* 𝐌𝐀𝐍 & 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑.

#MONSTROVS. a dependent nikolai karkaroff established by rachel on the 13th of july, 2020.

"i'd fuck all three," he doesn't mean at the same time, and he's not exactly dodging the question - but it's not the veritaserum that demands he think for a little longer and come back after a long moment with a simple, "kill astoria, marry parkinson, fuck weasley."

YOU CAN RUN by ADAM JONES : there are two parts of this song that scream niko to me. one is just the chorus, which i think drew me in on this song in general; the idea of niko as inevitable, or as someone so relentless when he gets going that that's what makes him formidable. i love the 'you can run' lines because i read it and hear it and take it as 'you can run'. doesn't mean you're getting away, though ! that was an extremely general take for me, but i also really like 'truth gonna come out someday, it's gonna wipe that smile right off your face' because, again... it feels like an anton / niko line. it feels like the thing that keeps him going sometimes, or at least keeps him playing nice enough to not kill his dad himself. just that idea of anton one day not being able to sit there so smug... niko enjoys it !

LOST CAUSE by IMAGINE DRAGONS : presented with little commentary because i think it needs to mostly speak for itself, this was one of my favorite kaela / niko vibes on his playlist, back when i made it. 'fate hath its way when all that's learned is sin, nothing really matters in the end as long as you are with me, friend. oh, dig my shallow grave, it's not me you'll save, cause i'm a lost cause'. it always felt like it just clicked for their dynamic, and how i always imagined niko's unending loyalty to her. despite everything he says and does, he has the highest of hopes for kaela.

BURNING DOWN by ALEX WARREN : this is a brand new karkaroff family anthem, courtesy of lex. i think it just fits the overall vibe we have given that family ( it matches a lot of the songs that already feature on their collective playlist ), but i think my personal favorite part for niko specifically is 'said i'm the one who's wanted for all the fires you started, you knew the house was burning down, i had to get out. you led your saints and sinners, and fed 'em lies for dinner, you knew the house was burning down, and look at you now'. i think it just... works. i think it captures the anton / niko dynamic, how niko is consistently seen as the 'worst' of them, how if he was captured doing de ( or general niko ) things he'd be hung out to dry while his much, much worse father goes free, how niko's always seen through his father to know that he's going to get them all killed with his ambition, how he's never particularly wanted to be involved in all that. lex always has great choices, but this is one of my favorites of all time.

there is no way to fix this, is there? there is no undoing what has been done once the puzzle pieces slowly start to slot together. there was the mikaela that existed hours ago and the mikaela that exists now, splintered by the realization of being put in harms way to move a narrative by the very person she gives and gives and gives to with no benefit. when is it her turn ? when is it over ? is no thing - or no person sacred ? how strange it is to have been made to feel so small and yet at the same time every wave of emotion feels far too big for your body to handle. she releases her hands from the shaky fists they've balled themselves into for what feels like the millionth time, briefly exposing where her nails have left cuts along her palms to run fingers through her hair. hot tears threaten to fall upon blotchy cheeks - a far cry from the put together person she prides herself in being.

she can see it in the way her brother stiffens. in the way his eyes, lifeless moments ago suddenly have something behind them. he's connecting some of the dots that kaela is so horribly articulating. "fenrir greyback is dead. he killed him," she chokes out, and that hangs in the air for a few moments. "he was right there." kaela's hand flies in front of her as though to gesture some vague sort of distance that separated the two. "i - i had a kid in my arms and someone stupefied arturo and i was stuck there. i couldn't - i wouldn't leave." the picture she paints is not great, at best, but she's clear with what she says next. "then of course he saves the day. clearly . . . clearly i was exactly where he needed me to be. he had to know it would happen - he told me so right then."

the truth is, he should probably care about all that. fenrir greyback is dead and he should probably feel something about it, but it's just a lonely drop in the well that cracks open within him and that lack thereof speaks volumes more than the alternative. he'd never considered him his creator. not really. the bite was an unchangeble part of his history, a curse by definition, but he had already been built from the mistakes of their father. fenrir greyback had infected him with lycanthropy and nikolai had adjusted accordingly. he had the right to hate him. he was allowed to celebrate his death. caring enough to do either would give the man the kind of power over him that he had never allowed before and wouldn't start allowing, now, and niko is unmoved by the news.