what the fruity juicy fuck is wrong with me???

[puts far more meat than is reasonable into tortilla] [tortilla doesn’t fold fully or correctly] bullshit. what’s wrong with you. fuck you

This is gonna sound fucked up but i love tight grapes. You know what I mean when the grape is nice and tight and ur incisors pierce thru them like needles popping a balloon

surface tension is literally the most important quality of a grape end of discussion

being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit

i hate sharing the grocery store with other people why can’t they just wait outside until i’m done i want to enjoy my hobby of going to the grocery store

women don’t belong in the kitchen! they belong in my arms

and if they are in the kitchen! it’s because we’re making dinner and I’m kissing her shoulder while she stirs the soup……

That relatable (older) Gen Z memory: when all the projectors and white boards got replaced by Smart Boards™ around like fifth grade and none of the teachers knew how to use them but they Had To Use them otherwise the school just wasted a bunch of money and it was a rlly weird transition

an addition: when they calibrated the board by pressing the dots and everyone in class lost their minds

this how I know I’m really a millennial cause I have no idea wtf y'all are talking about

when they tried to erase but it didn’t work because they still had a marker picked up and all the kids in the class starting yelling at them at once

have you ever thought about how many people think about you? it’s so bizarre. imagine someone, out of the blue, thinking of your face. something happens; they remember you. your favorite song, how you dress, the way you talk, the look in your eyes when you are happy. they remember that about you, even if you haven’t seen each other in years. everything in life is a reminder of a person, a place, a moment. you may think you’ve forgotten, but you haven’t.