Leise

me walking to my room after someone makes fun ov somethin im insecure about

if i have a daughter im going to name her lizard and then she’ll get the nickname liz and everyone will be like “oh is it short for elizabeth?” and she will have to say “no my name is lizard”

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking

Are you fucking stupid.

I mean broadly yeah but what prompted you to ask

dude i will never forgive craigslist for banning me after i wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but i was so pissed.

Same energy as that time in college I told a girl that “the tarot” says she needs to go call her mom and start going to therapy and she fucking did.

This is the most useful thing I’ve ever reblogged.

i used to think when people said my cousin twice removed that their cousin must’ve did some fucked up shit to get kicked out of the family twice

Oh so THAT’S what “twice removed” means… 

DEPLOY THE BOY

forbidden knowledge

Caramelldansen is the ultimate relic of the past because it wasn’t just a meme song it was a Nightcore remix meme song that got even more popular than the original.

fucking terrifying how deep this rabbit hole goes

DJ SPEEDYCAKE IS FUCKING DEAD?!