i'm not that girl

Mason: Not at all, that's awesome! Reality tv is so fun, I wish I could watch more! What's your favorite reality tv show? Welp, I'm sorry its depressing to you, but believe me, especially to the underclassmen, it makes you a waaaaay better teammate. In fact, I'd probably vote for you for upperclassmen rep! You've got one of the best voices and lots of stage presence and you won't bog down practice with so much nonsense. I get it though, a little. Sometimes I want to do something crazy too that'll get everyone talking but then I think about it and know life would be worse if that's how it was. I love that! I hope that's how vampires really operate! Do you think they sparkle btw?

I’ve not bought anyone groceries before - yet anyway - but even if I did, it wouldn’t matter the amount. As long as your heart is in the right place, that’s all that matters. And while you may not have intended to buy him a coffee, the fact that you didn’t want the barista to get into trouble shows you have a good heart. So yes, I’d say that makes you nice. And someone that I can definitely admire.

Well, people haven’t really quoted it to me yet - I was just preparing myself for the inevitable questions relating to the Africa line in the movie - but it was mostly because I wanted to see it. That and I have an older sister who was growing up in the time when Mean Girls was still huge… She liked using me as her perpetual date until she finally started dating.

Puck: i mean, based on my experience, even if you did manage to say hi to him, he'd probably just ignore you.

Puck: me? dope.

Puck: you're my favorite... whatever your last name is.

Puck: hey! i've offered to pop your cherry like, four or five times by now. am i no one to you? ouch, t. i'm wounded.

Tina: If I liked science just a LITTLE bit more, I'd try to test that hypothesis, but... I'm fragile post-Glist lol, if he really did ignore me I might cry.

Tina: Yes, you! And my last name is Cohen-Chang. Thank God, because if it was just Chang I'd be torn between being excited if I was still your favorite, and mad at you for not having the taste to choose Michaela.

Josie: Unfortunately I was unable to attend the party this weekend since I now have to take three times the amount of dance and vocal lessons to match what my former teammates are getting in a single rehearsal. But based on Mr Schuester's assignment, I see I missed out on Quite the soiree. Did anything actually good happen or are New Directions still playing out dinner theater versions of Degrassi: The Next Generation?

So my plans for everyone in booty shorts and fishnets for this week’s group number are canceled, I’m assuming? 

A joke, that was a joke. 

Okay, where’s the week for that, though? I know you were kidding, but we live in a world where teenagers are hyper sexualized all the time. Should we just ignore it, or should we see if we can make it work for us? I’m sure there are other teams out there who are going to use it to their advantage come competition time, we don’t want to be totally unprepared. 

Santana: This is pure gold.

Santana: Who were you trying to send it to?

Tina: Puck.

Tina: Not in a 'steal your man' kind of way, don't rip my hair out or anything!

Yeah, it’s my cat alright. I mean, he could be a mastermind….but I don’t think he’s evil, just misunderstood.

No offense, Britt, but I’m pretty sure most cats are misunderstood. You know, on account of the fact that humans don’t speak meow? 

Jessie had to chuckle at the girl’s remarks. While most people found math like Calculus boring or difficult, Jessie absolutely loved it. In her eyes, math was like music (which in a way it was based on), there were patterns and you could build melodies with numbers. Did that make her weird? Probably, but then again, she lived for A Capella; something most people outside of Carmel thought was nerdy. The toothless hockey players being the perfect example.  

Both grateful and relieved to have finally met someone pleasant, Jessie flashed her a warm smile and nodded in agreement, “That would be much appreciated,” she replied, looking to the girl for direction, “I actually don’t mind functions, variables or even derivatives. In fact, I kind of enjoy it. I’m strange, I know, but at least I’m confident enough to own it. That being said, I’m Jessie St. James. I just transferred from Carmel.” She extended her hand, “You are?” 

Blaine: Hi everyone! I realised that we never really officially celebrated our recent Sectionals victory, and as my parents are out of town this weekend, I figured this Saturday would be the perfect time for me to host our very first New Directions party! It might be a nice distraction from the whole Glist situation too.

Blaine: So, I hope you'll all be there! The guest room and my brother's old room are available if anyone would like to stay overnight.

Tina: Yes please! I've never actually been to the kind of party where parents aren't home. Unless it's like, a party to study for quiz bowl; parents don't like to be home for that, the training sessions can be pretty intense.

Spencer: I know people tend to forget because I play football and don't run around the halls singing Elton John or whatever at the top of my lungs, but you do know I'm gay right?

Spencer: For what it's worth, you do look super hot though.

Tina: Oh! No, actually, this text was just sent out to everyone on accident. It actually doesn't surprise me at all that there are gay football players. You guys wear tight pants and are always wrapping your arms around each other and landing in piles of limbs on random body parts. I can definitely see how the sport gets a little homoerotic.

Jessie: Hot and cool are all relative. Back at Carmel they would be the school losers. Vocal Adrenaline members were the revered ones. Besides, how do you know the person didn't simply use a randomizer or something as a way to upset the group? I was #12 and have been a member for a day. How accurate can it actually be? You're a beautiful girl. Remember that.

Jane: ....what am i supposed to do with this information tina??

Jane: i mean, you look good, but ????

Tina: Sorry. It was supposed to just go to one person, but I kind of don't regret screwing up and sending it to everyone.

Britt: wow nice boobs!👍

Britt: u look nice tina! i don't think ur the least hot, i was kinda sad i wasn't that hiigh either. i always thought me and tana were the same level of hot.

Tina: Thanks, Britt! Maybe I just need to find clothes where people realize how nice they are!

Finn: Probably 4? I don't know? I was the second most popular girl in school after Quinn before all this stuff with the baby and glee club, I'm surprised I didn't get where you are now that I think about it.

Finn: It was a lot for me when I'm in the middle of playing candy crush! Also when Raph really gets going I kind of just zone out and stare at his mouth so it looks like I'm listening. It's usually always about the same things so it's not hard to answer if he asks questions.

Tina: Huh. I guess I haven't really thought about where you guys fit on the popularity chain after all of this. I would think you'd still be just as cool, though? You're still the quarterback and you're still really naturally pretty.

Michaela: I wasn't really in the position to improv any specifics since I was kind of trying to keep my jaw from opening to dangerous levels, I'm lucky I even got that excuse out lol. I never open spam either.

Michaela: Why? I mean, don't get me wrong, it was definitively a good look for you but you're hot regardless of what you're wearing so I doubt it would make a difference in that regard. Thank you, that's sweet, but it really doesn't matter. That list was so mixed up that it all literally means nothing except that someone out there is a real asshole with the way they value human beings.

Michaela: Oh. I hope he didn't proposition you lol unless that's what you wanted in which case, get it, girl? And that's worth a lot, weirdly, thanks. Any time!

Michaela: Not that you should send me stuff like that any time but

Michaela: Ack. I mean I'm always down to cheer you up, you're a nice person who shouldn't ever feel lesser than. Just... text me an NSFP warning if you ever need this kind of pick me up again so I can go to a parent free room first.

Tina: Do we need to have an 'excuses to use on parents' workshop? I mean, now that I actually leave the house, I might need those eventually, and your parents are... well, your parents. You probably need to have excuses ready to go for all kinds of situations.

Tina: I don't know, because I stood out more? I could be the 'scary hot' girl instead of the girl who's not hot compared to all the other girls. I had like a thing? I mean, I like what I'm wearing and how I'm acting now, and I thought things were getting better and people were finally noticing me, but... well. -12. That's really what #1 on the not hot list is, it's being negative twelfth.

Tina: No, he didn't! I mean, he has before, but I don't take him seriously, that's just what he does to anyone. I don't really want to swipe my v-card unless I'm in a relationship, but if I did, doing it with Quinn's baby daddy doesn't seem like a good idea. Even if he is a lot nicer than people give him credit for.

Finn: Do I lose my name because I got number 2? Because I wouldn't have put me there either! I agree and I'm kind of scared? That was a lot of words and then you were almost naked on my phone!

Tina: Where would you have put yourself? You being number 2 isn't terrible, I'm just annoyed I'm number -12.