Lena

I want Scar who is actually incredibly cunning. I want Scar who knows exactly what he's doing, who acts dumb because he couldn't care less what he looks like in the eyes of others.

I want Scott who has crippling self doubt. I want Scott who picks new allies each time because he thinks that the old ones will remember his failure to keep them alive. That they'll know he's not worth keeping. Not worth saving.

I want Joel who's mania is very real. Who actually is insane, even before red. Who may be schizophrenic. I want Joel who used to take meds for everything, pre-game. Who acted "normal." I want Joel who was picked by the Watchers because he looked strong. I want Joel who shocked the primordial beings when his meds wore off.

I want Grian who hates his human form. I want Grian whose self-hatred and self-loathing runs incredibly deep, who takes it out on his physical body. I want Grian who plucks his feathers every so often, even when they're healthy, just because he can. I want Grian who sometimes doesn't outright hurt himself, but lets things happen instead of trying to stop them. Who doesn't always eat immediately after a battle. I want Grian who just actively self-destructs.

I want Pearl who is incredibly socially awkward. I want Pearl who doesn't know how to approach the soulmate bond, Pearl who only managed to get Scott in the first games she was in because Scott needed a life and she needed a teammate. Pearl whose "loose cannon" energy is her social awkwardness manifesting itself into something that blocks her brain from even realizing her awkwardness.

I want Lizzie whose form changes with each game. I want Lizzie whose first form was a fae disguising as a fairy, who entrapped everyone in a collective lie that she was innocent. I want Last Life Lizzie who is bloodthirsty. I want Lizzie who, in Secret Life, was a raccoon. Maybe a remnant of Afterlife. I want Wild Life Lizzie who wasn't kidding when she said, "The parrot lives in me."

I want Gem who as pulled into this in Limited Life when Cleo got so incredibly sick the Watchers knew she wouldn't last, and this has never happened, and it won't happen again. Right? I want Gem whose mind was taken control of, who woke up in someone else's body, forced into a death game, unsure of what the actual hell was going on. I want Gem who fell in love with the people, who fell in love with Pearl, in those moments as a ghost.

I want Martyn who has serious issues. Serious trauma, beyond the memory and game trauma. I want Martyn whose degradation kink is maybe a little too strong, who can't do anything but agree with all the ways he is fucked up and a horrible person. I want Martyn who tries his damnedest to find good allies, because he needs someone to lean on. Needs someone who can tell him what to do, who he can tell what to do. Who will support him. I want Martyn who just wants to be held.

I want Big B who isn't purposefully trying to gaslight people. I want Big B whose lies are because he is genuinely broken. He's a compulsive liar, yes, but his brain is so scrambled he doesn't know what's real anymore. I want Big B whose trauma from Last Life, whose betrayal, broke him more than it broke Cleo. I want Big B who was so messed up that the Watchers couldn't fix him. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

I want Bdubs who doesn't… really… know what to do when he can't work himself to the bone. I want Bdubs who is the man that pushes as hard as he can to get the best results. But this game, this is a game where he can't do that, where he is completely powerless to push himself too far. I want Bdubs who starts to feel useless without putting his whole self into this game, I want Bdubs who pushes that aside because he's Bdubs, he's always smiling, he's always happy, I want Bdubs who forces himself to put those feelings in another place and tries to be useful in other ways. Bdubs who trusts people even when they kill him because who else does he trust? Where else does he go?

I want Etho who feels so incredibly out of his depth in this game. I want Etho who is a naturally built redstoner, someone who can do everything but chooses not to. I want Etho who's a loner when he has the chance, but in this game, he doesn't. I want Etho who struggles with fighting his friends, Etho who tries not to be hurt when alliances are broken and friends become enemies. I want Etho who does, actually, remember all the games via a glitch the Watchers don't realize (because he's The EthosLab, c'mon, who else would be a glitch in the code). I want Etho who doesn't talk about the other games because they hurt, who compartmentalizes so much that dozens of eldritch god-beings don't realize he's remembering more than he should.

I want Cleo who wishes they could embrace the zombie part of them. Wishes that it wasn't so easy to slip into that mindset of I am not alive and everyone knows it. But I want Cleo who can't. I want Cleo who struggles to feel alive when it's just not possible. I want Cleo who has such incredible social skills, who is top notch in all forms of combat and manipulation, but who's trust issues make it so that they can't trust anyone but the people they know. Who even with allies, is still fighting in most ways for only themself.

I want Impulse who gets way too attached. I want Impulse who has vague memories of his friends (Skizz, Tango, etc.) and struggles to fight them in any way. I want Impulse who is a people pleaser, but also knows exactly what's going on. He knows whose side he's on. I want Impulse who will fight and die for his friends in an instant, because they are his family. They are his.

I want Skizz who tries so hard to be nice. I want Skizz who wants to be like Impulse, Skizz who wants to love everyone and be peaceful. But I want Skizz who can't help but be violent. I want Skizz who struggles with his blood lust, Skizz who fights himself tooth and nail to stay green for as long as he can, Skizz who tries not to let himself go, because if he does, everything fails. I want Skizz who wants more than anything to be the good guy, but can't help the part of himself that simply isn't.

I want Mumbo who was told by a possessed Grian (although he didn't know it) about the games. I want Mumbo who was told this was just a game, who didn't understand the full depth of it until he was too far in. I want Mumbo who wanted to be friends again, who just wanted to take the hand and fall. I want Mumbo who's preservation instincts are wildly out of alignment because he trusts his friends, and who are they to lie to him? I want Mumbo who remembers all the times outside of the games, and that clouds his judgment.

I want Tango whose anger issues get a hold of him a little too often. Who was so incredibly angry as the Ranch burnt that he gave Jimmy burns on his hands that stayed raw for way too long. I want Tango who has a long fuse, but when the fuse is gone, it's gone. I want Tango who snaps when things don't go right, Tango who feels so much guilt when he explodes, Tango who tries so hard to win but flails every time, Tango who just wants it all to be over so he doesn't hurt someone else he loves. I want Tango who's body is manipulated by the games to make his anger more potent, Tango who blames himself every time he hurts someone like that. Tango who hates himself like this.

I want Jimmy who is so desperate to break the curse, he'll do anything. I want Jimmy who prays and makes offerings and tries all the teams and strategies, but nothing works. I want Jimmy who was cursed from the beginning because "it would be funny," who couldn't shake away the chains because they are so tight. I want Jimmy who, when Lizzie died in Secret Life, broke down sobbing because it wasn't him this time. It wasn't him this time.

(All regarding his ep.7)

- v!Avid was in his early 20s;

- After death he was put in spectator mode and vent to look at others' reactions (castle first). Drift and Shelby's were the first one he saw;

- Then he caught the entirety of Shelby and Scott's dialogue in the cave (and was devastated);

- Then, when Scott was crossing the river on his way to build a grave, Avid tp'd to him at the same time he was pressing a shift button. This had caused a bug, and the game gave Scott a standard "You're preparing to siphon from AvidMC, stay crouched for 10 seconds". Scott stopped and said he knows Avid is here; (timestamp near 32:08)

- The kiss on the beacon was a peck on the mouth;

- v!Avid is absolutely dead for this series, but lorewise he needs a hella lot of time to recover and have a soul back in his body, so he could revive in the far-far future of VSMP world;

- "If anything, they turned me into a martyr. By killing me they made me bigger, and more important, and louder than I could've ever been alive."

Thanks again for @chubs-deuce for letting me dub this!

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mmmm another scene from @munchiemooz i hate you the least. the iconic line from chapter 14.

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☆ Castoff is a fantasy-adventure comic about magic kids with glowing eyes on the run from their problems (and the fantasy cops). Contents include magic boys, badass ladies, fight scenes and found family. New pages every Monday and Friday! ☆