“my bipolar is a slow dance in a dark hospital room, mania a distress signal over the pacific ocean.” --letters to the voyager and others who didn’t return

“ "neurotic dysthymic ephemeral soul you move your body the same you always have.. your rigid bones tight in anger and your stomach flopping with trauma a tree has one rung for each year it is alive maybe the shadowy circles under your eyes are a testament to your survival your hair rustled by wind in a similar way to oak leaves. -- voyager ii."

on the days your bipolar disorder makes you feel too much, remember emotions are a little like compost. crumbling, decomposing, sinking into the soil that will bring the harvest. wait for your seeds to turn into flowers. nourish the dirt with the emotions inside you, and the emotions you no longer want inside you. be patient. respect the moisture and the sun, when it greets you. soon, the crevaces you've dug in your skin will make cherry trees.

“crawl out of the icey hole that is your depressive episode. hack your way out, if you must. use the last of your ice pick and rope, find a way to conserve your fuel, remember the sunlight you felt months ago. let the memory of the hot rays on your skin pull you upwards. if you fall, don’t you dare lay at the bottom of the abyss. your snow jacket is not a casket and your ribcage will never be an icebox. don’t leave your body to be preserved where nobody can find it, don’t stop jittering, don’t let the winter win. don’t let it win.”

i really wish people would stop telling me i’m romanticizing bipolar disorder or something, when i have it, and this is my way of forgiving myself. is writing about the disorder in a way that isn’t berating to myself.

as pride month comes to a close, i want to remind people that the increasing respect of lesbians should not stop here. going into the future people should show more support for our integrity, our strength, our complicated history that has been shoved under the rug. that all of us are in different stages of discovery and acceptance, that some of us are disabled or trans. that many of us are non-white and this intersects with our experiences. keep in mind and be careful with our trauma with how men have treated us. uplift our butch/femme history and varied thoughts on womanhood.  listen to us and our multi-faceted stories. remember that our love of women is in NO way predatory and absolutely incomparable to how straight men love women.  aid us in moving forward.