new haynes, ma.

@stillwritten + 〝 how exactly does your godmother think that little women relates to your shit. like, does she think you're marmee or an amy? 〞

" you know i'm a beth. "

 〝 it's good advice for someone with a future. great for anybody who planned one. 〞 she doesn't mean to sound defeatist, not when she's content in her reality. 〝 i love him, sienna. there's no reasoning your way outta that one. 〞

it showed more in her choices of who to date than in any sort of conduct she had once in a relationship (cue self-sabotage) — but quiet as she liked to keep it, sienna didn't like mess. she liked boring. or mess was fine, when it as someone she really loved: but she didn't like people who kept making them and wouldn't let you clean it up. she wouldn't be able to stand it if someone unraveled her, had her at wit's end, driving herself crazy. and she could barely stand it to see someone else embroiled in their own mess, and give her only a shrug. while oli has never had stable ground to stand on, sienna knows what it's like to have it snatched from under you. she understands being too scared to build it back up again, or not knowing how. she understands it too well. she doesn't understand not wanting it. " if everyone listened indiscriminately to whatever little songs their hearts sang for everyone else, we'd be in a much worse spot in the world. and the world already fucking sucks. "

 〝 a friend of mine just got out of rehab, 〞 disingenuous that, friend. only he doesn't know what else to call her, with ex girlfriend being reserved for something a little more serious than a relationship dating back to high school. 〝 and i've been trying to be there as much as i can. 〞

the white lie is unbeknownst to her, so she takes things at face value — a nod, and another long sip of her drink before she responds. it's not like it takes any fault for her to decide, however. she hears rehab and she's not a monster, so the scales tip almost immediately toward empathy, somehow with self-respect still in tact. at least, for now. " so, not a bad guy. just a bad texter. and i'm winning the insensitive jerk of the year award. it'd be nice to get a certificate, or something. a physical reminder of my embarrassment. "

 〝 you mean like when you got kicked off uber? 〞

" they only let you throw up and not pay for it once! what happened to three strikes, you're out!? "

 〝 and take the pay cut? no way. 〞 they're not rolling in it as is but he needed the cash. minimum wage workers, they all did. 〝 no point getting screwed by some colonel parker wannabe when we've gotten this far on our own. 〞

now, teddy just sort of stares at juli for a moment. he'd never been an elvis guy, but comparing them to anyone identifiable by a mononym felt a little much, especially when they were all still arguing over whether or not changing what POTD stood for made sense for their trajectory. " y-you could say that about anything, " he offers. it's still diplomatic, friendly, but frustration laces the edges. " y-you'd say no to a record d-deal because we can post on youtube and-and spotify ourselves? "

"god forgives." he's not trying to push, but he can't help but want better for the nice people he meets.

" you'd probably get along with my sister better. she's out here somewhere nearby highlighting passages in her bible, i'm sure. you go to church in town? i probably carved a four letter word under a pew you've sat on when i was fourteen. "

"uh, yeah. except my father believed the cucumber was a homosexual so we weren't able to watch too many of the movies."

" well, i'll stop you there and just say if you're homophobic i can't watch veggie tales with you. and i don't want to show you any movies. "

"Night school's a possibility, but then there's Love Island in the summer and the Bachelor in the fall..." He thinks out loud. "I'd say that's pretty impressive, though! It's nice to have the security of staying in one place. I think that's quite important for me, personally." Not that she'd asked, but he'd felt compelled to share. Jack has no plans from ever moving from here, he wants to lay down roots. Maybe with Sienna? He snaps back into reality. "I believe there are, but not to toot my own horn, but I'm not sure how much I'd get out of it. Perhaps if I was just starting, it would be a different story."

" oh come on. you're telling me you'd put life bettering plans on hold 'cause you haven't heard of DVR? or streaming? they have like, every episode of vanderpump on hulu. i fall asleep to that shit. i'd not be so bold as to call you a pussy for it, since i'm working, but. maybe if i end up seeing you at the cockpit. " she can't really tell if she's oddly charmed or put off by how weird he is, but it's weird in such an inoffensive way that the conversation is amusing instead of annoying. if she heard his inner monologue, on the other hand... " what if you could learn about anything in the world. imagine you're like, an eighteen year old trust fund baby and your parents are like, 'yeah, honey, study sculpture at a college in middle of nowhere indiana. follow your dreams?' what do you do? "

@cursedshores & @whteorchids

" dude— what is with all this adult talk lately? is one of you fucking dying or something? " the fact that, at twenty and five, she should just behave like an adult by virtue of being one was lost on her. but the worry that's knit it's way between her brows is real, the narrowing of her eyes, the twist of her stomach. she's already on edge because she knows that sitting her down for a serious conversation, trademarked and bolded, was not on the top of either of their lists. " you have to tell me if you're dying. "

 〝 well, you're her problem now. how ever i did, or did not, raise you's irrelevant. you're an adult, peanut, time to take some responsibility. 〞

" responsibility for what? i'm great. ask anyone. they should give people reviews, like yelp. ava, five stars. "

 〝 it'd be kinda sad if i didn't. 〞 she counters. 〝 you're not upset, are you? 〞

teddy's real problem with the situation is not sawyer or lou or the expectations of adult life, but in fact, the tiny little problem that teddy didn't have anyone in tow, and never really had. of course, this is harder to admit than it is just whining, and he knows his justifications for distaste are wearing thin. " i'm not upset. i-it's just d-disappointing when things change, " he says finally, offering sawyer a tight smile that relaxes just a second later. " b-but i could never be upset i-if it means they're changing for the better for you. "

 〝 i think comes down to how you were raised. you're not gonna let yourself be degraded or worked into the ground if you've got good people to fall back on. 〞 he wouldn't, anyway. 〝 some people are just like that, though. perfectionists, obsessive even with nobody forcing them to be. 〞

conversely to rome, elena was a talker. though really, she wasn't much of a conversationalist — often choosing silence when others would choose to make polite chat, or rambling on and on once you got her started on something. which, in this instance, rome had, and he's engaged enough she doesn't notice she's dominating the conversation. she rarely does. " some research has shown that it's at least partially heritable. perfectionism, i mean. but a whole bunch of other personality based traits. there have been twins, triplets separated at birth with insane personality similarities. nurture plays a huge part, a bigger part, but, i mean, for all i know, there's another elena out there who's... thirty, forty percent me. " analysis, research, statistics, data, and most importantly, being nosy, were all things elena liked to dive into. her own life, her own psyche, the affect of each aspect of nuture and nature in her life... those were things she preferred remain opaque. it was much, much easier to live in the stories of others than to try and unravel your own past, or continue your future.

 〝 short form content isn't the only way to reach a crowd. we should be doing more festivals, leave the east coast for a change. do some unpaid gigs along the way. roadside bars, colleges, that kinda stuff. 〞

" d-do you think we need a manager instead of d-doing it a-aall ourselves? " the question, then, is if they can afford a manager, or if they'd have to rope someone in to doing much less for them on some kind of volunteer basis. briefly, he wonders how embarrassing it would be to ask his mom. he knows juli won't let him suggest it to sawyer, if she even had the time.

 〝 if that's what you want then you should go on 'nd get it, 〞 she says, dismissing her advice which no consideration. 〝 but missionary and pta meetings, that just ain't me. 〞

" see, oli? that's your problem. you don't want to take my advice, and it's good advice, so you make up shit i never said to reject it. you heard me say 'only have kids with a man who's responsible, and future oriented — beyond when the next time he gets his dick sucked is' and you go: 'oh, so you doom me to a life of socks on, lights off, thirty-second sex and driving a mini van.' there is an entire world of futures beyond stepford suburbia and someone who couldn't care if you live or die. "