Untiltled

Painting my nail once again for an interview the more I think that don't want to go but I force myself to go for the practice even if I don't get the job. As I sit here I'm thinking I'm I making the correct choice again? As I sit here im enjoying the pain on my back tonight- is making me feel alive. As I sit here I'm growing numb. As I sit here a rush of though just pass through my mind. As I sit here I think if I'm ever going to make it? As I sit here... Will I ever be happy? As I sit here I grow blank on mind each second that passes by. As I sit here I wonder at what point I became vulnerable and weak- to the point I feel like bursting out crying. As I sit here

Why did I even wasted my time in saying yes to the interview? I know I'd probably get lost in the city again and be late and fuck up my interview. I'm tired. It doesn't matter how many time I practice for the interview I still somehow fuck up or someone else get the position. What is it that I'm possibly doing wrong? Why is did you hit me up "to be friends again" if all you did was to hit me up for a job search? Seriously? You just used me. And you... Why the fuck did I even call you for? Why the fuck so I care and worry about people who doesn't give a shit and/or doesn't even hits me up? Niggah like say hi, how are you and shit. Nope, nothing and I have to be the one chasing you and messaging you. fuck you. Last time.