psychological issues cured by zombies

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

i love being sober and talking to drunk people at parties cause i asked a guy “if you were a wizard what kind of spells would you cast” and i know he wasnt lying when he said “summon creatures”

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

the GL in GLaDOS stands for Girls Love btw

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings