God I Wish I Wasnt

straight cis white men are barred from holding executive office, if you’re a cisgender white guy and you want to run for president, you have to kiss another man with tongue for at least 15 minutes on national television and you’re disqualified if you display any sign of disgust

candidate may choose any American man past the age of majority as a partner for the presidential gayness confirmation ritual as long as they consent 

the notes on this post are radioactively bad and not for the reasons you might think

every few days someone will reblog this post and be like “ah, I see, you are ableist and ageist and love voter disenfranchisement”

One time when my dad was in the hospital they were testing his orientation to time and place and said "Okay and what year is it?" and he said "1995" (he had dementia). And the doctor and I unconsciously exchanged a Look because it was in fact uhhh 2024 😐 and dad saw that and so when the next doctor did the test a few hours later he said "uhhhh...nineteen...nintetyyyy.......seven...???" and I was like okay, well, that IS closer, you do have to give him that

#he still knew immediately who I was which was deeply funny to me bc I was 7-8 years old in 1997 #"yes that is my daughter who was apparently born in her 20s"

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

if you're disappointed with Taylor Swift's new album just a reminder that all profits from streaming The Slur Song go towards me purchasing an egg salad sandwich

20,000 notes and i'll buy the mayonaise

Um, ACTUALLY this post is extremely misleading, since there are receipts proving that you previously donated $2016 to a charity for homeless LGBT teens and did not buy ANY egg salad sandwiches at all. Clearly not ALL proceeds are going towards egg salad sandwiches and I just think we should be very careful about which artists we choose to support.

I'm sorry

having a body made of meat sucks ass

kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

Wrong era for a "we gotta save the president!" film.

They missed. 😔