Struggling to Function™️

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

That's absolutely insane.

I do suffer the american condition of liking to drink huge drinks

Man, the flesh sucks. I'm gonna abandon it for the machine.

Hey was anyone gonna telle that the machine is also subject to change? The nature of my decay is just different now. Shit sucks. I'm gonna abandon the machine for the divine.

Bad news about the divine

ohhh i get it. basically it's like *makes a bunch of explosion noises with my mouth*

Just One Guy, Just One Spider-Man… -OR Woman?!? We don’t Know… forsure…..

the sun is a sickly orange color today with a haze of smog blurring its edges. it truly looks like something you would use in a scifi movie to clue the audience in that something has gone very wrong

Anyone else noticed the air is unbreathable and the food is poison and the sun is blocked out of the sky

i have a suggestion