self escaping

i want to say there’s no way to tell. we can do a good job of controlling the voice. but i looked into a man’s eyes after he said someone had died, saw the off center, milky eyes, and i knew. greedily i looked a little longer so i would remember. it is so easy to hear a lie that you forget the sound of the truth.

used to curl it around used to care what it found out yell in the sunburnt sand made you laugh with plans sipped shaking mirage lying on the side in the car all the sweat i have known falling asleep alone violent tones bones echo wake to white

simmer silver in a million dreams spread beneath the moon, and a storm stir a three line smile burn in time it was always a race to be what you want i never asked i never asked what was i? two careers too far from a do over in the rain but i don’t regret a thing

told you i told you a tale and it should wilting yellow leaves grazing with the sun and i thought it was done, if it’s not there, no more echoes in the night asking why, but once then in pairs and they rush in, tearing at fabric dirt in the nails, i like the facade drown in your work the screams seem so far

it’s not wrong that bad things happen, it’s wrong when we don’t care anymore. maybe it’s natural to just care for those we’re close to. we prioritize. but if people aren’t freezing on the street, they’re losing everything in fire. the strong do what they want and the weak suffer what they must, but it doesn’t make it right. the bargain we make with the conscience is to do what we can. maybe that is one way we can live with ourselves.

it was safe. sticks and lines on a paper you could put away. it was a circus lightshow you could flip on. sad chords rang a bright sound, saw a whole life pass by. if you had something else going on, you could look away. there were no promises, you couldn't know anything for sure, but you didn't have to, so it was safe. branches cracked, water surged by, but it wasn't handholding, soulbearing, it was a story, and i don't blame you. it was safe.

bitter soul, bite with canines in burnt fields, screech of a creature searing overhead, i know why you'd rather be somewhere else, but i know what you forgot: it was too much, too fast, twelve strings in a dark room and the rhythm always changed. would tell you so, but i'm too close to the question

that dull itch below the skin, felt it again: when you look into a stranger's eyes and blink hello. the world you see is a vast, tiring universe. the dim lights are safer. glass is empty, but the ice makes it half full. i am at work, looking at deadlines with dryness; working the room, watching a sea of souls turn as i wonder how i got here.

Every morning is a reminder that I haven't napped enough.

know how you look, this blinding glass takes days at a time and i told you i'm fine. evening was something sweet, with ice, until you get to reach for the bitters and then it's slow, a neat scotch, a sip an hour. lights turning off across the island, and i'm closing the place out, going with wayne to another dive that's still open, and you know how it goes: i make it home alone, breathing slow in the dark. that was how it was, without you. now it is different. don't need drinks anymore, to feel the darkness all around, to look at this stranger i am.