Not Okay
Sixth week into internship and I still havenāt fully adjusted to everything. I thought at first that it had something to do with internship itself or the changing rotations every 2 weeks but now I think itās more than that.Ā
Iāve been feeling restless but lazy at the same time. I rarely get excited when Iām in the hospital unlike during the previous year. I always end up unfocused and unmotivated whenever I try to study or even think about studying which is almost every night. Iāve even said out loud that I donāt think I want to be here anymore - something I have NEVER done before.Ā
I really havenāt been feeling like myself lately... Iāve been trying not to think deeply about it (my brain: youāve got no time for that sinkhole because life is happening) until the people closest to me started pointing it out.Ā
During clerkship year, I donāt want to say that I was on fire, but there was a constant spark of warmth inside me. Always, every day. I loved what I was doing, I knew why I was here. And day in day out, I do my best to make time for my priorities. In hindsight, it must have been tiring but I was too busy living my dream to dwell on the tiredness, both physically and emotionally. That wave of being in action carried on until the one month break. I wanted to make the most of it before one whole year in the hospital.Ā
I think itās just now that the tiredness from the previous year is slowly creeping in. I feel weight where there shouldnāt be any yet. I question myself, and life in general, everyday.
Will things get better? Will I feel better?Ā
Well thereās no other way to find out than by trying. :)Ā
āBut He said to me,Ā āMy grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.āā -- 2 Corinthians 12:9
















