i'm 100% that bitch

Santana: Yeah, I should've been number one but since Kitty is an absolute snake I understand why I was put lower.

Santana: Way ahead of you. I'm sure you can pull out something showstopping from that otherwise basic baddie closet of yours for a number?

Lauren: Damn. She obviously doesn't have taste.

Really?! You don’t see anything wrong with me being 4th from the bottom on the NOT side? Like, sure, maybe I’m not the most interesting guy here, but come on…look at me! 

I mean, you’ve got the looks, I’ll give ya that. But the personality? Do something fun, scandalous. Don’t give a shit about what people think. 

I mean, if you really want to be on top of something, I’d be happy to help you out.

Please, Puckerman. You couldn’t handle all of this. I’m fairly certain, I’d break you. Too much for you to handle. 

Lauren: Look, we both know that we both deserved to be on the top of that list.

Puck: gee, thanks.

Puck: you didn't get the message through the song? it wasn't exactly subtle, babe.

Lauren: I meant for that to sound nicer than it came out. RBF translates to text.

Lauren: That punch looked brutal. Definitely should put some ice on that.

“I admit it, I thought All About That Bass was a banger in middle school. It was something that an insecure thicc Lauren listened to and became the badass she is today. Enjoy.” 

Lauren: Listen up, Puckerman.

“Since I got Puckerman, I guess I’ve gotta sing a song to let him get the message. He’s got great taste, don’t get me wrong.  But the dude’s gotta learn that no means no.” 

As long as I get to design the costumes and you don’t have any issue with showing off our beautiful things, I’m in! Who else should we recruit?

Of course not. If anyone can make bomb ass uniforms, it’d be you. I dunno. Kit, maybe? If it’s more than just a few people, though, I’m gonna have to bounce. Can’t ruin that kick-ass loner vibe I give off. 

Girl, you’d be wasted on the Cheerios, no question. I mean, just look at their costumes – they’re clearly allergic to fabulous. 

What we should do is just start our own anti-cheerio cheer team and just fuck over all the sports teams. We’d make a pretty badass team, Jones. 

No, the reason you weren’t allowed on the squad was because you’re not good at cheer and you’re not as pretty as the rest of us. You kinda look like Miss Poogy from the fake Muppets, The Moopets.

Maybe not as pretty, but definitely hotter and definitely don’t have to hide behind a cheer skirt to mask insecurities.  The Cheerio’s will continue to be lame and non-inclusive, and that’s that. 

It seems like you took getting rejected from the Cheerios way better than I did. I didn’t try out for another club or team for two years afterwards! Thank God Mr. Schuester’s more welcoming than Coach Sylvester was – this is going to be fun, right? And it’ll finally be an activity on my resume that doesn’t have ‘Asian’ as a preface to it. 

Well, I did it more so that way in this year of 2020, society knows that there’s still fatphobia running through the veins of society. Being part of the Cheerio’s is lame anyway.  Who chooses to wear their hair in a high pony all the time and wear cheer outfits literally every day. Glee club is cool, I guess. Not even thinking about my resume. Just want to show everyone how I can be a badass and still be talented. 

We could put it to the test, have a little contest. If I win, we smash, if I lose, we bone. What’s wrong with under the bleachers? It’s the best hookup spot in the school. Believe me, I’ve tried all of them.

Like what? Steal a cop car? 

If you’re a basic bitch, then yeah. I guess under the bleachers is the best hookup spot in the school. Maybe you should go grab a pumpkin spice latte and some ugg boots to just confirm how basic you are, Puckerman.