The Elevator to Purgatory

wild + roses

While we’re out and about, there’s precious little opportunities to see ourselves.  When we do have the chance, they’re fleeting moments; catching a glimpse of your reflection in a store window, puddle, etc… 

I try to make the most of them.  I crave the chance to see myself how the vast majority of the world sees me: as a random person walking down the sidewalk, for just the briefest of moments. 

That’s the “first impression” that I make the most to the world at large.

There’s a point relatively early in The Matrix when Neo notes that he still has hair once reentering the digital world.  Morpheus notes that this appearance in “The Matrix” is Neo’s “residual self-image”, or something to that effect.

 “Corpse Run” Alex and “I’m Still Alex” Alex have been my residual self-image in comic form for over fifteen years; I truly identified with the look.

It was me.

It still is me, for the record, but the physical changes that I’ve been experiencing in my transition have changed how I view myself, they’re beginning to take me to a place where I’m becoming happy with how my body looks.

I’m certainly nowhere near the finish line, nor do I believe that there is a finish line, but the changes are becoming significant enough where I identify with “real life” Alex more than I do with my older representations of myself.

And I think that’s beautiful.

I think that’s energizing.

I still imagine ISA and CR Alex will be around in the strip.  If RL Alex is physical me, ISA Alex and CR Alex might be mental characters, my shoulder angel and demon…

…but really, they’re both angels who carried me to this point and passed the baton so we can keep moving forward.