heaven knows

" it's not courage i'm lacking in, dude. i'm perfectly brave about things, it's a straight up rizz problem. charis-ma. i don't know what to say after i'm already encouraged. "

body shifts, sitting up straighter with a smirk on features and encouragement behind pupils.   “   practice on me! c’mon, show me what we’re working with.   ”   legs cross, hand moving hair over shoulder.   “   there’s loads of compliments you could use for this face, so it should be easy!   ”

" it's a very boring, very simple tax question. just promise! "

“   right, because apparently children need to know simple tax questions.   ”   brow raised.   “   what is it?   ”

it's not a tough question. yes, no, maybe—all depending on how truthful he wants to get. could this be a trigger? cutting down on the occasional afterwork beer had been an easy feat, a complete non - brainer, so much so that he hadn't given it any further thought. his medicine cabin scarce, only stocked with aspirin and antihistamines for his hay fever, and there's no liquor cabinet to speak of. suppose she wanted to huff industrial glue … should he have gotten rid of that, too?   〝 … no, no. 〞  the pause which prefaces his denial doing very little to convince even roman himself, and he should be so lucky that the dimness of the foyer helps obscure his inferior pokerface as well. 〝 it's just … really dark in here. you sure you were up?  〞

an addict can spot an intoxicated individual from a mile away, and it didn’t take much to notice the drunken state of rome. from the stumbles, the little wrinkle of his nose when he denies, the way he spoke more with his hands. it causes a twitch of a smile to ghost along features, warm sensation in her stomach. guards down, no longer masking or tip-toeing around her.  “   you’re drunk.   ”   it’s no longer a question but a statement, and the smile now evident as she crosses her arms. body leans against the closest wall, watching him with ease.   “   yes, i was snacking in the kitchen and didn’t want to get caught.   ”   head tilts.   “   c’mon, i’ll help you get to bed. lucky for you  —  i know a good hangover remedy.   ”   it’s her first attempt at a joke, silent prayer the humour will land.

charlotte doesn't know any better. not about their lineage, nor about the matriarch at its helm. and it's on him that she doesn't. but a comment made in jest makes the argument for nature trumping nurture, with lottie's voice far too reminiscent of their mother's. a memory which he's buried deep, unearthed without notice. it sours his mood, easy as that is, and it elicits a groan.   〝 don't say shit like that, 〞 he reprimands, the gaiety from moments ago seemingly shelved.  〝 you sound like a fucking brat. 〞

a headstrong woman by nature, lottie refuses to acknowledge how sheltered she truly was  —  capable of having the freedom of not reminiscing over past traumas, instead stefan carried that burden. incapable of using words of affirmation, and attempting to mediate thanks with acts of service or quality time.  the words are heavy and met with silence, body shrinking into the cushion while eyes no longer make contact. pointer and thumb pull at loose strands of fabric in her jeans. a child scorned and silenced.

  〝 i take it you've never worked a service job in your life.  〞  as if it isn't already written all over him. 〝 the type a'stuff you see in the kitchen of a fast food joint would put you in a coma. some spit being the least of your worries. 〞

“   i was a barista for a day and didn't go back.   ”   that was all it had taken for sixteen year old isaac to realize he could not work with the general public and lack of common sense.   “   that’s disgusting  —  probably shouldn’t tell people that, will make places lose business for lack of cleanliness.   ”

she'd never thought herself to have a short fuse until lottie joined the team. sometimes irritable and sensitive to a fault but never this quickly riled. the blonde brought out the worst in her, and had sawyer any objectivity left, she would've seen it goes both ways.   〝 god, just give it up already, charlotte. 〞 throwing stones in a glass house now. 〝 it's fucking soccer. 〞

it’s a sick enjoyment  —  witnessing the soft-spoken individual finally break. a push, a nudge, a pinch. with each passing breath and insult, the dangerous and mischievous smirk grew on lottie’s lips. and despite her best efforts  —  there was something enticing about her full name effortlessly falling from sawyer’s lips.    “   take your own fucking advice, sawyer. it’s fucking soccer.   ”   only to lottie it wasn’t, her competitive nature not allowing room for error or loss.

⟣ ─ ˑ 〃 ۫ ☁️ ❛ 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 — um , just so you know : her parents . . . they will be coming to pack her things up . so , you know , if you see them . . . ❜ she hopes she doesn ' t have to spell the whole protocol out . especially since it was not so long ago they had a similar visit . the main thing to remember is to make yourself scarce and to keep quiet . ❛ anyways — were you with jay ? are you guys , like , back together ? ❜

there’s a small nod, arms crossing over midriff in a tight criss-cross for comfort.   “   thank you for the warning, that’s kind.   ”   consequences flashing in peripherals, memories of what transpired heavy on her mind with the guilt gnawing at her insides. river prided herself in loyalty  —  so why had it been so easy to brush off the loyalty for a brief moment of focused attention?   “   jay? god no, i dont think he knows i exist anymore.   ”   self-pity laced into words, lips pressed together. conversation on how to navigate questions never had, uncertainty coating every inch of her petite frame.   “   actually, lee offered me his bed for a few nights when he took the couch. i hope thats okay  —  i should’ve asked.   ”   half truth.

"botox is an easy solution, but i don't think you need it. usually it isn't worth it until there's more to fix."

“   the stigma around botox is fucked, i support the procedure  —  but good to know you medically think i’m still perfect: ego boost i needed   ”

"i don't know, man, he could be pretty surprising." at least maverick had been surprised. maybe he'll be surprised when stefan doesn't kick his ass for getting high with his little sister too. taking her arm, he started the distance to his place, the place he really hadn't been living. he still had weed there, that was a fact, so that was all that mattered really. "we're easy to please, lotts. nothing wrong with that either."

“   surprising and stefan never mix well, its like mixing oil and water  —  he’s a walking bore,   ”   a brief pause.   “   not an insult, more a necessity. not sure the world could handle two hyperactive cowells.   ”   nor the dramatics, lottie had enough for the two of them. arm links easily, comfort and ease interlaced. feet fall into the pace provided, head moving to lean against mav’s shoulder for a moment, basking in the sunlight.   “   that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me  —  some would say i’m high maintenance but fuck them, right?   ”

"   knowledge is not limited to the duffs of the world, lottie. quadratics can't kill a face card. and women are reading more than ever, i think. just go on tiktok. and, for sustainability reasons, i still sleep in an old 'hot girls code' sweatshirt from, like, ten years ago when people still thought computer science was going to be a relevant career. i'm very offended right now.   " 

eyes squint and nose wrinkles and the lecture begins, a resistance to showcase the annoyance, knowing company would dive into the topic.   “   i go on tiktok, but i’m not scrolling for education, noor. i’m scrolling for the self-fulfillment of practicing avoidance.   ”   head rests against close fist.   “   you know  —  funny videos of dudes getting kicked in the balls or cats knocking things off shelves: normal shit.   ”   a pause, slight smirk.   “   awe  —  want me to kiss it better?   ”

"   yeah? what's wrong with sawyer?   " 

theres a long pause, momentary lapse of judgement and panic beginning to form behind dilated pupils.   “   —  nothing outside of typical teammate banter.   ”   lips vibrate as breath is released.   “   she’s got bonus points for being related to a beauty like you.   ”

"I know! We're like ships in the night. How have you been, buddy?" Time's gotten away from him, especially when he's working on an Easter menu for the springtime. Now with Emma gone from the apartment, he's been putting in an extra effort to socialize with his neighbour, because he's been feeling pretty lonely after work.

“   sure,   ”   monotone and flat affect show a lack of interest in the metaphor, although there’s a soft stir within his gut  —  the realization that people he deems acquaintances accept him as more.   “   i’ve been okay, busy with end of the year exams but you get used to it after a while.   ”   a pause, emmas voice in his mind encouraging further interaction.   “   how about you?   ”

@lcgcndary  +  〝 it's really liberating to say no to shit you hate. 〞 

          “   i told you,   ”   a beat of pause, taking a bite of her taco.   “   therapy sucks, but she’s got some good thoughts occasionally.   ”

ever since first being promoted manager, odette's gone to great lengths to assure thick skin amongst the staff. something that's a necessity when dealing with the older this early in the day, or pre-caffeine. that, and it leaves space for candour. god forbid she should have to walk on eggshells in what's now her own shop.   〝 last i checked, 〞  which, with her dislike for the brew, should've been about never. 〝 you might wanna dust it off. i don't think that thing's been used since this was part of the colonies. 〞

nose wrinkles at the idea of how much dust had collected on the teapot, suddenly using mind over matter and convincing herself that the headache was not worth the trouble.   “   —  i’d rather pay someone to go buy me a coffee.   ”   she admits without hesitation, body standing up straight and palms pressing into the counter-top.  the florist shop remained a consistency in her life, holding admiration and gratefulness towards odette, for not only formulating her work-ethic into something worth being proud of, but additionally allowing her to come back after her last stunt.   “   we sold almost all the lilies  —  guess people heard the memo that they were an Easter favourite.   ”

a word she associates with the likes of mr. darcy and edgar linton ... or as of late, her own boyfriend. it's a behaviour she would've otherwise chastised. not the chivalry, rather her own quickness to insert jump into the conversation. aloud or otherwise. one of those girls now, undoubtedly, and it brings a smile to previously confounded features.   〝 you should make him jealous, 〞 mj concludes. 〝 chivalrous or not, i bet you he'll drop the act 'soon as he sees you with somebody else.  〞

against better judgement, lennox finds herself actively thinking of making rome jealous. followed by the question: has rome ever been jealous? it ignites something uncomfortable within her gut, incapable of thinking of a time that rome’s emotions had been obvious to her, either incapable of understanding the feelings presented or too high to care.            “   or he doesn’t get jealous and i end up making a fool out of myself,   ”   wouldn’t be the first time, lennox was prone to making decisions that were rarely seen in a good light.   “   besides, there’s no one in town worth getting jealous over.   ”   not that she remembers, anyways.

@lcgcndary +  roman's no heavy drinker. nights out are few and far between, and even more of a rarity with his new roommate around. but when he does, moderation often slips from his vocabulary. well past midnight, and there's an attempt to sneak into his own home. a noted emphasis on attempt. a lock missed, a door slammed, and he stumbles over sneakers kicked off in the entryway. he didn't need to turn on the overhead light to know they'd been lennox's. although seeing, in general, would've helped things.   〝 god damn … 〞  catching himself against the wall, roman's much too preoccupied with getting his own shoes off to notice anything else. specifically the footsteps coming down the hall, not until a figure appears at the end of it. 〝 hey, you're up. shit, no, i woke you, didn't i? 〞

the silence in the home was heavier than usual without rome’s presence. overcompensation came in clutch, lennox incapable of relaxing for longer than two minutes without getting antsy. floors were swept and mopped, countertops wiped down and perfectly set up as they were prior to things being moved, and every corner scrubbed until the tips of fingers felt raw from grasping onto the supplies. she’s sipping from her glass of chilled water when the door is slammed and curses fill the air, curiosity taking hold as she inches towards the front door.           “   no, i’ve been up.   ”   she says cautiously, intriguingly looking over the man before her. it’s his movements that give it away, lips twitching upwards into a smile but withholding the chuckle that’s threatning to come through.   “   —  roman,   ”   a pause.   “   are you drunk?   ”