inconceivable girlhood lost.

A nod of the head to signify agreement. It was the appropriate response after all. “It’s been something of a craze throughout the school at the moment. I’m sure you’d wear the sparkle well.” Laughter was a good sign. Laughter meant she was keeping up with the conversation, offering a bit of lightness in the dark sea of unknown factors. “I think the luxury of not noticing is a part of innocence everyone has every right to. Not everyone gets it but it’s a nice experience if you do.” In that moment she thought of times that now seemed so very good––the before knowing, even though there were always the hints that were more akin to glaring red flags––they were far and few but treasured memories. If only there had been more time. If only they had stayed that way. Swirling the remnants of her drink she watched the woman before her trying to figure out what it was that Lavender wanted and why she was actually here. It must’ve been a disappointment either way to see that Lavinia had appeared instead of someone, anyone, else. Trying to shake the sinking feeling of inferiority she responded, “Oh do you have a favorite spot then?” Pausing a moment her eyes scanned the room for a shift in attention, nodding her head in the direction behind Lavender she leaned forward as if revealing a big secret, “That man over there just dropped a chocolate frog in his neighbor’s drink... I wonder if they know each other? Your turn.”

It was not often Lavinia had been in the loop, in fact rare if ever at all. She was used to the whispers and lurking among them, piecing bit by bit together. “Only if you talk back I suppose...” She paused a moment before continuing, “Does that normally occur?”

Attitude, that was one way to put it and he seemed to have quite a big one. The scrutiny of his look insured that. There was a casual hardness to it that told her there was more where that came from, that there was something smoldering deep within that made it so. In her pocket there was a small gold watch, it’s ticks punctuating each moment spent together. Lavinia felt the magnifying glass that had been placed on her uncomfortably, and couldn’t help but feel for ants that found their way to their fiery deaths in that way. “I wasn’t aware this was a garage sale on top of a party. How ingenious of your party planner.” Facades were well known and well practiced by Lavinia, after all she saw her whole family practice them for years. A smile smile appeared on the woman’s face––what its intention was was undetermined. Fathers were a funny thing for upon hearing the other’s response it made her think of her own list that she had kept. “They certainly can be... Is there a particular thing on the list that stands out among the others?” Tried and true deflection was the better way to go, the safer way to keep unsaid things unsaid for she wasn’t quite sure how much he knew or how little he did.

Quick glances and judgement were something Lavinia was well accustomed to. Of course it wasn’t a good look to get caught and looks were of the very important sort to keep up. After all they were all she had. As she stood there she couldn’t help but feel awkward though, a prickling sensation arising on her skin. She remained calm though, bigger scrapes she had gotten into and there was no way she was paying for the three refills of butter beer that had been acquired by her company. “Oh? Must’ve slipped my mind.” The one before her was not someone she really knew but had heard enough half conversations to know that he was different and different in the way that people praised. Now that was something she herself had never gotten the chance to experience. “No, I don’t suppose you would know who I am. After all you were probably too busy to notice.”

She would’ve remembered... Lavinia couldn’t help but wonder if that were true or not. It’s funny how quickly people would say things when confronted with the polite route. Maybe she already knew and felt pity and wanted to show a semblance of kindness, but was it kindness to avoid the obvious? Or maybe it didn’t matter at all to the stranger but that was almost worse. Pity was almost better than whatever that may be. Pity was something she knew. Something she too felt about the matter. Either way she knew she took too long to respond to the other’s acceptance of the offer she had extended. Shaking her hands free from the mop handle it dropped in the bucket sloshing at the sides, “Well there’s no fear we wont be locking you up yet... Unless there’s something you’d like to confess?” Now it became obvious. She had noticed the work that she had put into the cleaning. The effort that shouldn’t have been. The effort that was supposed to be effortless. Spine straightening slightly Lavinia offered a perfect smile (she knew it was perfect because it had been practiced and tried and true). “I’m perfectly fine. I’m sure this can wait a few minutes that it’ll take though. Now which way were you headed in again?”

Brows knit together for a moment at Lavender’s response. Of course Lavinia should’ve been earlier, for her to make someone like Lavender wait was simply unacceptable. She could hear her mother now, the rolls of her r’s slicing through the awkward air that now lingered. “I do apologize I had meant to get here earlier... There was a bit of trouble with a first year and glittery hair dye in the Third Floor bathrooms. No survivors they say.” A joke to  try and ease the tension. A joke to lighten the load of the conversation. “Y-Yes it’s been quite some time. I suppose Barbie’s still with Ken?” There was something about being around purebloods that made Lavinia shrink no matter who they were, for she out of everyone knew how the circles did talk. Unsure of where to place her jacket she held onto it before remembering that questions required answers. “When I find the time I do manage to spend it here. I like the people watching... And you?”

Curt was the others response, for what it was still uncertain. Though the tone was not unfamiliar to Lavinia even if the person was. Maybe it would be found out with a little more conversation, “Well then... Do your thoughts often get spoken out loud?” 

‘Ms. Rowle’ accompanied by a bow. If only he knew, or maybe he did and he was just jesting, joking about the unusual nature of Lavinia, then it would make everything that much more ironic. Lavinia didn’t even have a right to the name; at least in most’s eyes she didn’t. A footnote in the long and proud history of a name that happened to be stuck to the firstborn. She just wanted to change that one little factor. Was that so bad? Was that too greedy? A nod to bring her back to reality and the reality was that time was clicking away. Time was of the essence and he was making her late. “It really is. Thank you for understanding the urgency of the situation. I wouldn’t want to disappoint after all.” For my friend, was that too obvious? Maybe it was, but she couldn’t come up with a better lie off the top of her head. But it looked as if he bought it because there was movement and action that proved that he did. A small breath of air Lavinia couldn’t help but lean forward a little closer. “I feel lucky that I’ve been deemed worthy of another option. Thank you.” Reaching for the vial now set between them Lavinia’s hand hovered over it gulping loudly, “...How much?” 

Lavinia couldn’t help but think of all the potions she had sanctioned––with or without magical creature body parts––and feel badly, if only for a moment. Of course it couldn’t be helped and what needed to be done needed to be done, but Rolf did make her pause a moment which was not easy for the usual bulldozing of thoughts she normally had. Stepping closer, “But what if perchance there is another use that wasn’t for superficial reasons, but for one...just one... very good reason? Would it be so very bad?” She had always had a very one track mind when it came to potions; her deep incessant longing overtaking any other thought that might’ve prevailed against it. Nibble fingers picked up small objects for her pockets (and obsession) far too often than not. For beauty was within but so was magic, and if only she held out a little longer maybe she could unlock it waiting after all these years to be at her disposal. Of course she didn’t want the one person who truly (sort of) associated with her to think lowly of her, for that would seem a step backwards.  The early morning hours did seem a lot less lonelier without the accompaniment of another’s soft footfall on mossy banks in the forest. Not that she would ever say so though. “Muggle? Embraced? I hardly think they ought to be brought into this... After all the wixen have been pioneering in so many subjects for hundreds of years. Plastic seems quite unnatural.” The ‘M’ word. Even just hearing it brought an uncomfortable feeling arise, suffocating her to the point of almost passing out. Her insides reeled against it almost shouting at her. Memories flashed forward of not so kind words from not so kind people at every turn. The laughs of pity directed at her. Not because she was a muggle herself but because she hadn’t even been given the mercy to be born into a family of them. Mouth dry she tried to shake it off. No time for reminiscing. “Now that we can agree on. It seems most would much rather take the easy way out and throw away all any actual steps of achieving it... Then again most don’t like the added effort.” And effort she knew about.

Lavinia watched as the floor became further marked because of her inadequacy. If only she could whip out her wand to show she belonged, to prove she had been meant to be there. Instead her legacy was washed with a sudsy floor with the scent of lemon burning just harsh enough to prove it was chemical. Blushing from embarrassment or something else entirely she replied quietly, “Thank you. I have to redo that part of the floor anyways.” Grasping the handle of the mop tightly a small formation of splinters surely found their way into her palm, causing her to hiss at the sudden pain. Of course it was nothing in comparison to how that potion from the Albanian wizard had given her, but it caught her by surprise distracting her from Cho in front of her for a moment. Hurriedly she managed to get out, “It’s fine I’m sure it’ll dry quickly now.”

It had taken all but 30 seconds to show Lavinia up in the most embarrassing way. Unable to do magic in a magical school even she could admit to the irony. The other could make it look so easy a flip of a wrist and a wand, but didn’t. Oh how she craved to be able to do the same so casually, so carelessly. Lavinia couldn’t count the times as a little girl how she had secretly picked up a stick on a walk and in the closet pretended to do that very action. Instead they offered her help verbally which somehow made it worse. She offered a chaste smile, “I’m quite alright, thank you though.” At the risk of being rude she knew she had to add something else and she surely had not lost her manners. “Is there something I could help you with? This hall has been cleared because of a first year’s mishap in potions making class. Apparently stink bombs and actual bombs have a lot in common.” 

She caught his statement, but pretended she didn’t. It wouldn’t help to account for it. Eyes watching she saw the shift in the other’s body language. As soon as he was at ease it was Lavinia’s turn to tense up. Questions. They had a funny way of appearing right when you didn’t want to answer them. Jaw clenched she went through the list of ways she could respond to not arise any suspicion or even worse concern. Finally she settled, doing what she could practiced a million times before., “This one’s particularly finicky unfortunately... It’s not for me as well it’s for a friend.” She smiled in what she hoped was a convincing manner. “Hello, it’s nice to officially make your acquaintance. My name is Lavinia, Lavinia Rowle.” 

The day had been a long one, there was no doubt of that. Lavinia had been to see a psychic who had told her that her efforts would be fruitless. What did they know any ways? Who were they to say anything at all? Needless to say she was not in the mood for anything more on her plate today. The Leaky Cauldron had simply been a meeting place not one for pleasure. Loud, crowded, easy to be unassuming here. As she less than gracefully left her booth she looked back to see the bill she was leaving unpaid for only to abruptly be interrupted in her path, “Excuse m––oh. It’s you.”