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the tiktok caption word limit should be 2. that is plenty with which to express oneself. you’ve got “i get”, “i want”,  “me”,  “zendaya”,  “wow” ,  “BEAUTIFIL”,  “fuck”, “where?”, and “boooo”. what else could y’all possibly need ?

alright so my depression has gotten progressively worse over the past few months, and what sucks ab the fact that it’s been gradual is that i didn’t even realize how bad it was until now, and it’s really bad. i get angry when people laugh at jokes i make. it feels fake, or like a waste of breath, or i don’t even know. i set timers on my phone to remind myself to eat. i don’t take pictures anymore. i used to take so, so many pictures. i keep filling my schedule to bursting, with this hope that with it, i’ll feel full again, too, pursuing this external validation that i’ll never feel because my true issues are internal. i don’t know.

god i love spider-man

i fuckin love tumblr so much it literally says “no that’s not a word. WRONGGG try again. nope still not it. oh ofc i COULD tell you how to spell it but mmm no, i won’t. You bumpkin. You illiterate cretin. Give up, you spellcheck-reliant-ass motherfucker, you will *never* spell geniunely, so don’t try

hahah hey i have a fun idea how about we all sit around and talk about the ways that everyone else genuinely perceives me as if i am not there at all so then i can just know. and not have to wonder. idk just a fun lil idea guys please consider !

God, doing things for the first time sucks. I don’t like it. From one’s first time snowboarding to the first time kissing to the first time trying a new food. And okay, maybe there’s some point in the kissing or new food trying or snowboarding at which you go “oh hey, I got it now, this is good!″ but by that point, it’s not actually the first time anymore. Even if it’s still technically the same meal or the same kiss or the same slope. It’s the tossing oneself into something unknown and unknowable until one experiences it firsthand that sucks. It’s the committing to leave one’s predictable loop and adventure beyond it that I am not oh so terribly fond of.

My best friend’s mom has curly hair and calls her kids sweet nicknames in a soft voice. My best friend’s dad sings constantly, even though he can’t carry a tune to save his life, and says “, kiddo” at the end of almost every sentence. They are the first real people who made me believe in love. The kind of love where on a Tuesday night her dad will be reading a novel that the mom annotated for him, sitting in their ridiculously large green velvet armchair that they bought for three dollars on a bet, in their ridiculously tiny living room, and her mom will be leaving for the grocery store and she’ll lean down and kiss him on the cheek and say “love you!” and he’ll say “ditto” as she’s walking out the door. The kind of love where I’ll go over on a Friday night and her dad will have pirated a version of Captain Underpants because his wife wanted to see it, and the two of them will be sitting side by side on the couch, just the two of them, laughing their asses off and making a mess of the popcorn, and their faces only light up more when they see me and scoot over to make room for me to watch with them, cuz my best friend isn’t home just yet. They’re the parents who go to church multiple times a week and each prepare songs for all of the musical events there, and then go home and help my best friend figure out how to come out to the people in her life. And goddamn, I am so lucky to have my best friend, and I will never stop being so fucking grateful I met her, but I also feel so lucky to have her parents in my life, who have me dreaming of my own little life in the future, with someone I want to annotate books and pirate movies for.

bestie please just let me mom friend u up