLaurie shakes her head. āI could use the walk.ā
āYou donāt think youāre fat, do you?ā His gaze flits the length of her, from knees to shoulders, efficiently dispelling the enchantment.
āWhat? No.ā
āBecause youāre a beanpole. Almost too skinny, if you ask me.ā
āI didnāt.ā Her fingernails bite her palms.
āSure, suit yourself.ā His window whispers back into place.
He pulls away, and she waits for his taillights to withdraw around the bend before walking the curled drive towards the old stone Victorian. The curtained windows glow faintly from within, and warm lamps jut from the quoins. Sprawling ivy climbs the turret, and rooftop copper has long given way to white-streaked verdigris. Matthiasās is a stately home but aging, not unlike the man himself. He meets her at the door in a dressing gown over fine silk pajamas and plush slippers. As long and lanky as his niece, Laurieās uncleās features add high cheekbones to a higher forehead and a well-trimmed beard.
She greets him with a gentle hugāgentler than sheād prefer, what with his age. Heās never struck her as frail, exactly, but his features profess a wary delicateness, as if heād been crafted of pudding cloth and porcelain.
āNiece,ā he says quietly, squeezing her shoulder.
āUncle,ā she answers. Itās an old ritual, and with it Laurieās lingering fear falls away, abandoning her to her exhaustion. Her trapezius slackens beneath her uncleās hand, her scapulae sinking as her frustration flows down her arms and through her twitching fingers. They flick the remnants away.
The pair pad silently across polished marble tiles past floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Matthiasās home gives the impression of being larger on the inside than the out, a space out of time, populated by statues of horses, deer, and dryads in stone and painted ceramic. A grand piano dominates one corner, an instrument on which Esme had performed a series of recitals following Thanksgiving dinners past. At thirteen, Laurieād lugged her hollow-bodied electric through two airports and two more trains to her uncleās house. After Esme played, Laurieād produced the guitar and performed a show of her own, joining steely barre and power chords to lyrics condemning the evils of industrial capitalism and hypocrisy of American evangelismāin terms both suggestive and explicit. The family had clapped politely enough, but later she overheard her fatherās sister thank him for leaving the amplifier back in Carrboro.
Esme, of course, had told Laurie sheād loved it. āMaybe my favorite song ever,ā sheād said, the liar.
āAre you hungry?ā Uncle Matthias asks her as they pass the sliding double doors to the dining room and the kitchen beyond.
Having stopped into a pizza joint on her way to North Station and walked out with a distended Styrofoam clamshell heavy with waffle fries drenched in cheese studded with olives, tomatoes, and jalapenos, she shakes her head. āIām very full of food, but thank you.ā
Itās not hugely different from the rough draft, but thereās a lot more detail, and the weaker phrases have been excised. Matthias no longerĀ āadmits her to the house,ā for example, because itās implied that sheās come in by the action. The details at the end about the waffle fries fill an inconsistency in the rough draft: originally Laurieād eaten nothingĀ that day, so why was she full here? (Deeply interesting, I know.)Ā
Laurieās decision to snap back at the driver about his unasked for critique of her appearance was a result of beta reader feedback. The additional details about the decor in Matthiasās house subtly ties him to the locations of secret societies Laurie visits later in the book, details Iād not developed until the prior draft. The use of anatomical language to describe Laurieās body reflects the characterās distance from it. She views it as something of an animate corpse she happens to inhabit rather than a core aspect of her self. Finally, Esmeās response is presented in dialog now, injecting her character into the scene and allowing the prose narration to reflect Laurieās personality.
Nothingās really doneĀ though. There are more hands for it to go through. Just as a game conversation undergoes changes suggested by QA, shifts in the recording booth, and may end up trimmed or entirely cut due to schedule and budget constraints or even to fix a nasty bug, a novel goes through several hands between the point where the authorās ready to query it and a publisherās willing to put it on a shelf. But eventually you have to make the decision to be done with a piece, to mark it complete in JIRA and push it down the pipeline.Ā
Ahoi Alex! Did you see all the Vatnir fanart? It just doesn't stop :,) What do you think of the icky boy being so popular and smoochable apparently? Hope you have a good day <3
Thanks, you too!
I am curious as to what makes him appeal to people on a smoochable level. I mean, youāre kissing teeth!Ā
I didnāt design his appearance at all - that was mostly Claire Sim, with input, Iām sure, from Brandon Adler and Matt Hansen.
Whatās neat to me is that her art impacted my writing of him - he wasnāt nearly as miserable and pained - and, as a result, not as grumpy - until after sheād concepted him. His initial narrative core was as a con man and opportunist, in part to contrast with Xotiās zeal, Palleginaās deity-loathing, and Ydwinās rationalism. Kind of like a revival tent preacher. (His sermon when you meet him was probably the first stuff I wrote for him.)
The extent of his godlike features, as conceptedĀ by Claire, heavily impacted his personality and motivation, informing his relationship with his body and with his god. He wasnāt merely someone who was using his status as a godlike to hoodwink a bunch of faithful people, he was someone who believed doing so was his only option - and, honestly, that his god owed him for what heād suffered.
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Hi Josh. I've been wondering about the Circle of Archmages in Pillars of Eternity. What exactly is the goal or purpose of the circle? It seems to be composed of people who act at crossed purposes. I just don't see how the group would hold together if they have no common goal or purpose. Also a followup question if you have the time, how did the council come to be? And what would you say the alignments of the members would be in D&D terms?
I will not directly answer your question.Ā However, it is not at all uncommon for groups to form under one set of circumstances and subsequently remain together even after completely losing any/all traces of their collective goals or purposes for associating together.
I suspect that theĀ āalignmentā of the Circle tends towards Neutral over all; they police their own, but that doesnāt mean there arenāt excesses. (WM displays pretty clearly that Llengrath and Concelhaut are both shitty people. But Llengrathās prettyĀ āreasonableā during Forgotten Sanctum.)
Side note, Iām not fond of D&Dās alignment system, finding it both reductive and limiting. (āNeutralā is not valuable as a description of an individualās ethics or goals.)
At some point somewhere, I described the characters in Forgotten Sanctum as:
Llengrath: Team Long Term Stability
Tayn: Team Shake Shit Up and See What Happens
Arkemyr: Team Status Quo
Maura: Team Rightfully Royally Pissed
To which Iād add Fyonlecg: Team Screwed Over and Upset About It, But Probably For the Wrong Reasons
Hi Josh. I've been wondering about the Circle of Archmages in Pillars of Eternity. What exactly is the goal or purpose of the circle? It seems to be composed of people who act at crossed purposes. I just don't see how the group would hold together if they have no common goal or purpose. Also a followup question if you have the time, how did the council come to be? And what would you say the alignments of the members would be in D&D terms?
I will not directly answer your question.Ā However, it is not at all uncommon for groups to form under one set of circumstances and subsequently remain together even after completely losing any/all traces of their collective goals or purposes for associating together.