chug a luggin’

listen this isn’t rat related but I’m going off the walls right now this is literally so fucking funny

i LOVE BEING IN BED !!!!!! i love being all cuddly and warm and curling up into a ball and feeling tiny !!!!! this is what life’s about !!!!!!!!!!!

I love being asleep and I love being in bed but I hate GOING to bed because it requires so many small rituals and bedtime activities i wish i could just automatically transport myself into bed the moment i get sleepy already with my teeth brushed, in my pajamas, phone set down to charge, entire body marinating in an artisanal mix of 17 herbs and spices and sealed in a sous vide bag, etc 

thats how they make them

roomba.

he monch

the fact that pro-monarchy arguments have degenerated, over the past few centuries, from “the king rules by divine right and is accountable to nobody but god”, to “uhm the royals generate a lot of income from tourism” will never stop being extremely funny to me

the monarchs… bad. but the castles? oh, the castles are positively lush with rats… 👅

Delete this account immediately.

reblog if youre an idiot. reblog if youre just a fucking fool.

the human life is a strained and tense one. i envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach… warmed by the sun… unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life… 

do you need to talk

i wish i was a croissant 

plants be like *makes a sugar* *makes a sugar* *fucks* *makes a sugar* *makes a metabolite* *makes a secondary metabolite* *moves a sugar* *seals off a wound* *makes a sugar* *tilts a leaf 0.2 degrees towards sun* *moves water* *makes a sugar* *moves a sugar* *breaks down a sugar* *harvests an ion* *cells divide* *closes stomata* *breaks down a sugar* *makes a metabolite* *fucks again* *makes a su

Being in the ocean is scary (not a usual human biome) but the contents of the ocean are not

If you are in the ocean that makes you the contents and I am afraid of you

The other day I politely returned the question “how are you doing?” at a driver who asked the same of me, and he replied “oh, you know, same soup just reheated” and I can’t stop thinking about that