good as hell

Bree: Gosh! I'm so shook and happy that YOU think my voice is pleasant enough! THANKS! That's such high praise coming from you!! Not really? Mostly I'm into singing R&B and top 40s style pop and maybe a little soul for spice. Or I can do gospel if that's what you want to do?

Quinn: You know I know there's nothing wrong with it. I just think there's a time and place for that kind of stuff now -- and maybe a glee club that is 100% queer isn't the place with no warning? You know?

Quinn: Is Angels by Jessica Simpson too.....Christian for this assignment? It's the first thing that comes to mind when I think of nostalgia.

Or maybe one of them just not knowing how to spell? Isn’t one of them dyslexic? Although that’s just rearranging letters, right, and not changing them to ones that aren’t there? Actually, I have no idea, I should do more research before I speak, I’m usually not this unprepared in a conversation. And no! I mean, Tina and Cohen and Chang on their own aren’t super uncommon, but all together? I’ve never met another one. What about you? I mean, there are a zillion Jones’s, but do you know any other Mercedes? 

That's not what dyslexia does, no, but points to creativity; I probably would've just assumed it was a prank and not tried to brainstorm other possibilities. Maybe someone wrote the name while drunk or tired and so the I became a U without them noticing? If something matters that much, you can fact-check it on Google during a conversation but the best things happen improvised, boo. I know plenty of other Mercedes's, actually, and way more Jones's, but so far, I'm the only one I've met in person. There are a few online though. They tried to add me to a Facebook group that was a bunch of people named Mercedes Jones, but it just reeked of strange. Like, cult-levels strange.

Finn: The glee assignment this week is really weird. I googled Jojo Siwa, and I haven't worn that much glitter since I was 9 and tripped into a display in Claire's. So I don't really want to relive that. But I don't know if I'm much of a Billie either? All her songs sound like really sad whispering. HELP!

Kit reached out to wiggle her fingers against Mercedes’, in what was becoming their signature handshake - a sign of them being on the same wavelength. She snorted at her friend’s quick take-down of Puck, and settled better into her seat. “You know he’s pretty good to have a conversation with, I’ll give him that. Better than a lot of these people.” She scanned the seats and landed on Myron, shuddering slightly. “We’re going to have a hard time whipping some of these younger kids into shape,” she nodded sagely, despite the people in question being mere months her juniors, “some of them are already showing signs of being impossible to work with.”

Mercedes wiggled her fingers against Kit's and then brought them back to face to wipe her hair from her eyes; the action made her giggle, mostly because it was the closest to a best friend handshake she'd ever had and here they were, doing it before trying out for glee club together. It was so awesome. "I wouldn't know, the only short convos I've had with him are ruined immediately by him hitting on me. How do you stop him from doing that?" But Kit was right, not about Puck, but about the younger kids. Some of them seemed to have an energy that might be hard to channel. "Hopefully the ones that can't work well with others quit. We don't need unworthy people clamoring for the spotlight when it's going to be passed between you and me so much already."

“Really.” Puck confirmed, folding his arm behind his head as a makeshift pillow. “Come on, everything I do is entertaining. You would know that, if you’d ever taken a ride on the Puckerman Express. Runs twenty-five hours a day, baby.” 

Mercedes wrinkled her nose as if a stinky animal had just taken a massive dump on her brand new sneakers, because honestly, that could've happened and she'd have been less disgusted. "I'm a lesbian, love, but even if I wasn't, that's maybe the least appealing offer I've ever heard. You do know there's only twenty-four hours in a day, right?"

Sugar did a small spin around to let her cape flare up as Mercedes drank in her awesome audition outfit. “I know right? Gotta establish myself as the baddest bee in Glee Club early.” In Lima, Sugar rarely had an opportunity to discuss fashion in a way that wasn’t defending her over the top sense of style, so talking about it with Mercedes, who wasn’t a flannel wearing lima loser or exactly boring with her own style, was a real special treat. “What you’re wearing is so amaze, please! Any crazier and you’d quite literally be forcing me to stan. Not really, I wintered in Gstaad last year and this designer was way too obsessed with me and gave it to me as a prezzie for being his 'muse’.”

It was too soon to tell and Mercedes wasn't sure if it was the cape, the twirl, or the confidence, but she found herself already liking Sugar more than she'd expected to. "It definitely puts you in the top three," she laughed, "not that it's hard to beat polyester and ponytails." She struck a little pose when Sugar complimented her back and winked. "Oh, this old thing? It just found it's way onto me." Her eyes widened at the story behind the cape and even though a part of her thought it sounded too good to be true, most of her wanted to believe. "That's actually rad! Maybe you should be a professional muse. Is that a job?"

“Alright, so, normally you wouldn’t ever catch me singing a love song to a boy, but this is a boy who deserves a whole lotta love. From just a first impression, I can tell Roderick ( @roderickrules​ ) is talented af, a total sweetie, and as the chorus of this song says over and over? Has tons of personality. Let’s do it!”

MAIN LYRICS:  'Cause you got personality, Walk, personality Talk, Personality Smile, Personality Charm, personality Love, personality And of Cause you've got A great big heart 

What? No, I’m being honest! All I’m saying is that if you want a chance to solo in the future – more than likely with me – you need to step up and be better at something than Finn. 

First of all, I didn’t ask your opinion, now did I? Second of all, I’m already better at something than Finn -- singing. And dressing, but that’s not the point. The point is that if you’re going to give people critiques out of nowhere, make the critique accurate, because even an untrained ear would know that I sang circles around Finn at the auditions and since you brag so much about how trained your ears are, there’s no way you don’t know it too.

Okay, look: being a soloist requires massive skills not only when it comes to technique, but with their physical abilities as well. I think Finn is wonderfully talented, but she can’t dance. And from one diva to another, you can’t either. I’ve been dancing since I could walk. Before, even. I won my first dancing competition at three months old. You cannot come close to competing with me until you’re able to move. Which is why I’m saying that Finn is your biggest competition. 

Wow, you really don’t know how to talk to people. Look, I’m trying to talk to you, but if you’re just gonna obsess over some gawky girl who somehow has three left feet, you can end this conversation right now and go gush to your diary because I am uninterested.

Of course not. If anyone can make bomb ass uniforms, it’d be you. I dunno. Kit, maybe? If it’s more than just a few people, though, I’m gonna have to bounce. Can’t ruin that kick-ass loner vibe I give off. 

You know what’s more kick-ass than a loner vibe? A girl squad! Kit is in, that much is obvious. Let’s save room for one more, yeah? Four seems right.

Beat Finn Hudson. Look, from one talented person to a slightly less talented person, you gotta have more stage presence. If you ever want to grab a duet with me, you’re going to have to learn how to steal the spotlight. I’m not your competition, Finn is. 

Don’t get it twisted, Berry -- if either of us needs to step it up in order to earn a duet with the other, it’s you, not me. You’re good, I’ll give you that, but my voice blows yours out of the water, into the sky, and back down through clouds like the water cycle, so whatever you did to win over Mr. Schue, just own up to it. Don’t pull unbelievable excuses like ‘a lack of stage presence’ out of your tiny butt to try to justify an embarrassingly obvious oversight on his part, thanks.

What we should do is just start our own anti-cheerio cheer team and just fuck over all the sports teams. We’d make a pretty badass team, Jones. 

As long as I get to design the costumes and you don't have any issue with showing off our beautiful things, I'm in! Who else should we recruit?